- Joined
- Oct 13, 2022
- Messages
- 91
I have been working on my vibe/presence and I seem to have run into this weird problem where I don't fully have the lover vibe nor do I have the nice guy/friend zone vibe
I'm stuck in what feels like gay best friend zone
Context:
I am a great listener and project warmth something that I really struggled with initially as I am naturally aloof/grounded. Not anymore tho.
Yesterday I had a conversation with one girl and she pointed out how girls always seem comfortable being around me. Another one told me that I feel like a "safe space" for her
Second is that I am very touchy with these girls and I often make many inappropriate jokes while doing so. So much that they are used to it now and often times they initiate touch themselves like having their hands around me while we're walking or giving me tight hugs whenever we cross paths, draping themeselves on me when we're sitted, massaging my neck, back etc The touch is not necessarily sexual in nature but touch nonetheless
I also talk about sex a lot and make many sex jokes. I've discussed fingering techniques with them, dominance, one even shared a porn link with me after we had a discussion about how aftercare is important after dominant sex. This was me trying out sexual prizing + sex talk
Anothet got comfortable enough with me to expose shit sex experiences she had with former boyfriends. Basically, girls are really open with me about their sexuality and sexual histories
But the problem is that I don't feel like I come across as a sexual threat per se
I am intentionally a bit an asshole to these girls so that I don't comr across as too "nice" and accommodating. I regularly bust their balls and use insults whenever I can I.e You're such a fucking idiot/What a dumbass/ What a retard etc
Despite that I still feel like I come across as this easy to talk to, safe, dirty minded, non judgemental confidant. Basically, a gay best friend
And I want to know what I need to do to fix this.
Ive already identified some gaps that need fixing.
For example, I am used to bringing the heat but when a girl flirts back I sometimes get tongue tied/start blushing.
My repartee/wit is not as sharp as so sometimes I get flustered when the more forward/ loud girls flirt with me which is obviously not very lover-esque of me
I have been called "shy" for this I.e a girl makes a suggestive comment and I fumble for a response or change the subject from not knowing how to respond in a witty way
I've also been told that my style of hitting on women is very under the radar. This girl in particular said that I am less forward than other annoying guys who explicitly ask for sex. I asked her if that's a good thing or a bad thing and she says she likes it
But some weeks later the same girl told me jokingly that she's learnt not to take me seriously because I'm always throwing hints and then saying I'm joking (I haver never done such a thing. If I make a risqué comment I always stand on it and never backtrack so idk where she got that from)
But I'm getting the sense that I missed am escalation window somewhere there which made her say this
This is a girl who I ran a whole sexual gambit on to the point she texted me that "Now all I can think about is you dominating me"
So I guess the point of this thread is me asking how can I be more of a sexual threat.
I spend a lot of time around girls who usually group together to talk about things like how disgusted she was by guy X who drunk called her and asked her if she can come over.
To me that is being too aggressive/uncalibrated.
A guy friend described my game as "considerate" ie When you see me in set you can tell that I am actually trying to get to know the girl which makes girls get comfortable with me.
Then went on to explain that when he looks at other guys running game they just look like they're just out to smash
But at the same time I do all these things like touch, sex talk, non judgemntalism, deep diving only to come off as a gay best friend rather than lover
What gives?
I'm stuck in what feels like gay best friend zone
Context:
I am a great listener and project warmth something that I really struggled with initially as I am naturally aloof/grounded. Not anymore tho.
Yesterday I had a conversation with one girl and she pointed out how girls always seem comfortable being around me. Another one told me that I feel like a "safe space" for her
Second is that I am very touchy with these girls and I often make many inappropriate jokes while doing so. So much that they are used to it now and often times they initiate touch themselves like having their hands around me while we're walking or giving me tight hugs whenever we cross paths, draping themeselves on me when we're sitted, massaging my neck, back etc The touch is not necessarily sexual in nature but touch nonetheless
I also talk about sex a lot and make many sex jokes. I've discussed fingering techniques with them, dominance, one even shared a porn link with me after we had a discussion about how aftercare is important after dominant sex. This was me trying out sexual prizing + sex talk
Anothet got comfortable enough with me to expose shit sex experiences she had with former boyfriends. Basically, girls are really open with me about their sexuality and sexual histories
But the problem is that I don't feel like I come across as a sexual threat per se
I am intentionally a bit an asshole to these girls so that I don't comr across as too "nice" and accommodating. I regularly bust their balls and use insults whenever I can I.e You're such a fucking idiot/What a dumbass/ What a retard etc
Despite that I still feel like I come across as this easy to talk to, safe, dirty minded, non judgemental confidant. Basically, a gay best friend
And I want to know what I need to do to fix this.
Ive already identified some gaps that need fixing.
For example, I am used to bringing the heat but when a girl flirts back I sometimes get tongue tied/start blushing.
My repartee/wit is not as sharp as so sometimes I get flustered when the more forward/ loud girls flirt with me which is obviously not very lover-esque of me
I have been called "shy" for this I.e a girl makes a suggestive comment and I fumble for a response or change the subject from not knowing how to respond in a witty way
I've also been told that my style of hitting on women is very under the radar. This girl in particular said that I am less forward than other annoying guys who explicitly ask for sex. I asked her if that's a good thing or a bad thing and she says she likes it
But some weeks later the same girl told me jokingly that she's learnt not to take me seriously because I'm always throwing hints and then saying I'm joking (I haver never done such a thing. If I make a risqué comment I always stand on it and never backtrack so idk where she got that from)
But I'm getting the sense that I missed am escalation window somewhere there which made her say this
This is a girl who I ran a whole sexual gambit on to the point she texted me that "Now all I can think about is you dominating me"
So I guess the point of this thread is me asking how can I be more of a sexual threat.
I spend a lot of time around girls who usually group together to talk about things like how disgusted she was by guy X who drunk called her and asked her if she can come over.
To me that is being too aggressive/uncalibrated.
A guy friend described my game as "considerate" ie When you see me in set you can tell that I am actually trying to get to know the girl which makes girls get comfortable with me.
Then went on to explain that when he looks at other guys running game they just look like they're just out to smash
But at the same time I do all these things like touch, sex talk, non judgemntalism, deep diving only to come off as a gay best friend rather than lover
What gives?
