How to Handle Warm but Assertive or Confrontational Reactions During Approaches?”

[Arnav]

Hi guys,

I have a question about handling difficult situations during my approaches. A small percentage of interactions leave me unsure how to respond, and they usually fall into two types:

1. Warm but Assertive Reactions:
Sometimes a girl initially responds warmly—smiling, engaged after my direct opener—but then becomes assertive or starts asking confronting questions while facing me
For example:

After my direct opener she responds warmly bit when i try to engage her in further covnersation she stops, faves me and asks what are you doing? Why are you asking me questions, to which i respond she looked charmign so i wanted to come and get to know her. She says she isn't interested in an assergive tone ( with a warm and smiling expression)

Or she smiles and is warm but firmly says, “Listen, I don’t really want to have a conversation, okay?”

These situations confuse me because her tone and body language seem friendly, but her words are assertive. I’m unsure how to respond here, wether to exit politely or try to continue the conv.

2. Confrontational or “Bitchy” Reactions:
In some cases, the girl responds with irritation or challenges me directly, like:

“What did you just say?” said with an irritated expression. (to a direct compliment opener)

“So how long were you waiting here to approach me?” said in a confronting tone.

In these moments, I get flustered and don’t know how to handle it. I end up walking away and feeling bad afterward for not staying calm or handling it confidently.

My Question:
How should I handle these two types of situations — (1) when a girl is warm but assertive, and (2) when she’s directly confrontational — so that I don’t get flustered or seem unsure of myself?

 

[Will_V]

Hi guys,

I have a question about handling difficult situations during my approaches. A small percentage of interactions leave me unsure how to respond, and they usually fall into two types:

1. Warm but Assertive Reactions:
Sometimes a girl initially responds warmly—smiling, engaged after my direct opener—but then becomes assertive or starts asking confronting questions while facing me
For example:

After my direct opener she responds warmly bit when i try to engage her in further covnersation she stops, faves me and asks what are you doing? Why are you asking me questions, to which i respond she looked charmign so i wanted to come and get to know her. She says she isn't interested in an assergive tone ( with a warm and smiling expression)

Or she smiles and is warm but firmly says, “Listen, I don’t really want to have a conversation, okay?”

These situations confuse me because her tone and body language seem friendly, but her words are assertive. I’m unsure how to respond here, wether to exit politely or try to continue the conv.

2. Confrontational or “Bitchy” Reactions:
In some cases, the girl responds with irritation or challenges me directly, like:

“What did you just say?” said with an irritated expression. (to a direct compliment opener)

“So how long were you waiting here to approach me?” said in a confronting tone.

In these moments, I get flustered and don’t know how to handle it. I end up walking away and feeling bad afterward for not staying calm or handling it confidently.

My Question:
How should I handle these two types of situations — (1) when a girl is warm but assertive, and (2) when she’s directly confrontational — so that I don’t get flustered or seem unsure of myself?

Those reactions basically mean, "you look like a nice guy but I'm not feeling it". She doesn't feel your dominance or intent when she's in your presence.

It could be for example if you come in too soft and unsure, or with a too-bubbly energy, or your conversation just meanders around without engaging her, and she starts to feel the need to assert herself and put things in their place.

Without knowing more details I can't really tell you what is going on or what exactly to do.

 

[Arnav]

Those reactions basically mean, "you look like a nice guy but I'm not feeling it". She doesn't feel your dominance or intent when she's in your presence.

It could be for example if you come in too soft and unsure, or with a too-bubbly energy, or your conversation just meanders around without engaging her, and she starts to feel the need to assert herself and put things in their place.

Without knowing more details I can't really tell you what is going on or what exactly to do.

Okay, here is an example:

( I approach a girl carryi g her luggae outisde a subway)
Me: hey I just saw you passimg by I had to come and tell you have a really good sense of fashion.
She: * turns to face me, shakes her head as if to say no, no,no but is blushing slightly and smiling looking at me, doesnt say anything*
(I take this as a warm response)
Me: my name is arnav by the way, whts your
She: my name is anna
Me: okay, so are you coming from a vacation. (Point to the luggage she is carrying)
She: no actually. I was going to my sister, she is staying at a hostel.
[We get on an escalator together while still covmersing]
Me: a hostel? so are you in college?
She: yeah.
Me: okay, so what are you studying?
(As we are still on the escalator, she turns her face towards me and says_
She: listen I don't really wanna have a cinversation. [Says this assertively but warmly]
Me: okay fine
(i get a little flustered because there are people in the escalator)
I stop talking and then take out my phone scrolling just pretendimg I am looking at somehting, thigns were suoer awakward here, because we are sta di g right next to each ither on the esclator surrounded by esclator and I can't even exit the situation here,)

Why was she smiling with a slight blush on the open but later told me she didnt want ti have a conv.
& and how coukd I have habdked her assertive but warm shutting me down, playfull tease and persist, or just end it there?

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

TL DR is "a You buy now" approach means the product better be immediately appealing.

Your understanding needs tweaking.

Direct approaches force the girl to make a snap decision based on a emotional reaction to her subjective value of you - and that "decision" is made on the most limited amounts of impression and information.

Also your expectations are out of line.

You can't come on strong and not expect the same energy, even if it's negative.

Remedy?

1) If you insist on compliment openers, or references to her attractiveness, one play is to raise your fundamental value.

2) You can overwhelm her Pepe Le Pew style

Not physically, Humorously of course, but right now it seems that your overall success rate and experience isn't high enough (competence) to build that level of confidence.

3) This gets back to both your internal frame and the shared external frame.

Hostility is still a very strong emotion. It is negative but it can turn on a dime. I've had plenty of heart pounding arguments that were just one facial expression away from laughter.

"Darling don't be like that, our grandchildren will want to hear a good story about how we met. Unless you're adding some drama on purpose.".

Or

"I got a live one. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth!"

Said with the proper internal world view, vocal tone, facial expression, and delivery you can flip her anger into a joke. - or reframe the encounter.

By responding logically, and matching her emotion, you're dancing to her tune. You're falling into get frame.

The point of pickup is to get her to dance to your tune instead. Building up your ability to reframe is not something covered in a brief reply to a message board

 

[Arnav]

O

TL DR is "a You buy now" approach means the product better be immediately appealing.

Your understanding needs tweaking.

Direct approaches force the girl to make a snap decision based on a emotional reaction to her subjective value of you - and that "decision" is made on the most limited amounts of impression and information.

Also your expectations are out of line.

You can't come on strong and not expect the same energy, even if it's negative.

Remedy?

1) If you insist on compliment openers, or references to her attractiveness, one play is to raise your fundamental value.

2) You can overwhelm her Pepe Le Pew style

Not physically, Humorously of course, but right now it seems that your overall success rate and experience isn't high enough (competence) to build that level of confidence.

3) This gets back to both your internal frame and the shared external frame.

Hostility is still a very strong emotion. It is negative but it can turn on a dime. I've had plenty of heart pounding arguments that were just one facial expression away from laughter.

"Darling don't be like that, our grandchildren will want to hear a good story about how we met. Unless you're adding some drama on purpose.".

Or

"I got a live one. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth!"

Said with the proper internal world view, vocal tone, facial expression, and delivery you can flip her anger into a joke. - or reframe the encounter.

By responding logically, and matching her emotion, you're dancing to her tune. You're falling into get frame.

The point of pickup is to get her to dance to your tune instead. Building up your ability to reframe is not something covered in a brief reply to a message board

Okay i see.

My understanding is girls are a bit on guard from strangers and especiallly cold approach where they dont know the other person.

So I do come on with a warm and friendly energy for direct compliment openers. Coming in with domiance or strong intent seems a little risky to me because I am approaching near subways and there are people around.

I am concerned If I am come in too strongly she might get creeped out , or flip out on me , or people around might see me as harrasing a girl and social shame me.

Is my thinking right here or am I way off, how do you even approach with dominance or strong intent without scaring or creeping the girl off.

 

[OldGuy]

In the example you gave she is trying to catch a train and does not have time for a conversation, Best to go for an insta date. Suggest getting together for coffee and exchange numbers (have her give you hers or enter yours in her phone). With luck, she will think of you on the train ride.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

O

Okay i see.

My understanding is girls are a bit on guard from strangers and especiallly cold approach where they dont know the other person.

So I do come on with a warm and friendly energy for direct compliment openers. Coming in with domiance or strong intent seems a little risky to me because I am approaching near subways and there are people around.

I am concerned If I am come in too strongly she might get creeped out , or flip out on me , or people around might see me as harrasing a girl and social shame me.

Is my thinking right here or am I way off, how do you even approach with dominance or strong intent without scaring or creeping the girl off.

You're thinking that coming on "too strong" will elicit bad results - that's the correct thinking as a novice.

"Too Strong" becomes an option when your personality is so powerful that it overwhelms others. You don't have the data set for that yet..

So don't choose option 2.

But if ALL of your warm/friendly energy direct compliment openers are bombing, or you're always getting hostile responses. Most interactions should just be friendly little chats. 90% of the time, you'll get a phone number/social media - and the vast majority of that will go nowhere. But those little "wins" are good for the ego. And every approach AND REFLECTION is adding to your data set.

So to recap what I said above.

When a chick is giving you friction, and then says

• "Is that your player line?"
• "Do you say this to all the girls?"
• "Is that the best you can do do?"
• "Does this work on other girls?"
• "How long did you wait before you came up to talk to me?"
• "I have a boyfriend"
• "I don't have time to talk to you"
• etc

1) Fundamentals - If this happens in the first 60 seconds, every single time - Your fundamentals need help

More importantly (skipping option 2 - though it's related to option 3)

3) Frame - You have to internally reframe her actions, and then externally reframe the situation for her and anyone else listening.

On the internal

• Of course she's like that, she doesn't know me, and I need to give her more of an opportunity to know me.
• Or, she responded to me, that's cool. She wants to play the game.
• Her extremely hostile and anti-social comment is actually flirting.

Traditionally, PUA says that when a girl gives you shit for talking to her - that's a sign of interest. She would not do that to a bum.

Is this actually true? Is this the objective truth? No.

It's bit delusional at first - but when you start thinking that every problem is an opportunity - reality starts to bend.

IN THE CONTEXT OF TALKING TO A STRANGER* - Some of the "hard no's" remain hard no's. But a good chunk of the hard no's are just unthinking reactions. (which is why most of us don't do straight up direct).

*BOLDED FOR YOU AUTISTIC INCELS THAT TAKE EVERYTHING AT FACE VALUE AND HAVE ZERO SOCIAL AWARENESS.

The classic internal reframe is that approach anxiety is actually adrenaline, it's actually approach excitement.

In a very important way, your MIND is your reality. How you think about yourself, the world, and others - really affects your internal emotional state - which affects your behavior, what you say verbally, and what you communicate nonverbally.

On the external

Any time a chick says something like this - 99% of the time - most guys are caught flat footed. (keep in mind, most guys aren't talking to strangers)

So you can run any of the typical reponses to "shit tests"

• Agree and Amplify - "I do use that line on all the girls"
• Ignore - talk about something else.
• Silence and Eye contact - and just wait for her to say "what"...and then just plow through (this is called the conversational vaccuum. People have to fill the space) Most recently with Steven Miller on CNN talking about plenary power.
• Mishear/Misinterpret - "You like my words, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship"
• Obviously Change the subject - "Anyway, I'm Arnav..."
• Accuse her of the very thing she's accusing you of - "Why did you ask me over here if you're gonna be rude"
• Pull Rank - "Is that how we were taught to talk to good looking strangers"
• etc

There are like a million ways to deal with this brief moment of discomfort. Newbs and Vets should watch people and watch media to see these things in action. And even when the narrative defies your belief - sometimes tapping into a narrative - is often something that the girl shares. (I.e. you can manufacture a "meet cute")

But the key thing to understanding shit-tests (and flipping them) and being a good with the gab is that YOU'RE REFRAMING the situation.

• She doesn't mean what she means.
• She doesn't feel what she feels.
• What she said doesn't make sense, because your unexpected verbal/nonverbal reply doesn't track (wait, I thought I just dissed him, but he's taking it as a positive, did I diss him?)

When you're really running good pick up - you're pushing her emotional buttons.

Outrage, Anger, Sadness, Novelty, Humor, Lust, Nostalgia, Regret - etc.

This is a button that you're pushing. And you're doing it by saying/doing the right thing - and the only reason that you're doing it is on faith. (lot of chicks give zero indicators of interest, or lots of indicators of disinterest)

And when you get her to change from enemy to friend - pass her "tests" - she becomes more attracted.

Sometimes these girls are intentionally testing you. Rare, but it happens.
Most of the time it's just an automated response to any and everyone.

But flipping her mood - is sometimes intentionally attractive, but pick up is about appealing to that animal inside.

Just like rubbing the back of a crying infant soothes them - you're doing the same thing with a scared chick.

WIA

 

[Arnav]

You're thinking that coming on "too strong" will elicit bad results - that's the correct thinking as a novice.

"Too Strong" becomes an option when your personality is so powerful that it overwhelms others. You don't have the data set for that yet..

So don't choose option 2.

But if ALL of your warm/friendly energy direct compliment openers are bombing, or you're always getting hostile responses. Most interactions should just be friendly little chats. 90% of the time, you'll get a phone number/social media - and the vast majority of that will go nowhere. But those little "wins" are good for the ego. And every approach AND REFLECTION is adding to your data set.

So to recap what I said above.

When a chick is giving you friction, and then says

• "Is that your player line?"
• "Do you say this to all the girls?"
• "Is that the best you can do do?"
• "Does this work on other girls?"
• "How long did you wait before you came up to talk to me?"
• "I have a boyfriend"
• "I don't have time to talk to you"
• etc

1) Fundamentals - If this happens in the first 60 seconds, every single time - Your fundamentals need help

More importantly (skipping option 2 - though it's related to option 3)

3) Frame - You have to internally reframe her actions, and then externally reframe the situation for her and anyone else listening.

On the internal

• Of course she's like that, she doesn't know me, and I need to give her more of an opportunity to know me.
• Or, she responded to me, that's cool. She wants to play the game.
• Her extremely hostile and anti-social comment is actually flirting.

Traditionally, PUA says that when a girl gives you shit for talking to her - that's a sign of interest. She would not do that to a bum.

Is this actually true? Is this the objective truth? No.

It's bit delusional at first - but when you start thinking that every problem is an opportunity - reality starts to bend.

IN THE CONTEXT OF TALKING TO A STRANGER* - Some of the "hard no's" remain hard no's. But a good chunk of the hard no's are just unthinking reactions. (which is why most of us don't do straight up direct).

*BOLDED FOR YOU AUTISTIC INCELS THAT TAKE EVERYTHING AT FACE VALUE AND HAVE ZERO SOCIAL AWARENESS.

The classic internal reframe is that approach anxiety is actually adrenaline, it's actually approach excitement.

In a very important way, your MIND is your reality. How you think about yourself, the world, and others - really affects your internal emotional state - which affects your behavior, what you say verbally, and what you communicate nonverbally.

On the external

Any time a chick says something like this - 99% of the time - most guys are caught flat footed. (keep in mind, most guys aren't talking to strangers)

So you can run any of the typical reponses to "shit tests"

• Agree and Amplify - "I do use that line on all the girls"
• Ignore - talk about something else.
• Silence and Eye contact - and just wait for her to say "what"...and then just plow through (this is called the conversational vaccuum. People have to fill the space) Most recently with Steven Miller on CNN talking about plenary power.
• Mishear/Misinterpret - "You like my words, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship"
• Obviously Change the subject - "Anyway, I'm Arnav..."
• Accuse her of the very thing she's accusing you of - "Why did you ask me over here if you're gonna be rude"
• Pull Rank - "Is that how we were taught to talk to good looking strangers"
• etc

There are like a million ways to deal with this brief moment of discomfort. Newbs and Vets should watch people and watch media to see these things in action. And even when the narrative defies your belief - sometimes tapping into a narrative - is often something that the girl shares. (I.e. you can manufacture a "meet cute")

But the key thing to understanding shit-tests (and flipping them) and being a good with the gab is that YOU'RE REFRAMING the situation.

• She doesn't mean what she means.
• She doesn't feel what she feels.
• What she said doesn't make sense, because your unexpected verbal/nonverbal reply doesn't track (wait, I thought I just dissed him, but he's taking it as a positive, did I diss him?)

When you're really running good pick up - you're pushing her emotional buttons.

Outrage, Anger, Sadness, Novelty, Humor, Lust, Nostalgia, Regret - etc.

This is a button that you're pushing. And you're doing it by saying/doing the right thing - and the only reason that you're doing it is on faith. (lot of chicks give zero indicators of interest, or lots of indicators of disinterest)

And when you get her to change from enemy to friend - pass her "tests" - she becomes more attracted.

Sometimes these girls are intentionally testing you. Rare, but it happens.
Most of the time it's just an automated response to any and everyone.

But flipping her mood - is sometimes intentionally attractive, but pick up is about appealing to that animal inside.

Just like rubbing the back of a crying infant soothes them - you're doing the same thing with a scared chick.

WIA

Okay, thanks that was really helpfull.

No i dont get negative ractions on 90% of my approaches.

Here sort of the data
60 apprpaches
6 good chats, +number or insta close.
30 neutral rejections
18 warm rejections
2 negative reaction.

These happen rarely but when they do they realy knock my confidence.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

1) If you insist on compliment openers, or references to her attractiveness, one play is to raise your fundamental value.

I honestly think it’s mainly this for such type of street cold approaching.

I’ve done a lot of daygaming opening direct with a compliment and when you receive a variation of: “I don’t want to talk” very early, the only things a girl can judge you on is your appearance, the way you approached and the two three sentences you managed to say.

And the rejection is rarely about the content of the sentences, unless you open with something extremely polarising.

So basically it’s a snap reaction to your fundamentals and the vibe you bring is as you go to talk to her.

All this assuming that she doesn’t have other reasons not to talk, like being in a serious relationship and not feeling the need to flirt with someone randomly.

But really I don’t believe that you have many things you can do in such a situation. I’ve tried to persist, to be playful, and even if you keep your frame, the initial judgement is very difficult to change in such a quick public environment approach.

In fact I literally had an approach like this while reading your thread.

I was passing by a girl standing against a wall smoking and waiting for the bus. Turned to her like I just noticed her, she was wearing headphones, so I said excuse me and then told her that she looks really elegant.

She took them off, said thank you, gave me a smile, felt warmly surprised, I thought maybe there is something here.

Asked her what’s the vibe if she is just listening to music waiting for the bus, she said no and showed me her phone with some tik tok videos, so I said oh you’re influencing.

Then she told me something like: “I don’t want to talk” with a firmer energy. So I just said “ok, you don’t have to… you do have a cool vibe anyway, have a great day”, and left.

All this response was with no reactiveness from my side, I would even say it felt perplexing to me that she didn’t want to talk to me and just said it like that instantly, so I kept my smile and left.

I guess if this girl had the chance to see me again in the vicinity interacting with others and realising how unaffected by the rejection I was, she could possibly start getting intrigued and thinking: “wait who is this guy”.

But right there at that moment, when she has already decided to verbalise her desire to not interact with you, most efforts to stay and keep the interaction going will seem try-hard.

You can for sure be more playful than I was here, but if after one/two attempts it is not landing I would just keep my good energy and leave.

I mean, why would you even interact with someone that instantly tells you they don’t want to in any other situation. When you know your value and it is bluntly rejected like that, you just go and find someone else that will appreciate it.

And of course it is important to see where you are struggling with your initial impression that creates this quick negative reaction and find ways showcasing your value upfront. That’s something I am looking at myself too.

 

[Arnav]

I honestly think it’s mainly this for such type of street cold approaching.

I’ve done a lot of daygaming opening direct with a compliment and when you receive a variation of: “I don’t want to talk” very early, the only things a girl can judge you on is your appearance, the way you approached and the two three sentences you managed to say.

And the rejection is rarely about the content of the sentences, unless you open with something extremely polarising.

So basically it’s a snap reaction to your fundamentals and the vibe you bring is as you go to talk to her.

All this assuming that she doesn’t have other reasons not to talk, like being in a serious relationship and not feeling the need to flirt with someone randomly.

But really I don’t believe that you have many things you can do in such a situation. I’ve tried to persist, to be playful, and even if you keep your frame, the initial judgement is very difficult to change in such a quick public environment approach.

In fact I literally had an approach like this while reading your thread.

I was passing by a girl standing against a wall smoking and waiting for the bus. Turned to her like I just noticed her, she was wearing headphones, so I said excuse me and then told her that she looks really elegant.

She took them off, said thank you, gave me a smile, felt warmly surprised, I thought maybe there is something here.

Asked her what’s the vibe if she is just listening to music waiting for the bus, she said no and showed me her phone with some tik tok videos, so I said oh you’re influencing.

Then she told me something like: “I don’t want to talk” with a firmer energy. So I just said “ok, you don’t have to… you do have a cool vibe anyway, have a great day”, and left.

All this response was with no reactiveness from my side, I would even say it felt perplexing to me that she didn’t want to talk to me and just said it like that instantly, so I kept my smile and left.

I guess if this girl had the chance to see me again in the vicinity interacting with others and realising how unaffected by the rejection I was, she could possibly start getting intrigued and thinking: “wait who is this guy”.

But right there at that moment, when she has already decided to verbalise her desire to not interact with you, most efforts to stay and keep the interaction going will seem try-hard.

You can for sure be more playful than I was here, but if after one/two attempts it is not landing I would just keep my good energy and leave.

I mean, why would you even interact with someone that instantly tells you they don’t want to in any other situation. When you know your value and it is bluntly rejected like that, you just go and find someone else that will appreciate it.

And of course it is important to see where you are struggling with your initial impression that creates this quick negative reaction and find ways showcasing your value upfront. That’s something I am looking at myself too.

Okay intresting to know something exactly like this happened with you. Looks like these are common patters that repeat.

You pointed to high fundamentals as being key to making direct approaches work, but if you ran your intercation or the one I posted with an indirect approach instead- would the outcome really be any different?

Wouldnt the same fundmentals come into play in the idirect approachbas well and lead th girl to shut the conv early again?

 

[ChrisXKiss]

You pointed to high fundamentals as being key to making direct approaches work, but if you ran your intercation or the one I posted with an indirect approach instead- would the outcome really be any different?

Wouldnt the same fundmentals come into play in the idirect approachbas well and lead th girl to shut the conv early again?

I’d say it depends. If the fundamentals are that bad that the girl wouldn’t even want to talk to you socially then no matter the approach she won’t talk to you.

It’s like seeing a homeless guy coming close, you don’t care how he approaches you, you simply want to eject.

I personally like being direct, because sometimes you just see a girl passing by and you want to talk to her because she makes you feel something. If you express it authentically yes she may judge you immediately but it could also be the only thing that makes sense to do at that moment.

There could be a case though that by opening indirectly you can make the interaction smoother and not startle the girl. I just can’t see it happening in a walking set, it feels weird to me.

And by the way I don’t consider only compliments as direct. If you saw the girl struggling to carry the luggage and said: “Damn, you look like you are carrying your whole house in there”, with a playful smile, it’s still pretty obvious you are flirting with her.

At least in my eyes, maybe other people define it differently, but I see direct coming from the energy you bring in and if you obviously make the interaction man to woman between you two, which can happen just by the way you look at her.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Okay, thanks that was really helpfull.

No i dont get negative ractions on 90% of my approaches.

Here sort of the data
60 apprpaches
6 good chats, +number or insta close.
30 neutral rejections
18 warm rejections
2 negative reaction.

These happen rarely but when they do they realy knock my confidence.

Good that you're keeping data. 2/60 negative reactions is great.

As A learning opportunity, you should try to be a bit more polarizing than normal for X number of approaches. You can probably learn how to intentionally provoke some emotions, and then practice bring it back.

 

[Will_V]

Okay, here is an example:

( I approach a girl carryi g her luggae outisde a subway)
Me: hey I just saw you passimg by I had to come and tell you have a really good sense of fashion.
She: * turns to face me, shakes her head as if to say no, no,no but is blushing slightly and smiling looking at me, doesnt say anything*
(I take this as a warm response)
Me: my name is arnav by the way, whts your
She: my name is anna
Me: okay, so are you coming from a vacation. (Point to the luggage she is carrying)
She: no actually. I was going to my sister, she is staying at a hostel.
[We get on an escalator together while still covmersing]
Me: a hostel? so are you in college?
She: yeah.
Me: okay, so what are you studying?
(As we are still on the escalator, she turns her face towards me and says_
She: listen I don't really wanna have a cinversation. [Says this assertively but warmly]
Me: okay fine
(i get a little flustered because there are people in the escalator)
I stop talking and then take out my phone scrolling just pretendimg I am looking at somehting, thigns were suoer awakward here, because we are sta di g right next to each ither on the esclator surrounded by esclator and I can't even exit the situation here,)

Why was she smiling with a slight blush on the open but later told me she didnt want ti have a conv.
& and how coukd I have habdked her assertive but warm shutting me down, playfull tease and persist, or just end it there?

A couple of things here.

First of all, immediately after opening you follow her onto the escalator. Now she is standing there with some random guy who is apparently going to follow her from now on. She never got the choice to stay or go.

When you approach a girl you have to stop her. She can refuse and keep walking, or she can stay and engage. This is her choice.

On rare occasions she may be in a hurry and you can suggest walking with her for a few minutes, like "I'm going in this direction can I walk with you for a couple of minutes?" which again gives her that choice.

The point is, she has to be able to refuse your approach by walking away.

Besides this, if she's shaking her head immediately and going "no, no" then something about your approach is likely coming on too strong/tense. Without seeing you it's hard to say what it could be.