Getting Girls Back

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Guys,

IT IS POSSIBLE TO GET GIRLS BACK

If u have done a lot of mistakes with a girl, insult her, maybe never took her to bed, maybe move too slow, high school mistakes, overproviding too much value. I just want to let you know that is possible.

However I just want to let you know on the clauses of going back, It is possible though. Let me explain to you briefly my points. Hope you not be retarded by the 7 point.

1) IT CAN TAKE MONTHS, SOMETIMES A YEAR

If you would like to wait for a full month and reconnect with her, it is still possible. However she can still be cold and disrespect you. Been here before. Three months later, try reconnecting. The idea? Pretend nothing happened. Trust me on this.

2) YOU GOING TO PUT IN A LOT OF EFFORT

Number 1 is already took much of your emotional strength. But hey, you going to put in a lot of effort right? Once she connect with you, you have to pretend nothing happen. Casual talks until she is comfortable. Don't try to bring up love topics or her new boyfriend, your feelings or if she still has feelings for you.

3) SHE CAN TURN COLD (AS BLOCK OF ICE)

While you progressing on reconnecting with her, You can't contact her everyday, and every week. She can be as cold as a block of ice. Using the past as a weight for her to not reconnect with you. This can happen, and it always does. and you can only hold your ground, stop her and just limit it. (That part sucks, for real)

4) SHE'S DATING OTHER GUYS

She's dating other guys, and there's nothing you can do about it. It can eat you up very fast, if you see her facebook and twitter. And she doesn't care about you even. Maybe she say shit about you. (This is something i won't elaborate further).

5) YOU NEED SOCIAL FRIENDS AND GIRLS

You need Social Friends and Girls, an event to attend together, or maybe you come with your friends to a major event and she comes with her friends, after months if you manage to get her out, to reset her thoughts of you and think of you as very desirable. I have had done this before. It works, The idea? You enjoying yourself and living your life, for real, and not because of her.

6) YOU CAN'T MAKE MISTAKES THE SECOND ROUND, AND FINISH HER ASAP (I mean sleep with her. )

Likely she is more to reset the thoughts of you. Problem? Most guys revered to their old ways. Seen it too many times. If you good, you can bed her. But unlikely. And sometimes when she starts chasing you, most guys boast their egos instead, and forgot the goal altogether. and she forget you forever, Black listed, for real this time.

LASTLY

7) YOU LIKELY TO LOSE. Pardon me for all the CAPS, but here is some of the things that most guys go through when they trying to get girls back. Even the experience guys. You are more likely to lose. IT is possible, in Chase 3 Second Date Strategies, you can also use that if your problem isn't too grave that you cannot dig in.

I know that most guys love their women and stuff, and i have feelings too you know, but you have to realise she's a women, a girl, and she thinks differently. Her Thinking Model Is Different, (Guys Have This Mentality Reference prob sometimes.)

If you don't bed her, you not viewed "Strong". (you get what i mean)
IF you don't reward her good behaviour, she auto rejects you sooner or later.
If you don't relate to her, she will go away or avoid you by day.

As much as you can think that girls have the 'upper hand', i don't think it's actually the point. Here is where you qualify and screen her, and go after what you want. Asking compliance. So it's not so unfair maybe? i let this one to you.

There are 8billion people out there, and all of them is not going to reject you.

Hope it was a good read,
Zac

 

[Garrett]

Hey Zac,

Thanks for the post man! I agree with what you are saying. I just screwed up with this today, trying to tell a girl in auto-rejection that I realized what I had done wrong, assuming she'd respond to it. Unsurprisingly, it backfired, but at the time I thought I had a decent chance of getting a response, seeing as most guys would be clueless about why the girl went ice cold. Overall, on this whole auto-rejection thing, it's better to just go out and meet a bunch of girls. With me, my logistics suck, but this summer I want to be able to go out and start collecting numbers so I feel abundance and no need to keep going back to these girls who I've screwed up with. Much easier to start fresh, you just have to put in the effort. When you think about it logically, all of the hours/investment you put into this girl, thinking about her, talking to her could have been spent with someone who is much better for you and who actually LIKES YOU. Even better, you meet a bunch of girls you like and start bedding a bunch of hot ones with cool/unique personalities and your abundance soars!

Cheers,
Garrett

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Garrett,

Much easier to start fresh, you just have to put in the effort. When you think about it logically, all of the hours/investment you put into this girl, thinking about her, talking to her could have been spent with someone who is much better for you and who actually LIKES YOU. Even better, you meet a bunch of girls you like and start bedding a bunch of hot ones with cool/unique personalities and your abundance soars!

Yeap, meeting new girls who is much better for you, that actually likes you.

Enjoy,
Zac

 

[Franco]

Hey Zac,

and you can only hold your ground, stop her and just limit it. (That part sucks, for real)

I was curious what you meant by the above statement. Maybe you can clarify. I have been experimenting with my own recipe of getting girls back that you messed up with in the past (while seeing new girls in the meantime of course).

What did you mean by "stop her" and "limit it?" Were you referring to giving her space, or were you suggesting that you actually contact her as to "stop" her? Or maybe something else?

Anyway, I'd like to grab your input. =)

- Franco

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Franco,

I was curious what you meant by the above statement. Maybe you can clarify. I have been experimenting with my own recipe of getting girls back that you messed up with in the past (while seeing new girls in the meantime of course).

What did you mean by "stop her" and "limit it?" Were you referring to giving her space, or were you suggesting that you actually contact her as to "stop" her? Or maybe something else?

Anyway, I'd like to grab your input. =)

Basically when you trying to get back with a girl, there's always this tendency to have her turn cold, especially when you make some grave mistakes beforehand. So when you try to reconnect with her, via phone or text or in school, there's this things that can happen,

1) She send one word text to answer back to you.
2) Sometimes she don't reply messages back at all
3) Reply back your message at 3 in the morning or hours later and it also consist one word replies.

or a few of the really rude things she can do, is asking

1) "Why you contact me?" to try to make you give up on her. (although this can vary from she still likes you to she has no feelings anymore. (This you have to be careful)
2) Along the conversation, she insults you in some manner possible out of the blue. (like saying you names, like idiot or stupid or something else) It happens too.

When i mean "stop her" and "limit it", it means basically if she starts being rude, you basically calling her out on her rudeness, and say that you having a conversation with her. and telling her now, she's trying to break you by using the past, something which you don't think both of you would like.

Kind of like when Chase wrote something in his article.

"Now, I say, "Okay, you're fighting with me. I think what's happening is you're feeling insecure and you're trying to break me, so that you can get to feeling more stable and secure in the relationship. But of course, if you break me, then I become weak, you'll lose respect for me and attraction for me, and I'll be a lot less productive or able to get things done in any area of my life, and that's bad no matter how you cut it. So, me being broken is not good, and that's not something let happen, and I don't think you really want to have that happen anyway. So this is no good."


From here, there's three response that could happen,

1) She continues the notion of insulting you.
2) She don't text you back or she just keep quiet (if in person or in school, or at work)
3) She comes clean and apologise.

Mainly, the first two points will usually happen. The last one is something i barely encounter, i think there's only once. If she keeps quiet, means there's still opportunities to progress to get her back. If she apologise, you can use the momentum to create things right again.

Unfortunately, the first one usually happens. Eeeks..

Zac

 

[Garrett]

Hey Zac,

If a girl is in auto-rejection even after waiting months to reconnect with her, does that mean she likes you/have feelings for you but won't open up?

Cheers,
Garrett

 

[Franco]

Hey Zac,

Thanks for the response!

Basically when you trying to get back with a girl, there's always this tendency to have her turn cold, especially when you make some grave mistakes beforehand. So when you try to reconnect with her, via phone or text or in school, there's this things that can happen,

1) She send one word text to answer back to you.
2) Sometimes she don't reply messages back at all
3) Reply back your message at 3 in the morning or hours later and it also consist one word replies.
4) "Why you contact me?" to try to make you give up on her. (although this can vary from she still likes you to she has no feelings anymore. (This you have to be careful)
5) Along the conversation, she insults you in some manner possible out of the blue. (like saying you names, like idiot or stupid or something else) It happens too.

Very true. I am actually working on getting a girl back right now, and #2 just happened to me out of the blue. I hadn't spoken a word to her in just about a year (after insulting her publicly in a very bad way... yes, even I learned the hard way). She went completely cold on me for a whole month after my insult, so I decided to go no contact for an entire year because I felt what I did was THAT bad.

When I texted her for the first time about a year later, she actually replied in a very excited way. I actually knew before I had sent my initial text that she was missing me a LOT. I won't go into detail about how I knew this, but I did know. We texted back and forth (sparingly) over the course of a whole day, but then she went completely cold on me the next day. I gave her a day of radio silence and then sent her another friendly, opening text. She remained cold. This was about two weeks ago.

With getting a girl back, the most difficult part in developing an actual "formula" is that you have a past history, and that past history plus her personality is going to dictate which of the above options you listed that she is going to use. It's difficult to determine the best actions to take because you need to take into account the severity of what you did wrong to make her go cold.

In my situation, I feel like there are pretty much two paths at this point. The first step would be to give her another two weeks or so (a total of a month) and then try contacting her again pretending she never even went cold on me. From there, if she doesn't respond, I could do one of the following:

1) Give her even MORE time and see if she contacts me later (or contact her again in a few months pretending nothing happened -- rinsing and repeating essentially).
2) Call her out on her fears. Then explain to her that you've recognized your mistakes, learned from them, and moved forward with your life and that you would like to include her in your new life moving forward.

Here are the pros and cons for each one:

1)
Pros:

• Applies the Law of Least Effort
  Makes you come across as not needy
  Shows her that you are in no rush to change her mind

Cons:

• Does not attempt to lead her
  Does not inform her that you are attempting to change your ways
  She might feel like you are just contacting her to see if you have control over her

2)
Pros:

• Attempts to address the problem that she felt was never resolved
  Leads her and pulls her out of her "cold" mindset
  Increases the likelihood that she will at least respond to your texts again

Cons:

• Does NOT apply the Law of Least Effort
  Depending on the situation, she can see it as you giving her an "ultimatum" (not good if seen this way)
  Might come across as needy and push her away farther

Normally, I would say #1 is your best bet for getting a girl to come back to you, assuming you haven't insulted her in an extremely bad way. However, with my situation, I am absolutely sure that this girl misses me (and yes, we had been sleeping together regularly for just about two months when the incident occurred). So I feel like at this point, if she continues to go cold, it's only out of her fear of the possibility that I haven't learned from my mistakes and that she'll end up "heartbroken" like she did a year ago. If I were to go with #2, it would attempt to address this situation.

I feel like neither path can necessarily guarantee me a good outcome, but again, it depends on the girl and it depends on your past. I am still trying to figure this one out. It's an interesting topic, although it's easy to see why Chase suggests just "not messing up from the very beginning." I still would like to develop a solid formula for this though, so I appreciate any input you have, Zac. =)

- Franco

 

[trashKENNUT]

Franco,

Very true. I am actually working on getting a girl back right now, and #2 just happened to me out of the blue. I hadn't spoken a word to her in just about a year (after insulting her publicly in a very bad way... yes, even I learned the hard way). She went completely cold on me for a whole month after my insult, so I decided to go no contact for an entire year because I felt what I did was THAT bad.

i actually had a cousin who did the same thing, although he's somewhat get her back. Maybe i should ask him. He's those typical douchebag though, (But he's not okay generally. He's classic leadership person, aggressive by nature at times)

When I texted her for the first time about a year later, she actually replied in a very excited way. I actually knew before I had sent my initial text that she was missing me a LOT. I won't go into detail about how I knew this, but I did know. We texted back and forth (sparingly) over the course of a whole day, but then she went completely cold on me the next day. I gave her a day of radio silence and then sent her another friendly, opening text. She remained cold. This was about two weeks ago.

i think that you actually text back and forth was a good time to ask her out. Unfortunately i had a women whom go cold on me, had her on one night with a call after three months of texting sparingly, and i didn't ask her out, when she was very warm, and everything flustered. So maybe you might want to take this nugget here.

With getting a girl back, the most difficult part in developing an actual "formula" is that you have a past history, and that past history plus her personality is going to dictate which of the above options you listed that she is going to use. It's difficult to determine the best actions to take because you need to take into account the severity of what you did wrong to make her go cold.

If she's those liberal kind of women, you can get her back out. For the conservative ones, i hate to admit that most of them just are more cold. I have seen a lot of my friends do not get back with conservative kind of women. Even if they did, it only last awhile, (for relationships of course). Only those liberal ones. For my case, the girls i get back neutrally are often those liberal kind of women.

1) Give her even MORE time and see if she contacts me later (or contact her again in a few months pretending nothing happened -- rinsing and repeating essentially).
2) Call her out on her fears. Then explain to her that you've recognized your mistakes, learned from them, and moved forward with your life and that you would like to include her in your new life moving forward.

You can always go back to the problem when she's warm and relatable. When she is cool down, often she can talk. Otherwise I always did rinse and repeat, but was hell of a trouble to check my emotions, at times.

As much i like to agree with you on Number 2, i tried them and 99% of the time, it didn't work. I can tell you this, i tried it with 5 women. Sucks a lot man.

Zac

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Garrett,

Hey Zac,

If a girl is in auto-rejection even after waiting months to reconnect with her, does that mean she likes you/have feelings for you but won't open up?

Cheers,
Garrett

She definitely likes you enough that she creates a PLUTO SIZED RESENTMENT that it is close to impossible to get her back, as much as you would like to try.

Zac

 

[Franco]

Hey Zac,

i think that you actually text back and forth was a good time to ask her out. Unfortunately i had a women whom go cold on me, had her on one night with a call after three months of texting sparingly, and i didn't ask her out, when she was very warm, and everything flustered. So maybe you might want to take this nugget here.

Ironically, the conversation actually ended with me asking her if she had any plans that weekend. Unfortunately, I already did have plans (it was New Year's weekend), and she actually went cold when I suggested her joining me for some of those plans. I am generally under the impression that moving fast is good, but I went from not talking to her for an entire year to asking her to spend some time on New Year's weekend with me on the same day that I first texted her. I think it may have been a bit much to ask of her and caused her to go into the following mindset: "Wait a minute, this is all happening too fast... I should think about this." And then sure enough, after giving her a day of radio silence and then trying to open again, she remained cold (probably deciding that she wasn't ready).

As much i like to agree with you on Number 2, i tried them and 99% of the time, it didn't work. I can tell you this, i tried it with 5 women. Sucks a lot man.

I agree. If it wasn't for Chase's website, I would still be in the shit-hole "depressed" mindset that I was in earlier in 2012. Thank you for getting me out of that, Chase!

Luckily, I've developed an abundance mentality (not absolute yet, but I'm working on it), so I'm in no rush to push for anything that will completely destroy my chances with her. She was absolutely amazing, and I'm surprised I ended up with her without even knowing what I know about seduction now! But I feel like if she's still REALLY missing me after an entire year, then she will probably continue to miss me for quite some time to come. We had explosive chemistry, so she will be hard-pressed to find that kind of chemistry again, especially from the random douchebags that you find at a bar or club.

It would probably be best to go with the rinse and repeat approach (like you said) until eventually she convinces herself, "you know, I can keep missing this guy for months and months or I can just give it another shot." In the meantime, I'm keeping on the lookout for potential girlfriend material. I've been sleeping with some pretty attractive women recently, but I'm still screening for that "spark" that I had with this girl. It's tough to find, but this website has made the road a fun and exciting one. =)

I'd love to hear your cousin's story. Leadership (even through aggression) often times gets you what you want. There's a reason girls keep going back to the 'bad boys.' So it's good to get input from them sometimes.

- Franco

 

[Garrett]

Franco, a few things to mention...

I'm in the exact same boat as you, and I tried to call the girl out on her fears and she never responded back. I spent months analyzing and breaking down what I had done (a lot of investment on my part) and I figured out where I screwed up thanks to GC, and then I basically explained that I wasn't aware of what I had done (without sounding like a bitch and apologizing).

I know that feeling.. the one where you find an amazing girl with awesome chemistry and the two of you click, and you KNOW there's potential there. If only the girl knew what she was missing out on, she wouldn't even hesitate. Frustrating, I know!

In my opinion, I think you really need to build up rapport fast before asking her to see you. Ideally, it's probably better to pretend like nothing ever happened and that the two of you were reconnecting over a long break. You suddenly got very busy and were looking to reconnect with an old friend.

This is why auto-rejection fascinates me... I've yet to determine a decent way to rekindle the flames... If you text her too much she may go cold... if you ask her to hangout/invest compliance she may go cold... if you call her out on her fears, it's logically appealing, but again, she may go cold like with the girl I was trying to get back, especially if you don't word things well. When I messaged the girl, I said, "(Name), I didnt realize what I had done. You couldnt relate to me and I masked my true intentions. I once thought trying to be 'impressive' was admirable, but its quite the contrary. My mistake. I did not want to disappoint you, and Ive learned from it. Anyways, hope things are going well! "

Maybe what I said could have been worded better, because I felt kind of like a bitch for writing that. I didn't escalate at all physically nor reward her investment at times because I didn't know anything about girls, and I was nervous. So shortly after seeing her (Last January) she cut me off and went cold. I tried contacting her in August, still cold. I just sent her that message recently, still cold.

Lastly, I get where you are coming from Franco. Like you, I've met girls throughout the year and have dated, but this one just seemed different. Anyways, if you guys find anything else about this, and if I find anything, we should keep posting because this is one of the most frustrating/complicated things to deal with, especially when you live in a small town or haven't met someone with that 'chemistry'!

Cheers,
Garrett

 

[Franco]

Hey Garrett,

I know where you're coming from, and I definitely agree. However, this is a bit of a different beast for one reason: I had already been sleeping with this girl.

This is why auto-rejection fascinates me... I've yet to determine a decent way to rekindle the flames...

I think I remember this topic coming up between us in a different thread. Auto-rejection is actually something that happens before sleeping with a woman. I consider auto-rejection to be the following:

I did NOT sleep with this man because X, where X is...

1) He was too easy.
2) He was too hard (unattainable).
3) He did not move fast enough (boyfriend/friend-zoned).

You definitely should never attempt to call a girl out on anything if you haven't slept with her yet. It comes across as extremely weak and needy and will likely end any chance of you getting together with her. That's probably what happened with the girl that you had just mentioned. As much as I love logic, it unfortunately has a negative impact on women because it makes you come across as manipulative or try-hard to them.

In my opinion, I think you really need to build up rapport fast before asking her to see you. Ideally, it's probably better to pretend like nothing ever happened and that the two of you were reconnecting over a long break. You suddenly got very busy and were looking to reconnect with an old friend.

This would definitely be the best approach to a girl that just went cold on you for one of the above reasons I listed. If you insult her at some point though, using the "got very busy and looking to reconnect vibe" is much more difficult to project because she probably still holds resentment toward you (which can be worse than her being completely neutral).

Anyway, to recap though: auto-rejection is something that occurs before sleeping with a woman. If a woman goes cold on you after sleeping with her, then that becomes a whole different ball-game. It usually has to do with incorrect expectation setting as the environment now begins to shift toward a "relationship" rather than "dating." However, it is usually MUCH easier to get a girl out of her funk if she's already slept with you. Trying to be aloof is usually her way of starting drama, and drama tends to occur after sex has already happened.

I hope this provides some clarification. =)

- Franco

 

[Garrett]

Damn! You just clarified so much for me Franco!

I didn't acknowledge that you did sleep with your girl. You obviously know things are easier for you now, not so much for me. I didn't sleep with the girl and I screwed up by calling her out, instead of trying to act like nothing happened. I suppose calling her out would workout a lot better for you though seeing as you've done the deed! I think your situations are similar, but I've screwed up worse and you're at least hearing back from your girl. It's hard when your emotions are strong for a girl because you start doing stupid things, so it's much better to wait till emotions cool off a bit. If another guy were to say what I did to a girl they got auto'd by, I would think it looked kind of needy/desperate, but we live and learn from our mistakes!

Anyways, I had 2 questions I was hoping you could help me with...

1) When you build rapport, about how many messages do you normally send? It would be better to handle this in person, but if you don't see them often and only have their number, what should you do? I know to keep the messages to the point and not really spend much time getting to know the girl, but about how many messages do you recommend sending in relation to building rapport?

2) If you screwed up the way I did (not sleeping with her, calling her out, not rewarding investment/escalating, friend-zoned, basically getting raped by auto-rejection), about how long do you think you'd have to wait to ever try again? I've given up on this girl because it would be one hell of a slog to get her back at this point, but if in a few years I ever wanted to try again once I get better game, or if I ever somehow screwed up like this with another girl (hopefully never again!), do you have to wait years? In other words, how long would auto-rejection take to simmer down in a situation like this? I know my chances are like 0.1%, but I'm an optimist .

Onward and Upward,
Garrett

 

[Franco]

Hey Garrett,

1) When you build rapport, about how many messages do you normally send? It would be better to handle this in person, but if you don't see them often and only have their number, what should you do? I know to keep the messages to the point and not really spend much time getting to know the girl, but about how many messages do you recommend sending in relation to building rapport?

These days, I never really send text messages just to build rapport. I actually intertwine my rapport-building with the same texts I use to set up dates (usually through wit or humor). In general, I would only build rapport if she happens to text you first. If she does, then I would only send a handful of texts (maybe somewhere in the range of 2-8 texts), but don't base it off of the number.

I actually recently made a post with some of my sample text message conversations. I was thinking about making a thread dedicated to this as I get lots of questions about how to text girls, and it's something I'm extremely good at. Here's the thread if you want to see it:

Too much texting

2) If you screwed up the way I did (not sleeping with her, calling her out, not rewarding investment/escalating, friend-zoned, basically getting raped by auto-rejection), about how long do you think you'd have to wait to ever try again? I've given up on this girl because it would be one hell of a slog to get her back at this point, but if in a few years I ever wanted to try again once I get better game, or if I ever somehow screwed up like this with another girl (hopefully never again!), do you have to wait years? In other words, how long would auto-rejection take to simmer down in a situation like this? I know my chances are like 0.1%, but I'm an optimist .

That's a pretty huge mistake to make with a girl that you haven't slept with yet. If you want my honest advice, then I would completely forget about her. If a girl hasn't slept with you yet and you make that kind of mistake, then she probably doesn't have any true emotional feelings for you, even if there was some verbal chemistry. As rough as this might sound, she probably doesn't even really think about you. But I'd rather give you my honest opinion rather than false hope.

Luckily, now that you know what NOT to do, that is an easy mistake to correct. I'm sure that you'll be sure that it will never happen again. =)

- Franco

 

[Flames]

Sometimes you've got to give them time to forgive you. If you interrupt it then that's 2 (or more) they have to forgive you for..

I think that's all it is really, that's how auto-rejection goes so far as I can see

 

[Little Jester]

but I'm an optimist

I'm too. And that alone increases chances somewhat I think. It keeps you persistent and not showing any negativity as long as you're staying optimistic.
I'm working on 3 cold cases myself, just because I can; considering it fits my time spend at work and evenings that I can't really be out meeting new women, I might as well toy around with those I failed with in texting.

These girls with me are all of the 'not replying' or 'often not replying' variety, especially whenever I propose to meet up or whatever. The 'rude' or 'one word reply' types are not in my life yet, so no experience there.

So far I found that writing some stuff to a not replying girl, about what went right between the girl and me, then thanking her for that time and then asking her about her life and sharing something about my own, somehow makes them at least interact with me again in a 'thank you for you fun and kind message, how are you? and here is some stuff about my life in return blabla'

New problems starts when you try to get together with her in person though. I figured you can't really ask her. It can only happen spontaneously, like when she says she is going to do something and you tell her you are in the neighborhood or happen to be going to do the same thing and you tell her you think that's a good time to meet and catch up for a bit (regardless of you really were going to be there or not of course ). You want to make it sound like a natural way to meet up, as if you'd meet up with an acquaintance after a period of not having seen the person. Simple no strings attached, drink and chat, just because you happen to be in the area. So just remember, she's probably not going to pull her agenda out and go out of her way to meet you.

No moving fast there and I'm afraid an uphill battle from friend zone lands, that is if you ever want to spark attraction and sexual interaction again. No problem for an optimist who has time for this stuff during periods you can't really meet new woman (i.e. texting them while working from a boring office job you want to quit anyway, but still are wasting time at, because it pays the bills until you get that other thing going, that you really want to do instead. Best time spend at the office is reading girlschase, sending girls messages and hitting on / flirting with hot office girls that actually gets me nowhere logistically )

 

[Franco]

Hey Jester,

Garrett wrote:but I'm an optimist

I'm too. And that alone increases chances somewhat I think. It keeps you persistent and not showing any negativity as long as you're staying optimistic.

As long as your feelings for these girls are not out of control and affecting you adversely in other aspects of your life (i.e. can't sleep, can't focus at work, can't get yourself to go out and meet new women), then continuing to try to break the auto-rejection with these women is completely fine. Most men can't control their emotions when trying to win back women though, and they end up saying things that hurt their chances even more or, worse, end up in a depression.

So long as you can remain the optimist and not end up in a situation where you can't stop thinking about these women, then you have nothing to lose. =)

- Franco

 

[Flames]

I still get myself it situations where I can't stop thinking about certain women, but it's in a fairly complacent way rather than a manic way, plus I've got a lot of other things going on, like other women

 

[Little Jester]

As long as your feelings for these girls are not out of control and affecting you adversely in other aspects of your life (i.e. can't sleep .. )

So true. Can't stop thinking about her? Been there, done that. Exercise that keeps me from going there in the odd time I do seem to slip there, is that I notice myself thinking about her in that way, I feel a certain way and I start telling myself about my emotion "It's okay to like a girl so much." Or "it's okay to feel bad about a girl not responding." Or "it's okay to be a little mad at her."... "it's okay to feel like this, it makes you an human being; hey you care about people! no problem. That's okay!... Thank you feelings for making me human" That silly way of meta framing my own head, that my feelings are okay, that simply pulls me out of that emotion enough to notice there are other girls and other things in my life that can make me feel better. Heck, I even feel normal about that specific girl again. Works for me, even in other emotionally charged situations. Might work for someone else too.

Still have a different variety of 'thinking about her' though. Maybe same as Flames? Some time after realizing a woman turned cold, I start over thinking it and sleep badly because of that. This is actually not about her, but about me. It's like having that mind of me rage on and on, because of trying to break down the situation in my head (what went wrong? what can I do to improve next time?). I don't feel bad though, when I'm like this in my bed. Well, I feel bad the other day for not sleeping enough, but that's usually fixed with coffee and aspirin

 

[Franco]

It's like having that mind of me rage on and on, because of trying to break down the situation in my head (what went wrong? what can I do to improve next time?).

These thoughts are actually okay, Jester! And these are the ones you actually should be having. They are constructive and will help you learn which mistakes not to make next time. The thoughts you want to avoid are: "Will I ever find a girl like this again? Are there other girls out there like this? Will my life ever get better?"

The answer to these are: Yes, yes, and yes.

- Franco