This is both a question and a field report
I am going through a book as mentioned in other posts that helps me overcome approach anxiety. I also have a friend that is going through it with me. I seem to be improving and my friend seems to be stagnant.
I am at the time where I can stay talking to a girl for a few minutes, nervous at the beginning, but as the talk goes on I feel better. He is not even able to talk to a go.
So we met for coffee to discuss the book. Three medium looking girls walked in (to me they were not gorgeous, but not ugly). My friend thought they were gorgeous. I was facing the girls and they were to the back of my friend (right beside us). And he kept turning around and staring at them, like for minutes, not saying a word, just staring. I even got uncomfortable. I kept on telling him do not stare and he kept on (like he was addicted). I finally asked if he wanted to switch places. So he could pretend to be looking at me (but kind of looking at the girls). He agreed.
I already know that if he approached they would be polite, but nothing would work because of his creepy staring and even with constant reminders he would continue to stare.
I then gave him constructive criticism, even the books talks about it. If you are going to stare, you might as well talk to them. He said he was too nervous too. I asked him if he wanted help. He said "sure." So I stood up and said to the girls "Excuse me, I have already ordered a drink, but my friend here doesn't know what is good to order, do you have a recommendation for him." They looked a little stunned and one asked him "Do you like coffee or tea." He stood there like a deer in headlights and I said "Do you like coffee or tea?" He then looked at me and said "tea".
They recommended a drink for him. I was expecting him to take it from there and just talk to them, but he got up and went to the counter not saying a word and leaving me there with the three girls. I walked over to the counter and mentioned that he should have continued the conversation. We then sat back down and waited for the pager to tell us his drink was ready. Even sitting he kept staring and saying nothing.
Finally the pager rang and he got up to get his drink. I pretended to get napkins and we passed each other. I told him as we were passing. "Tell her thank you for the recommendation, introduce yourself and ask her from her name." I then went over to get napkins and kind of waited for him to start talking to her before I started heading back. I was expecting the conversation to last a little bit, but by the time I got back the conversation had ended. He said beaming, where even she could hear. "I got her name." I said "good job." I then broke down the aspects of getting over approach anxiety and the tips he can do to do it, from the book I am reading.
I am wondering if I should continue to help him. He does not seem to be getting any better, we have been practicing for six months together. I am improving and he is not. There are positives and minuses to being with him.
I am more bold when he is there because I want to show him what I can do and kind of make him be awed and amazed at me and what I can do. Where if I am by myself I sometimes will get nervous and shaky and at times overthink things. Where with him I never overthink anything I just act, just to show him how amazing I am.
But he also holds me back because he wants to take some time to practice some aspect discussed that I have already mastered. So I wait for him to feel comfortable, which in the long run never works because 6 months later he is still nervous to approach girls.
He is an awkward guy and his awkwardness sometimes gets on my nerves and sadly is easily scammed. He gave some money for investing, which turned out to be a scam. He met a girl on a dating app that said she needed money for medicine and when he asked for her living address, he said he wanted her address to build trust (so weird in my opinion), she asked him for money for the medicine, which he gave her some. She said it was not enough and would give him her address if he gave her more money. At this time he asked me if this was a scam and I told him yes it was.
I think because of his awkwardness I feel like I could not have him as a wingman because the vibe would be ruined and girls might run away, but I see him as someone I can help.
He also helps me stay accountable for reading and studying, ensuring I stay on track with my self-improvement goals. Without scheduled meetings, I tend to procrastinate and accomplish less.
So any suggestions on how to help him get better and should I see him as a lost cause?
Thank you,
Timra
I am going through a book as mentioned in other posts that helps me overcome approach anxiety. I also have a friend that is going through it with me. I seem to be improving and my friend seems to be stagnant.
I am at the time where I can stay talking to a girl for a few minutes, nervous at the beginning, but as the talk goes on I feel better. He is not even able to talk to a go.
So we met for coffee to discuss the book. Three medium looking girls walked in (to me they were not gorgeous, but not ugly). My friend thought they were gorgeous. I was facing the girls and they were to the back of my friend (right beside us). And he kept turning around and staring at them, like for minutes, not saying a word, just staring. I even got uncomfortable. I kept on telling him do not stare and he kept on (like he was addicted). I finally asked if he wanted to switch places. So he could pretend to be looking at me (but kind of looking at the girls). He agreed.
I already know that if he approached they would be polite, but nothing would work because of his creepy staring and even with constant reminders he would continue to stare.
I then gave him constructive criticism, even the books talks about it. If you are going to stare, you might as well talk to them. He said he was too nervous too. I asked him if he wanted help. He said "sure." So I stood up and said to the girls "Excuse me, I have already ordered a drink, but my friend here doesn't know what is good to order, do you have a recommendation for him." They looked a little stunned and one asked him "Do you like coffee or tea." He stood there like a deer in headlights and I said "Do you like coffee or tea?" He then looked at me and said "tea".
They recommended a drink for him. I was expecting him to take it from there and just talk to them, but he got up and went to the counter not saying a word and leaving me there with the three girls. I walked over to the counter and mentioned that he should have continued the conversation. We then sat back down and waited for the pager to tell us his drink was ready. Even sitting he kept staring and saying nothing.
Finally the pager rang and he got up to get his drink. I pretended to get napkins and we passed each other. I told him as we were passing. "Tell her thank you for the recommendation, introduce yourself and ask her from her name." I then went over to get napkins and kind of waited for him to start talking to her before I started heading back. I was expecting the conversation to last a little bit, but by the time I got back the conversation had ended. He said beaming, where even she could hear. "I got her name." I said "good job." I then broke down the aspects of getting over approach anxiety and the tips he can do to do it, from the book I am reading.
I am wondering if I should continue to help him. He does not seem to be getting any better, we have been practicing for six months together. I am improving and he is not. There are positives and minuses to being with him.
I am more bold when he is there because I want to show him what I can do and kind of make him be awed and amazed at me and what I can do. Where if I am by myself I sometimes will get nervous and shaky and at times overthink things. Where with him I never overthink anything I just act, just to show him how amazing I am.
But he also holds me back because he wants to take some time to practice some aspect discussed that I have already mastered. So I wait for him to feel comfortable, which in the long run never works because 6 months later he is still nervous to approach girls.
He is an awkward guy and his awkwardness sometimes gets on my nerves and sadly is easily scammed. He gave some money for investing, which turned out to be a scam. He met a girl on a dating app that said she needed money for medicine and when he asked for her living address, he said he wanted her address to build trust (so weird in my opinion), she asked him for money for the medicine, which he gave her some. She said it was not enough and would give him her address if he gave her more money. At this time he asked me if this was a scam and I told him yes it was.
I think because of his awkwardness I feel like I could not have him as a wingman because the vibe would be ruined and girls might run away, but I see him as someone I can help.
He also helps me stay accountable for reading and studying, ensuring I stay on track with my self-improvement goals. Without scheduled meetings, I tend to procrastinate and accomplish less.
So any suggestions on how to help him get better and should I see him as a lost cause?
Thank you,
Timra
