Have I been domesticated?

[Skater]

To be clear, I was never really a pimp before but well on my way I'd like to imagine.

Half a year ago I went out to the bar, pulled a girl that was into me, and lost my virginity (might post LR later, was pretty goofy).

We had sex a few more times before she dropped ye olde ultimatum: gf me or gtfo. She was hot, I was inexperienced, and we got on rather well so I agreed, though not without misgivings. I figured I could level up my sex game with the consistency of a relationship.

Alas but that this sex well should dry up. Lately she's uninterested and says I should respect when she doesn't want to, which seems to be almost every time we see each other.

This frustrates me because 1) I don't get laid and 2) I know I'm probably to blame for this. This morning we had a telling conversation after she denied me yet again where she basically said she wanted to hear "I love you" back before she could emotionally want sex.

A while back she told me she loved me then was more or less heartbroken when I didn't say it back. I grew up never saying this to anyone and thus consider it cliche and well nigh meaningless, but I could see her point.

So now the question is do I say it back? Seems to be the very definition of supplication, not to mention I don't even know what it means or what it gets me into. A case could always be made that I love her in my own idiosyncratic way though.

More importantly, I'm not sure if her attraction for me hasn't died; it seems unlikely that this will bring it back (cf. women not knowing what turns them on). Perhaps I should focus on rebuilding attraction after maybe acting like too much of a gay friend?

All this is further complicated by my burning desire to fuck more and different girls. She was the first but God willing not the last (nor my everything haha shout-out Barry White). Perhaps a fair compromise would be to maneuver her into a 3some which is another experience I don't intend to miss. Not to mention some health, ADHD, and pill issues of hers I don't really intend to propagate into any children of mine.

She's a wonderfully sweet girl with a bit of a rough past so I'd hate to hurt her if at all possible but the more I think about it, the less of a future I see for us. A plan I've considered is letting pair bonding run its course so we separate naturally and painlessly somewhere near or after the one-year mark. Is that realistic?

I'm in new city without like-minded friends (yet) and she was the first person I clicked with so I've stopped going out by myself and approaching, though I burn to develop my skills. I'd hate myself for cheating, even if it did end up improving our relationship.

I admit scarcity scares me and strongly dissuades my leaving, but before it was at least a fire under my virgin ass which could now be more profitably harnessed perhaps. Doubtless a bigger reason is that my leaving would hurt her, though more or less than cheating is hard to know from a girl's POV.

To cut this rambling short before it gets truly out of hand, help!

A very frustrated
Skater

PS. Reading this over I seem like a whining bitch and no doubt I will be to some or most of you. If I saw somebody else posting this I'd probably make fun of him and tell him to GFTOW. *Sigh* but hey, at least I'm self-aware even if a hypocrite.

 

[Just a Man]

I figured I could level up my sex game with the consistency of a relationship.

I've seen this kind of comment a few times. It's an overrated reason for relationships, IMO, because sex game generally gets routinized pretty early on in most relationships.

Lately she's uninterested and says I should respect when she doesn't want to, which seems to be almost every time we see each other.

See my previous comment, though this is worse, actually.

She's a wonderfully sweet girl with a bit of a rough past so I'd hate to hurt her if at all possible but the more I think about it, the less of a future I see for us.

Yeah: 'wonderfully sweet' but gives you ultimatums like gf or gtfo and refuses sex.

This morning we had a telling conversation after she denied me yet again where she basically said she wanted to hear "I love you" back before she could emotionally want sex.

Again with the ultimatums. She wants to instrumentalize sex as a way of trying to coerce an emotion [= a commitment] out of you.

I admit scarcity scares me and strongly

And I suspect she knows that.

All this is further complicated by my burning desire to fuck more and different girls. She was the first but God willing not the last

Essentially, she wants a constant progression of increasing commitment and will condition sex on receiving it. First it was gf/bf, within a few months it's become 'love'. If you cave on that (which you clearly don't really feel for her, and that's fine), she'll give it a few more months and it'll be marriage. If you then marry her, this controlling dynamic (her controlling you, that is) will characterize your home life open-endedly.

But clearly, grateful as you are for having lost your cherry with her, your own plans are very, very different.

Bluntly, I suggest you exit the relationship in the nicest but soonest way you can and get back out approaching girls. You do not sound ready to be trapped long term with a woman who - I strongly suspect - will wind up either conditioning sex on your housework contribution or denying you sex altogether because she's one day just lost interest.

On the upside, there's loads of fun to be had out there, so no need at all for the psychodrama vortex.

Good luck!

 

[gameboy]

yeah sounds like she's not worth it.