How not to eject too soon after approaching?

[empath]

I mostly use direct openers and some times situational openers directly being from you are cute to some comment on girls outfit but then I end handshaking and just go away from her after delivering the compliment in case of situational opener I can talk a little bit longer but Idk why I am not able to stick with the conversation longer ... Approaching also a impulsive decision like need to approach she so cute way ... How to overcome this and stick with the conversation?

 

[Higher]

How to overcome this and stick with the conversation?

You get to the handshake, so thats already some (small) form of compliance. Id try as soon as possible to get some more compliance from her -- eg. get her to tell you whats her plan right now.

If shes got time, get the two of you to walk/sit together and chat (good setting for deep-dive/micro-escalations).

If not, ask a couple "get to know you" questions, flirt, seed a date and number-close.

 

[Spyce D]

Comes with time and experience .

Thats how I learned it.

 

[Will_V]

I mostly use direct openers and some times situational openers directly being from you are cute to some comment on girls outfit but then I end handshaking and just go away from her after delivering the compliment in case of situational opener I can talk a little bit longer but Idk why I am not able to stick with the conversation longer ... Approaching also a impulsive decision like need to approach she so cute way ... How to overcome this and stick with the conversation?

Have a plan of what to say after the opener.

Typically I introduce myself and/or ask her how her day is going, or comment on something about her present vibe, like whether she's in a rush or in her head or super relaxed or whatever. Then we can talk about her without me having to continue complimenting her, and it comes across as if the compliment was just an excuse to come and vibe with her.

 

[empath]

Today also I opened with standard direct opener, compliment waited for handshake but it turned awkward... I saw hesitation in their body and ejected myself ... How to persist despite this hesitation is my sticking point. I will try to implement both will v and enki's solid advice. But after I see this hesitation i cannot persist... I think maybe I wasting someone's time and they don't want to talk to me

 

[gameboy]

How often have you seen this hesitation? Some girls are just not happy to be approached, that's normal. But I found out that many girls are actually quite happy to talk to me, and hook almost autmatically.

 

[weekendwarrior]

@empath become comfortable being uncomfortable. force yourself to stay in set a little longer, you're running away from nerves and fear. some chicks will be hesitant, they can be skittish and being aware of their body language is a good thing but if you find yourself doing this repeatedly either your approach needs tweaking to not scare the fish or you're making excuses to eject early.

the same as @Will_V advised, have a rough idea of how to continue the conversation, it's called being a conversationalist and there's good guides on the main site that you can read for this. a few stock questions, what are you up to? where are you going? how's your day been? can double up and extend your conversation.

think situational, if they have a coffee cup ask what they ordered, what they'd recommend etc. think practice sets and approach anyone, conversation can be practiced anywhere with anyone if you're really struggling.

warrior

 

[Michael Chief]

Ejected "too soon?" That's fine. Just re-approach.

My usual meta game when out at a bar or something is to do a bunch of small "approaches" (if you can even call it that) that can range from a short compliment, briefly mistaking them for someone else/assuming that I've met them before, to even a real conversation, but I bounce around to talk to more people and gather up social proof. I then approach people I already talked to before and there's like an instant rapport.

 

[Kvothe]

Ejected "too soon?" That's fine. Just re-approach.

My usual meta game when out at a bar or something is to do a bunch of small "approaches" (if you can even call it that) that can range from a short compliment, briefly mistaking them for someone else/assuming that I've met them before, to even a real conversation, but I bounce around to talk to more people and gather up social proof. I then approach people I already talked to before and there's like an instant rapport.

This works really well (I'm bad at executing it personally)

https://www.girlschase.com/content/hit-and-run-pickup-clubs-if-first-she-does-not-respond dives deeper into the mechanics of this, for anyone interested

 

[empath]

@Michael Chief and @Kvothe thanks for the suggestion i generally approach on streets but I will use this mistaking for someone else definately infact there is this girl i saw in train twice whom I thought of opening in that way but ended up opening with thank you.

As for hesitation I am thinking I will keep pushing it until girl decides to eject herself girls get caught up in these situations pretty much so they are preety good at dismissing politely i guess

 

[Will_V]

@empath become comfortable being uncomfortable. force yourself to stay in set a little longer

Yep this is it, when you feel that impulse to run you just take one more breath and stay a few seconds longer and say one more thing. Over time you recondition yourself out of believing that the sky is going to fall down when your anxiety comes up.

@empath your response of ejecting is a conditioned response. Some part of you has been trained to run away from difficult social situations, and to experience tension as a completely negative thing. You have to rewrite that part of yourself. I know, I used to have very bad 'social anxiety' - I use inverted commas because in fact it's a total illusion.

You rewrite it by getting close to the tension and staying there a little bit longer each time, experiencing its presence and letting it exist there with you. After a while you realize it is a neutral entity, and can even be used effectively - it's very hard for things to get sexual without it.

There's a big difference between tension, awkwardness, and hesitation, which is very common for girls to feel, especially around attractive guys, and actual negative tension where they just want to leave. As long as you simply hold your ground while remaining chill, calm, and not being pushy - and don't forget to smile - she will either push through and stay with you or eventually come up with some excuse to leave while moving away, and then you simply let her go.

 

[empath]

Yep this is it, when you feel that impulse to run you just take one more breath and stay a few seconds longer and say one more thing. Over time you recondition yourself out of believing that the sky is going to fall down when your anxiety comes up.

@empath your response of ejecting is a conditioned response. Some part of you has been trained to run away from difficult social situations, and to experience tension as a completely negative thing. You have to rewrite that part of yourself. I know, I used to have very bad 'social anxiety' - I use inverted commas because in fact it's a total illusion.

You rewrite it by getting close to the tension and staying there a little bit longer each time, experiencing its presence and letting it exist there with you. After a while you realize it is a neutral entity, and can even be used effectively - it's very hard for things to get sexual without it.

There's a big difference between tension, awkwardness, and hesitation, which is very common for girls to feel, especially around attractive guys, and actual negative tension where they just want to leave. As long as you simply hold your ground while remaining chill, calm, and not being pushy - and don't forget to smile - she will either push through and stay with you or eventually come up with some excuse to leave while moving away, and then you simply let her go.

Thanks @Will_V I think it's because I was always afraid of girls in school and not had much exposure of talking to them like I never had a female friend till end of college. Also, i kinda feel insecure related to my voice and body and discipline and think why will this hot girl date me but now goal is just to have a conversation ... If I can continuously engage in convos with hot girls it will improve my confidence tremendously but I think a good convo is a value in itself people love to talk right

 

[empath]

That mixed with a nicely done instagram works like a charm.. ive met a player abroad whos running this type of game..

So what you would do is to make a solid instagram profile showing nice pictures of yourself on adventure etc. Edit the videos so they come off professional. Approach the girls and share instagrams, then just eject, the conversation shouldn't take more than a few minutes. Then the girl will usually check your instagram quickly. From there your Instagram will do all the talking for you..

Advice is solid but I don't have time/want to build my Instagram now. Already feel late about building instagram now and it will feel incongruent to my personality/social circle.

 

[empath]

If its 12 pic I will try to first build my Instagram with post I am worried there won't be any likes but this time I will say fuck it and try to put 12 super cool post.

I usually re-post stories if a friend tags me will try to create and post engaging stories. Will take some effort and need to overcome some anxiety but will give it a try.