How do you apologise for a failed date?

[TrailBlazer]

So let’s say you took a girl on a date but you couldn’t even kiss her. And since you tried to look really cool and sexually free before the date, now she thinks that you’re not interested in her - or worse - that all that before was just an act.

What do you do? How do you explain to the girl that you would have fucked her, but it just wasn’t your day that day? So that she’d give you another chance?

I deal with this mostly with girls from my social circle. They love me, touch me a lot, so I tease them and tell them what I’d do to them in bed… but then we go out on a date and I’m too scared to even kiss them.

So I need to explain to them that I still like them (here the article on turning auto rejection around might be good), but also that I really can give them that fast escalation excitement that I promised. Or somehow tell them that I’m still learning this escalation stuff so that they can be more patient. Or better yet, frame it as if I wasn’t sure whether I liked them yet, that way they should go back to chasing.

I really need to find a solution, I had like 4 girls in my social circle who were all over me, I was popular, they texted me every day… and after the ruined dates (all happened in the past 2 weeks), they all went very cold.

 

[gameboy]

I had like 4 girls in my social circle who were all over me, I was popular, they texted me every day… and after the ruined dates (all happened in the past 2 weeks), they all went very cold.

So how about some FRs from these 4 girls from your social circle who all went on dates with you in the last 2 weeks?

Text logs?

 

[OldGuy]

Do not tell them things that you cannot do! (Best to get to the point where you do lay them, but do not tell them things that won't happen).

 

[TrailBlazer]

Do not tell them things that you cannot do! (Best to get to the point where you do lay them, but do not tell them things that won't happen).

This happened even with girls where I didn’t talk about sex beforehand. It was enough to set the sexual tone and then do nothing on the date for them to go cold on me.

 

[OldGuy]

I have had many go cold on me for not having had sex with them.

 

[TrailBlazer]

I have had many go cold on me for not having had sex with them.

It’s a really stupid system, like I tried my best and just because they didn’t get what they expected (which is REALLY DIFFICULT for anyone to achieve btw) now they are cold.

It feels like every time I’m scared to do something, I get punished for not doing it. But I’m not always ready!

 

[TrailBlazer]

You don t fail the "date" whatever tf that is.

I’m asking what to do to quickly rebuild the woman’s attraction after the failed date.

 

[TrailBlazer]

You are asking too much.

Sorry, what? I’m happy for the engagement but I don’t understand.

 

[FunGuy]

I deal with this mostly with girls from my social circle. They love me, touch me a lot, so I tease them and tell them what I’d do to them in bed… but then we go out on a date and I’m too scared to even kiss them.

You mentioned that this is from the context of a social circle. I am curious in regards to what context or environment are you teasing them and telling them you want to do stuff in bed to them? Is this like in a party or social gathering? If that is the case then you are handicapping yourself and making things harder by asking girls out on a date, you should be gaming her then and there. The only purpose dates serve is to get 1 on 1 time with a girl, if you are already in a situation where you have the opportunities to see her often, then its best to use those opportunities to game.

Its generally best to avoid asking girls on dates unless its logistically required, like if you don't bump into her regularly and that is the only way to interact with her in person 1 on 1.

So I need to explain to them that I still like them (here the article on turning auto rejection around might be good), but also that I really can give them that fast escalation excitement that I promised. Or somehow tell them that I’m still learning this escalation stuff so that they can be more patient. Or better yet, frame it as if I wasn’t sure whether I liked them yet, that way they should go back to chasing.

A lot of context is missing so I have to jump to conclusions a bit here, correct me if I'm misinterpreting your situation. It looks like your sticking point could be one of the following or both of them, please post here if you feel like you have difficulties with either one:

1. Sticking Point 1: Cannot physically escalate - this could be due to escalation anxiety or just not knowing what to do
2. Sticking Point 2: Logistical escalation - you are unsure of how to logistically move things forward, not sure if you should be isolating, moving to different venue, seeding pulls etc

So I need to explain to them that I still like them (here the article on turning auto rejection around might be good), but also that I really can give them that fast escalation excitement that I promised. Or somehow tell them that I’m still learning this escalation stuff so that they can be more patient. Or better yet, frame it as if I wasn’t sure whether I liked them yet, that way they should go back to chasing.

What are you doing post-date? You need to provide more context, are you asking them out again or what is happening? Are these chicks still responding to your texts and everything is still pretty normal after or does the vibe always change and they seem disinterested??

In any case, I would advice to just continue interacting with them as normal, tone down the sexuality and tone up the boyfriend vibes as you already put yourself in a troublesome box by asking them out on dates unnecessarily.

Ask the chick out again and make sure you properly game her on the 2nd date, escalate, qualify etc. No need to apologize or make stuff weird if compliance is still high. If you notice behavior negatively change after the dates, then you have a much bigger issue and have to provide A LOT more information as to what is happening in all of these dates that you mentioned, we might be able to help you see what could be going wrong.

 

[JasonH]

Can you provide some reports of 1 or 2 of these dates, with more context and detail?

Your posts simultaneously make sense and no sense at the same time because you are not providing enough context.

 

[Ratata]

So let’s say you took a girl on a date but you couldn’t even kiss her. And since you tried to look really cool and sexually free before the date, now she thinks that you’re not interested in her - or worse - that all that before was just an act.

These are all your insecurities, pal. In reality you don't know the first thing about what she thought, or thinks, about you, because you never tried to escalate. But yes, after a while, girls will get annoyed with a guy who wastes their time like that. So, don't do it again. Next time you have to deliver the goods!

What do you do? How do you explain to the girl that you would have fucked her, but it just wasn’t your day that day? So that she’d give you another chance?

You don't, bro! Never explain stuff like that unless you want to destroy all passion or mystery in your life!

I deal with this mostly with girls from my social circle. They love me, touch me a lot, so I tease them and tell them what I’d do to them in bed… but then we go out on a date and I’m too scared to even kiss them.

That sounds like a pretty great outset bro! Just keep meeting girls like that, and sooner or later you'll end up in a situation with a cool girl who will give you a break.

I need to explain to them that I still like them

No, you don't. Doing so makes you look weak and pathetic. If that's what you're going for, then be my guest! But if not, then your next move is to be chill and perhaps a bit nonchalant about it. Crack a few jokes. Be cool. And be nice. Know that she loves you, deep down. In fact all girls love you. Believe this. Repeat this to yourself. And then welcome the world as it is.

I really need to find a solution, I had like 4 girls in my social circle who were all over me, I was popular, they texted me every day… and after the ruined dates (all happened in the past 2 weeks), they all went very cold.

Yes, because you wasted their time.

Here is the solution: Smile and say hi to them next time you meet them. In the most loving way you can, like you're genuinely happy to see them. I mean, obviously you would be, but take it one step further. Animate yourself. Be a dolphin, or a little puppy happy to see her. Say "Hiiiii omg so good to see you again, I've been thinking about you. How are you?" Then get close for a hug, smell her hair, and go "Omg you smell so good! What are you up to this weekend?" Then get another date. And this time, freaking deliver bro!

 

[TrailBlazer]

These are all your insecurities, pal. In reality you don't know the first thing about what she thought, or thinks, about you, because you never tried to escalate. But yes, after a while, girls will get annoyed with a guy who wastes their time like that. So, don't do it again. Next time you have to deliver the goods!

Well I know for sure that she thinks that I’m not a guy who moves fast. But being able to move fast is one of my biggest advantages over other guys - I just can’t do it right now because I fell out of the practice. But I am a guy that moves fast. So I need the girls to know that I can do it. That I’m not scared to make moves.

That sounds like a pretty great outset bro! Just keep meeting girls like that, and sooner or later you'll end up in a situation with a cool girl who will give you a break.

Well I’d rather just convert the chances as soon as they come. I won’t have any social proof if all the current girls go cold on me.

Yes, because you wasted their time.

Here is the solution: Smile and say hi to them next time you meet them. In the most loving way you can, like you're genuinely happy to see them. I mean, obviously you would be, but take it one step further. Animate yourself. Be a dolphin, or a little puppy happy to see her. Say "Hiiiii omg so good to see you again, I've been thinking about you. How are you?" Then get close for a hug, smell her hair, and go "Omg you smell so good! What are you up to this weekend?" Then get another date. And this time, freaking deliver bro!

That’s supplication though, isn’t it? Being more friendly than they are? Shouldn’t I always be the one less interested?

But I will try it anyway.

Also, the next group meeting could be in like 2 weeks, but the girls were ready to go when we had the dates. I planned it with their cycles (that I estimated) and everything. So now I could have already been having sex with them. I don’t want to do all the work again, I was very close and so I want to reset to that point again as quickly as possible.

 

[gameboy]

In fact all girls love you. Believe this. Repeat this to yourself. And then welcome the world as it is.

I love this! Gonna believe this from now on!

 

[Ratata]

That’s supplication though, isn’t it? Being more friendly than they are? Shouldn’t I always be the one less interested?

Supplication is supplication. Think of when cute girls meet other cute girls. How do they greet each other? With passion, right. Do the same! Always be happy to see a girl. "Eyyy guuuurll, c'mere! So happy to see you, I've been missing you, how are you?" (Warm embrace) Be happy cuz her beautiful body, her lips, her boobs, and not to mention her tits. And her boobs. Anyway, what were we talking about? Yes, obviously boobs, I mean be happy and enthused cuz sexy woman, and you know she loves you, so what's not to like? That kind of enthusiasm, like you're seeing an old friend - except he's sexy.

Idk. Always be welcoming and warm, makes it way easier to make her come over. Then take her into your arms. Marvel at her. Feel her tights, all the way down to her knees, like casually, because you can, and have her sit on your lap. Because you're just the kind of guy who does that, and she loves it. Do you still think that's supplicating? Or do you just assume that you're the man and that of course she's gonna love you?

If you're hoping that she's gonna come over, and if you're still traying to make her like you, then that's supplication. See the perhaps not so subtle distinction here? Like just casually put your hand on her knee when she sits next to you, for example, if you're not comfortable with the other things. After a warm greet like that, if you do that, then that's just an extension of the warmth and love you're giving her, so she'll accept it. If she suddenly goes "don't touch me" then you're doing something wrong. Then you're still off, then you're supplicating because you want something that isn't. Yet. But you can get there, and the first part of getting there, is being there, knowing that she loves you and wants to talk to you, and that sex is on the menu, but you haven't booked a table just yet, just gotta talk to her first.

Think of it like this, you're seeing this girl, and you're giving her a warm embrace, and it's nice and warm and intimate, and you want to fuck her, but you're seeing someone else right now, so you can't go all the way, but you can make her feel really good next to you so maybe she kisses you first. Then you did nothing wrong if things happen. Like that.