Has anyone's parents ever found out about you gaming / seducing ?

[Yaxir]

I expressed my desire to NOT get married in my early thirties ( i am in my late twenties ) ,

because i did not want to be tied to a woman at such a prime age ( early thirties is a good peak for men imo )

and my mom freaked out and things turned somewhat ugly

just wanted to know if any similar stuff happened to anyone else ( maybe your parents found out about your dating / seduction adventures )

and how did you handle it ?

would appreciate your perspective on this !

P.S : in case you don't know, I'm from Pakistan and the society there is pretty tight about open/casual relationships - the way of living is also quite family-centric , so we don't move out after we turn 18 and parents normally live with their kids. Its a pretty tight knit society here

 

[DarkKnight]

Hey Yaxir, been some time. Just don't share these things overtly, do whatever you want covertly.. and yeah they are probably pushing you to get married early to get grandchildren... unless you move out you will get this pressure.

 

[Yaxir]

Hey Yaxir, been some time. Just don't share these things overtly, do whatever you want covertly.. and yeah they are probably pushing you to get married early to get grandchildren... unless you move out you will get this pressure.

Hi Buddy !

been a while, i was so busy with life i couldn't frequent these forums - finally have some time again, i will be hanging out here to catch up !

i guess yeah - that's the entire premise ( get a family / kids asap )

and i did experience more freedom from home when i was living in Istanbul - agreed that i wasn't ideal but i didn't have any limitations on who to view as a potential mate and who not to

not saying i'm going to be a reckless man when it comes to families, but i never had the chance to enjoy dating / casual sex before because i was pushed to become something in life

now when i might be nearing the prime years of my life, i don't want to commit to a single woman

you're right buddy, i'm no longer going to say anything about wanting to 'meet' more women or 'getting a coffee with a girl i like' , with my immediate family

its way too sensitive a topic for them and they will continue to freak out

i will just apologize to my mom and make my truce and peace with - i love her and don't want to hurt her in any way

but i also want to experience some of life's pleasures, henceforth i will keep my dating / sex life just to myself


thank you for your insightful response @DarkKnight

 

[Regal Tiger]

I've had similar experiences, but I'll stick to the dating side and dealing with that

First; if you're dependent on your family in any way, keep your mouth shut. You will stir up a shit storm and your frame will falter if you are dependent on the people you are risking to offend

Number 1 piece of advice right there


Now for my actual experiences. My mom and grandma in particular cannot fathom why I want to leave the country so badly. And as time gets closer to me leaving they have more and more to say. At first I would say my piece and just kind of ignore them because I was trying to figure out what they were talking about.

But then I finally figured out what was happening and what was really bothering me

My grandma seems to actually try to understand and want the best for me. But she doesn't, too big of a generational gap. So she just doesn't talk about it. I kept my frame, I've said my piece and she respects it even though she doesn't understand it

My mother however.... well it crystalized for me one day when we were talking about it. I said some of the usual stuff but finally got mad and blunt with "the women here nowadays are trash which is like 30% of the reason I want to move". And she responded with "well the men here aren't that great either!"

Which pissed me off but all I could ask was "and how does but of information help your straight son who doesn't date men? It's like you don't actually care about my happiness but only your own"

She tried to argue but from then on my go to tactic has been don't bring it up or I'm leaving/ending the conversation. She tried to bring it up on the phone one day, told her the same thing and then hung up on her when she wouldn't listen

She doesn't talk about it anymore


Not sure how helpful that is for you but those are my personal experiences that I can share that is somewhat related


TLDR:
Get your freedom, set your boundaries and then enforce those boundaries. Which is pretty typical advice for most things honestly

 

[Chase]

@Regal Tiger,

Not to derail, but your mother doesn't want you to go because she wants you to be around. She's already lost one child. Now another is running away.

If you are looking for a girl abroad, there is a fair chance you may not be coming back, which would mean she doesn't get to help raise her grandbabies. Despite whatever modern claptrap about life after becoming an empty-nester and whatnot, the post-menopausal female drive is overwhelmingly to be around family and aid in the rearing of subsequent generations. Not being able to do that can be something of an existential crisis for an older woman.

For you, you are looking forward to freedom, your great escape, a new beginning. For her, she is looking at loss: this child she loves, whose life she wants to be a part of, is leaving, going far beyond her grasp.

Have more sympathy for your mother. That doesn't mean stay, but try to understand what it feels like for her, watching her child prepare to go far away, for an indefinite (perhaps permanent) time.

She might not always be expressing it in the most productive way. But she's saying what she is because she wants to be with you and be a part of your life.


Back to @Yaxir-

I haven't been in precisely that situation, but I suspect the better route will be to simply tell your family you want to be careful and make the right choice. Stress that marriage is a lifelong commitment. Stress that you have seen many people in terrible marriages, and also some in wonderful ones, and that you want to take care to make the correct choice.

Assuming you do intend to marry and have children, you can also just reassure them: "Don't worry, I am definitely marrying. I'm going to give you like 14 grandchildren, don't worry. I may not be as fast as you want, but you will get it. And with an absolutely AMAZING girl when I do decide."

They don't care about the dating or the process -- they just want to know about the results. When are they getting a bride on your arm? And then when after that grandchildren? Grandkid #1... then #2... then #3? More?

Any conversation should just be about pacing their expectations and letting them know they have no reason to be worried, that you want the same thing they do, just on a slightly different timescale, assuming that is the case.

Chase

 

[DarkKnight]

the post-menopausal female drive is overwhelmingly to be around family and aid in the rearing of subsequent generations.

What about when they dont have kids?

Have more sympathy for your mother. That doesn't mean stay, but try to understand what it feels like for her, watching her child prepare to go far away, for an indefinite (perhaps permanent) time.

Chase I have always valued your balanced advice instead of typical Pua advice.

 

[Will_V]

What about when they dont have kids?

Cats.

 

[Skills]

I expressed my desire to NOT get married in my early thirties ( i am in my late twenties ) ,

because i did not want to be tied to a woman at such a prime age ( early thirties is a good peak for men imo )

and my mom freaked out and things turned somewhat ugly

just wanted to know if any similar stuff happened to anyone else ( maybe your parents found out about your dating / seduction adventures )

and how did you handle it ?

would appreciate your perspective on this !

P.S : in case you don't know, I'm from Pakistan and the society there is pretty tight about open/casual relationships - the way of living is also quite family-centric , so we don't move out after we turn 18 and parents normally live with their kids. Its a pretty tight knit society here

Yeah i felt the pressure for years, my parents wanted me to have kids and all that...... They indirectly or directly ask, then they get tired, and actuallly go into your frame,,.... the family started to actually enjoy my lifestyle indirectly.... Making bets every thanksgiving on "i bet he will bring a new girl" .... It is helpful to have brothers and sister that satisfied the grandapa/grandma itch, once they have one, and they are stuck baby sitting... they get it!

 

[TomInHo]

I expressed my desire to NOT get married in my early thirties ( i am in my late twenties ) ,

because i did not want to be tied to a woman at such a prime age ( early thirties is a good peak for men imo )

and my mom freaked out and things turned somewhat ugly

just wanted to know if any similar stuff happened to anyone else ( maybe your parents found out about your dating / seduction adventures )

and how did you handle it ?

would appreciate your perspective on this !

P.S : in case you don't know, I'm from Pakistan and the society there is pretty tight about open/casual relationships - the way of living is also quite family-centric , so we don't move out after we turn 18 and parents normally live with their kids. Its a pretty tight knit society here

Yeah I had my family bugging me for a while about marriage and all that other nonsense. I just told them to fuck off... politely of course

I mean if you think about it, you're a grown adult and they really can't force you to do anything. On my family's side they used to shame me for my lifestyle but now they've all accepted it and makes jokes about it... "oh that's Tominho being Tominho again.. anyways what's for dinner?

 

[Regal Tiger]

@Regal Tiger,

Not to derail, but your mother doesn't want you to go because she wants you to be around. She's already lost one child. Now another is running away.

If you are looking for a girl abroad, there is a fair chance you may not be coming back, which would mean she doesn't get to help raise her grandbabies. Despite whatever modern claptrap about life after becoming an empty-nester and whatnot, the post-menopausal female drive is overwhelmingly to be around family and aid in the rearing of subsequent generations. Not being able to do that can be something of an existential crisis for an older woman.

For you, you are looking forward to freedom, your great escape, a new beginning. For her, she is looking at loss: this child she loves, whose life she wants to be a part of, is leaving, going far beyond her grasp.

Have more sympathy for your mother. That doesn't mean stay, but try to understand what it feels like for her, watching her child prepare to go far away, for an indefinite (perhaps permanent) time.

She might not always be expressing it in the most productive way. But she's saying what she is because she wants to be with you and be a part of your life.

Chase

I suppose that's fair, but my mother had her chance to be a part of my life when I was a child or even a teen. Now that I'm an adult my life is mine

Maybe I'm just a cold dick, but once someone is cut out of my heart they're gone. I have no love left for anyone in my family outside of my grandmother and 2 cousins. Maybe a little for my grandpa on the other side of the family

 

[Chase]

What about when they dont have kids?

Cats.

Yes.

That or various social causes.

@Regal Tiger,

I suppose that's fair, but my mother had her chance to be a part of my life when I was a child or even a teen. Now that I'm an adult my life is mine

Maybe I'm just a cold dick, but once someone is cut out of my heart they're gone. I have no love left for anyone in my family outside of my grandmother and 2 cousins. Maybe a little for my grandpa on the other side of the family

All right, sounds like bad parenting on her end then.

In that case, it is just sad all around.

Hope you guys can reconcile at some point. But for now, take care of what you need to take care of.

Chase

 

[POB]

On my family's side they used to shame me for my lifestyle but now they've all accepted it and makes jokes about it... "oh that's Tominho being Tominho again.. anyways what's for dinner?

Exactly what happened to me.

 

[Yaxir]

thank you so much everyone for replying

and @Chase , graceful as always in your response and elaboration

I am fortunate to be in your gathering at this forum !