How to follow up with girl from business conference

[Lantern]

So I just came home from a rather cool small business event.

There was a girl there who works for the company which organized it, whom I met about half a year ago. That time we vibed a bit, we talked mostly business stuff, and that's when I notice she has a tremendous ass, among other lovely qualities. We added each other on LinkedIn and that was that.

She was there again today, and this time we ended up talking just the two of us quite a bit, much more on personal stuff, and I deep dived her a ton, and made cold read which impressed her quite a bit. We were one of the last few people to be there, and the last 30 minutes was just me her talking deep alone (but there were other people around us in the room).

Now, this is a tricky situation. It's a business context, and I need to be tactful. Honestly, if we were fully isolated I would have made some ask, but her boss was always hovering around, including when we parted ways.

So now I'm thinking what would be the best next move. Do I, say, text her (tomorrow, in two days, five...), referencing our conversation, say something that I found the stuff we talked about really interesting and different and would like to do it again? What would be the best way to try to get her on a date, while also being smooth enough that if she's not interested it doesn't feel like I crossed the business/personal border too hard?

I know she lives with her sister, and from stuff she told me about her hobbies and such, she didn't sound like she was in a relationship.

Guys, if you help me get that ass, I will be in your debt for life!

 

[funkyjam]

If you've transitioned away from talking business to personal, that's huge. It sounds like you don't work with her closely and only see her a couple of times a year at this rate, and it won't be a potentially awkward situation to see her in the office every day. If you discovered a shared interest the two of you have that you can reference, that would be the smoothest way to ask her out. If not, I still think you should ask her out, though it may feel like crossing the business/personal border a little more. Do it tomorrow.

 

[Lantern]

If you've transitioned away from talking business to personal, that's huge. It sounds like you don't work with her closely and only see her a couple of times a year at this rate, and it won't be a potentially awkward situation to see her in the office every day.

Correct.

Anyway, I shot her text today afternoon and we exchanged a few. She took her an hour or two to respond, and I wasn't responding very quickly either. So far:

"Hey V, it's Lantern. Wanted to say thanks for yesterday, both for being the host, but more so for the conversation. It was great to talk to someone at one of these hundreds of biz events that are happening now about some important topics, like dance, diving and the advantages of small dogs."

"Hey, Lantern. You're welcome and thank you for coming and also for the interesting conversation. Haha I hope I gave some good arguments to think about *grinning emoji* *dog emoji*"

"I think you're the first person that took a stand for the small dogs, it caught me a bit And I did forget to mention I have a weakness for maltesers"

"Haha I love all dogs, but I like to show people certain breeds need a specific lifestyle... maybe not everyone is ready for it *happy smiling emoji*"

"Like, if you have a small dog you should carry it around in your purse and walk around downtown so they can take your picture for (I write a popular local women online magazine, something like a cosmopolitan)?" - this is me joking, not sure if it translates well to English, but I think it's funny. I wrote this back 20 mins ago, it's late evening here already, so I don't expect her to reply tonight, and even if she does I'll probably go to bed soon anyway.

If anyone has spotted any signs or has pointers, thinks I'm in the game or not, etc, would be happy to hear.

My thoughts are I need to build more comfort over text before suggesting meeting up...

 

[funkyjam]

Since you've met a couple of times and had a 30-minute conversation in person recently, I don't think you need to build any more comfort. I would suggest meeting up the next time you contact her.

 

[Lantern]

Well, I did, and got a no. She said she'd prefer to keep things professional.

I kind feel fine about it because I know I'd regret not asking waaaaay more.

Anyway, just to finish the line of texting for science sake, or if anyone has some postmortem comments, after my last message above she responded this morning:

"Haha, I see the conference gave you some ideas "

I was quite busy today so managed to respond early afternoon:

"Sure, but I'll be skipping the small dog for now But there was another idea I got"

"I bet it's salsa "

"Haha, maybe but I have something else in mind. I'll be direct, the idea is that we continue our conversation outside of work. I know we met in a business context, don't feel any pressure, if you want to keep things professional, all good but I can't shake the feeling the conversation would have been even more fun without collegues and bosses around..."

Took her 20 min to respond

"Hey, sorry for the silence, you surprised me a bit I admint haha but I appreciate the directness and thank you for the invite. It was fun talking but I would like to keep things "professional", I hope you understand... "

Feels like she simply wasn't interested or the deep dive wasn't enough to build attraction, but considering the circumstances, I'm not sure how I'd get a better opportunity with her then the one that happened this week anyway, so might as well have taken a shot.

 

[funkyjam]

Sorry man, that's disappointing. She didn't give a reason, so keep in mind it may have nothing to do with you, she may be involved with someone else, doesn't have the mental bandwidth to date at the moment, etc. But yes at least you tried and won't wonder about what-ifs forever.

 

[gameboy]

You might still get a chance with her. She says she appreciates your being direct. Who knows, maybe she changes her mind after a couple of days or weeks. Unless she is married or in an LTR.

Women are change...

 

[Lantern]

Sorry man, that's disappointing. She didn't give a reason, so keep in mind it may have nothing to do with you, she may be involved with someone else, doesn't have the mental bandwidth to date at the moment, etc. But yes at least you tried and won't wonder about what-ifs forever.

Thanks, man. I do think she gave a reason, I belive her when she says she wants to keep things professional. She's in her mid-twenties, a woman in the business world just starting out... my feeling is she was suprised by my invite, maybe even panicked slightly since it was a business context and sort of auto-rejected. The other option is obviusly there was no attraction.

If I'm right, what gameboy says might also be true, if after a while she finds the idea less intimidating she might be open to something again at a later time, who knows.

Anyway, I think I handled this as best as could be done considering the circumstances.