How to know if the girl is locked in or converted

[empath]

Thanks everyone. @Will_V @Atlas IV @Stark

Finally banged this girl for 3rd time.

Warmth + patience. Thank god I did not go into needy bargaining style and she was really busy and not in town.

Also, I guess she will be locked in soon.

Lets see if I can do a one-sided monogamy with her.

She was cheated in her last relationship and even one before that ended badly. So, I think I should pass this one morally for one-sided monogamy.

But she has enough of traits that I like so I want to keep her around.

 

[empath]

Hey still having issue with this girl.

I have slept with her while she was in city almost every week and was seeing her for more than 3 months.

Now she has gone for her exams to her hometown.

I had thought we will text and talk while she is at her home.

But she was not engaging much.

The day before she left for hometown she tried to deny me sex.

But I ended up having it anyways.

Here it is - https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...ght-in-casual-relationships-short-term.30771/

After this she was affectionate next day.

She texted me from herself.

But as soon as she reached home she ignored my text.

I'm assuming she must be busy with studies.

So I kept text simple for her and easy to reply.

At 10days mark. Total 4 text exchanges. Of which two she replied.

Now I am feeling a bit idk, I was feeling angry as I started writing this tread but I'm not now.

Anyway to get her to be proper girlfriend of mine?

Why I'm having hard time retaining her while I can do with other girls?

There is alway this issue for me hyper-extroverted career oriented girl.

What am I missing?

 

[TomInHo]

What am I missing?

You're missing the reason why she tried to deny you sex in the first place

She feels like a sexual object but wants something more serious

Sure you got the lay that day, but it doesn't mean you have completely handled her concerns

Emotions don't just flip over night like that

So to turn something like this around you'll need to be consistent and not get too bothered when she pulls away sometimes

Because if she truly is an avoidant, no matter how safe you make her feel this dynamic will never fully go away. Even if she does commit to you be prepared for her to get triggered and engage in this push and pull dynamic

Burden will be on you to stay cool, patient and very communicative

And you have to really ask yourself if the juice is worth the squeeze?

There are many beautiful and successful women out there that won't require so much emotional labor

Me personally when I meet girls like this I put them firmly in casual category. I don't have time to micro manage other peoples emotions and prefer to save that energy for women more invested in me

But I understand not everyone likes easy relationships

What you do next is up to you but just realize you do need to get your expectations in check

 

[empath]

You're missing the reason why she tried to deny you sex in the first place

She feels like a sexual object but wants something more serious

Sure you got the lay that day, but it doesn't mean you have completely handled her concerns

Emotions don't just flip over night like that

So to turn something like this around you'll need to be consistent and not get too bothered when she pulls away sometimes

I get it, and I tired to put more efforts but she pulled regardless.

I'm feeling like getting gamed by a male PUA using push and pull on me.

Idk how to do it. I just want her to become invested and commited to me like she was to prior boyfriends and then more.

Listening to her sexual history makes me think she is. She has done crazy lovey dovey shit for them, soo why not for me?

I want to crack it.

Because if she truly is an avoidant, no matter how safe you make her feel this dynamic will never fully go away. Even if she does commit to you be prepared for her to get triggered and engage in this push and pull dynamic

Burden will be on you to stay cool, patient and very communicative

And you have to really ask yourself if the juice is worth the squeeze?

There are many beautiful and successful women out there that won't require so much emotional labor

Me personally when I meet girls like this I put them firmly in casual category. I don't have time to micro manage other peoples emotions and prefer to save that energy for women more invested in me

But I understand not everyone likes easy relationships

What you do next is up to you but just realize you do need to get your expectations in check

I got my expectations in check hence, I am mostly cool and looking at it from an stategic prespective rather then emotinally.

But yeah, logically best would be to leave her, but I want her emotianally.

So, right now focus is on getting her and then figure out what to do once I have her.

Like I gave her this emoji,
She replied with: Hi
Me: I will call... Lemme know when u have ur mee time

Not seen or anything it pisses me off. Eespecially if we are seeing each other for 3 months, I expect simply ... acknowledgement of you being busy etc.

At this point its more about LTR, ... Not PU.

 

[topcat]

Idk how to do it. I just want her to become invested and commited to me like she was to prior boyfriends and then more.

Listening to her sexual history makes me think she is. She has done crazy lovey dovey shit for them, soo why not for me?

I want to crack it.

And this my friend is the very reason you aren’t getting her. The more you try to get her invested in you, the more invested you get and thus she has no need to invest in you..

I’ve told you before, and i’ll tell you again. You care too much.

Move on, try with another girl. If she won’t invest, move on and try with the next until a girl does.

The one who cares least wins. The one who cares most, invests the most.

Why did she invest so much in those other guys? Because they wouldn’t.

Move on mate.

 

[TomInHo]

Honestly, man, it doesn’t really sound like this is about her anymore

It sounds like you’re trying to fix something internal

Women aren’t happiness dispensers, they can just amplify what’s already there

So if she does come around and says she loves you… and then goes to work, and you’re still left staring at a life that doesn’t fulfill you. . . it won’t matter

She won’t be able to fill that hole

And this my friend is the very reason you aren’t getting her. The more you try to get her invested in you, the more invested you get and thus she has no need to invest in you..

I’ve told you before, and i’ll tell you again. You care too much.

Move on, try with another girl. If she won’t invest, move on and try with the next until a girl does.

The one who cares least wins. The one who cares most, invests the most.

Why did she invest so much in those other guys? Because they wouldn’t.

Move on mate.

I get where you coming from but bruv. . . the answer to all relationship problems isn't always "just move on" bro

If all you want is casual dating then that makes sense. But for more serious relationships that kind of thinking doesn't really work

It's not like if you get vulnerable you're going to die lol

Even if it doesn't workout you will learn a lot of lessons and bounce back.

And just because a man invests in a relationship does not mean the woman will have no need to invest either

In fact in this scenario that exactly what he needs to do. But he needs to invest in the right ways so she feels safe investing

Right now they have a "Me vs You" dynamic, when in reality he needs to have a more "Us" dynamic here

There's no shame in caring about a woman

But he does need to manage his emotions better

Anyways @empath here's what you can do

1) Only give what you are willing to give freely. Do not demand reciprocation for your efforts
2) Watch her investment and try to reward her when she does invest
3) Focus only on getting her on dates, and understand she may still push and pull a bit
4) On dates make sure to do non sexual activities too, so she gets a feeling it's not only about sex (have fun inside and outside the bedroom)
5) If she pulls away sometimes, try to relax and do something else to occupy your mind
6) This push and pull dynamic will not disappear overnight and it will require a lot of patience and non neediness on your end. Decide now if you're ready for this emotionally
7) If after you've done all this for another 3 months she is still not improving or investing to your liking. . . Then it may be time to have a discussion with her (but this is a last resort)
8) Be totally okay with this not working out in the end. If it works great, if not great. . . at least you got to make memories with a girl you really liked

And if after all this you have to break up you with her it will sting way less. Because you will learn a lot of lessons and leave with no guilt since you know you actually tried

Can't force her to want a relationship, but you can show up in a way that makes one with you seem more appealing to her

 

[topcat]

Honestly, man, it doesn’t really sound like this is about her anymore

It sounds like you’re trying to fix something internal

Women aren’t happiness dispensers, they can just amplify what’s already there

So if she does come around and says she loves you… and then goes to work, and you’re still left staring at a life that doesn’t fulfill you. . . it won’t matter

She won’t be able to fill that hole



I get where you coming from but bruv. . . the answer to all relationship problems isn't always "just move on" bro

If all you want is casual dating then that makes sense. But for more serious relationships that kind of thinking doesn't really work

It's not like if you get vulnerable you're going to die lol

Even if it doesn't workout you will learn a lot of lessons and bounce back.

And just because a man invests in a relationship does not mean the woman will have no need to invest either

In fact in this scenario that exactly what he needs to do. But he needs to invest in the right ways so she feels safe investing

Right now they have a "Me vs You" dynamic, when in reality he needs to have a more "Us" dynamic here

There's no shame in caring about a woman

But he does need to manage his emotions better

Anyways @empath here's what you can do

1) Only give what you are willing to give freely. Do not demand reciprocation for your efforts
2) Watch her investment and try to reward her when she does invest
3) Focus only on getting her on dates, and understand she may still push and pull a bit
4) On dates make sure to do non sexual activities too, so she gets a feeling it's not only about sex (have fun inside and outside the bedroom)
5) If she pulls away sometimes, try to relax and do something else to occupy your mind
6) This push and pull dynamic will not disappear overnight and it will require a lot of patience and non neediness on your end. Decide now if you're ready for this emotionally
7) If after you've done all this for another 3 months she is still not improving or investing to your liking. . . Then it may be time to have a discussion with her (but this is a last resort)
8) Be totally okay with this not working out in the end. If it works great, if not great. . . at least you got to make memories with a girl you really liked

And if after all this you have to break up you with her it will sting way less. Because you will learn a lot of lessons and leave with no guilt since you know you actually tried

Can't force her to want a relationship, but you can show up in a way that makes one with you seem more appealing to her

I wasn’t referring to long term relationships. I was referring to chasing a girl you’ve fucked but a few times in the hopes of getting her to invest.

 

[TomInHo]

I wasn’t referring to long term relationships. I was referring to chasing a girl you’ve fucked but a few times in the hopes of getting her to invest.

But he wants an LTR with her. So he needs to approach this very differently than a casual hookup you don't give a shit about

 

[topcat]

But he wants an LTR with her. So he needs to approach this very differently than a casual hookup you don't give a shit about

Hey I wish him luck..

 

[empath]

Honestly, man, it doesn’t really sound like this is about her anymore

It sounds like you’re trying to fix something internal

Women aren’t happiness dispensers, they can just amplify what’s already there

So if she does come around and says she loves you… and then goes to work, and you’re still left staring at a life that doesn’t fulfill you. . . it won’t matter

No I'm not seeking her as a happiness dispenser.

I'm happy (maybe not entirely but I will be able to move on if it comes to that)

Yeah but I do want to have a proper relationship with her if I can have.

Lastly, I'm more curious about her behaviour, I need a proper closure atleast.

She won’t be able to fill that hole

I get where you coming from but bruv. . . the answer to all relationship problems isn't always "just move on" bro

If all you want is casual dating then that makes sense. But for more serious relationships that kind of thinking doesn't really work

It's not like if you get vulnerable you're going to die lol

Even if it doesn't workout you will learn a lot of lessons and bounce back.

And just because a man invests in a relationship does not mean the woman will have no need to invest either

In fact in this scenario that exactly what he needs to do. But he needs to invest in the right ways so she feels safe investing

Right now they have a "Me vs You" dynamic, when in reality he needs to have a more "Us" dynamic here

There's no shame in caring about a woman

But he does need to manage his emotions better

Agreed.

Anyways @empath here's what you can do

1) Only give what you are willing to give freely. Do not demand reciprocation for your efforts
2) Watch her investment and try to reward her when she does invest
3) Focus only on getting her on dates, and understand she may still push and pull a bit
4) On dates make sure to do non sexual activities too, so she gets a feeling it's not only about sex (have fun inside and outside the bedroom)
5) If she pulls away sometimes, try to relax and do something else to occupy your mind
6) This push and pull dynamic will not disappear overnight and it will require a lot of patience and non neediness on your end. Decide now if you're ready for this emotionally
7) If after you've done all this for another 3 months she is still not improving or investing to your liking. . . Then it may be time to have a discussion with her (but this is a last resort)
8) Be totally okay with this not working out in the end. If it works great, if not great. . . at least you got to make memories with a girl you really liked

Yeah, even I was thinking to have few non-sexual dates with her.

Though my mindset was to punish and tease her so she begs me to have sex with her.

But now I have changed the thinking.
I will have non-sexual dates with her to give her time to figure out whether she enjoys me non-sexually as well. I mean as a person, as a companion.

Now, it will be almost 4 month of seeing her if we meet indeed. So, should I tell her that I am not having sex for some time so you can clarify your feelings about me. If you just enjoy me sexually or as a person as well.

Like the guy she has loved most, she told me, Sort of understood her without saying she saying anything or she understood him without ..... he saying anything... one incident she told was, he used to take her to smoke, where her parents would not see her.

Now, how to create this dynamic.

Lastly, things with this girl feels wierd because I have never been in a LTR where the girl was not auto-investing in me. This time, she is not trying to control me or wanting me to invest time in her or she is investing her time in me.
Not being curious about me, probing me. I feel she is being overall either self-centered or does not sees future with me, so she is not probing.

 

[TomInHo]

Yeah, even I was thinking to have few non-sexual dates with her.

Doesn't have to be so black and white

Can still have sex with her on every date. But you don't need to make sex the sole focus

Go out to a park, have sex then go watch a movie, have a deep conversation after, have sex again

You know. . . actually date and get to know her on all levels

Though my mindset was to punish and tease her so she begs me to have sex with her.

This is kind of silly tbh

I looked back at your previous posts to get more context and you're in this mess because you were acting like a jackass in the early relationship

So you think acting more like a jackass will turn things around? Chill out on trying so hard and do your best to just be normal

Now, it will be almost 4 month of seeing her if we meet indeed. So, should I tell her that I am not having sex for some time so you can clarify your feelings about me. If you just enjoy me sexually or as a person as well.

I get what you trying to do, but you're about to make a very common mistake a lot of men make in relationships

Verbalizing too much

You don’t tell someone what a relationship is. You show it through how you relate.

Think about it, did you announce someone as your best friend?

Or say... because we are friends we are going to hangout X hours a week and only do A,B,C activities?

Or did you just act like best friends for long enough until it became obvious?

It’s the same thing here

So stop trying to define the relationship, just live it

Makes thing more fun and helps you come across less needy

Like the guy she has loved most, she told me, Sort of understood her without saying she saying anything or she understood him without ..... he saying anything... one incident she told was, he used to take her to smoke, where her parents would not see her.

Now, how to create this dynamic.

You create your own dynamic. Stop trying to copy someone else’s

Personally, I don’t care about my girl’s past relationships. I know I bring a lot to the table, so I don’t need to compete with ghosts

If you feel the urge to compare, it may point to an insecurity worth exploring

Lastly, things with this girl feels wierd because I have never been in a LTR where the girl was not auto-investing in me. This time, she is not trying to control me or wanting me to invest time in her or she is investing her time in me.
Not being curious about me, probing me. I feel she is being overall either self-centered or does not sees future with me, so she is not probing.

You’ve only slept with her a few times. She might have LTR potential in your eyes, but you two aren’t there yet. So don’t expect LTR behavior until she is ready

Hate to say but your feelings don't matter as much as hers right now

If you want something real with her, you’ll have to meet her where she’s at emotionally, not where you wish she was

And last thing

Bro please try and have fun. I get the vibe this is more about winning than actually having fun with a girl you like

If you are a fun loving and laidback dude it will be hard for her to not want a relationship

Get to know her better, have fun, have sex and let her be the one asking her girlfriends more questions about how to get you to commit because you're so amazing

Go from "How do I get her to chase?"

To "How do I make our time together so much fun for both us that she wants to stay?"

 

[empath]

Doesn't have to be so black and white

Can still have sex with her on every date. But you don't need to make sex the sole focus

Go out to a park, have sex then go watch a movie, have a deep conversation after, have sex again

You know. . . actually date and get to know her on all levels



This is kind of silly tbh

I looked back at your previous posts to get more context and you're in this mess because you were acting like a jackass in the early relationship

So you think acting more like a jackass will turn things around? Chill out on trying so hard and do your best to just be normal



I get what you trying to do, but you're about to make a very common mistake a lot of men make in relationships

Verbalizing too much

You don’t tell someone what a relationship is. You show it through how you relate.

Think about it, did you announce someone as your best friend?

Or say... because we are friends we are going to hangout X hours a week and only do A,B,C activities?

Or did you just act like best friends for long enough until it became obvious?

It’s the same thing here

So stop trying to define the relationship, just live it

Makes thing more fun and helps you come across less needy



You create your own dynamic. Stop trying to copy someone else’s

Personally, I don’t care about my girl’s past relationships. I know I bring a lot to the table, so I don’t need to compete with ghosts

If you feel the urge to compare, it may point to an insecurity worth exploring



You’ve only slept with her a few times. She might have LTR potential in your eyes, but you two aren’t there yet. So don’t expect LTR behavior until she is ready

Hate to say but your feelings don't matter as much as hers right now

If you want something real with her, you’ll have to meet her where she’s at emotionally, not where you wish she was

And last thing

Bro please try and have fun. I get the vibe this is more about winning than actually having fun with a girl you like

If you are a fun loving and laidback dude it will be hard for her to not want a relationship

Get to know her better, have fun, have sex and let her be the one asking her girlfriends more questions about how to get you to commit because you're so amazing

Go from "How do I get her to chase?"

To "How do I make our time together so much fun for both us that she wants to stay?"

Damn... I don't know if it will ever work with her.

Tried to have a fun conversation with her.

It did not work.

I don't how busy can a women be not to reply after 4-5 days too.

Though, I think it best to figure out, why I am falling for emotinally unaviable girls like her.

How to stop doing it.

If anyone have any idea or resources to point out it will be great.

Though, I am not having oneitis over her.

Seriously her behaviour is not like of a normal women I usually sleep with or have dated.

I think she was/is using me for fun.