How to avoid friend frame in social situations

[Searcher]

I have seen sometimes that people put me in a bad frame of being a friend when I am with a girl I am working on (say second or third meet).

generally the guy who approaches us asks

“How do you guys know each other?”
“Is he your friend?”
“Is this your boyfriend?”

Now I can’t totally ignore the guy because for the girl it might come off as too needy since this is the second meet and not a girl I recently met and have just transitioned into deeper conversation.

So I tell the guy that we have “recently met”.

now the other person kind of pushes the frame of being friends as in
“Ah so you are friends”
“So what do you think about your friend”

and I don’t know how to respond without making me seem like a chaser.

 

[Rakehell]

What’s the vibe like between you and the girl in these situations?

When i’m in social circle with girls, sometimes there isn’t much being said, but we’re having a nonverbal conversation under the radar.

Sometimes i’ll have guys come up trying to make friends and not necessarily trying to “amog” who say uncalibrated stuff in an attempt to be cool with us.

In those situations ill communicate with the girl with my eyes and facial expresssions, kind of giving her a funny look. Framing what he just said as weird.

In your shoes i’d probably tell the guy in a joking way something like “I don’t even know this girl” while looking at her. And depending on the vibe i’d phase him out in a friendly way from the conversation, and continue with her.

If he’s being malicious and trying to amog you, then it’s a deeper seated issue of how you’re coming across. Unless hes some type of undercover pua trying to lift your girl.

 

[Chase]

There are some old school pickup community AMOG tactics for dealing with this.

One is to act like she is your little sister or cousin and try to set them up on a date, making the guy qualify himself:

"Dude, this is my cousin. She's actually single right now. We're trying to find a guy for her. Would you say you're a good guy? What your qualities?"

If he's not coming in strong there's probably no need to be that harsh though (that's just if you want to completely hang him out to dry).

"We've just met" is the worst thing to tell people. You should never say it yourself and always reframe if the girl says it -- try to always be the one to set the frame first though. Better frames (all said playfully / half-joking so the guy doesn't know if you're serious and the girl can tell you're kidding):

• "We go way back"
• "We've been friends since childhood"
• "You kidding me? This is my girl best friend"
• "We're roommates, actually. She snores really loud"

Etc.

Chase

 

[DarkKnight]

that's just if you want to completely hang him out to dry

Lol for the interlopers impunity there is no reason for mercy . I wil totally abuse that line

 

[Searcher]

I though a response along the lines of

“Don’t worry she knows how to keep a secret, will save your feelings”

(Imply he will be hurt if he knows she is talking with other guys)

what are your thoughts?

@Chase

 

[Kaida]

try to always be the one to set the frame first though.

For social situations / challenges in general, should you always try and set the frame first? I’d imagine that it’s easier than reframing

 

[Chase]

@Sully,

I though a response along the lines of

“Don’t worry she knows how to keep a secret, will save your feelings”

(Imply he will be hurt if he knows she is talking with other guys)

what are your thoughts?

@Chase

I don't understand this, personally. What does it mean? Are you a non-English speaker, translating from another language? Could just be getting lost in translation.

Otherwise though, it's way too indirect. If it's something obscure and no one can tell what you mean by it, it's not an effective way to deal with things.


@Kaiderman,

For social situations / challenges in general, should you always try and set the frame first? I’d imagine that it’s easier than reframing

Yes, whenever possible.

Usually girls if they're into you or even if just curious will pause and give you a chance to respond, either to let you handle it or to see how you handle it.

If you get girls jumping in immediately going, "We just met!" it's usually a bad sign (e.g., she likes this new guy a lot more than you).

Chase

 

[DonGately]

It's a random guy? That's honestly a bit weird but not unheard of.

'Sorry pal, we're having a private conversation.'
The barest of smiles. Back turn.