LR  HBRockerChick

NarrowJ

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So, it’s been a while since I posted a field report. I’m still out sharpening my skills and meeting new girls, but a few things outside the realm of GC (work and personal projects) have kept me from spending as much time here as I’d like as of late. Anyway, I know we’ve talked quite a bit on this forum about how to deal with girls that are passive aggressive or play overly hard-to-get.

It was such a hot topic at one point that I had written a somewhat lengthy post on the subject. Anyway, knowing how women start to act (and how you should start to act too), when they think they “have you” is a very important tool to have in your belt. Thus, I figured this report would prove useful to many of you. So hey, even though I’ve been pretty busy, I can’t fuckin’ rob you of this one ;)

About a month ago I had a tire blowout on the interstate. I had just purchased some aftermarket wheels and tires, and forgot I had taken the spare out of the back for some unbeknownst reason. So, this meant I would have to call a tow truck. After waiting patiently for about an hour, cars whizzing past as I’m parked on the side of the road, the tow truck arrives and we get my vehicle down to a shop to get a new tire put on.

So, they get me all set and tell me it’s going to be a couple hours. I have a seat in the waiting area and grab a magazine. After about 20 minutes, I hear the door chime and I look up and there’s a very interesting and sexy looking girl walking up to the counter. Here’s a description of the girl (from toes up, since that’s how I scoped her out at the time):

  • Black leather open toed boots that go up above her ankles about 4-5 inches
  • Super short grey cloth skirt hiding not one bit of her long, sexy legs
  • Black tee w/ Lenny Kravitz or Ben Harper on it (I wasn’t able to tell)
  • Blue & grey flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up
  • Blacked out aviator sunglasses
  • Long, blonde hair with blue highlight streak on right side

She was simply stunning, even in such attire. HBRockerChick looks to be in her early 20’s. She’s standing at the desk and gives them her keys (I can’t hear the conversation with the clerk really). Anyway, she comes and sits down somewhat close to me. There’s two empty seats in between us. I put down my magazine and say “So… you a big Lenny Kravitz fan?” and she looks at me funny like she doesn't understand. I say "oh... your shirt!" and she turns her body toward me, pulls her tshirt out to show the face and says “No it’s Ben Harper!” and laughs. I tap the seat next to me and tell her to come sit closer. She does without hesitation. I don’t really recall all of the conversation, but we start talking about music for a minute and she seems surprised at some of my tastes, in a good way. The conversation eventually turns to our vehicle’s problems. After talking for about 5-10 minutes she mentions that she’s hungry and I tell her we should walk down the street and grab some Chipotle while our cars are serviced.

She agrees and we walk down and have lunch. She tells me how she’s here for college to be a veterinarian and she’s from a town about 90 minutes Northwest of here. I deep-dive her on topics like her family, why she wants to be a veterinarian, etcetera. She asks me what I do for a living and I make her guess. I’m wearing business casual attire, so I think she uses that to formulate her guess because she says “You work for the state” (we live in the capitol city by the way). I tell her no and that she can make a better guess than that, and I’ll give her 10 points if she gets it right. She laughs and asks what the 10 points will get her, and I say “closer to the 100 points you will need to get to go on another date with me” and she cracks up laughing and tells me this isn’t a date. I disregard the comment and continue with the conversation (eventually telling her what I do for a living), and eventually she asks me my how old I am and I tell her to guess and she says something about not liking all these guessing games. I remind her she needs the 100 points and she smiles really big and giggles (she seems more receptive now, so I go ahead and just *assume* that we’re going to meet up again and I have her put her number in my phone, which she does without any hesitation) and then I ask her how old she is (22) and I never told her my age, but she doesn’t press me to answer so we just continue talking about other subjects. We finish our food, and walk back down to the shop. My vehicle is done, and I ask her if she’d like to meet up and grab a drink or two later. She says she has class this evening and it won’t get over until like 9 and then she has to study, but says we should do it sometime soon though. I say that sounds cool, and bid her farewell and take off.

Note: I actually can recite the texting word-for-word since I still have all the texts in my phone.

About 3 hours later I send her a text and we have a short convo:

Me: Hey it was cool meeting you & chatting today! :) -NJ
Her: Haha yeah you too!

(I didn’t feel like she gave me much there, so I wait until the following afternoon to text her again)

Me: Hey there, HBRockerChick :p We should grab those drinks we talked about soon. What’s your schedule like this week? (I go straight for the date since I built comfort during the instadate)
Her: Haha sure :) (This is where she starts to get difficult. Doesn’t give me schedule)
Me: Cool :) What days work best? (giving her benefit of doubt that she didn’t mean to deflect)
Her: I’ll have to check my schedule n let u know.
Me: Ok, you do that :)

Never like to hear that line. I of course agree to it, but the text I send her back is a little ambiguous because she doesn’t know the tonality of the comment and it definitely has a bit of an air of “ok, its all up to you and I don’t care either way” to it. But the smiley keeps it “warm”.

So I wait two days and hear nothing. I decide to text again. I thought the interaction went really well, and I got quite a bit of investment from her. Here’s those messages:

Me: Hey HBRockerChick :) How’s that schedule looking?
Her: Omg haha I’m so sorry I’ve been super busy!

Note: Girls will sometimes give you some profuse apology when they don’t get back to you. What you want to do is not even acknowledge it. Don’t do these two things: (1) reinforce the behavior, for example “Oh sure its all good!” and (2) don’t bust her balls about it either, because if it comes off the wrong way it could make you seem needy. Just ignore it and continue like below:

Texting continued from above:
Me: So Tuesday? Thursday? Saturday afternoon? (giving her options now; I don’t usually do this)
Her: Ummm Tues and Thurs I have class, but Sat might work!
Me: Might… hmm, well this chasing you through your schedule thing isn’t working out. So, why don’t you figure out a day and time and I’ll meet you then! :) (telling her I mean business in a socially graceful way)
Her: Lol well ok why don’t we plan on Sat like I said! (She’s trying to make me feel like I backed her into it or something. She never actually committed to Saturday)
Me: Ok great… How about we meet up at _____ at 3:30? Or that too early for you? ;)
Her: Lol no that sounds good
Me: Great HBRockerChick, see you there!
Her: Yep see ya!

So I have a date scheduled… FINALLY. Thing is, Saturday rolls around and I text her “Hey, see you in a little while ;)” and she sends me back this really super long text saying she forgot her sister and her dad were going to be in town and she might be going out to eat with them later. I decide to be done with her, so I just text her back “Well, I wouldn’t keep you from your family dear :)” and she text back “Ok, thanks for being so understanding!” and text back “Of course!” and then go on about my merry way. I’m done with her.

Or so I think....

Two full weeks later (this past Sunday) I get a text from her. It’s one word: “Hey!” Girls do this all the time. So fellas, here’s what she wants to accomplish with that text. It’s the least amount of investment on her part, so if I don’t respond she won’t feel too bad about it. Also, 99 percent of guys will respond to a text like that with some explosion of happiness. She’s probably used to seeing a response like: “Omg! How are you? So cool to hear from you, HBRockerChick! What’s been going on in your life?” Although, a lot of the more socially in-tune guys might respond to the one-word “Hey!” text with something like “Hey you :) Whatcha doing?” But, that text plays again right into her hands because now you’re on the offensive. She wanted something when she texted you, but now the tables are turned instantly. You might have just as well texted her first. So, how did I respond? Here’s the texts:

Her: Hey!
Me: ?
I countered her low-investment bait text with a simple question mark. Now, I’m the socially aware person here because I realize that she texted me because she wants something or wants to talk about something. She texted me for some reason, but didn’t give the reason. Sending the single question mark back to a girl that sends you a “Hey!” message does a few things:

  • Tells her that the communication was unexpected.
  • Shows her you’re not ready to engage in conversation until you know the topic is something worthwhile.
  • Keeps you both on the track of her chasing you with the texts.
  • Prompts her to actually explain what it is she wants.

Here’s what happens:

Her: Yeah lol just wondering why I haven’t heard from you
Me: Well, we left things that you would send me your schedule. Remember?
Her: Lol oh yeah. What are you doing tonight?
Me: Heading out for the evening with some friends.
Her: Awe well that sucks. I was hoping we could hang. What about tomorrow?
Me: Tomorrow would work. I get off at 5.
Her: Ooooh ok, well I could meet you at the place we were gonna go to before?
Me: Sure. How’s 7 work?
Her: Works fine!
Me: Cool, see you at 7 then :)
Her: Yay! :)

She texts me the next day about 11 AM and asks if we’re still on for drinks. I say that we are. She shows up looking quite different than when I first met her. She’s wearing a pretty grey dress and a little jean overcoat, and no blue streak in her hair. I tell her she looks very nice, and she thanks me and we hug.

We head inside, sit at the bar and both order beers. I ask if she’s hungry, and she says no. Which is fine, I’d rather just have the drinks anyway because I’m not hungry either. I do mention that she looks a lot different than when I’d last saw her. She says she wanted to “look good” for our date and giggles. I tell her “Oh so you’re trying to impress me. We’ll you’re doing a good job… so far” with a sexy smile. This is a chase frame (“you’re trying to impress me”), then the reward (“you’re doing a good job”) and the incentive to keep trying (“…so far”). She smiles and we start to talk about how we met, and I place my hand on her leg and tell her I’m glad I got a flat tire that day. She laughs and agrees. We continue to chat for another hour and a half and it gets to be 8:45 and the place has emptied out. I ask the bartender what time they close and she says they close at 9 on Mondays. I turn to HBRockerChick and say:

Me: Ah, what a shame that we had to meet up on a Monday night. You’re having a good time right?
Her: Yes, definitely!
Me: And it’s too early for the night to end, don’t you think?
Her: It is!
Me: Well, you don’t live far from [my town]. So you should stop by for a nightcap. You’ll be home by curfew, I promise!
Her: (laughing) Ok! I can come by for a little while

We grab our things and go. She follows me in her car to my place and we head inside.

I tell her to have a seat on the couch while I get us a drink. She asks for a beer, so I grab us a couple and come sit next to her on the couch. We sit and talk for a few minutes, and I tease her that she only came over because she wanted to show me her tattoos. She laughs, and says I've seen "most" of them already. Anyway, at some point she look away from me for a short period of a few seconds. I wait for her to turn her head back toward me, and when she does, I grab her face and kiss her. We start to make out and to my surprise after only a few minutes her hand goes to my crotch. So, I waste no time and tell her to come in my room where it’s more comfortable. We both know what’s going to happen, so I take my shirt off and lay back on the bed and she pulls her dress up over her long, slender body and throws it to the floor. She walks slowly to the bed, climbs on top of me, and the rest of the night is history ;)


NJ
 

ZacAdam

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NJ,

NarrowJ said:
Note: Girls will sometimes give you some profuse apology when they don’t get back to you. What you want to do is not even acknowledge it. Don’t do these two things: (1) reinforce the behavior, for example “Oh sure its all good!” and (2) don’t bust her balls about it either, because if it comes off the wrong way it could make you seem needy. Just ignore it and continue like below:

We should practice ourselves writing out small details that lead us direct back to where we headed. This is useful. I forgotten this one, it's helps. :)

NarrowJ said:
Her: Hey!
Me: ?

What one girl do to me as friends. This is okay as long as i have no feelings for her, and also not saying Hi! randomly.

Zac
 

ocantu1987

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Awesome FR Narrow j, I got a few questions
Do you normally use situational openers? I like those better as direct opener shoot my anxiety way up haha
I saw that you didn't say "my place" when you invited her back you instead said nightcap. Should you always say this?
Also you said you touched her leg (breaking touch barrier) how often did you touch her?
Also NJ, where do you go to meet women usually?

I am trying to learn man haha so sorry for so many questions...
 

Smurf

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Wow NJ. Way to keep turning the tables on her!

That texting thing you did was absolutely amazing. I had never thought of that before. The way you slowly warmed back up to her was brilliant as well. This girl obviously is used to guys chasing after her and was thrown off after you went silent. Really amazing skill here, bro.

Jake.
 

Marty

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NarrowJ said:
I tap the seat next to me and tell her to come sit closer. She does without hesitation.
Fabulous timing. Looks like this happened in the first 30 seconds, so far as I can tell from your description, NJ. This is presumably what starts to happen when you get real, real good... things start to fall into place, and you can push for compliance almost at once and fully expect to get it.
NarrowJ said:
After talking for about 5-10 minutes she mentions that she’s hungry
That looks so obvious and crude written here on the page, but I can't tell you how many times I've missed hints like that in the heat of the moment. Good catch to pick up on it.
NarrowJ said:
I get a text from her. It’s one word: “Hey!” Girls do this all the time. So fellas, here’s what she wants to accomplish with that text. It’s the least amount of investment on her part, so if I don’t respond she won’t feel too bad about it. Also, 99 percent of guys will respond to a text like that with some explosion of happiness.
Love this analysis. Especially the bit I highlighted: it's the electronic equivalent of giving a subtle approach invitation without sticking her neck out too far and risking the sting of it being ignored.

Cool LR. I like the "yes" ladder toward the end, also the timing on the kiss... beautiful.

One question. Why do girls disappear like that, then come back 2 weeks later like that (if you know)?
 

Grand Pooba

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NarrowJ said:
I’m wearing business casual attire, so I think she uses that to formulate her guess because she says “You work for the state” (we live in the capitol city by the way). I tell her no and that she can make a better guess than that, and I’ll give her 10 points if she gets it right. She laughs and asks what the 10 points will get her, and I say “closer to the 100 points you will need to get to go on another date with me” and she cracks up laughing and tells me this isn’t a date. I disregard the comment and continue with the conversation (eventually telling her what I do for a living), and eventually she asks me my how old I am and I tell her to guess and she says something about not liking all these guessing games. I remind her she needs the 100 points and she smiles really big and giggles (she seems more receptive now, so I go ahead and just *assume* that we’re going to meet up again and I have her put her number in my phone, which she does without any hesitation) and then I ask her how old she is (22) and I never told her my age, but she doesn’t press me to answer so we just continue talking about other subjects.

NarrowJ said:
We head inside, sit at the bar and both order beers. I ask if she’s hungry, and she says no. Which is fine, I’d rather just have the drinks anyway because I’m not hungry either. I do mention that she looks a lot different than when I’d last saw her. She says she wanted to “look good” for our date and giggles. I tell her “Oh so you’re trying to impress me. We’ll you’re doing a good job… so far” with a sexy smile. This is a chase frame (“you’re trying to impress me”), then the reward (“you’re doing a good job”) and the incentive to keep trying (“…so far”).

I really, really like your use of chase framing in these situations, the first one where you convince her that she's actually the one that needs to impress you, and the second where you're rewarding her chase.
It's really inspirational and shows the potential of this. I hope I can do this one day. Nice work!
 

NarrowJ

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Zac,

ZacAdam said:
NarrowJ said:
Her: Hey!
Me: ?

What one girl do to me as friends. This is okay as long as i have no feelings for her, and also not saying Hi! randomly.

Definitely okay with it if the girl is someone I'm talking to regularly, or a friend. But when a girl plays ultra hard-to-get time wasting games and I cease contact with her for a period of a week or more... then I feel like she ought to text me more than just "Hey" before I bother to give a meaningful response.



ocantu,

ocantu1987 said:
Do you normally use situational openers? I like those better as direct opener shoot my anxiety way up haha

I saw that you didn't say "my place" when you invited her back you instead said nightcap. Should you always say this?

Also you said you touched her leg (breaking touch barrier) how often did you touch her?

Also NJ, where do you go to meet women usually?

Situational openers: Direct is usually always better, but I find in my case it depends on the environment and the energy level of the girl. I figured she had some sort of car problem, and may not have been in the best mood. So, situational just seemed "right" at the time.

Saying "My place": You are right that it can be somewhat of a buzz word. You want to make the transition back to your pad seem like an innocent request. She knows the intentions for it, but you have to ask in a way that makes her feel comfortable saying "yes".

On touch: I had touched her quite a lot before then, but that was the first time I had touched her in a "sexual" way, so I found it worth mentioning.

Where I go to meet women: I'm more opportunistic these days, and just go about my normal life and when I see a pretty girl- I go talk to her. It could be at the bank, the mall, grocery store or some other random store, a tire/auto shop ;)



Marty,

Marty said:
One question. Why do girls disappear like that, then come back 2 weeks later like that (if you know)?

Something I think a lot of guys just don't get is that even if a girl likes you, she might play the hard-to-get games (especially if she thinks she "has you"). I'll play along to a certain degree, but once it becomes a hassle and starts taking up my time then I'm done with it. Beautiful women are used to men falling over themselves chasing them and expect that you'll do the same. Then, when you don't, she has to re-engage you. And usually, she'll also realize that she needs to make things a little easier if she wants to "get" you.



NJ
 

Marty

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NJ:
NarrowJ said:
Something I think a lot of guys just don't get is that even if a girl likes you, she might play the hard-to-get games (especially if she thinks she "has you").
You're right, a lot of guys don't get it... including me! Actually, we get that they do it, we just don't know why. It would seem ... well, "counterproductive to establishing romantic relations" would be a mild way of putting it.

So it seems your policy here is to send a message suggesting a meet-up, then if you don't get a reply, you quit wasting your time and go out to meet other women? Then if she reengages of her own accord, it's like a bonus... and it shows she's really interested?

-Marty
 

NarrowJ

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Marty said:
NJ:
So it seems your policy here is to send a message suggesting a meet-up, then if you don't get a reply, you quit wasting your time and go out to meet other women? Then if she reengages of her own accord, it's like a bonus... and it shows she's really interested?

I always give them more than one chance. You have to allow a girl the freedom to play a little hard-to-get. But, by the same token you can't just let them waste your time. I'll usually ask once, and if she deflects it or dances around it I'll give her a couple days radio silence and try again. If she still can't nail anything down by the 2nd or 3rd time, then she's either playing a little too hard-to-get or I did something wrong and she's just not interested. So at that point I basically tell them (in a socially graceful way) that I don't want to chase them through their schedule and if they want to come up with a day and time and let me know, and I'll meet her then.

You just have to call her bluff eventually. The girl in this field report obviously really liked me, but she thought she "had me" so she was being difficult and playing super hard-to-get. When it got to be too much, I stopped contacting her which remedies the situation whether she's interested (in which case she'll contact me eventually) or not interested (gets her to stop wasting my time).


NJ
 

Franco

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Marty,

You're right, a lot of guys don't get it... including me! Actually, we get that they do it, we just don't know why. It would seem ... well, "counterproductive to establishing romantic relations" would be a mild way of putting it.

Remember, it's actually "productive" to the girl because it's her goal to screen for the strongest, emotionally stable man she can find. So playing these games is her way of "screening," just like we have our own way of screening for the women that we want in relationships.

A woman's goal isn't to end up on dates with men she deems unworthy of her own value because this is a waste of time to her. A woman's goal is to take home a man that she believes is of a higher caliber than herself for a mating prospect.

- Franco
 

Marty

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Franco:

Thanks for the response, I appreciate that. Yes, that does make sense... Laowai recently explained to me that a woman may actually be "unsure" whether she is attracted to you or not: a concept that was foreign to me. I had somehow contrived to spend several decades on this planet without cottoning onto that.

If you don't mind, and if NJ doesn't mind my continuing his LR thread for this purpose (!), I actually have a couple follow-up questions based on what you wrote:

  • (a) If a girl drops off the radar—for example, you text her an icebreaker, she replies "nice to meet you too", then you text again to set up a date you agreed on, and she doesn't reply—is this also a "screening" maneuver, or does it just mean she isn't really interested and just gave you her number out of politeness? This one is important to me just because it happens very frequently off daytime cold approach.

    (b) You mentioned in an earlier thread that if you make a good first impression, a woman may develop romantic feelings for you within the first few minutes of meeting. If this happens, is it possible that she will still start to play these "screening" games? Have you ever had a girl who responded well to the way you initially came across, but then started teasing or distancing herself from you?

    (c) Being a "strong, emotionally stable man" means not taking the bait, right? So if she backs off, you don't chase... you give her 2 or 3 opportunities like NJ wrote below and then kindly explain that the ball is in her court?

Thanks again!
-Marty
 

PrettyDecent

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Marty said:
  • (a) If a girl drops off the radar—for example, you text her an icebreaker, she replies "nice to meet you too", then you text again to set up a date you agreed on, and she doesn't reply—is this also a "screening" maneuver, or does it just mean she isn't really interested and just gave you her number out of politeness? This one is important to me just because it happens very frequently off daytime cold approach.

    (b) You mentioned in an earlier thread that if you make a good first impression, a woman may develop romantic feelings for you within the first few minutes of meeting. If this happens, is it possible that she will still start to play these "screening" games? Have you ever had a girl who responded well to the way you initially came across, but then started teasing or distancing herself from you?

    (c) Being a "strong, emotionally stable man" means not taking the bait, right? So if she backs off, you don't chase... you give her 2 or 3 opportunities like NJ wrote below and then kindly explain that the ball is in her court?

These are really good questions! And if Marty doesn't mind me adding follow-up questions...

Chase has said that attraction is, to paraphrase, "...it's either there or it isn't." We'll assume value, for us, is given strictly through fundamentals (along with compliance she's giving you, like you've mentioned before, Franco). Doesn't that mean having tighter fundamentals alleviates 'no-reply' girls? Like, I know NJ has really solid fundamentals because he was getting signs of interest from HBRockerChick very early on (saying she was hungry), and it's not something he could have talked or gamed himself into, especially so early on in the interaction. Or am I wrong, and it was the fact he got compliance so early on (telling her to move to a seat next to him), that coupled with his fundamentals to increase her attraction?

I just feel like girls will at least respond to your text messages if they think you're attractive, even if they make it hard...any thoughts on this?

Cheers!
~Nick
 

Franco

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(a) If a girl drops off the radar—for example, you text her an icebreaker, she replies "nice to meet you too", then you text again to set up a date you agreed on, and she doesn't reply—is this also a "screening" maneuver, or does it just mean she isn't really interested and just gave you her number out of politeness? This one is important to me just because it happens very frequently off daytime cold approach.

There's always shades of grey. Just because she doesn't respond doesn't necessarily mean she's screening you or playing games, or if she does respond, it doesn't necessarily mean she's interested in going on a date with you. For the former, she may just legitimately not be interested, and for the latter, she may just be trying to slot you as an orbiter or "biding her time" by texting to you just to see how long she can keep you chasing.

So what's most important here is having a process that is effective and efficient at combatting this, and it's what I've helped NJ "narrow" down (no pun intended) to maximize his returns from texting. You basically give a girl just enough that she'll bite, and if she starts to play too hard to get, then you have to let her know (subtley) that you don't really play these games and that you have other things more important in your life going on, like possibly other beautiful women!

(b) You mentioned in an earlier thread that if you make a good first impression, a woman may develop romantic feelings for you within the first few minutes of meeting. If this happens, is it possible that she will still start to play these "screening" games? Have you ever had a girl who responded well to the way you initially came across, but then started teasing or distancing herself from you?

All the time. I think you've even seen it in many of NJ's lay reports. A girl is really into him and then starts playing "text" games to get him to chase. Then he handles it properly and eventually gets her to succumb to a date. If she's genuinely not interested, then you're also not wasting your time by continuing to text her either.

(c) Being a "strong, emotionally stable man" means not taking the bait, right? So if she backs off, you don't chase... you give her 2 or 3 opportunities like NJ wrote below and then kindly explain that the ball is in her court?

Pretty much. You might have to wait sometimes as long as two weeks like NJ did here to even hear a response. If a girl really likes you, she'll at least make a very slight effort to get you back into the game if she thinks she's losing you. That's exactly what happened in this report, and NJ handled it properly by not over-investing in this slight effort by her, and then he converted it into a date and eventually a lay.

I just feel like girls will at least respond to your text messages if they think you're attractive, even if they make it hard...any thoughts on this?

Sure, but if you continue to text her back without getting her on a date, you slowly begin to move yourself more into an "orbiter" role of a guy she wants to keep around because she finds you attractive, and she realizes that she can keep texting you and that you'll respond. In the meantime, she'll still be getting hit on by other guys. If one of those guys moves as quickly as myself or NJ, then you're suddenly going to stop hearing from her one day! ;)

- Franco
 

ProblemSolving

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NJ,

Great job reeling this one in after some initial resistance. One question that needs to be asked is what caused her to think she was the "One-up" after your first interaction? Women don't typically flake and play evasive games with guys whom they think they could lose at anytime, so what made her think that she already "had" you?

After looking it over, I think it was after you mentioned the word "Date" - a word that has all kinds of connotations to a woman. When she thinks of "date", words like "serious", "traditional", "courtship", and "boyfriend" come to mind. This is why she made it clear that, "This isn't a date". In her mind she's thinking, "Whoa! Slow down there cowboy. We're not dating, I just met you". Now she believes she is the "One-up", with you being the pursuer. If you don't believe me, invite a girl you just met out for a "date" instead of drinks or coffee and watch the shields go up.

Just something to keep in mind to prevent it from happening again in the future.
 

NarrowJ

Tribal Elder
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Messages
1,279
ProblemSolving said:
NJ,

Great job reeling this one in after some initial resistance. One question that needs to be asked is what caused her to think she was the "One-up" after your first interaction? Women don't typically flake and play evasive games with guys whom they think they could lose at anytime, so what made her think that she already "had" you?

After looking it over, I think it was after you mentioned the word "Date" - a word that has all kinds of connotations to a woman. When she thinks of "date", words like "serious", "traditional", "courtship", and "boyfriend" come to mind. This is why she made it clear that, "This isn't a date". In her mind she's thinking, "Whoa! Slow down there cowboy. We're not dating, I just met you". Now she believes she is the "One-up", with you being the pursuer. If you don't believe me, invite a girl you just met out for a "date" instead of drinks or coffee and watch the shields go up.

Just something to keep in mind to prevent it from happening again in the future.


Good call on that, PS. Actually, since it was a month ago when I first met her- I can't be 100% sure I actually used the word "date" or not. Was paraphrasing there. Either way, it looks as though I framed it that way, huh? Good catch!

And just to add to the thought, sometimes it seems like just the mere fact that I'm contacting them again is enough for a girl to start thinking: "Ooh he wants to see me again! Maybe he really likes me? I better play it safe".

NJ
 

NarrowJ

Tribal Elder
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Just to add to this post-

I came across this article from Nov '12 and it explains the whole dynamic at play here in this field report:

Why Chasing Women Doesn't Work and Why Persistence Does

A lot of key points here that relate. I don't chase her, even though I wasn't able to get her out that night (I persisted a little). The amount of contact I make with her slowly dwindles as she hides her interest in an attempt to play hard-to-get, instead of hammering her with texts and calls like your average Joe would do.



NJ
 

Franco

Tribal Elder
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Re: STICKIED - LR: HBRockerChick

Stickied this Field Report. Lots of good information in here that everyone should read. =)

- Franco
 

Landlord

Cro-Magnon Man
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Dec 7, 2012
Messages
119
Re: STICKIED - LR: HBRockerChick

Fantastic LR!

Here are my cliffs notes—matching Zac's and a couple more:

1. Action...Great immediate action to speak with her and tell her to sit near you—bravo!

2. Points...I always give points, and if interested they always ask what they get. Ive used it on dates when I just grab them and kiss them right then and there...but this early use of "when you get up to 100, you get XYZ" is great! Stealing it....

3. ?...this was a brilliant reaction. Chase wrote somewhere that your text messages should be shorter and less frequent than theirs. Hard to get smaller than "Hey!" but this is perfect.

4. No reaction to her apology....spot on tactic. Stealing this too.

5. Yes Ladder....what a great yes ladder, well done!


Gentlemen, this is how you do it!

One question for the gang...WHY did she blow our man off so hard and then suddenly pop up from nowhere with such interest?
My guess is there was another guy in the picture to some extent, he fucked up and she had hometown hero stored in memory as her top next candidate.
Any thoughts on that?
 

TheWiseFool

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Oct 28, 2013
Messages
295
Re: STICKIED - LR: HBRockerChick

I'm in the situation where I put her on pause and it's now:

Me: What's your schedule look like this week? (Hey!)
Her: What? (?)

How do I turn this the other way around?
- The Wise Fool
 

stratvm

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 9, 2012
Messages
131
Re: STICKIED - LR: HBRockerChick

this report is just what i needed to realize what to do with situations like i got into yesterday (and why im reading the boards today).

i was having a smoke at the entrance of my house where tons of ppl are waiting for their cars & taxis to go out. just came back from the gym therefore i was sweaty & stuff so couldnt have been more ignorant about girls around me due to stink issues (however i read in the male scent article today it was not as bad as one might have thought).

i noticed briefly a very good looking girl who was clearly about to go out but was smoking & texting & maybe waiting for someone. we were alone and she sat behind me looking the other way. then a few idiots - typical people to this part of the world came and started speaking loud near her obviously trying to get her attention so she sat bit further but still in range.

when i was about to leave i looked at her and caught her eye but as i didnt intend to do anything just left - and after i got back to my flat i started thinking, probably i missed a chance. i had the excuse not going to her but now realized all i have to do in cases like this is what NJ did: say something to lock her attention and then if she cathes just make her come to me. if interested she comes if not - who cares.

thanks for this NJ!

by the way i noticed that since following the sites` methods & mindset as much as possible girls became just i dont know - tasks on my to do list. i follow the process (if im not scared to do it) and if it works fine (not great, just OK) if not i give exactly ZERO fxcks about it. does getting better with girls mean we lose the enthusiasm & get emotionally dead towards them? because this is what i started to feel.
 
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