Exes Got in touch with ex

BigPapa

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Jan 12, 2020
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601
Maybe this post sounds kinda stupid , but the truth is that I feel this is like an intersection on how I will see women going forward .

basically I was browsing through tinder and at some point I see my ex there ( she was with a nice guy for 6 years after we broke up and even making wedding plans with him ) and sent her a message on social media “ saw you on tinder but swiped left haha “ .

We started talking for a bit and then told her that I have not seen her in ages and would be great to catch up over a coffee sometimes .

her reply was that she will let me know and after like 10 minutes ( did not said anything ) she added that she is going through the motion and there are a lot of things to talk about and she will let me know when she is ready .

I told her to do what she has to do ( I guess she broke up and called off the wedding so I understood that she might be super emotional ) as I am quite busy myself And that we should talk In 2-3 weeks to see how both of us have their schedule , and also added that she should not worry more than necessary as thing will plan out on their own .

now , this is the longest relationship I ever had( 4 years ) and is also the nicest girl ( soul wise ) I ever met . She is quite good looking , but I met better looking girls than her . Every other girl that I met in my mind I was comparing to her , because frankly spending time with her was great , plus she was quite rational and almost drama free . We never had a fight , usually she would just go cold , calm down and come back to me and telling me what she did not like , etc .

we broke up because well , we were quite young ( 23 years old both of us ) and I was super focused on my career and wanted to work a couple of years abroad and she did not wanted this , so thing got colder between us till we broke up officially . Soon after I started my new job in a foreign country

my problem now is this one , I noticed a lot of male attention on her fb ( I guess this are the tinder guys ) and right now I am thinking that what she said about not being able to go out for a coffee with me because she is going through the motions is kinda bullshit . I mean , if you would really go through the motion you would not look for attention on tinder , especially since the guy who she broke up with is a nice guy ( I guess she got bored of him ) , but telling me that you do not want to grab a coffee in the afternoon just yet .

now coming back to my issue , for me a girl that I really considered a model for all the girls in my life , playing this kind of Shit with me kinda fucks up my bubble , and I am just scared that after this I will just start seeing things very transactional and like a machine when dealing with women , and to be frank this kinda scares me :)

i also want to mention that we stayed in touch , like wishing each other happy birthday ( even though I Hidden my birthday , so she remembered it ) and some small talk after . So it is not like we did not stayed in touch for the last 6 years .

what would you guys do instead of me ?

1 . would game her and burst the bubble and then feeling that all hope in finding love is gone ?

2.Just would not do anything and preserve the the hope You still have , even though this means that most likely you will not see her ever again .

I am quite between this 2 options myself , but in the same time I do not see things objectively and this is why it would be great a couple of independent thoughts :)
 
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BigPapa

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
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Messages
601
Yeah it is a good one @Fuck This but I do not see how this can help me in the case described above :)
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Jul 24, 2015
Messages
1,663
Where would she rank in your life if she wanted to be a part of your life?

FB/FWB?
MLTR? One of many women you date?
Exclusive LTR?

All you can do is leave the door open and she might bite. IF you want her back... That is a big if...

As with any other situation where you fixate on one woman...."If I had another woman in my life/bed would I even care?"

The best time to ponder other women is just after you ejaculate with one in your arms.... then you are true to yourself...
 

BigPapa

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 12, 2020
Messages
601
I would put her in the fb slot like any other woman at the beginning and let things progress naturally :)

my problem is not about getting her back , my problem is if she changed and became this vanilla woman that you see and deal in most occasions :)

Right now I just think that she was the best girl that I had a relationship with and basically I compare all women with her and see where they stand . If I would realize now that she is not as amazing as I remember her it would be a big disappointment for me , as more or less the whole ambition for me till now was to find someone better than her :)
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Jul 24, 2015
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BP when you get to a point that the RIGHT women or a woman actually compliments the life you enjoy living instead of being the focus or a missing piece of it. It gets much easier to evaluate women you meet. I remember that moment when I was not happy in my relationship, I found happiness in other aspects of my life. Then when a woman that complimented it came a long I said "WOW! what a difference!"

I've been fortunate that I have not looked back and said any ex was the "one who got away". But instead I see how I have grown since then and know the next one will be better, because they have so far. The comfort in that has made me feel better in my current relationship with the realization. " Hey I've improved with every one of my relationships and learned something about women and myself each time. The next time will be the same...."
 

BigPapa

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 12, 2020
Messages
601
Well I guess that I did not find that many women that complemented my life till now .

you know the saying , some people are calm , while others calm you down even though they are not calm themselves :)
 
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