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Girl is polite and answers, but keeps looking down at phone

gameboy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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I just had another of these situations. Approached a girl sitting on the beach. She smiled and gave me polite, but short answers. Then kept looking back down at her phone. Didn't ask anything back either.

Since she was smiling and seemed friendly, I asked her name, shook hands, gave her mine, and crouched next to her.

I even gave it a few seconds of silence, in case she needed to finish something. But she'd only look up when I asked her something, then look back down. So I left, eventually.

This has happened before several times, sometimes the girls were smiling like today, sometimes not.

Any ideas how to get the attention of these girls, or are they just not interested?

Maybe I just asked too any boring questions. Still haven"t managed to snap out of that habit.
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

ChrisXKiss

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Hmm, generally I would say they are just not interested enough initially.

What I try sometimes in this scenario is after the first few lines to leave a small gap in the conversation, and see if she will feel the pressure to fill it.

If she doesn’t, I may comment something in a bit again, preferably something I noticed about her or the situation.

But after two three tries to engage I am not even pushing it more nowadays, I don’t see the point.

I suppose something to begin with is asking less questions and using more statements. I also have to work more on that.
 

gameboy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Hmm, generally I would say they are just not interested enough initially.

What I try sometimes in this scenario is after the first few lines to leave a small gap in the conversation, and see if she will feel the pressure to fill it.

If she doesn’t, I may comment something in a bit again, preferably something I noticed about her or the situation.

But after two three tries to engage I am not even pushing it more nowadays, I don’t see the point.

I suppose something to begin with is asking less questions and using more statements. I also have to work more on that.
Thanks for the reply.

Yeah, I tried leaving a small gap. Didn't help. Thinking of it, I also used some statements (instead of questions). Which she replied to, but again only in a short and polite manner, without really engaging.

Oh well, I guess she just wasn't that into me. She was looking at me when I placed myself with my back to her to pre-open, so I guess she was interested at first. Maybe I took too long to actually open (got distracted by my phone). Or I just wasn't her type.
 

FunGuy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Its your openers they are horrible. I gave you feedback on your journal and provided a link to an article that has a good indirect opener you can use to build conversational momentum. Consider re-reading the post and practicing the opener and its follow up material until you have it memorized.

Your current process is:
Bad opener -> boring interview mode

If you continue doing the same thing you will get the same results and make 0 progress. You are doing a great job of getting a lot of volume in and the only thing you need to start doing now is making adjustments.
 

Will_V

Chieftan
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I just had another of these situations. Approached a girl sitting on the beach. She smiled and gave me polite, but short answers. Then kept looking back down at her phone. Didn't ask anything back either.

Since she was smiling and seemed friendly, I asked her name, shook hands, gave her mine, and crouched next to her.

I even gave it a few seconds of silence, in case she needed to finish something. But she'd only look up when I asked her something, then look back down. So I left, eventually.

This has happened before several times, sometimes the girls were smiling like today, sometimes not.

Any ideas how to get the attention of these girls, or are they just not interested?

Maybe I just asked too any boring questions. Still haven"t managed to snap out of that habit.

Seems like you aren't engaging her strongly enough. Could be:

- Boring questions (as you mentioned)
- Meek body language, voice tone
- Awkward approach
- Lack of emotion

The main thing is to have a solid opener that you're comfortable delivering with a strong projected tone and body language (slightly authoritative), you want it to be the sort of thing where it would feel like a social faux pas for her to ignore.
 

gameboy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Its your openers they are horrible.
No, they're not. The exact same opener I used here got me much better results with some other girls.

Have some respect, please. I was asking for insights about a specific situation, not an assignment from someone who started approaching less than a month ago himself.

I read the article you mentioned, but no idea what you're referring to. Is it the opinion opener ("who lies more") that Chase cautions against?

Feel free to share your memorized opener with us, and the results it gets you.

- Meek body language, voice tone
- Awkward approach
This might be the reason. Could be I was too slow and tentative on the approach, and the girl mirrored that. Since it was my first approach of the day.

Also, her being from Venzuela (which of course I didnt know before I asked), maybe she's used to much more direct approaches.

Could have asked how she likes the men in this country, or gone direct and ask whether she has a boyfriend. Maybe that would have gotten her attention away from her phone.

Will try and do that next time this happens, unless someone has a better idea.
 
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Chase

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@gameboy,

Unless you unfailingly enter in with an absolutely commanding presence, there are always going to be some girls who will do this whole "I'm not even going to try to be polite, I'm just going to minimally respond to you until you go away" thing.

Sometimes it's a sign you botched the open. Sometimes they're just not interested though and that's their way of getting rid of men they aren't interested in ("I'll just give him nothing back but the bare minimum responses until he leaves").

If it's not happening to you a ton I wouldn't invest too much energy into trying to figure out how to long-shot it to get it going with girls like these.

The best play for these scenarios is just coming up with a little face-saving routine for making your exit.

For me I'll just hang around near the girl for a minute, ask her a few questions, glance around a bit as if she is boring me (since she is not responding), then slap on a big smile and say, "Welp, seems like you have some important business to attend to! I will leave you to it!" then stand up and give her a big wave and smile like I'm leaving an old friend. Usually that will at least trigger her to smile back politely and wave and say goodbye, so for anyone watching it does not look like a rejection. (also, you get a little confidence boost from eliciting that exit compliance, plus you know she is at least going to have the impression that "Wow, that guy actually left in a pretty chill way")

Then you continue on to find your next prospect!

Chase
 

gameboy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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@gameboy,

For me I'll just hang around near the girl for a minute, ask her a few questions, glance around a bit as if she is boring me (since she is not responding), then slap on a big smile and say, "Welp, seems like you have some important business to attend to! I will leave you to it!" then stand up and give her a big wave and smile like I'm leaving an old friend. Usually that will at least trigger her to smile back politely and wave and say goodbye, so for anyone watching it does not look like a rejection. (also, you get a little confidence boost from eliciting that exit compliance, plus you know she is at least going to have the impression that "Wow, that guy actually left in a pretty chill way")

Then you continue on to find your next prospect!

Chase
Thanks for the reply!

Actually, that's more or less what I did.

I was crouching down next to her, and when I realized she isn't giving me much, I looked around boredly for a while. Then asked her one or two more questions, she looked back down at her phone each time after answering. I decided this isn't going anywhere, so I told her "Nice to meet you!" and waved her goodbye, with a smile.

She did say goodbye in a nice way back, so that was cool.

Maybe next time I'll throw in a more open-ended question for good measure though, see if that helps at all.
 
Last edited:

FunGuy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
129
No, they're not. The exact same opener I used here got me much better results with some other girls.

Have some respect, please. I was asking for insights about a specific situation, not an assignment from someone who started approaching less than a month ago himself.
To the 2nd bolded part: My harsh tone was justified because several people have given you great feedback on your journal pointing out the same issues that you started this thread about, so ur essentially opening a redundant thread. Multiple people have gone out their way to give you long detailed feedback telling you that you need to adjust ur openers and that ur misreading girls responses to ur interview mode as interest (the girls are just responding out of politeness).

The 1st bolded part: I've been keeping up with your journal and that is false.

I read the article you mentioned, but no idea what you're referring to. Is it the opinion opener ("who lies more") that Chase cautions against?

Feel free to share your memorized opener with us, and the results it gets you.
That's not the opener I advised but you can pick anything that was in that article, whatever feels sexiest to you. I just want you to please change SOMETHING about your opener, you need to do something drastically different. None of the material I suggested was mine, I believe Chase was the author of the article I linked to you. If you feel like my advice is illegitimate that is cool but at least follow the feedback that anyone else is telling you as its all pointing to same underlying issues.

And hmmmmm to make things interesting.... I have a challenge for you. Me vs you to see who can get a date or lay first from day game? Whoever wins can pick the other persons avatar and signature that they have to use for 2 months. If 2 months passes and neither of us get a day game date or lay then its considered a stalemate and we both lose. You have the advantage as you do a lot more volume than me and I can only do moving sets (I get impression that you are in settings where you can do a lot of stationary sets).
 
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