First hand experience of what a good solid first impression can bring! The girl was a green from the get go I think. The rest was ok, not super-great honestly, but the good first interaction carried it along. I'm still super insecure about my texting, which I think led to a loss of frame. I kept the texting part in here pretty detailed. I'd be curious to know your thoughts.
I put up my hand, with a playful and quizzical smile:
She flirtily says bye, with strong eye contact
I was mostly chill since the interaction and vibe was good, and texted her again in a few days with a feeler text/soft close:
So, I'm feeling that she's not putting high effort in texts, but is compliant. But this definitely affected my mental frame. I do realize this is in my hands to let it affect me or not. Something to remember next time.
I text her the day before the date to confirm a specific time. She then asks about my weekend and we talk a bit about stuff and how we're new to dancing
I'm so unsure about her texting that I was kinda ok accepting that she might flake the next day. I'm used to girls being more enthusiastic in their texting when they meet.
She texted me directly the next day, saying that she's on her way.
We meet, she has a good vibe and conversation is flowing. We walk and talk around the city a bit and then end up in a bar with high tables. She sits opposite me.
Conversation is basic getting-to-know, interspersed with humor and teasing. Vibes are good, but sexual tension is not super-high. I like talking to her, but at the same time I've realized she's not as attractive as I thought. Cute face, but not exactly my body type.
Around 2 hr mark in, I realize I haven't made a physical escalation yet. I ask her to come sit in the middle seat:
Test passed
She mentions at some point that she finds sitting so close too intense. I tease her about it while leaning a bit away from her to give more space.
I still don't feel like a right moment to escalate (in my experience, if conversation and vibe has more tension, I find it easier to escalate)
After we finish the drink, I pay and we go outside.
I'm thinking we've not brought in sexualization till now. Gotta fix that. We walk till we come to a street corner with almost no people. I have casually slowed down, talking about the area we're in. After a bit, I reduce my talk, let the tension rise and then go for a kiss. She a good kisser, I stop and go for a longer kiss.
I stop near my building and say:
And this is one of the things I notice with certain kinda girls: they show very less signs of interest, vibe or body language wise, but are down to go home with me. I wonder if its just a case of repressed emotions in this country!
Some deep-diving. Some highlights which I think are important
She's getting excited and pretty compliant, but very sweetly objects to taking her pants off.
I continue unfazed. I ask her if she likes to be choked. She hasn't tried but is open. She seems to like it.
I get her more aroused, she unbuttons my pants after asking permission (this permission thing was new to me!) and then after a while I take her pants off, no objection. She blows me, I finger her and get her really horny. Still wouldn't want to go all the way.
I get her to kneel and blow me. After a while of her blowing me, I take her chin in my hand and ask:
"do you want me to be inside you?" (I said this in this way since everything seemed to be very egalitarian about the sex, with her asking permission, and with less sexual tension but things still happening when I lead)
She smiles and sweetly says "no, I'm not comfortable"
I smile and say "ok", let it be and finish in her mouth.
I think I could have made it happen if I was more persistent, but I was feeling pretty laidback and chill since I realized I don't find her that attractive, and also she seemed super-nice and I didn't wanna make her regret later. So, I let it be.
We talk a bit more after sex, and since it was getting late, she wants to go home. I walk her back to the station.
Few more random highlights from the conversations:
Anyway, I dropped her to the station and asked her to text me when she got home.
If I were to guess, the reason could be that the initial vibe was much stronger and had given her a certain expectation, and since I wasn't as dominant in the texting and date as she had hoped, it was less interesting for her. Also, I didn't find her that attractive, and it showed (girls feel desire when desired). Maybe a bit of both
TLDR
Met girl from another city in the train station. Instant hook. Bantered, couldn't get her out on an instant date, so took her number. Super compliant, came down to meet me in my city. Went for drinks and brought her back home. Couldn't go all the way but didn't try too hard.Background
I was coming back from another city by train. Back at my city train station, decided to do some approaches if I found someone really striking. I was in a good, very relaxed mood, happy and in a dominant headspace. Fundamentals were on point that day, and the previous days of somewhat high-volume approaching meant my approach anxiety was low and I could get into action quick if I found anyone interesting.Approach
I was getting into a shop inside the station and noticed a girl coming out. Dressed in a sexy black leather coat. Cute face. We made eye contact but I couldn't get a read: seemed long enough but very neutral (she later mentioned in the date that she had actually been zoned out). I go into the store, don't find anyone interesting and come back into the main station area in a few minutes. See her again, walking towards me.I put up my hand, with a playful and quizzical smile:
Girl smiles already. Bingo!
I take her hand and I could feel her lingering. She was slightly angled away from me at this point, I subtly pulled her hand a bit so that she faced me more squarely (nice subtle dominance move I think)HB: Hey
DarkJedi: Wait, I think I saw you inside the ABC shop
HB: ABC shop?? (I had made a mistake with the name)
DJ: Ahh no, I meant to say XYZ (points at the shop)
HB: Ohh. Yeah?
DJ: Yeah, you were just coming out. I fucking loved your outfit, with this amazing leather coat (I pause, girl smiles broadly now). So, when I saw you again now, I thought its a sign and I should definitely talk to you!
HB: Thank you so much!!
DJ: (extends hand) I'm DJ. What's your name?
HB: HB
That was already a bit of qualification from her. She seemed pretty happy to talk and compliant. The conversation was basic, but with good energy (I was high energy but dominant/grounded, not like jester high energy)
I talk a bit of fluff while she saves my number and texts me
She flirtily says bye, with strong eye contact
Texting
Replied to her after a few hoursThink she asked this coz she was suspicious I was walking around picking up chicks lolHB: Hey
DJ: Loved your energy!
DJ: Hope you're back with your dad by now
HB: I am. Why were you in the station btw?
DJ: For XYZ
^^ did a super-small tease and then did some getting-to-know stuffHB: Oh you did say. Sorry I forgot
DJ: Tsk tsk HB
HB:
This went on for a while, and she was investing by asking questions about me. Else I would have cut it short. It went to the next day, when our messages were more spaced out over hours, and since it was new years she wished me happy new year after midnight. I wished her back and then didn't get a reply.
I was mostly chill since the interaction and vibe was good, and texted her again in a few days with a feeler text/soft close:
My overthinking brain is not happy with the lack of punctuation in the first 2, but optimistic with the emoji in the lastDJ: So, I'm hoping you had a great start to the new year! But I have an idea to make it even better
HB: Hey, I did
HB: What about you
HB: Hahaha tell me more
I couldn't figure out if her "last year" comment was a positive or a negativeDJ: Pretty good as well
DJ: A drink and a walk in amazing <city>, to continue where we left off last year
HB: Last year. That makes it sound like, we know each other for a long time
HB: What will be a good time for you?
She liked my last message and texted "me too"DJ: Hahaha yeah I couldn't miss the opportunity to say it
DJ: This Sunday afternoon/evening is good. Saturday is also fine but not preferred
HB: I can make that work
HB: Sunday late afternoon
DJ: Perfect!
DJ: Looking forward
So, I'm feeling that she's not putting high effort in texts, but is compliant. But this definitely affected my mental frame. I do realize this is in my hands to let it affect me or not. Something to remember next time.
I text her the day before the date to confirm a specific time. She then asks about my weekend and we talk a bit about stuff and how we're new to dancing
I get left on read.DJ: I had one course, but got busy with other stuff. But I go to socials, they're fun!
HB: I'm no good either. Just like it very much
DJ: Great, we'll be perfect dance partners then
I'm so unsure about her texting that I was kinda ok accepting that she might flake the next day. I'm used to girls being more enthusiastic in their texting when they meet.
She texted me directly the next day, saying that she's on her way.
Date
I'm not in dominant headspace that day. Not needy, but very laidback.We meet, she has a good vibe and conversation is flowing. We walk and talk around the city a bit and then end up in a bar with high tables. She sits opposite me.
Conversation is basic getting-to-know, interspersed with humor and teasing. Vibes are good, but sexual tension is not super-high. I like talking to her, but at the same time I've realized she's not as attractive as I thought. Cute face, but not exactly my body type.
Around 2 hr mark in, I realize I haven't made a physical escalation yet. I ask her to come sit in the middle seat:
She gets up but says
I just smile and roll my eyes
She rummages through her bag on the seat and finds phone, sits down
Test passed
She mentions at some point that she finds sitting so close too intense. I tease her about it while leaning a bit away from her to give more space.
I still don't feel like a right moment to escalate (in my experience, if conversation and vibe has more tension, I find it easier to escalate)
After we finish the drink, I pay and we go outside.
The Pull
Its darker and quieter outside. I walk her towards the general direction of my house. She's compliant with everything. No questions asked. Through the conversation we've had I'm guessing she's submissive and also a bit LSE.I'm thinking we've not brought in sexualization till now. Gotta fix that. We walk till we come to a street corner with almost no people. I have casually slowed down, talking about the area we're in. After a bit, I reduce my talk, let the tension rise and then go for a kiss. She a good kisser, I stop and go for a longer kiss.
I take her hand and we continue walking hand in hand.
I stop near my building and say:
My ask was a bit fumbly imo, but she was down for it with no hesitation. (My better pulls imo have been with more tension and me saying something like "come, let's go to my place")
And this is one of the things I notice with certain kinda girls: they show very less signs of interest, vibe or body language wise, but are down to go home with me. I wonder if its just a case of repressed emotions in this country!
At My Place
I chit-chat to make her comfortable and let her breathe, show her around my place and then we sit on my couch. Bring out a bottle of wine and continue talking.Some deep-diving. Some highlights which I think are important
HB: Do you talk to girls like this often?
DJ: I mean I can if I am in the mood and find someone interesting.
HB: So it was nothing special for you <- bit more of LSE vibes
DJ: But I found your outfit really sexy, so I wanted to talk to you and see how you are. If you didn't make me curious we wouldn't be here
Sex
Anyway, some more talk and then we start making out. I get her excited on the couch and then bring her to the bed.She's getting excited and pretty compliant, but very sweetly objects to taking her pants off.
I continue unfazed. I ask her if she likes to be choked. She hasn't tried but is open. She seems to like it.
I get her more aroused, she unbuttons my pants after asking permission (this permission thing was new to me!) and then after a while I take her pants off, no objection. She blows me, I finger her and get her really horny. Still wouldn't want to go all the way.
I get her to kneel and blow me. After a while of her blowing me, I take her chin in my hand and ask:
"do you want me to be inside you?" (I said this in this way since everything seemed to be very egalitarian about the sex, with her asking permission, and with less sexual tension but things still happening when I lead)
She smiles and sweetly says "no, I'm not comfortable"
I smile and say "ok", let it be and finish in her mouth.
I think I could have made it happen if I was more persistent, but I was feeling pretty laidback and chill since I realized I don't find her that attractive, and also she seemed super-nice and I didn't wanna make her regret later. So, I let it be.
We talk a bit more after sex, and since it was getting late, she wants to go home. I walk her back to the station.
Few more random highlights from the conversations:
I think I was feeling a bit avoidant at that moment and hurt my attainability with that last one.
Anyway, I dropped her to the station and asked her to text me when she got home.
After
We text a bit through the next day and then it peters out. I text her again in a few days to meet, but she says that she's not sure if we should see each other. On probing why, she says she "didn't feel as much physical attraction as she had hoped for. She liked it but something was missing". Props for her honesty!If I were to guess, the reason could be that the initial vibe was much stronger and had given her a certain expectation, and since I wasn't as dominant in the texting and date as she had hoped, it was less interesting for her. Also, I didn't find her that attractive, and it showed (girls feel desire when desired). Maybe a bit of both
Takeaways
- A good initial interaction can really make or break it
- I really need to fix my mindset behind texting. Be less outcome dependent
- Girls can show minimal signs of attraction but can still be ok with moving things forward. I think I had a similar issue in the past (https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/girls-who-come-home-but-dont-let-you-escalate.27079/) where I couldn't escalate with a girl who didn't show much signs. This time I was also calm and not nervous, which helped