Break Ups Got suddenly dumped by an one year LTR girl with depression

[Atlas IV]

i do agree with this. i’m very emotionally abusive with girls. pick fights with them over text. threat to break up with them. etc the whole nine yards. which comes naturally to me after years of studying YaReally’s advice on relationship game. why i have no issue with the girl being LSE or HSE. why i laugh at giving this girl commitment would make her dump him.

That's interesting.

I inadvertently discovered this for myself recently with my current main, who I honestly treated like shit because I had a bunch of other girls on the go.

I was very into her, then ghosted her for a while, then came back again, stood her up, disappeared for 3 days, came back again, repaired things and banged her silly.

She's 20 and low body count (never really had good sex before meeting me).

I've never had a girl more in love with me. She will literally clear her schedule to see me any time I want - cancel plans with friends, skip work, etc. I message her when I feel like it, and she always responds immediately.

I did the same thing with another girl who is now my second main. Similar result. She's skipping work early today to meet me.

It's a little scary tbh. With power comes responsibility, and I don't want to be manipulative sociopath, but I can't deny that wielding emotions like this puts me in a position of power that I've never had before. Young girls especially are very easy to control in this way.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Ye but him over investing in her actually lowered her attraction

@Teevster has a point. There's more to the story than he didn't escalate the relationship. He was also doing things within the relationship to lower her attraction

Deadly combination and it makes more sense why she dumped him the way she did

He was chasing for a lot of the relationship while at the same time keeping it in limbo

I don't really see how I was chasing, especially "a lot" - the only possible chasing really was near the end when I asked about ticket extensions and after she tried to break it up...

 

[HeartOfChaos]

from what i understand. he liked that she was compatible with him personality wise (both introverts) and that she was physically attractive. because she had these two traits that he valued, he was willing to ignore the fact that she’s a lazy piece of shit. because he thought he could fix that. have to screen for that. then you won’t be so hesitant on making that girl your girlfriend

I thought she is lazy as a result of chronic depression, not as a distinct issue.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

So, she's now gone away for a month, and logistically because of my schedule I would not be able to see her anyway till mid September ish anyway.

So, thinking ahead: operating under assumption that I am still interested in September (or anytime later), is it worth me messaging her first a text then to see how she is and probing if it's worth another shot, or make absolutely no effort to contact her unless she contacts me first? Keeping in mind she is passive and doesn't usually initiate first contact that often.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

I actually have a decent excuse to contact her, as ages ago I gave her my spare yoga mat and she offered me to take it back when she broke up with me, but I left it at hers.

Also she paid my Uber fair on the night of break up (my phone app was screwed and I couldn’t use it) ,I told her immediately to give her account details for me to pay her back, and even reminded her of this in text the following day, she said sure but she never actually got back with the account info.

 

[Mensa Reject]

Hi @HeartOfChaos sorry you are going through this.

Let me offer you a different (female) perspective. Whilst I was born and bred in the West, I come from a conservative background (whilst not Turkish myself I know such cultures well).

I don't think you are getting the full story from the girl here but not as a result of any malice on her part.

- most girls, even from non conservative backgrounds have some sort of 'timeline' in their minds (marriage, kids, house by X age). Of course life invariably works out how we want but given her age, I wonder whether she wanted to settle down and couple that with her culture and pressure from her parents ("you're turning 30 in two years, you should be married, when I was your age I had X kids")

- regardless of how western and liberal a girl or her family is, religious/cultural programming is still big, hence why her mum was not happy about the yoga activity. There is the element of thinking in her head, is this guy for me long term (if she wants marriage and kids etc) and if you aren't compatible re beliefs/religion wise then that's a big black mark against your name (e.g. we are different religions/he is not Christian/Muslim etc so I can't be with him long term). Perhaps that's why she said to you what apps are you on etc/was not sure if you were exclusive/said you could do better/she is worthless - is that all a cover for the real reason which is ultimately deep incompatibility for a LTR?

- the above can tie in with what your friends say about a guy, e.g if he's not serious/you don't want to marry him, why are you with him etc. Signs a guy is serious about you (from a female perspective) - he tells you he wants to be exclusive (I know that goes against guy game here which is for the girl to push for exclusivity), he meets your friends, wants to meet your family (don't know if you asked for this) and vice versa, essentially he invests in you by taking ACTION and by the same token she invests in you (ain't nobody got time for playing games - we aren't in school anymore, both parties invest to move the relationship forward in a healthy manner - relationship game is a different skill set to pick up). Note however if she didn't see a long term future with you, she may actively not allow you to do some of these things (like meet family).

- even putting the above aside, why would anyone (girl or guy) want to be with someone who has low self esteem. Ultimately it comes down to self respect, do you respect yourself to not put up with this. Like attracts like. Life does not stop over 1 guy or 1 girl - there's plenty of people out there that could be a better fit. So why would you even try to get back together with her? If I was her friend I would be advising her to cut contact and move on and work on herself and her insecurities/issues and become better - which is the same thing I would say to a guy friend if he was in this situation.

This is all to say that I think you are trying to win a losing battle here - she's made up her her mind.

 

[Skills]

I actually have a decent excuse to contact her, as ages ago I gave her my spare yoga mat and she offered me to take it back when she broke up with me, but I left it at hers.

Also she paid my Uber fair on the night of break up (my phone app was screwed and I couldn’t use it) ,I told her immediately to give her account details for me to pay her back, and even reminded her of this in text the following day, she said sure but she never actually got back with the account info.

Brah! No contact the excuse to contact is still contact... Chasing u don't get it

 

[Skills]

Hi @HeartOfChaos sorry you are going through this.

Let me offer you a different (female) perspective. Whilst I was born and bred in the West, I come from a conservative background (whilst not Turkish myself I know such cultures well).

I don't think you are getting the full story from the girl here but not as a result of any malice on her part.

- most girls, even from non conservative backgrounds have some sort of 'timeline' in their minds (marriage, kids, house by X age). Of course life invariably works out how we want but given her age, I wonder whether she wanted to settle down and couple that with her culture and pressure from her parents ("you're turning 30 in two years, you should be married, when I was your age I had X kids")

- regardless of how western and liberal a girl or her family is, religious/cultural programming is still big, hence why her mum was not happy about the yoga activity. There is the element of thinking in her head, is this guy for me long term (if she wants marriage and kids etc) and if you aren't compatible re beliefs/religion wise then that's a big black mark against your name (e.g. we are different religions/he is not Christian/Muslim etc so I can't be with him long term). Perhaps that's why she said to you what apps are you on etc/was not sure if you were exclusive/said you could do better/she is worthless - is that all a cover for the real reason which is ultimately deep incompatibility for a LTR?

- the above can tie in with what your friends say about a guy, e.g if he's not serious/you don't want to marry him, why are you with him etc. Signs a guy is serious about you (from a female perspective) - he tells you he wants to be exclusive (I know that goes against guy game here which is for the girl to push for exclusivity), he meets your friends, wants to meet your family (don't know if you asked for this) and vice versa, essentially he invests in you by taking ACTION and by the same token she invests in you (ain't nobody got time for playing games - we aren't in school anymore, both parties invest to move the relationship forward in a healthy manner - relationship game is a different skill set to pick up). Note however if she didn't see a long term future with you, she may actively not allow you to do some of these things (like meet family).

- even putting the above aside, why would anyone (girl or guy) want to be with someone who has low self esteem. Ultimately it comes down to self respect, do you respect yourself to not put up with this. Like attracts like. Life does not stop over 1 guy or 1 girl - there's plenty of people out there that could be a better fit. So why would you even try to get back together with her? If I was her friend I would be advising her to cut contact and move on and work on herself and her insecurities/issues and become better - which is the same thing I would say to a guy friend if he was in this situation.

This is all to say that I think you are trying to win a losing battle here - she's made up her her mind.

Good point about the religion... But again women will ignore all red flags and issues and backwards rationalize stuff... This only gets re surface during check in out stage

 

[KJ Francis]

That's interesting.

I inadvertently discovered this for myself recently with my current main, who I honestly treated like shit because I had a bunch of other girls on the go.

I was very into her, then ghosted her for a while, then came back again, stood her up, disappeared for 3 days, came back again, repaired things and banged her silly.

She's 20 and low body count (never really had good sex before meeting me).

I've never had a girl more in love with me. She will literally clear her schedule to see me any time I want - cancel plans with friends, skip work, etc. I message her when I feel like it, and she always responds immediately.

I did the same thing with another girl who is now my second main. Similar result. She's skipping work early today to meet me.

It's a little scary tbh. With power comes responsibility, and I don't want to be manipulative sociopath, but I can't deny that wielding emotions like this puts me in a position of power that I've never had before. Young girls especially are very easy to control in this way.

I have a good amount of experience with this too, but not treating them like shit besides the hardcore ignoring. My theory has always been that it is basically just preselection. In the sexual marketplace if you are not hung up on her at all and barely care if she will stay or go, then that implies to her you have better options than her. So she chases.

If you are upfront about the player lifestyle, I think it's kind of like if she was fucking some rock star on tour only when he swings into town. He's purely in the lover category and she will jump at the chance whenever he's back around. I think there's an old article on r-selection and k-selection or something like that. Purely just a source of good genes.

This is separate from the picking fights and starting drama. I've done a bit of that too, but not in hateful ways. I'm just difficult sometimes. But then there are also girls with pasts involving actual physical abuse from drug dealer boyfriends and such. This is where it gets dark. In my experience these girls are often into kinky impact play (paddles, whips, etc.)

***

Here's more Franco on the other LSE quadrant - the High Drive girls:

LSE HD women will need you to be extremely dominant sometimes
at the point of being close to abuse them

In this method you will do nothing to put her down.
This will screen out the adventuresses of the LSE type early
on. They mistake very often an abusive guy for being a self-
confident guy and without a certain amount of "abuse" from
your your part they will not be interested in you.
It will also screen out the adventuresses with a good self-
esteem because they will find you boring and tell you they
just want to be friends.

On the other hand, the LSE woman has a low degree of ba-
sic trust. She may view herself as worthless, bad, and/or not
useful to herself or anyone else. Unfortunately, many LSE. wo-
men believe that they deserve to be abused by men, and may in
fact consciously or unconsciously goad men into abusive acts
against them, which only serve to reinforce their self-image.
It is important to note that our division between HSE and LSE
describes end-member behavior along a spectrum. Most wo-
men have both HSE and LSE characteristics, and can display
either or both, depending on the context of interaction that they
find themselves in.

Remember this: how a woman reacts to abuse is crucial in-
formation that will help you to determine where she is on the
LSE/HSE spectrum. Therefore, when you find out the history
of her former relationships, what you especially need to look
for is, 'has she been psychologically and/ or physically abused,
in a repetitive fashion, by her former male partners?'

LSE women who have
deep damage to their self-esteem will also test you for abuse. It
is very sad to say, but some LSE women will consider a man
as a high-value prospect if he demonstrates the capability for
abusing them.

Please note that under no circumstances do we advocate any
kind of abuse in the context of a romantic relationship. The
LSE Threshold Test is, however, an elegant mechanism for you
to determine a woman's level of self-esteem when you first be-
gin interacting with her. The test does not necessarily need to
be run for very long or more than once.

"My former boyfriend was aggressive and he abused me."
Translation: "I will be horny for you and appreciate you only if
you will abuse me in the relationship.

You do not want to be this woman's husband or boyfriend, but
you can be her Lover so long as you do not share keys to a
home with her. This is the kind of woman who often has been
verbally or physically abused by several former boyfriends or
husbands. With a mere superficial observation she may seem
to be the victim, but what happens in real life is that she will
tend to test men for the most primitive and low-level Alpha
qualities: skills for violence and abuse. Her extremely strong
sexual drive is paired with a total lack of control over her emo-
tionality and actions. This is obviously a dangerous woman.
Among this group you can find a lot of man-haters, but more
often in this group there are a lot of psychologically-disturbed
women with a lot of self-destructive tendencies. Here, a strong
sexual drive is linked to a feeling of being worthless as human
being

Carryl P. Navalta, Ann Polcari, Danielle M. Webster, Ani
Boghassian, and Martin H. Teicher. Effects of childhood
sexual abuse on neuropsychological and cognitive func-
tion in college women. J Neuropsychiatry Clin Neurosci,
18:45-53, February 2006.

G. Sanders and L. Roos-Field. Neuropsychological de-
velopment of cognitive abilities: a new research strategy
and some preliminary evidence for a sexual orientation
model. Int JNeurosci, 36(1-2):1-16, September 1987. Bas-
ing on this study childhood sexual abuse causes cognitive
impairment (LSE theory)


I know it is a bit of a derail, but being conscious of LSE is what can save the guys without relationship skills from actually ruining their lives.

 

[KJ Francis]

This is what a serious case of LSE can look like. I have removed many begging texts in between. All of it went on without replies.

I really really want your cock inside me Master. My pussy is so wet and my clit is throbbing. And I just want to play with it so bad. Will you grant your horny slave her wish and come fuck her hard?
Master I really would like to hear from you. Could you get back to me please?
I have to ask...do you still want to see me?
I really would like to know. I feel like I'm just wasting my time texting you.
Master I'd really appreciate it if you would get back to me please
I really just want your cock inside me so bad. My pussy is just throbbing right now. I'm hoping you still want to come and fuck me. Please let me know
I'd really like to hear from you Master. Could you get back to me please?
I'm just so horny right now. I want to get fucked more than anything. I just want to spread my legs and have you take me hard
Do you still want your slave Master? I'd really like to know
Like, if you want me to stop texting you just tell me and I will
Master I just want your cock so so bad. Would you make plans to come fuck your slave?
But to tell you the truth, I really don't know if you still want me around or not.
Look, I'm sorry. It's just when you haven't answered my texts in awhile I start to think you're just not interested anymore. Is that what's going on?
Master I just really want you to come by and fuck me. I'm so very very horny and a good fuck would do me a world of good right now. I just want you to get me on my knees, put your cock inside me and fuck me hard.
Master you need to know that I really and truly want is your cock inside me. Nothing more. I don't need to know about your life or to be my security blanket. I'm actually pretty ok being single and I don't really need a man for anything but sex. I know that's pretty blunt but I learned how to take care of myself a long time ago. And the things I'm unhappy with I'm working to fix but I don't need your help. I just have a high sex drive and think about your cock a lot. Mainly because it's the only one I have access to but I do really like it. Anyway that's really all I have to say and I hope it helps.
And I hope it's ok I told you all that. It's just sometimes I feel like you think I want more from you than I do. Because I don't really want anything from you but to enjoy good sex. Your cock just feels really good and I enjoy sucking it and having it inside me. A lot.
The only other thing I want from you is for you to be upfront with me and tell me if you don't want to hear from me anymore.
I really do wish you'd let me know. I feel like I'm texting some guy who just doesn't care to hear from me
Look I'd really like to hear from you please Master
Ok I get it. You don't care if you see me or not. I just wish you'd do me the courtesy of returning one of my texts. I really hate just being ignored.
And while I might not seem like so much to you, I'm actually pretty great. I can guarantee you will never meet someone else like me ever.
I do get that you don't want to see me anymore but I really wish you wouldn't disappear on me
Ok I lost my temper. I just don't like feeling ignored. Anyway I still want your cock very badly and hopefully you still want to make it available to me
Master I swear to you that all I want from you is for you to come fuck me and perhaps tell me I did a good job pleasing my Master. I don't need conversation or companionship, I just really need a cock inside me
Also I promise you that I don't ever plan to try and get something from you other than the pleasure of your cock. You know I learned not to ask questions and to be honest, I don't really care that much. I just want your cock inside me.

Be careful out there,

-KJ

 

[Skills]

I have a good amount of experience with this too, but not treating them like shit besides the hardcore ignoring. My theory has always been that it is basically just preselection. In the sexual marketplace if you are not hung up on her at all and barely care if she will stay or go, then that implies to her you have better options than her. So she chases.

If you are upfront about the player lifestyle, I think it's kind of like if she was fucking some rock star on tour only when he swings into town. He's purely in the lover category and she will jump at the chance whenever he's back around. I think there's an old article on r-selection and k-selection or something like that. Purely just a source of good genes.

This is separate from the picking fights and starting drama. I've done a bit of that too, but not in hateful ways. I'm just difficult sometimes. But then there are also girls with pasts involving actual physical abuse from drug dealer boyfriends and such. This is where it gets dark. In my experience these girls are often into kinky impact play (paddles, whips, etc.)

***

Here's more Franco on the other LSE quadrant - the High Drive girls:









Carryl P. Navalta, Ann Polcari, Danielle M. Webster, Ani
Boghassian, and Martin H. Teicher. Effects of childhood
sexual abuse on neuropsychological and cognitive func-
tion in college women. J Neuropsychiatry Clin Neurosci,
18:45-53, February 2006.

G. Sanders and L. Roos-Field. Neuropsychological de-
velopment of cognitive abilities: a new research strategy
and some preliminary evidence for a sexual orientation
model. Int JNeurosci, 36(1-2):1-16, September 1987. Bas-
ing on this study childhood sexual abuse causes cognitive
impairment (LSE theory)


I know it is a bit of a derail, but being conscious of LSE is what can save the guys without relationship skills from actually ruining their lives.

Good luck doing this when she reaches breaking point...

 

[Skills]

This is what a serious case of LSE can look like. I have removed many begging texts in between. All of it went on without replies.



Be careful out there,

-KJ

You can do that with women that are not lse at all... Is a kink role play
.. nothing to do with lse

 

[Mensa Reject]

Some girls are socially slow, especially Gen Z

You have walk them through something's because they totally clueless. I mean we have even had 2 women join the forum lately that have no idea how to attract or even keep a man

Mate...

Millennial here so pretty socially savvy

Attract a man - Slim (size 6 to 8 UK), have boobs, have a toned bum, wear clothes that flatter your figure (i.e. dress and look sexy, accentuate curves), have smooth clear skin all over, show skin, long luscious hair, pretty face, natural make up, good hygiene, smell good. What have I missed?

And come on, it's not really about attracting a man is it. I don't operate on the basis that any man will do and I don't know many girls that do - the ones that have EQ anyway (female game has to be more discerning).

 

[TomInHo]

Mate...

Millennial here so pretty socially savvy

Attract a man - Slim (size 6 to 8 UK), have boobs, have a toned bum, wear clothes that flatter your figure (i.e. dress and look sexy, accentuate curves), have smooth clear skin all over, show skin, long luscious hair, pretty face, natural make up, good hygiene, smell good. What have I missed?

And come on, it's not really about attracting a man is it. I don't operate on the basis that any man will do and I don't know many girls that do - the ones that have EQ anyway (female game has to be more discerning).

Cool story

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Hi @HeartOfChaos sorry you are going through this.

Let me offer you a different (female) perspective. Whilst I was born and bred in the West, I come from a conservative background (whilst not Turkish myself I know such cultures well).

I don't think you are getting the full story from the girl here but not as a result of any malice on her part.

- most girls, even from non conservative backgrounds have some sort of 'timeline' in their minds (marriage, kids, house by X age). Of course life invariably works out how we want but given her age, I wonder whether she wanted to settle down and couple that with her culture and pressure from her parents ("you're turning 30 in two years, you should be married, when I was your age I had X kids")

- regardless of how western and liberal a girl or her family is, religious/cultural programming is still big, hence why her mum was not happy about the yoga activity. There is the element of thinking in her head, is this guy for me long term (if she wants marriage and kids etc) and if you aren't compatible re beliefs/religion wise then that's a big black mark against your name (e.g. we are different religions/he is not Christian/Muslim etc so I can't be with him long term). Perhaps that's why she said to you what apps are you on etc/was not sure if you were exclusive/said you could do better/she is worthless - is that all a cover for the real reason which is ultimately deep incompatibility for a LTR?

- the above can tie in with what your friends say about a guy, e.g if he's not serious/you don't want to marry him, why are you with him etc. Signs a guy is serious about you (from a female perspective) - he tells you he wants to be exclusive (I know that goes against guy game here which is for the girl to push for exclusivity), he meets your friends, wants to meet your family (don't know if you asked for this) and vice versa, essentially he invests in you by taking ACTION and by the same token she invests in you (ain't nobody got time for playing games - we aren't in school anymore, both parties invest to move the relationship forward in a healthy manner - relationship game is a different skill set to pick up). Note however if she didn't see a long term future with you, she may actively not allow you to do some of these things (like meet family).

- even putting the above aside, why would anyone (girl or guy) want to be with someone who has low self esteem. Ultimately it comes down to self respect, do you respect yourself to not put up with this. Like attracts like. Life does not stop over 1 guy or 1 girl - there's plenty of people out there that could be a better fit. So why would you even try to get back together with her? If I was her friend I would be advising her to cut contact and move on and work on herself and her insecurities/issues and become better - which is the same thing I would say to a guy friend if he was in this situation.

This is all to say that I think you are trying to win a losing battle here - she's made up her her mind.

I am aware of all this, especially peer pressure from cultural programming - hence I emphasised traditional culture point...It's obvious.

It's not clear to me where she stand regarding religion. She is technically muslim (Turkey) but family not religious, and she expressed she'd be interested in converting to Christianity because of all the negative things about Islam etc in the media. She really doesn't like that conservative "backward" nature of Islam as she put it and doesn't want to be "associated" with it. She looks very European - and as she put it herself, "I am very glad I don't look Turkish / middle eastern....urrgh"

Where as for me, I am a Christian officially, but also have a bit of Jewish ancestry. So I sorta follow Christianity with a dash of Judaism, and I am also into Buddhism...I am pretty spiritual guy, I read the bible, Buddhist mantras, learning a bit of Hebrew, I might emigrate to Israel sometime in future, she knows this, I even expressed to her that I may wish to take her to Israel with me if it comes to that...

I talked to her about various things and stories, send quotes to her from the Bible sometimes. She was sorta curious. I made it clear to her I believe in God. But organised religion is not even so important to me - what's more important to me is deep belief in God... However, having said that to her, she replied "Well, I am not sure if I believe in any God...given the amount of mental struggles I had, if God existed he would have helped me by now...". It was sorta obvious that she was disappointed a bit when I said that it would be important for me that my children believe in God and are of strong faith. But then again, she seems to be a bit unsure of herself and ambivalent (like me I guess). This was the nature of my discussions with her on Valentine's day while drinking wine (LOL)

Her mother is aware of my background, and as far as I know she is ok with it... Or at least the girl didn't say report anything negative regarding mum's opinion of me.

About your "like attracts like" phrase - well, I also have some self esteem issues, my personality is contradictory: sometimes positive, energetic and happy, but often melancholic, daydreaming, dwelling on the past...

To sum up: in my view, it's a bit vague regarding compatibility... Yes and no...Like the whole affair with her and direction was vague.

I was more approaching it with the viewpoint "ok, she is far from perfect, but she is young, follows my lead, I will help her grow and evolve more to my preference"

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Brah! No contact the excuse to contact is still contact... Chasing u don't get it

Ok, I got it... One concern here is that her time in this country may be limited: she on a temp visa, if she doesn't get a job above a certain salary threshold (unlikely at the moment given her struggles) within one and a half years max, looks like she will be forced outta here...

 

[Skills]

Ok, I got it... One concern here is that her time in this country may be limited: she on a temp visa, if she doesn't get a job above a certain salary threshold (unlikely at the moment given her struggles) within one and a half years max, looks like she will be forced outta here...

this guy i don't think is a seducer, but he understand the concept, so you can get the psychology of it:

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Oh by the way (to Mensa Reject): on your point about deep incompatibility for a LTR:

Actually, the girl did try to question exactly this, but not from the perspective of culture or background, but rather interests and passions in life. And she questioned it more than once, many months ago. It would go something like this:

-"Do you try to meet girls when you go out on your own?"
-"No, why would I. I am with you...."
-"But do you really think we are truly compatible? You are better educated... you are smart, I am dumb... I like dumb shit like stupid tik tok videos...I am not doing anything productive with my life..."

 

[HeartOfChaos]

this guy i don't think is a seducer, but he understand the concept, so you can get the psychology of it:

Ok. This video when he talks about rejection triggered my memory about her - regarding what many guys here found strange - her low self esteem and being a virgin at 27.

This girl (to best of my knowledge) never really rejected anyone herself because she was not really often approached before, especially when she was younger. She said to me "I was ignored by guys all throughout high school. This ruined my confidence and self esteem...Why hasn't anyone approached me? I wanted a boyfriend...I wanted to experience sex...I then completely shut off and became a hermit..."

I can only assume it was because of her severe acne issues and spectacles back then(looking at her pics at the ages 13-17 ish, she was really like an ugly duckling in the famous story), and I think because she was already developing symptoms of social anxiety and depression back then, which acne worsened.

She had her first kiss at 26 when she came to UK.

To be honest, I really felt sorry for her hearing all these stories and her depression. This is actually what was getting me really emotionally invested and attached to her. I wanted to make her feel better and somehow grow together.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

this guy i don't think is a seducer, but he understand the concept, so you can get the psychology of it:

Skills, yes, you were totally right from beginning. I think you were first to respond to my thread and immediately picked up that I screwed up.

I had a look at my previous messages with the girl (there are so many). Yeah, I fucked up, it is so obvious. Back in May, when she made the first attempt and we were on shaky grounds for several days, in her messages she explicitly said stuff like:

- "tried telling you that I don't know about our situation",
- "I told you about all the things that make me feel weird"

So yeah. It was building for quite some time before July. And this realisation makes me feel like shit. It makes me feel like shit because internally I wanted to do many of those things that she was alluding to, that I did not do. I was just afraid of taking a step into the unknown territory. I've never been in that stage with a woman before when I was seriously considering her for a long term prospect, maybe marriage even. The only / main thing I can say in my defense is that I did not have enough time to mitigate things in recent weeks, as she was not back here for long.

A part of me just wants to reach out to her and say "look, I know I fucked up before and I did not pay enough attention to what you were saying....Let's just start take a break and start gently on a clean page."

But what't the use, given that I already messaged a week ago to her saying I want to give it "another chance", and she is like "can't do it, I am sorry", then wrote her the postcard saying I know I made mistake, etc. And I understand that not contacting her, at least for a while is the best chance I have.