IMO there’s no harm from inexperienced guys worrying a little too much and going a little too overboard trying to be super amazing boyfriends. Your first few relationships are for figuring your whole relationship game out… you’re going to overshoot, and then you correct.
After that you can be a lot more chill about things. Most of the stuff in that article you are going to do naturally without having to think about it if you’re good with girls and centered in yourself.
However, if you’re a young guy, insecure, inexperienced with long-term relationships, and constantly second-guessing himself, telling him “Don’t worry about relationship stuff… just be yourself” does not have the same utility as giving him actual tactics & strategies he can use.
If he overdoes it and invests way more and gets a little too hung up on her, well fine, but he was going to do that anyway. At least now he does it using tactics & strategies that work, rather than what he would’ve done on his own (a bunch of cheesy mainstream BS, some of which will work, some of which won’t, some of which is just terrible).
So if you ask me, much better for him to be doing the stuff in the article, but overdoing it and investing a bit too much, than leaving him out to dry by telling him “just be yourself” “just do what comes natural” is the better thing for him, which he does not know how to do, and is just going to lead to him overinvesting in the wrong things because he lacks the instinct or experiences to know what to do on his own.
Re: alpha widows:
@moom,
What are some signs I can use to screen to avoid staying with alpha widows?
Maybe I'll do an article on this.
The biggest tell for me though is any girl with a relationship where the man ended or precipitated it himself, not her ending it, and it is clear she still has strong emotions (whether positive or negative) tied to the guy.
She has unfinished business with him.
@Alpha13SC,
You should choose your girl based on her behavior towards you, while not caring about her sexual past in this manner. Not because it couldn t make sense or find something about her, but because you're an alpha as well. And that one doesn't care about her previous one. Too much overthink.
I will just say the way a woman treats you tells you NOTHING about this side of things.
There are women who are the biggest lovey-dovey sweethearts in the world whom you would NEVER suspect would do anything behind your back who if one of their beloved exes calls they will be over their spreading their legs for him and sucking him dry in a heartbeat, then back with you cooking you food, doting on you, and sucking YOU dry before you're ever the wiser.
I have known these girls and could tell you some stories that would make your head spin.
Likewise there are some real shrews out there who are semi-useless in a relationship, aside from looking good and being good lays, but are logical and moral and more masculine in their values and will almost never stray on you unless you REALLY piss them off or neglect them for a super long time.
If the way she treats you is all you're looking at, the only thing you know is how she is when she's with you, not how she is when she isn't.
The one who invest less has the control. And thoughts like that is too much invest IMO.
The overall investment principle of "he who's less invested is more in control", this is true.
Using that to conclude "I must not think about ways to increase my woman's investment in and devotion to the relationship, because to do so would constitute a greater investment of energy on my part into the relationship, thereby damaging my position" however is off target.
If you're already at the point where you don't need to think about this stuff, that's very good.
If a guy is still learning relationships, however, and he is worried about his woman's devotion, you can either give him productive things to do with that mental energy, or you can just tell him "don't stress it, bro! If you stop thinking, it'll all work out!" and he'll just go it alone and probably concoct a bunch of crazy half-baked ideas to increase her investment and blow the whole thing up instead.
Learning relationships is no different from learning approacing.
If a guy's dealing with approach anxiety, "you've got three seconds to approach. As soon as you see her, start moving your feet. If you don't know what else to say, then go in with one of your three standard openers and start talking" is typically a lot better advice than "don't worry about it, you're overthinking, just do what comes natural."
Do you think if Jada would have been with Will, then with 2pac, the latter would actually give a fuck about the first one?
Because I know Will mention 2pac a few times.
Alpha13SC
Is Will Smith an alpha?
Imagine Pac getting in a twist because Jada had an ex like Will.
It'd never happen.
Now... WILL getting in a twist over PAC?
@Skills,
Otherwise u end up being johny deph.
Amber Heard's a borderline personality psycho who I will guarantee has almost certainly been alpha widowed multiple times before and who with 100% certainty love bombed the shit out of Depp in the early relationship and sucked him in with the best treatment he's ever had from a woman ever.
He had no idea what he was stepping into.
I bet if he read my article on
girlfriends with borderline personality disorder and some stuff on giving a wide berth to alpha widowed chicks (and actually took the info to heart and didn't try to "well, this girl's different" it), he would not be in this clusterfuck situation he is in right now.
Live and learn though, eh?
Chase