How should someone respond to disrespectful people online

[Ree]

I am in a bunch of groups,an arts group and an anime group,and every now and then a poster will just get really disrespectful.
I think social media enables people to just curse and be rude knowing that there is little you can do in form of retaliation.
I avoid twitter and reddit and facebook because of this,but the art whatsapp group and the anime group are just too important too quit.
I have often wondered if I should single out a particularly rude person and track them and beat them up,but I feel like thats lame.
like imagine a cool james bond type guy getting flustered leaving his work to go look for some random idiot,nuh,it just doesnt work.
plus also some online interactions happen where you are in different countries,so pyhsical violence isnt an option.
but ignoring it enboldens them .especially in groups that are unregulated,and dissing them back is just something that I would never do,
with a lot of interactions happening online I wonder if there is a very good way of solving this problem

 

[DarkKnight]

and dissing them back is just something that I would never do,

This is your mistake. Im not saying engage in a flame war, but do put people in place the moment they insult you. Turning the other cheek in situations like this (especially when it bothers you) only makes you weaker and more concerned. There is nothing redeeming about it.

 

[Chase]

@Ree-

Well, if you're on a forum like this, presumably you have fairly high verbals, either naturally or you've developed them to that point.

Like DK says, you should be able to take folks who diss you down a peg, in various ways ranging from self-deprecation to eloquent negs to total obliteration, depending on the situation and the challenger.

The downside is it introduces some toxicity/negativity into your life, having to deal with a distance confrontation that is not instantaneous (unless it's in chat). So he'll say something, you'll respond, then you have to wait to see what his response will be. You'll also have to wait to see if the peanut gallery is more on your side or his. And that sucks.

If you're going to be actually involved in a community though, with an established name, you need to preserve your name. Otherwise you'll be a target for folks who want to move up in rank in the community, by ladder climbing up over you.

You also need to be able to, if wrong about something, admit where you're wrong, and back off in a gracious way.

Often people who call you out for being wrong online do so in an ungracious way. In cases like that you may need to admit you're wrong, while objecting to the way the guy made his point or arguing against incorrect elements of his argument.

e.g., if you say, "blah blah here's what we know about X issue and these are the statistics," and Harvey comes in and says, "Ree is wrong again! Here are the real statistics. I don't know where Ree gets this stuff from," you need to be able to say, "Hmm, yeah, those statistics are more recent. I stand slightly corrected. It doesn't change the overall point I was making though. Good try though, Harvey."

Really though the biggest impact is how much of the crowd is on your side vs. Harvey's side. If everyone's on your side they'll team up on Harvey and he'll look like a stupid pendant for trying to pull a "Gotcha!" on something that didn't even really matter. If everyone's on Harvey's side though they'll attack you as trying to slip away from getting caught by Harvey and acting like he didn't get you good.

If you want to effectively insulate yourself from attacks within a community, the most important element of that is what you're doing the rest of the time when you're not involved in debates -- and that should be providing value, building relationships within the community, and forming alliances.

Then when it comes to folks launching attacks at you, you may not even need to deal with the lower level ones, because the community takes those guys out on their own, and when you go up against the higher level ones, the community is partial to you and is going to tend to see things your way so long as you're presenting a decently well-reasoned argument.

Chase

 

[Tony D]

Tell them they need an education, then write a ten thousand word article on your blog proving them wrong.

Bonus points if you can release their work location, and home address on Twitter.

 

[Chase]

then write a ten thousand word article on your blog proving them wrong.

Non-ironically this has actually been a good way for me to come up with topics to write about.

 

[Ree]

@Ree-


Then when it comes to folks launching attacks at you, you may not even need to deal with the lower level ones, because the community takes those guys out on their own, and when you go up against the higher level ones, the community is partial to you and is going to tend to see things your way so long as you're presenting a decently well-reasoned argument.

Chase

Thanks,it seems like social work has to be put in,I think maybe Im not good at that.
I noticed as a daygamer,(and an upwork freelancer) I have just lived my life without putting in this work.
I go daygame strangers,so I dont have to climb hierarchies to get women,and I work from home,so I dont have to play office politics,
surviving as a loner seems to have had many advantages,but I
suspect it came with a cost,I ususally brushed it off as being introverted but
I think this sort of lifestyle may have stunted my growth in group social skills.
game gave me an ability to get laid without having to interact with groups of people,and because i also dont interact with groups because i work from home,I wonder if i am missing out n some life skills