@Shake&Bake,
The only thing you need to learn how to read are the signals women send.
And you don't even need a ton of those early on either. Really the only three things you need to focus on being able to read as a beginner are:
- I asked her to comply and she complied (green light)
- She is doing things that signal comfort and openness with me (green light)
- She is doing things that signal discomfort / avoidance with me (yellow or red light)
This is all very simple stuff. Are her arms closed and is her torso pointed away from you, her head tilted away from you, she's not smiling and avoiding eye contact, as she creates distance between your and her bodies? She's uncomfortable and trying to get away from you. Unless you know just what to do to open her back up and make her comfortable with you again, you should probably let her go.
Is she facing you, with her arms open, a bright smile on her face, staring at you with her eyes, laughing at your jokes, and compliant when you ask her to comply? She is comfortable and into you, and you should escalate things to the next step.
Is she sort of in between these two things... not pulling away, but not super open or compliant? She's still making her mind up on you, and you should spend some more time with her, talk to her, flirt with her, touch her, get her to invest, and so on, until she makes up her mind.
This does not require you to become a deep psychoanalyst capable of probing the intricacies of each woman's psyche.
You don't have to figure out that Girl A is motivated by fear and greed, and that if you make yourself seem super valuable but also like you might vanish at any time, she will chase after you hard, while Girl B is motivated by friendship and cooperation, and if you make her feel like you and her are two peas in a pod she is going to bind herself to you fast.
You don't have to do any of that.
You can do that later, if you want, once you are advanced and everything else is automatic for you and you want to add a few more edges.
But it's unnecessary.
Just look for little basic signs of comfort vs. discomfort (arms crossed vs. arms open? Face and torso pointed at you vs. face and torso pointed away? Laughing heartily at your jokes vs. not laughing or only politely laughing? Etc.) and ask for compliance.
Get that stuff down and you will already be in the top 10% of most perceptive men when it comes to figuring out where a woman's head is at.
You might not be a super verbal guy. Some guys are very verbal, and that lends itself to excellent verbal game. To a certain extent, your brain wiring determines whether you're more verbal or more physical.
You might also be verbal, but you haven't developed your verbals much yet. You're not good at talking to people, clumsy about what to say and when to say it, hesitant, always think of the right thing 5 minutes after the interaction, etc. That's all very natural stuff and a lot of folks go through it (especially at your age).
Regardless...
You do not have to be perfect.
You have to IMPROVE.
You are not going to get it all at once.
You should look for the biggest good thing you can take from what you see a guy do, and add that to what you're doing.
Then next time, take something else and add that in.
Then next time, something else.
e.g., you see a skilled guy stop a girl on the street by getting close to her, touching her elbow, smiling, and complimenting her on her hair.
So you spend a while doing exactly that: getting close to girls, touching their elbows, smiling, and complimenting them on their hair the same way that guy did.
The first 5-10 times it doesn't go great, but you get more confident about it and smoother.
Then you have a girl respond well to it. Then another girl.
All right, you've figured out a good way to open.
Now what?
Now you watch that guy talk to girls again. And this time you notice how he banters with girls after the opener. He gives them a little tease on something harmless, while holding onto the fingers of the hand of theirs he took when he introduced himself. So you add that into your repertoire.
And then once you have that down, you watch that guy again, find out something else he is doing, and add that in.
Once you have copied the first 2-3 minutes from a skilled guy like this, you will find you are making a lot of consistently good first impressions on women, and this is getting you dates where the girls show up, and all kinds of lengthier, meatier interactions with women.
And you still won't be great at verbal game at that point,
but you will have way, way more chances to practice.
You will also be able to see a clear difference between what you do at the start (stuff you adopted from that guy) and stuff you do later (your own default no-game stuff). You will realize things like "Hmm, at the start, I am a lot closer to her, and touch her a lot more, and smile more, and flirt more. I wonder what happens if I do that on dates, too?" Then you will start to do that on dates and discover your dates get better and better.
It all starts with getting that initial first impression down well enough you are able to actually get some good reactions from women and line up some dates.
If you can make those improvements to the first 2-3 minutes you meet a girl, it gives you a lot more runway with women.
Then you can start rolling the same kinds of changes out to the rest of how you are with women.
Then you can start slowly adding other things you want to add (like screening, deep diving, moving girls around, etc.).
But, for now, just keep it simple: watch some skilled guys, and do what they do (both the verbal and the nonverbal stuff) in the first 2-3 minutes.
The personality will come.
Women help you develop your personality, as you're around them. They will push you and test you and force you to firm yourself up and figure out whom you are and what you stand for.
That won't happen until you're dating women, so before you worry about getting there, focus on just pushing through to get some dates and lays.
Focus on making a good first impression, and ask girls out.
You will get laid on a good first impression alone sometimes.
There will be girls who will come out on the date determined to sleep with you, because they liked your first impression. They will make the date easy for you. Even if you're not an All Star, they are not going to care because you already made their minds up for them with your initial approach.
Get the first impression down.
It's the bottleneck in your game that is preventing you from getting more time with women, and more positive experiences.
@Sub-Zero,
There are two kinds of guys: guys women only want to use for sex, and guys women want for anything else.
I have a pretty good sexual vibe, but women almost never want to use me
only for sex.
Usually they also want to talk to me, hang out with me, etc.
When a woman is inviting you over to her place, she has something in mind already.
Guys women exclusively want to use for sex I've noticed have a lot of luck with these "girl I barely know invites me over to her place" situations. They go over, the girl is already in lingerie, has some candles on, things like that. Pretty soon they're in bed shagging.
If she doesn't want you exclusively for sex, she is not going to be in lingerie with sex on her mind when you get there.
Instead, you will get there, she's in the lead (because she planned the date and invited you over), and she will be somewhat prepared to order you around. "Sit down! Do you want something to drink? Blah blah let me tell you about my day."
So then you can try to frame control it if you want and see if you can flip the frame and get yourself into a leadership position, with her, inside her place, on this date that she planned out. And maybe you can. Or maybe she's not going to react well to that. And you'll be trying to finesse it and figure out a way to make that work without rubbing her the wrong way (after all, she has some plan for why she invited you over, and it may not have been 'SEX!').
I've done enough of these dates that I just have no interest in wasting my time on them.
And yeah, there's always a little paranoia going to a strange woman's place, too. "Why is she inviting me over?" "Is this some kind of trap?"
Never had a bad experience there (nothing like Shake&Bake's) but obviously when you have someone inviting you over and you don't think it's for sex you're going to wonder what exactly it
is for.
Goes back to the article I linked you, dating on your terms.
If you're going to meet a woman,
do it on your terms.
If it's on your terms, you can plan the kind of date you want, on the terms you want, doing the things you want, with the intent you want.
If it's on her terms, who knows what you're going to get. You don't know what she wants until you get there, and you won't find out her plan until she drops it on you. Maybe it's sex... but more likely it might just be hanging out. Could be a friend zone thing. Maybe she wants an orbiter. Maybe she wants to use you to make her boyfriend jealous, like Shake&Bake's Tinder date (or whatever that was about).
Going to a girl's place at the end of the night is entirely different.
Or going to her place when things are going very well between you.
If it's obvious she's reached a point where she wants to (or will be down to) hop into bed with you, and one of you proposes going to hers, perfect.
Very different from when there isn't that mutual understanding, and she is inviting you over anyway.
Then you are doing something on her terms, which is unlikely to involve any kind of penis-in-vagina, unless you are the guy women are always trying to tear clothes off of and haul into bed.
Chase
, what was the trigger?
