This is a problem of mine I've had most of my life. I am a generally paranoid person and tend to see the world in a negative light (I've had a shitty very abusive childhood, and a negative life up until about high school). I also suffer from depression, so try Prozac! You may suffer sudden heart failure, diarrhea, nausea, headaches... Just kidding lol.
Anyways, I don't have a good or accurate compass for when the girl is being respetful versus I'm being paranoid. I know every person is different and all our boundaries are different. Even "universal boundaries" have large excepts and would only apply to like 40-60-80% of guys at most. A lot of the times I'm either feeling EXTREME GUILT like I can't stop thinking about what I did and assume I was overreacting and it makes me feel shitty for days or weeks on end. But this could be manipulation by guilt. I also apologize profusely.
Other times I perceive their behavior as disrepspectful and I am filled with rage and can't stop thinking about how I was wronged or how wrong they are/were and how much I want to tell them off and prove that I was right and they were wrong. (The saying that would you rather be right or would you rather be happy applies heavily here) But I can't ever be certain I was right or wrong a lot of the times, and sometimes I'll pick a fight over something trivial.
I also bring up the past a LOT. Like if she does something wrong months ago I'll bring it up still. And I compare myself to other guys a lot (I know bitch ass pussy move), like, "You treat him better than me" or "You did this for him but not for me" or "Why couldn't you have treated me better?" or "If you had treated me better from the start we wouldn't have any of these problems" (putting the blame on her essentially for everything that's occurred).
Now to clarify an important point, even though everything above is true, I will still own up to everything I do wrong and apologize for it usually numerous times. Often without hearing that they forgive me. A past girl never explicitly said they forgave me when I apologized but when we talked later she acted like I never did anything wrong and when I asked, she said she forgave me for everything already and doesn't care about the past. The next day I sorta blew up on her over stuff in the pasts which is a really weird and bipolar reaction of mine.
The same past girl would pretty much never own up to anything she did wrong. Like after months of being shitty (or I was being paranoid and inaccurately perceiving her behavior as shitty), she did apologize profusely, once, and I said I forgave her. Then I kept bringing up the past, but in a moment of rage she retracted her apologies from the past which is why I brought things up from the past before she apologized. However, I know the apology at the time was real, and you can't take the past back, so a retraction of an apology is just an immature thing. But so was my behavior in making that apology invalid after she said that (when I know better that it was real), thoughts on what you'd do or what would be the right situation? A month after this apology she gave, she apologized a second time on the phone after we talked for 2 hours and she cried profusely and apologized for everything in detail, it was too specific for her to have been faking it). She later also retracted this apology, but again, it was real at the time, so, wtf?
The main thing with me personally is, the action itself doesn't matter that much. It's the intent behind it. And the intent is what I can't prove, and my perception is off with regards to intent. Like if a girl hurt me A LOT but it was purely accidental and I knew 100% for a fact it was accidental, I could forgive her and let it be.
But regardless of the drama above, feel free to comment on the relationship I described, it was mainly used as an extreme example.
However, my main questions were what the title was about: How do you tell if a girl is disrespecting you and you should be drawing a boundary or telling her she's wrong? Versus, how do you know when YOU are the one overreacting and being paranoid?
Like, her actions are not being disrespectful but that you are simply being paranoid? Or at the very least what she did, although wrong or very minimally disrespectful, is irrelevant to the point that it is not even worth bringing up or starting any drama over? Because I start drama with pretty much any small issue that bothers me, most of the time.
At least recently since my life has fallen apart and my mom got breast cancer, family is in financial trouble, and my health has gone downhill due to a car accident.
Anyways, I don't have a good or accurate compass for when the girl is being respetful versus I'm being paranoid. I know every person is different and all our boundaries are different. Even "universal boundaries" have large excepts and would only apply to like 40-60-80% of guys at most. A lot of the times I'm either feeling EXTREME GUILT like I can't stop thinking about what I did and assume I was overreacting and it makes me feel shitty for days or weeks on end. But this could be manipulation by guilt. I also apologize profusely.
Other times I perceive their behavior as disrepspectful and I am filled with rage and can't stop thinking about how I was wronged or how wrong they are/were and how much I want to tell them off and prove that I was right and they were wrong. (The saying that would you rather be right or would you rather be happy applies heavily here) But I can't ever be certain I was right or wrong a lot of the times, and sometimes I'll pick a fight over something trivial.
I also bring up the past a LOT. Like if she does something wrong months ago I'll bring it up still. And I compare myself to other guys a lot (I know bitch ass pussy move), like, "You treat him better than me" or "You did this for him but not for me" or "Why couldn't you have treated me better?" or "If you had treated me better from the start we wouldn't have any of these problems" (putting the blame on her essentially for everything that's occurred).
Now to clarify an important point, even though everything above is true, I will still own up to everything I do wrong and apologize for it usually numerous times. Often without hearing that they forgive me. A past girl never explicitly said they forgave me when I apologized but when we talked later she acted like I never did anything wrong and when I asked, she said she forgave me for everything already and doesn't care about the past. The next day I sorta blew up on her over stuff in the pasts which is a really weird and bipolar reaction of mine.
The same past girl would pretty much never own up to anything she did wrong. Like after months of being shitty (or I was being paranoid and inaccurately perceiving her behavior as shitty), she did apologize profusely, once, and I said I forgave her. Then I kept bringing up the past, but in a moment of rage she retracted her apologies from the past which is why I brought things up from the past before she apologized. However, I know the apology at the time was real, and you can't take the past back, so a retraction of an apology is just an immature thing. But so was my behavior in making that apology invalid after she said that (when I know better that it was real), thoughts on what you'd do or what would be the right situation? A month after this apology she gave, she apologized a second time on the phone after we talked for 2 hours and she cried profusely and apologized for everything in detail, it was too specific for her to have been faking it). She later also retracted this apology, but again, it was real at the time, so, wtf?
The main thing with me personally is, the action itself doesn't matter that much. It's the intent behind it. And the intent is what I can't prove, and my perception is off with regards to intent. Like if a girl hurt me A LOT but it was purely accidental and I knew 100% for a fact it was accidental, I could forgive her and let it be.
But regardless of the drama above, feel free to comment on the relationship I described, it was mainly used as an extreme example.
However, my main questions were what the title was about: How do you tell if a girl is disrespecting you and you should be drawing a boundary or telling her she's wrong? Versus, how do you know when YOU are the one overreacting and being paranoid?
Like, her actions are not being disrespectful but that you are simply being paranoid? Or at the very least what she did, although wrong or very minimally disrespectful, is irrelevant to the point that it is not even worth bringing up or starting any drama over? Because I start drama with pretty much any small issue that bothers me, most of the time.
At least recently since my life has fallen apart and my mom got breast cancer, family is in financial trouble, and my health has gone downhill due to a car accident.