How does a 22 year old virgin get over being a late bloomer and..

[Anonymous]

i guess you hear this story a lot on here: I was never that good with girls - when I was a kid I was very outgoing and having lots of friends and always being the life of the company and having fun. Then in high school there were some girls that liked me but I was too scared to do anything and just waited till what you call attraction expiration happened. And the girls I actually liked and tried my luck - all rejected me. They always said they had boyfriends, or like another guy or sth else happened.

It was not like I didn't try - I probably have tried with 20-30 different girls between the age of 13-16. And then around 16 I closed myself off from others. I stopped being outgoing and started wearing headphones so no one would talk to me. And since then I've always preferred to be by myself. At that time I also gained weight BUT the past few months I've been eating healthy and working out regularly. If I keep it up I'm about 3 months from having a nice visible 6pack and great body.

I'm waiting on fashion cause I don't see a point in buying nice clothes when in 5-6 weeks they'd be big on me and in 3 months I'd need an entirely new wardrobe. I think it's best to wait just another 2-3 months and they invest in some cool and fashionable clothes that would last me a longer time.

I'm also spending time working on my bodylanguage- walking slow, straight back, head up, etc. I'm still kinda waiting to start approaching girls cause I can't muster up the courage cause I think there would be to many things at once if I have to concentrate on eating wright, working out, working on my bodylanguage and to start approaching. I feel I need to take smaller steps. Like work out my fundamentals for the next 2-3 months and once that's off my shoulders and I don't have to worry about it, I can start approaching in piece.

I'll be using the japanese philosophy of "kaizen", that big goals are achieved by everyday doing a bit better that the day before. I don't have illusions that I'd be taking girls home the first months. I think that there are a bunch of things that I need to learn in stages: approaching, having a conversation, deep diving, taking the girl home, escalating, etc. So I'd be taking them one at a time in the beginning.
The way I see it if I try to do everything all at once and try to seduce girls at the beginning I'd just get depressed and stop trying and never accomplish it. But by taking it in small steps I feel that the chain of small victories are gonna keep me going and one day I'd be able to take a girl home.


BUT my question is this: how do you keep the negative thoughts out of your head? I feel like every time I approach a girl I'd be imagining every girls that's approached me and how I wasn't good enough and still might not be. And this will ruin my confidence and cause me to fail.

I know a lot of guys have gone through the same thing. So how do you get rid of all that baggage of being rejected and unattractive? Does it just go away on it's own? Do you have to do sth to get rid of it? Or is it when you start having girls being attracted to you and wanting you, you stop looking back at the past and enjoy the company of the girls who do like you?



I feel that's the only thing that bothers me. Do you get rid of that kind of baggage and how?

James

 

[ray_zorse]

Why don't you buy just 1 good outfit i.e. a pair of pants and a shirt. Both pretty tight. And some accessories such as shoes, matching belt, watch, rings, neckchain, the accessories will still fit after you lose weight. Note I find myself wearing pretty much the same thing whenever I go out to do approaches in earnest (blue shoes/belt, white cords from Uniqlo, dark blue shirt with white detail from Tarocash) because after all, the women have never seen you before, so they don't know you wear that every time. You can get a more extensive wardrobe later after you achieve your body goals or when you start to get dates.

Now you can practice approaching. Probably the first "n" times you go out you won't even have the balls to approach a single girl. Don't worry. The first approach(es) will likely scare them off too or at least did in my case. Again don't worry. You can soften your ride by using the newbie assignment (see beginners forum, new to girlschase subforum). This makes it step by step... day 1 you only go out to scope out some venues day 2 you only have to say "hi" to some girls, etc. This lets you iron out any kinks before you start doing bolder stuff like giving them compliments and so on.

Hope that helps.

cheers, Ray

 

[Dylweed]

dude there's really only one option you have, go and approach girls now. Don't wait for anything. You have no excuse. You don't have to learn any more knowledge before you do this. You will have to get our of your comfort zone and approach. You will fail many times. But every interaction will be a learning process.

Right now you have no reference experiences of approaching random hot girls. Since it's so unknown, it's scary. But eventually after many approaches you'll have a really good idea of how the interaction will go and this will make you more comfortable and confident.

 

[Dylweed]

btw i seemed to have a similar background story to yours, except i've never been fat. And i was also a 22 year old virgin and then i finally lost it while still 22. Since then i've slept with 8 different girls in 9 months. Things can change with massive action. I didn't make that happen by sitting around waiting for something or trying to learn more info

 

[Smith]

I'm still kinda waiting to start approaching girls cause I can't muster up the courage cause I think there would be to many things at once if I have to concentrate on eating wright, working out, working on my bodylanguage and to start approaching. I feel I need to take smaller steps. Like work out my fundamentals for the next 2-3 months and once that's off my shoulders and I don't have to worry about it, I can start approaching in piece.

Don't wait bro. I put off approaching in the beginning for a few months and told myself I have to work on my fundamentals first, and now I regret the time I wasted on not approaching, because I could have been meeting lots of girls during that time and have amazing experiences. One of my friends, who wants to learn pick up, is also putting of approaching girls and always use some ridiculous excuse like "Oh na my hair is not long enough. I'll wait for it to grow longer then I'll be confident talking to girls". It doesn't work that way. In a few months, you'll still be at the same place.
If you really want to get good fast, you need to take a lot of action.

BUT my question is this: how do you keep the negative thoughts out of your head? I feel like every time I approach a girl I'd be imagining every girls that's approached me and how I wasn't good enough and still might not be. And this will ruin my confidence and cause me to fail.

Practice meditation. When you're about to go up to her, clear your mind and don't worry about what's gonna happen in the next 5-3o seconds. Focus on your breathing and the feelings inside your body, which will bring you to the present. Embrace that feeling (some people call it anxiety, some call it excitement, whatever it is, embrace it and don't think about it, don't analzye it, don't judge it. Be present with it then it will start to unfold) If you really wanna know how this works, I would recommend "the power of now" by Eckhart Tolle. But that's essentially the technique I usually use before I go up to a girl.

If a girl rejects you, she's just not interested. It's as simple as that. don't let your mind put labels and judgements on yourself to justify it. Analyze the interaction from a technical point of view. Otherwise, the rejections will be crippling to u.
Good luck bro

- Smith

 

[Mr.Rob]

Smith lends some good advice in my opinion.

Definitely start approaching here and there so you don't keep making excuses to prolong approaching. If you don't start now theirs a good chance you never will.

What I like about your post is that you have a good attitude that realistic. Some guys that suck shit with women are under the impression that if they approach here and there for 2 months they'll have the life of a sex god and that's not true. It takes a lot of work to become utterly sex worthy.

how do you keep the negative thoughts out of your head? I feel like every time I approach a girl I'd be imagining every girls that's approached me and how I wasn't good enough and still might not be. And this will ruin my confidence and cause me to fail.

First of all meditation will help with this, as smith pointed out.

Your going to fail anyway due to a lack of confidence (we all do) so that shouldn't be an issue.

Assuming your not a black hole of negative emotion and are trying to add value to the girls day (via compliment or pleasant conversation) in a positive way you will have a few great interactions that will surprise you in a very positive way. The more reference points you get that women like you the more those old negative thoughts go away. You'll eventually remember those negative thoughts and laugh at them because they're so ridiculous. "Women respond amazing to me a lot of times of course women like/want me!" you'll think.

Also remember the world is your mirror so if you do get bad receptions initially, don't take it personally, get introspective and change the emotions that you're putting out into the world and if you do it right the girls receptions of you will change as well.

So yeah James I recommend just starting a little bit. The newbie assignment is a good start and post some FR's and see what happens.

Like I said you seem like you have a good attitude which is what we like here!

-Rob