Many times I will find myself in a situation where, sometimes very soon into the date, we will go quite, and she will be looking at me smiling. I get a bit flustered at these points and continue to talk. I know this is tension, I suspect this is an escalation window. But I don't really know how to proceed since it's not something that she said in particular that I can respond to in a sexual way, or anything else. It's just... a look. In your experience, what is going through her mind at this point?
Is it a sign that I should be aiming to get out of there, right now? Or perhaps a response. Should I acknowledge the fact she is looking at me and use that as an excuse to start verbally flirting? This generally happens when the touch barrier has barely been broken (light brushes on the leg and so on)
Very basic question, but one I realize I haven't gotten on top of that I suspect now has killed many a prospective seduction.
The flow chart answer is that you are in
C1- Build rapport.
If she's just looking at you with eyes of love, she's more amenable to telling you about herself.
So you can tell stories about yourself, and she will respond in kind.
Or if she starts talking about anything, you can take a "genuine" interest in what she has to say.
Then
C2 - Build the physical/emotional connection.
"Read" her palm
Measure her hands
Thumb wrestle
Stand back to back to see how tall you are
Arm wrestle
Play that handslap game where you lay your hands on top of hers
or the Korean version
Touching is fun, it's physical, it's harmless - but most of all it gets her used to you touching her, AND she feels comfortable enough to touch you. (I'm not an expert, but if you're trying to hook up with the girl, mutual touch has to be established before you get back to her place. ) And low key, skin to skin contact is also a "stealth" way to build sexual arousal.
From there, you create some plausible deniability, get back to your place, and pray like the good Christians that you are.
That's the stock answer.
Before you throw your game on autopilot, ask yourself
What do I want? Truly want? What type of result am I looking for tonight?
- Do you want to get closer to the girl emotionally?
- Do you want her to get closer to you emotionally?
- Do you want to practice more attraction material?
- Do you want to screen her?
- Do you want to qualify her?
- Do you want to get her to invest?
- Do you want to break the trust barrier?
- Do you want to increase her sense of being comfortable with you?
Etc.
None of these things are necessary to hook up, but a rookie should not just want to stick his chorizo in just any taco. No matter how good the tortilla looks.
What I do in this situation?
One, I'm not pressed to fuck another chick. I wish I had that hunger I had at 25, but I just don't. That gives me a lot of leeway with women, because I don't really care if we bang. I'd enjoy it, but what's she gonna do that I have not already had in the past decades? It won't be anything physical. Tab P goes into Slots M and V.
So I'll usually
- Cock my head to the side
- Crinkle my eyes a little bit
- Slightly smirk
- And in a playful, humorous tone,
^
the body language says more to her than my words will ever say. The body language is something she's familiar with on an unconscious level.
- I'll say - "What are you looking at?"
The subtext here is that I've caught her giving me those loving eyes, and I'm basically calling her on it. She can't fall in love with me on the first date. She will predictably get a bit shy and self conscious.
She'll say whatever. Girls will vomit their feelings all day, just not what truly makes them vulnerable.
I may or may not incorporate that into what I say next, but then, with the same "trust building" body language.
Then here's the kicker.
"What are you thinking about?" - as verbal game goes, this is not typical for a first date, but rather something you say to someone at the start of a relationship.
Depending on how she answers, I may or may not incorporate that. (some chicks can get super graphic)
But asking the question, typically puts her mind in a different zone.
If her answer is heartfelt, I'm gonna do the C1/C2 stuff.
If her answer is still guarded, I will tell a story, or make an observation - and I will break eye contact as I tell whatever story. (break in rapport) and then return my gaze to her again.
The story is usually pointless, what works here-
- It's the tone of voice
- The "you are not that interesting", but "maybe you are"
- My willingness to share and speak freely as an example
This isn't super technical, but it's purposeful. I'm leading her emotionally by example. Typically she gets closer, emotionally and often physically.
Those are some options. As a rookie, it's good to start to think about what you want, and let those goals focus your game during the various phases.
WIA