Getting Girls Back

[girlsfollow]

I still would like to develop a solid formula for this though, so I appreciate any input you have, Zac. =)

- Franco

Hey Franco and Zac,

I have a lot of experience with this kind of situation and I would like to add this to this thread - I think it really is possible to develop something here that at least gives a general direction to head in....lets work on this and get there. I know its possible because I did it with her before and we had really awesome sex too - so I know one way to do it

I am away travelling at the moment though so wil write up when I get back later this week.

for now:

I want to reconnect with my ex whom I also insulted and chased a little, all about a year ago now - however we haven't talked in about 3 months now (she stopped responding to texts while we were texting - most likely because she was getting a bf at the time who she is now with) so I know soon might be a good time to re initiate - especially with all the new experiences (including many with girls) I've had travelling I'm like a new person I even look like a different person now - sooo tanned - better sooner before it wears off

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Franco,

Hey Zac,

i think that you actually text back and forth was a good time to ask her out. Unfortunately i had a women whom go cold on me, had her on one night with a call after three months of texting sparingly, and i didn't ask her out, when she was very warm, and everything flustered. So maybe you might want to take this nugget here.


Ironically, the conversation actually ended with me asking her if she had any plans that weekend. Unfortunately, I already did have plans (it was New Year's weekend), and she actually went cold when I suggested her joining me for some of those plans. I am generally under the impression that moving fast is good, but I went from not talking to her for an entire year to asking her to spend some time on New Year's weekend with me on the same day that I first texted her. I think it may have been a bit much to ask of her and caused her to go into the following mindset: "Wait a minute, this is all happening too fast... I should think about this." And then sure enough, after giving her a day of radio silence and then trying to open again, she remained cold (probably deciding that she wasn't ready).

I like to note, that with getting girls back, you are moving at a slightly slower pace. IF she doesn't text you back once, give her a radio silence of three days to one week. Always work for me. One day is too much for her.

The key here, "Pretending nothing happen in words, But your actions know something happen, and hence move slightly slower."

Hi girlsfollow,

Hey Franco and Zac,

I have a lot of experience with this kind of situation and I would like to add this to this thread - I think it really is possible to develop something here that at least gives a general direction to head in....lets work on this and get there. I know its possible because I did it with her before and we had really awesome sex too - so I know one way to do it

I am away travelling at the moment though so wil write up when I get back later this week.

for now:

I want to reconnect with my ex whom I also insulted and chased a little, all about a year ago now - however we haven't talked in about 3 months now (she stopped responding to texts while we were texting - most likely because she was getting a bf at the time who she is now with) so I know soon might be a good time to re initiate - especially with all the new experiences (including many with girls) I've had travelling I'm like a new person I even look like a different person now - sooo tanned - better sooner before it wears off

We would love to hear from you. Let's hope, we can find patterns and build a constructive way, and hence we can get good with girls, and also get them back, while dating new ones.

Zac

 

[girlsfollow]

It would be great to hear about your situation Franco?

This is exactly how I feel:

It's like having that mind of me rage on and on, because of trying to break down the situation in my head (what went wrong? what can I do to improve next time?).

Its not that I'm desperate or needy - I'm a bit of a perfectionist and this was something important to me so its important to learn everything from it and maximise any opportunity that there may be (these aren't always obvious since girls naturally say "no" and are programmed to resist at every turn even if its actually token)

So previously I went NC for 2 months after BU - she initiated by calling - I kept contact light and set chase frames, - then we met up after 2 months of chatting first time got drunk - on the dates I kept them simple and stayed aloof and unaffected - first date no sex, but probably could have - didnt push hard enough and she slept in my bed quite an uncomfortable night - I thought things were dead then - second time went to comedy club - very good sex - but I handled it poorly the next day and she stopped talking to me. - I have a detailed account if anyone wants it I can post

So that was around this time last year, since then we started talking again and she then went silent when we started talking she said she would meet up but didn't despite living down the road - I then went to her and insulted her for what I found out she had done during the BU - big mistake.

After that we stopped talking again, started again, had a nice day together, then she went on holiday - I happened to go on holiday in the same place to meet her brother last easter, things almost went down but she was seeing someone at the time.

We've been talking since but stopped 3months ago because she started dating some new guy and was even official for a month or so - reports say that that has now ended......so 3 months radio silence I just got back from an amazing holiday with many girls - thought now would be good time to contact - I tried calling yesterday evening - didnt pick up - although that is usual for all girls here - nobody picks up phones anymore. feel totally unaffected by it - I'm seeing someone and have many prospects from my travels....

today is day after - prob wait until tomorrow to text - give her a chance to say something and cool things....

 

[trashKENNUT]

It would be great to hear about your situation Franco?

This is exactly how I feel:

It's like having that mind of me rage on and on, because of trying to break down the situation in my head (what went wrong? what can I do to improve next time?).


Its not that I'm desperate or needy - I'm a bit of a perfectionist and this was something important to me so its important to learn everything from it and maximise any opportunity that there may be (these aren't always obvious since girls naturally say "no" and are programmed to resist at every turn even if its actually token)

So previously I went NC for 2 months after BU - she initiated by calling - I kept contact light and set chase frames, - then we met up after 2 months of chatting first time got drunk - on the dates I kept them simple and stayed aloof and unaffected - first date no sex, but probably could have - didnt push hard enough and she slept in my bed quite an uncomfortable night - I thought things were dead then - second time went to comedy club - very good sex - but I handled it poorly the next day and she stopped talking to me. - I have a detailed account if anyone wants it I can post

So that was around this time last year, since then we started talking again and she then went silent when we started talking she said she would meet up but didn't despite living down the road - I then went to her and insulted her for what I found out she had done during the BU - big mistake.

After that we stopped talking again, started again, had a nice day together, then she went on holiday - I happened to go on holiday in the same place to meet her brother last easter, things almost went down but she was seeing someone at the time.

We've been talking since but stopped 3months ago because she started dating some new guy and was even official for a month or so - reports say that that has now ended......so 3 months radio silence I just got back from an amazing holiday with many girls - thought now would be good time to contact - I tried calling yesterday evening - didnt pick up - although that is usual for all girls here - nobody picks up phones anymore. feel totally unaffected by it - I'm seeing someone and have many prospects from my travels....

today is day after - prob wait until tomorrow to text - give her a chance to say something and cool things....

I thought you wanted to share what you feel you can add on to the thread, the patterns you notice. Here, i see the pattern, Wash, Rinse and Repeat also.

Zac

 

[Franco]

Hey guys,

My situation is lengthy and very in-depth, so I'm probably not going to post it up here. If I do, it will be after I get a final resolution to it.

Moving on... We are attempting to break down a general, solid formula for guys to use to get girls back. The first thing to keep in mind about employing these tactics is that you must be approaching and meeting other women during the entire process or you will not succeed. I'm sure this goes without saying for you guys (girlsfollow and Zac), but this is important for the newer members. You aren't going to get a girl back if she is all you are thinking about.

That being said, I think I have broken down the first three beginning questions that should determine whether or not you can actually GET this girl back as well as what tactics you will need to employ:

1) Have you slept with this girl yet? If so, was it just one time, or was it multiple times?

Having already slept with a girl changes the ball game dramatically -- usually for the better. If you've already slept with her, it means the severity of whatever mistake you made can be greater without as many repercussions. Which leads me to the next point...

2) How severe was the mistake you made?

You need to determine the severity of the mistake. There are a number of factors that determine severity, and, even though this is probably obvious, the more severe your mistake was, the less of a chance you have of getting her back.

3) Finally, how long does your period of "no contact" need to be?

I'm going to be truthful here when I say that most guys are weak when it comes to real no contact. Guys always tend to assume that no contact doesn't work because "they didn't contact her for 2-3 weeks and then when they did, she didn't reply!"

I can tell you right now: 2-3 weeks is not REAL no contact. If you are only applying 2-3 weeks of no contact, it needs to mean that the the severity of your mistake was very small (i.e. such as missing an escalation window or coming across as a bit "needy" by texting too much).

Ideally, it would be great to have some "set" no contact times to follow. Which "no contact period" you choose is determined by the first two points: have you slept with her yet? And how severe was your mistake?

I think I've determined this to be the following:

• 2 weeks
  1 month
  3 months
  6 months
  1 year

I actually I applied the "1 year" no contact for my situation. She replied. But this story is still developing, so I won't go into more details at the moment.

I hope this is a good start! =)

- Franco

 

[Estate]

Guys,
I'm pretty interest in this topic. So I've gotten a lot of numbers lately and I've gone on or set up soem dates so I've been meeting other girls.

However since I'm not feeling needy or clingy I decided to give this a try and contact my ex from last year. It didnt end all that well. I just sent a quick hello to see how she was doing, not really expecting a reply. About an hour later (which for her standards was a lot faster than I would have expected) she replied pretty pleasantly. I didnt really expect a reply at all.

So I'm trying to figure out how to plat this. I havent replied again straight away. Im going to leave it until this evening like, after work time and see if she engages in that.

I figure its best to play it cool like nothing happened, we're talking like friends. After that I'm not sure, If I go for a meetup I feel like she'll know where I'm going with this. I can't tell... I might be totally wrong but I feel going direct on her within a few messages will make her run. In a way I feel indirect might keep her engages but am not sure how to transition it then.

I'll keep an eye on this thread. Hopefully I can figure this out. Its always a chance, I dont want to depend on any sort of outcome here as the chances are slim, I know.

E.

 

[almosteasy21]

I think I may be of some help here. I have gotten a couple girls back and am working on another one if you consider one year radio silence working. Anyway just a heads up that the instances that I got them back never ended up good but I did get them back.

It seems like you guys got the no contact rule down. The longer you go without contact the better of a chance you have of her looking at you in a fresh light. That means a year or longer depending how bad you screwed up. There's a girl who I broke an engagement off with who I wouldn't even think about talking to for at least 5yrs.

After not contacting her for how ever long, the next step would be to get a response hopefully her being inquisitive about your whereabouts and what you've been up to. Probably at the point where estate is at now. This is a CRUCIAL point where you can either kill the whole year of silence or build up more intrigue. You don't want to go on a big long rant about what you have been up to. You want to be completely vague and that will pique her interest.

Example:
her "what have you been up to?"
Me:"this years sure been a ride that I'll never forget".
Her: " Oh wow, like what"
Me: "I cant explain in 180 characters or less "

You could ask her to grab coffee or something then to explain but I wouldn't recommend it yet. See if she'll ask you out first as that would be ideal. If she doesn't then no big deal.

You're going to want to get her out though so how would you go about it you ask? Simple you use her occupation or hobby as a reason for it being such a great time that both of you are in contact again.

Example, she went to school for computers:

Me: hey you're supposedly a computer guru, right?
Her: Well that's what I do for a living.
Me: Great how convenient, I need some professional assistance. Can we get together to help me with bla bla bla?

When you meet up with her give her a twirl around and a quick interested compliment. Escalate from there.... A couple of side notes. If she has a boyfriend wait until their out of the honeymoon stage which is usually around a year or you won't have a chance.

I've been recycling girls for years due to my inability to get over AA so I had to work with what I had. That sure seems to be changing of late though and I'm introducing some fresh girls into my life.

 

[girlsfollow]

Ok I am a bit of a veteran when it comes to this so as promised here are some of my general rules - tell me what you guys would add:

1. Never mention the BU or anything negative from the past - in fact its better to not talk about the past with her at all, even positive things (unless she brings it up - if its positive then obviously go with it) - you approach the meetup as two total strangers - you act like she is any new girl - you should basically try and act like you don't really know her - get to know her again, though your actions you can show you think that she has changed - is different - and that is what interests you in talking to her.

2. Change. Make at least one big change - don't be the same person again - this feeds into you both being new people - its a fresh start - make sure you're fresh - re-invent yourself. Change your clothes/your whole style, Change your body language. Change what you do for fun - your hobbies. BE SOCIAL - get out there and make as many friends as you can - have other friends and girls that you are seeing.

3. Overtly you treat this as a meeting of friends - THIS IS NOT A DATE - in some circumstances you can even state this explicitly as a chase frame and to steal her line - (See DD). Classic meet up idea is "I'm going to be around bla bla after meeting some friends - lets meet around there for a coffee (or something less cliche but not a drink - usually you can have a drink anyway and coffee is forgotten) at 7"

4. Do something interesting that you can talk about.

5. Be aloof - SUPER UN-NEEDY this is why you need to see other girls both for the inner game and the mentality - do not treat her with any extra care to any other girl - youare screening her - make sure she can never interpret anything you do as clingy or seeking approval. Don't escalate too quickly - make sure kino ramp is SMOOTH - dont push it the first time you meet! Although the first time I met my ex we were very touchy from the moment we first met again which was good but - I didn't frame it well it was 5050 touching - you need to have her initiating and holding mroe than you. Also be ok with pauses.

6. Be mysterious - dont give her a detailed account of everything you have been doing - she will try and get you to do this - YOU NEED TO BE STRONG - dont let her suck you dry of info - make the convo at least 60% - I think the ideal is probably 90% on her - NEVER LET IT Swing above 40% on you. You need to be careful not to let it

 

[Garrett]

Kinny21,

It's situational though, your ideas would work for a girl who you've dated and slept with. It's important to make that distinction because if you haven't slept with a girl who has gone into auto-rejection, that wouldn't work. There's no way she would message you to see how you are doing if she's in auto-rejection. Also, she must have had feelings for you before if she would be willing to ask you out.

To sum things up, I'd say for a girl who's your ex and you've slept with her, your advice works Kinny because even if things did end on poor terms, there's probably a decent chance you can get back with her because she probably still has at least some interest in you. Granted, if she's in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship, it's kind of hard to pull, but you can still do it, albeit it'll be tough!

If you dated an ex and you never slept with her, you can get her back, but there will be more objections, sometimes less passion, and it's usually a headache. If you were going to try again with a girl, I wouldn't suggest it be with the Ex you never slept with. If a girl is your ex, there is a reason for that, so you'd be much better off meeting new girls; however, if you're in a tough logistical situation such as mine, you can resort to prospects, which I'll mention below .

If you screwed up with a girl, like texted her too much or appeared a bit off, the comeback shouldn't be too hard. Where I live, there isn't really any place to go with a lot of girls, street game isn't an option (I wanted to do that), and I live with my parents so it's a tad unfortunate for doing pickup. The population in my town is like 90,000 and all we have is a mall/theatre and there aren't many girls, let alone attractive ones around. Also, word gets around fairly easily among people, so even though my town isn't a small village, you could fairly easily obtain a reputation! The good thing is, I've gained a ton of knowledge off this site so I'm going to master my fundamentals this summer and effect as many comebacks as possible! So for any of you guys out there, if you want to get a girl back where you barely talked to her but you screwed up, you could make a comeback within a few weeks. The longer you wait, probably the better as Kinny21 mentioned, because they'll have to reevaluate you, and if you have improved a lot during that time, she'll take notice and like what she sees . As for me, I'm going to line a bunch of prospects up that I've met from school and go on dates with each one and hopefully escalate with each in my car .

Also, if you screwed up with a girl really badly like I did with mine (not escalating, not rewarding investment, coming off needy, auto-rejection, friend zone etc.) I wouldn't bother with her at all. If you were to effect a comeback, preselection would probably help, among other things, but in my case, the girl is probably not thinking about me (I don't really care at this point). So yes you can get her back, it would be a hell of a slog though and you'd have to wait at least a year, probably more though. I tried waiting 6 months then messaging her, and she ignored it. Now that's an obvious nono for me in this situation, but that's how you learn .

Any thoughts Kinny21? You seem to have some solid insight on what to do in your situation ,
Garrett

 

[Garrett]

Ok I am a bit of a veteran when it comes to this so as promised here are some of my general rules - tell me what you guys would add:

1. Never mention the BU or anything negative from the past - in fact its better to not talk about the past with her at all, even positive things (unless she brings it up - if its positive then obviously go with it) - you approach the meetup as two total strangers - you act like she is any new girl - you should basically try and act like you don't really know her - get to know her again

2. Change. Make at least one big change - don't be the same person again - this feeds into you both being new people - its a fresh start - make sure you're fresh - re-invent yourself. Change your clothes/your whole style, Change your body language. Change what you do for fun - your hobbies. BE SOCIAL - get out there and make as many friends as you can - have other friends and girls that you are seeing.

3. Overtly you treat this as a meeting of friends - THIS IS NOT A DATE - in some circumstances you can even state this explicitly as a chase frame and to steal her line - (See DD)

4. Do something interesting that you can talk about.

5. Be aloof - SUPER UN-NEEDY this is why you need to see other girls both for the inner game and the mentality - you need to be very friendly - make sure she can never interpret anything you do as clingy or seeking approval. Don't escalate too quickly - make sure kino ramp is SMOOTH - dont push it the first time you meet! Although the first time I met my ex we were very touchy from the moment we first met again which was good but - I didn't frame it well it was 5050 touching - you need to have her initiating and holding mroe than you. Also be ok with pauses.

6. Be mysterious - dont give her a detailed account of everything you have been doing - she will try and get you to do this - YOU NEED TO BE STRONG - dont let her suck you dry of info - make the convo at least 60% - I think the ideal is probably 90% on her - NEVER LET IT Swing above 40% on you. You need to be careful not to let it

Girlsfollow,

I think you have some solid advice, and this will probably work in most situations, so it's universal . One thing though, you said don't escalate too quickly... how long would you wait though? You wouldn't escalate at all during the date? If it was me, I'd take the girl out or invite her to my place then after a couple hours max, I'd escalate . I think framing (sexual/chase) can help with building up some tension between the two of you, and once she's at her peak, you give it to her .

Any thoughts?
Garrett

 

[girlsfollow]

Girlsfollow,

I think you have some solid advice, and this will probably work in most situations, so it's universal . One thing though, you said don't escalate too quickly... how long would you wait though? You wouldn't escalate at all during the date? If it was me, I'd take the girl out or invite her to my place then after a couple hours max, I'd escalate . I think framing (sexual/chase) can help with building up some tension between the two of you, and once she's at her peak, you give it to her .

Any thoughts?
Garrett

I certainly dont mean dont escalate - I just mean you should be very cautious to not push too hard and rick coming off needy/wanting contact. Another example is kissing - I' still experimenting with this - should you ever kiss a girl when tension is high but youre not home - I think this debate needs a thread.

 

[Franco]

Hey girlsfollow,

Another example is kissing - I' still experimenting with this - should you ever kiss a girl when tension is high but youre not home - I think this debate needs a thread.

I just wanted to comment on this quickly here... I think the universal answer is "no." If sexual tension is high, then that's probably when she's most likely to invest as well. If that is the case, then that's when you should be trying to move her somewhere private so that you CAN kiss and physically escalate. Under no circumstances do I usually kiss women anymore unless I'm going for the close. The results have shown me that it just works best that way.

Cheers,

Franco

 

[Estate]

Guys,
I pushed things a little. I went fairly direct and told her to meet me this week. I got an "I'm not sure", which I responded to and she has agreed to meet for a drink.

He answers are short but I know her and that's her way. It's hard to tell when she's being cold since even if she's in a good mood with you she never texts more than a 1 or 2 liner.
So now I'm not sure what to do.

Logistically I don't know how I can get her to my place.

She lives on the other side of town, so I could probably get her to meet me halfway. So I don't know how to frame getting her back over to my place afterwards. I don't think she would agree anyway unless she is seriously missing me. I don't really know if that's the case, I think it's more of she's willing to give me a chance to prove something here. (Not how I'm framing it but right now probably how she is).
That makes me think I'll have to push it on the date? She's the sort of girl who wants the guy to make the move, she won't initiate anything. Even though I was with her a while and have slept with her many times, I did move too slow initially with her and the reason we eventually broke up was because I didn't push the relationship as fast as I should have (I felt she moved slow so I did too, turns out she wanted a "protector" who would lead the relationship). So I feel if she's giving me a chance, it will be one chance and I need to show I am that guy now.

The silly thing is, she felt I wasn't that guy. I'm not uncomfortable being that guy but she outwardly appears very confident and I didn't realise just how much she wanted a guy to lead her.

I need a gameplan here. I think I need to be very forward and dominant on the date. Ideally yes, this would lead her home but I feel logistically it's going to be a nightmare without serious resistance from her.

Ugh, overthinking!

 

[Garrett]

Girlsfollow,

Franco is right, you don't want to kiss her until you're in a private place where you're planning to close. Chase also mentioned not to kiss them when you're out. It's better if you don't because you want to keep the tension high and if you kiss her, it'll drop so she'll be less likely to comply to your future advances. You need to lead her somewhere and then escalate with kissing and go from there

As for Estate...

Bro, if I were you I'd firstly consider meeting more girls. You've probably heard this so many times but it's soo true. If you have some girls that you find attractive but not crazy for, I suggest planning some dates with them and then intersperse your date with this girl somewhere in between. Why? Well because, if it doesn't workout, you'll go in with the mentality like, "Well if I blow it on this at least I'll be getting some action later tonight with another chick ." So you could plan to meet this girl in the afternoon then see another girl that same night, that way if things blow, you won't care as much, and the result will be better!

The reason you're over thinking is because you're thinking about this girl too much, you need to meet more girls or do what I said with what you already have, otherwise you won't be as effective on your date. I get what you're saying, and that you'd normally expect a really confident girl to want to lead things, but you're the guy, and if you KNOW she doesn't lead then that's an indication that you need to play that role, and for the most part, you'll do that with girls so get used to it .

If I were you I'd tell her to meet you halfway, or if you can, get her to come closer to your place. For me, if a guy drives a long distance to see a girl, it says that he doesn't have much option, thus he's not an ideal guy to be with. You want her to invest more, so try to arrange something that's convenient for both of you, or if possible, try to get her to meet you closer to where you're located. If you know she wouldn't go through the effort to come very far, try to pick a place where you know is convenient and that she will show up to, without you having to travel such a long distance to get there (Law of Least Effort basically).

To get her home, you could use a yes ladder, You, "So you're having fun right?" her "Yeah" You, "and it's too soon for us to part ways, wouldn't you say?" her "yeah" You, "So you like to watch movies don't you?" Her "Yeah" You "Then let's go back to my place and watch a movie!" Her "Okay ". You could try to frame things so you can go to her place if you know that's an option. Ideally, the more options the better, so if something flops you can go somewhere else. Have a plan and stick to it and you should be able to land this one

Cheers,
Garrett

 

[girlsfollow]

As for Estate...

I'd say dont just consider meeting other girls - YOU MUST DO IT - in fact you probably shouldn't even contact her again till you are - or you'll just do really badly when you meet her! Just get any girl and lead her through the same date you will with the girl you want - this will mean you'll be able to relax more - make things easier and easily lead!

I think maybe there should be separate threads for more serious getting a girl back that you've had sex with and more minor offences with girls that you might not have even had sex with yet -

I think these are two distinct categories of problem - maybe we can make a separate thread?

 

[Estate]

Thanks guys,
Yes, I'm actually meeting 2 girls this week, Monday and Thursday. The reason I'm trying is because I can do this and KNOW I can see another girl the next day or two.
If I did this last year I wouldn't have handled it well... my mindset is better so I'm going to try, if I fail, I have stuff to fall back on and not come off needy.

I've been trying to keep some strong frames. She's texted some banter back and forth but she's been difficult about organizing the meetup.
I didn't ask her when and where I just set a time. She initially accepted but then pushed back with a ist of "Why's...". Which I'm trying to ignore.
I think it's like a bit of a power struggle. She wants a guy who's taking control. I know that. And I wasn't that guy before.
Yet when I DO she pushes back. It's probably a test to see how much I hold instead of caving to her demands but all I can do is try.

Honestly, yes, I'd love to pull this off... if I don't. It's ok. There are other options.

 

[Franco]

Hey girlsfollow,

I think maybe there should be separate threads for more serious getting a girl back that you've had sex with and more minor offences with girls that you might not have even had sex with yet -

I think these are two distinct categories of problem - maybe we can make a separate thread?

Yup. I was noticing this as well as the thread was starting to grow. Getting a girl back who you've had sex with (or was your girlfriend at some point) versus getting a girl back who is in auto-rejection (and you haven't had sex with) have two entirely different steps and sets of advice. I noticed that that is why there is some confusion here.

If you'd like to start a separate thread on one or the other, girlsfollow, feel free to do so. I'll contribute what I can. =)

- Franco

 

[Knight]

Hi everyone, will be adding to this thread soon - with some advice and a major story that I myself would like to see your opinions on.

I just shot off the story on Chase's comment section on the latest post before I discovered this thread. I'll copy and paste it once I can view it again.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi everyone, will be adding to this thread soon - with some advice and a major story that I myself would like to see your opinions on.

I just shot off the story on Chase's comment section on the latest post before I discovered this thread. I'll copy and paste it once I can view it again.

I see what i can contribute. It will be interesting though to see how it develops from here.

Zac

 

[TylerDurden]

Read most of this post, very useful info, but I have 1 question for you.
I tried this with a girl a few weeks ago, and tried to be friendly and ask her how her life was going, to get her talking, she answered but was very cold, the conversation was something like.

Me: Hi, how are you doing?
Her: not much, work, study, you?
Me: I got a new job, and still studying too
Me: How's X thing going?
Her: Fine, I guess.
Silence
If I stopped talking, she stopped too.
She seldomly told anything herself. And after sometime she asked "why do you keep going on?" and told me that she was answering "not to be rude", and was giving short answers so I would get bored and go away.
The first few texts in a chat or something are more or less good, but it degrades quickly, should I make little conversation every few days? or how do I open her up? asking questions about herself seems to bore her, and asking opinions even more (what do you thing of X?).
Sometimes I can get a pretty good conversation talking about music, sharing links about some band or stuff like that, but if I try to change subject it gets cold again.