- Joined
- Sep 13, 2021
- Messages
- 342
Hi,
Story: I met this girl on Tinder, almost 2 years ago, when I was getting better at picking up girls. I was focusing a lot on the experience they were having with me, the sex. I have a motorcycle, so lots of adrenaline, new activities, etc. This girl somehow gave me a lot of attention and was having fun to talk with me, and I also having fun, so we hang out more often. Slowly, I let other girls and focused on her. She was somehow clingy and needed a lot of attention(touches, hugs, kiss after sex). Everything was good until the pandemics came and we spent a lot of time together. Now, I m a guy who needs a lots of space, physicaly and being at home for so many months somehow affected me. After the first lockdown, I falled with my motorcycle, broke my collarbone, fight to not get deppresion, she helped me a lot, was very loyal, but the fights were getting worse. I told her that she should lose some weight. She s a person who somehow needs some validation. On the other hand, I m a confident guy, don't really care about what others care about me, and I don't need validation, so I assumed that she didn t need it also. First month I was very calibrated, feeling her emotions and acted accordingly, but in the last year, we were fighting a lot, even if we cared about eachother. I m not reall exposing my feelings and she told me that she felts unnapreciated, she needed flowers, this kind of affection. I gave her more affection that I could possibly imagine I would do, but somehow it wasn't enough, or just treating her badly(became a control freak, a lot of stress from recovery, not going to office and gym).
Now, what follows seems like a movie, but somehow it s true.
1 breakup. I left because I didn't felt like continuing. All what I was seeing is her getting fat( in reality maybe there were 4-5kg, dunno. The pandemics was harsh.)
2. Second break up, she left because she felt unnapreciated. She left crying.
3 and 4. Almost break up because she was expecting from me to be more careful with her need and emotions. I was, but I was not calibrated enough to see that a relationship requires other things like security and confort. (She suspected me of cheating. Didn't happen, but I was misterious, to say like that. Didn't share a lot of details with here.)
5. Had a holiday at her parents. Last 4 days we fight everyday, there was just tension between us. Somehow her reactions made me angrier, called her out, sometimes I had control freak actions, and so on.
In a night she came at me after she hang out with her colleagues from work. We discussed a subject that they had and that is that men, when cheating, they don't involve emotions, but women do. This was my view(maybe it's wrong, maybe not). We slept separately. Didn talk for a few days, met her, she was cold. I said "you are distant", and she "you always were". And then, after another days of not talking, we finally met and she told me that she can't see a future between us, she doesn't know me, we are different, that I called her fat, she need some therapy for her self image and so on. I said that I dont her to leave and a few things, but I didn't know how to act in that moment. She took her things. After 3-4 days we meet again, told her a few nice things, how I feel, that I want her back, but that was her final decision. After one week invited her on a walk, she said that no, the longer time passes, the more she realizez how toxic the relationship was, which is true.
She updated her Tinder profile(we still have the connection, my mistake for checking), FB and whatsapp profile pic. I felt bad seeing this.
I went on a date with another girl when I saw that, but didn't felt any better, maybe took of my mind of hear.
TL,DR: Girlfriend left a number of times, but now, from the last discussion. She felt unnapreciated and unvalidated. In the first yeah, her behaviour was good, but after the first year(we had 2 years), she started acting bad, we insulted eachother. My frame and my attention to her emotions were affected(Motorcycle acident, lockdown, unable to go to gym). Now I understand my mistakes.
How to approach? I would like to get with her again, but now doing the stuff better. I wanted to go with #1 approach from "How to get your girlfriend back" by Chase, with that email, but I think it will just end things quicker.
Thank you,
Alpha13SC
Story: I met this girl on Tinder, almost 2 years ago, when I was getting better at picking up girls. I was focusing a lot on the experience they were having with me, the sex. I have a motorcycle, so lots of adrenaline, new activities, etc. This girl somehow gave me a lot of attention and was having fun to talk with me, and I also having fun, so we hang out more often. Slowly, I let other girls and focused on her. She was somehow clingy and needed a lot of attention(touches, hugs, kiss after sex). Everything was good until the pandemics came and we spent a lot of time together. Now, I m a guy who needs a lots of space, physicaly and being at home for so many months somehow affected me. After the first lockdown, I falled with my motorcycle, broke my collarbone, fight to not get deppresion, she helped me a lot, was very loyal, but the fights were getting worse. I told her that she should lose some weight. She s a person who somehow needs some validation. On the other hand, I m a confident guy, don't really care about what others care about me, and I don't need validation, so I assumed that she didn t need it also. First month I was very calibrated, feeling her emotions and acted accordingly, but in the last year, we were fighting a lot, even if we cared about eachother. I m not reall exposing my feelings and she told me that she felts unnapreciated, she needed flowers, this kind of affection. I gave her more affection that I could possibly imagine I would do, but somehow it wasn't enough, or just treating her badly(became a control freak, a lot of stress from recovery, not going to office and gym).
Now, what follows seems like a movie, but somehow it s true.
1 breakup. I left because I didn't felt like continuing. All what I was seeing is her getting fat( in reality maybe there were 4-5kg, dunno. The pandemics was harsh.)
2. Second break up, she left because she felt unnapreciated. She left crying.
3 and 4. Almost break up because she was expecting from me to be more careful with her need and emotions. I was, but I was not calibrated enough to see that a relationship requires other things like security and confort. (She suspected me of cheating. Didn't happen, but I was misterious, to say like that. Didn't share a lot of details with here.)
5. Had a holiday at her parents. Last 4 days we fight everyday, there was just tension between us. Somehow her reactions made me angrier, called her out, sometimes I had control freak actions, and so on.
In a night she came at me after she hang out with her colleagues from work. We discussed a subject that they had and that is that men, when cheating, they don't involve emotions, but women do. This was my view(maybe it's wrong, maybe not). We slept separately. Didn talk for a few days, met her, she was cold. I said "you are distant", and she "you always were". And then, after another days of not talking, we finally met and she told me that she can't see a future between us, she doesn't know me, we are different, that I called her fat, she need some therapy for her self image and so on. I said that I dont her to leave and a few things, but I didn't know how to act in that moment. She took her things. After 3-4 days we meet again, told her a few nice things, how I feel, that I want her back, but that was her final decision. After one week invited her on a walk, she said that no, the longer time passes, the more she realizez how toxic the relationship was, which is true.
She updated her Tinder profile(we still have the connection, my mistake for checking), FB and whatsapp profile pic. I felt bad seeing this.
I went on a date with another girl when I saw that, but didn't felt any better, maybe took of my mind of hear.
TL,DR: Girlfriend left a number of times, but now, from the last discussion. She felt unnapreciated and unvalidated. In the first yeah, her behaviour was good, but after the first year(we had 2 years), she started acting bad, we insulted eachother. My frame and my attention to her emotions were affected(Motorcycle acident, lockdown, unable to go to gym). Now I understand my mistakes.
How to approach? I would like to get with her again, but now doing the stuff better. I wanted to go with #1 approach from "How to get your girlfriend back" by Chase, with that email, but I think it will just end things quicker.
Thank you,
Alpha13SC