I’ll try to summarize as much as I can:
This is a cute, sexy girl I dated for two months when she was living in my city. From the beginning, the arrangement was that I couldn’t give her a relationship because of the big elephant in the room: she has two children, which she didn’t mention to me until a month after we met. So I set the limit that we would just go out and have fun.
It’s worth mentioning that her kids didn’t live with her, since she was only studying here for a few months by herself.
Things got complicated when she had to return to her city because of some problems, and she asked me not to leave her alone.
This led us to talk every day and develop feelings for each other.
The relationship was kind of… “in progress,” and in September I decided to ghost her. It was the worst decision not to give her closure, because a few weeks later I felt the need to explain why I had cut off communication — and that’s what brought us here.
Since we started talking again, it seems she is determined not to let me go. She recently quit her job and told me she was looking for another one, but to my surprise, she looked for one in my city — and yesterday she told me she already got it.
I asked her what her motivation was, and she told me it was to try something with me, since long distance made everything difficult. I told her, as kindly as I could, that it was a surprise and that it wasn’t the best timing. At first she seemed to accept that, but later she started saying that she was doing it to move forward in her life and be less dependent on her parents (who take care of her kids and where they would still stay if she came to work here). Obviously, she said that after she realized I didn’t welcome the idea with open arms and tried to persuade her not to.
Yesterday she also mentioned that she wanted to spend Christmas with me and my family — something that also took me by surprise.
I was planning to visit her, but this changes everything.
I basically don’t know how to defuse this bomb; it’s obvious she’s coming with expectations.
I know I don’t want to be a stepfather — that part is certain.
Should I be firm and say something like: “If you’re coming, don’t do it for me, or don’t count on me”?
Or should I just let things happen and “take advantage” and enjoy the situation?
This is a cute, sexy girl I dated for two months when she was living in my city. From the beginning, the arrangement was that I couldn’t give her a relationship because of the big elephant in the room: she has two children, which she didn’t mention to me until a month after we met. So I set the limit that we would just go out and have fun.
It’s worth mentioning that her kids didn’t live with her, since she was only studying here for a few months by herself.
Things got complicated when she had to return to her city because of some problems, and she asked me not to leave her alone.
This led us to talk every day and develop feelings for each other.
The relationship was kind of… “in progress,” and in September I decided to ghost her. It was the worst decision not to give her closure, because a few weeks later I felt the need to explain why I had cut off communication — and that’s what brought us here.
Since we started talking again, it seems she is determined not to let me go. She recently quit her job and told me she was looking for another one, but to my surprise, she looked for one in my city — and yesterday she told me she already got it.
I asked her what her motivation was, and she told me it was to try something with me, since long distance made everything difficult. I told her, as kindly as I could, that it was a surprise and that it wasn’t the best timing. At first she seemed to accept that, but later she started saying that she was doing it to move forward in her life and be less dependent on her parents (who take care of her kids and where they would still stay if she came to work here). Obviously, she said that after she realized I didn’t welcome the idea with open arms and tried to persuade her not to.
Yesterday she also mentioned that she wanted to spend Christmas with me and my family — something that also took me by surprise.
I was planning to visit her, but this changes everything.
I basically don’t know how to defuse this bomb; it’s obvious she’s coming with expectations.
I know I don’t want to be a stepfather — that part is certain.
Should I be firm and say something like: “If you’re coming, don’t do it for me, or don’t count on me”?
Or should I just let things happen and “take advantage” and enjoy the situation?
