Date Plans How To Re-Ignite Attraction w/ Girl Who Used To Chase/Crush on me?

[Mr.Rob]

Lol I hate to post a question of "how to get 1 girl?" but I can assure you I'm not coming from a place of scarcity or neediness here, so bear with me.

Basically I've got a compromised life situation at the moment (dealing with some health issues) which confine me for the time being to a small town with few opportunities to approach and meet girls.

I need to get out of this sexual dry spell I've been in and I'm trying to get creative for ways to capitalize on the few opportunities I do have.

So I've known this girl since 2011 from church and she crushed on me and chased me all the way through 2017 (we saw each other maybe once a year in passing between then as we were both away for college. We went on one date in 2016 during that time). I never was all that attracted to her as she was just a tad overweight for me and I had plenty of options back then so I didnt see much reason to cash in on her chasing.

Then in 2017 we both moved back home after college and I started seeing her at church again and I made a point to be friendly/cool with her but still kinda kept her at arms length sexually speaking.

She still chased and I went on 2 more "kinda dates" (more like hangouts?) with her and I still purposely kept things platonic (because I didn't want to lead her on when I was legit not attracted).

We kinda fell out of touch for a while but would hang out every 6 months or so (one of us inviting the other to something social). She had 2 boyfriends during this time which she made a point to let me know she was dating a guy.

Then in the past 9 months she dropped all her weight and is in the range of being not a stunner by any means but attractive enough for a fling or FWB.

I do know her reasonably well but I've never been much of a fixture in her life or social circle... just the odd meetup here and there. So she probably does value the relationship but not as much as if I were an orbiter or a more deeper imbedded part of her life.

My intuition tells me that she gave up trying to chase me and probably got the message that I was out of her league... BUT still sees me as high value/status and I think she has more or less just stopped investing in trying to make things happen with me

She definitely never showed signs of auto-rejection and is always warm when I reach out to her and will go out of her way to help me with random things if I ask.

Anyway my seduction senses may certainly be a bit rusty but my impression overall is this: That she's given up trying to get me but if given the opportunity to be with me may be happy to jump on it being that she is currently single.

In her favor she's lost weight (which gives me an excuse to become interested) and my health has improved (which gives the excuse of "oh well now Im healthy enough to be in a relationship/sex"). And with compromised health gives her a chance with a guy she wouldnt be able to get otherwise.

So there's the possibility she views the relationship as strictly platonic but also maybe she's kept up with me in hopes of a backpocket option in the ever the case "something changes and I become sexually available to her" (albeit she'd likely not be interested in a fling or ONS since of the history)

That's my impression at least.

So what do you guys think?

Should I try to re-ignite her previous passion for me or do you think this is probably dead in the water and the escalation window has closed?

How to go forward with seducing her and moving our relationship into more sexual waters if so?

I feel like the biggest hurdle I'd need an excuse for would be "why is he all of a sudden interested in me now?" if I were to try and convert her into a capacity of some sort of casual relationship.

Thoughts?

 

[BigPapa]

If she chased you for 6 years at least and she she is still warm towards you , I guess you have to go for it and see where the road goes

you can start casual like sending her a message or using social media and just go like “ long time no see . How your adventure look like missy ? “ and you see from there

if things escalate and she asks you why the sudden interest , just say that you always liked her , just that you felt that You are not mature enough for her and you Did not want to hurt her, or a bullshit like that haha

 

[Hue]

Given that you guys have a history I would focus more on the frame of "now I'm healthy enough for this sort of thing" > "now that you're skinny I'll consider fucking you" because it could make her feel unvalued. Girls who become skinny notice pretty quickly the difference in how guys treat them. If they generally had a high self esteem this is fine - it just opens doors for her relationships, so great!

But because a lot of them still carry the self-esteem issue they had back when they were fat they tend to be annoyed by guys who are suddenly wanting them. It says that they, as a person, weren't enough to compensate being fat.. and this can offend them. Speaking from experience lol.

Should I try to re-ignite her previous passion for me or do you think this is probably dead in the water and the escalation window has closed?

How to go forward with seducing her and moving our relationship into more sexual waters if so?

I would schedule a meet up but not be over the top flirty. You want to keep it a similar dynamic like before in that YOU are still the more valuable one. Nothing's changed. You can compliment her on her improvement, but don't let her have the power now just because she's more attractive than before.

You'll have to gauge based on her behavior over text and when you meet to see if you've truly lost the escalation window or if attraction has actually faded. Meet up with her sooner than later. Then, I would do your usual thing and just start to incorporate more touch during high vibing moments. You already have her comfort, now you just have to get her turned on without being super overt. If you seem to think that she is still vibing and is in fact still attracted to you, then go for a kiss at some point.

It's a little delicate of a situation, but if you're attuned to where she's at in the present moment (and because you know her so well) you should have no problem roping her back towards you and escalating.


Hue

 

[Hue]

I feel like the biggest hurdle I'd need an excuse for would be "why is he all of a sudden interested in me now?" if I were to try and convert her into a capacity of some sort of casual relationship.

I would completely ignore this. If you do set a frame towards this before or after escalating, it should be about YOU, not HER. And probably nothing about your character - that's the person she was attracted to in the first place. I think your health could be a fine reason here if you word it correctly. If she brings it up just make a joke to kill the tension and move on to something else.

 

[Velasco]

1:21 - 1:55

 

[Mr.Rob]

Given that you guys have a history I would focus more on the frame of "now I'm healthy enough for this sort of thing" > "now that you're skinny I'll consider fucking you" because it could make her feel unvalued. Girls who become skinny notice pretty quickly the difference in how guys treat them. If they generally had a high self esteem this is fine - it just opens doors for her relationships, so great!

Yeah haha your absolutely right. I wasn't thinking to outwardly say that as much as she might just put 2 and 2 together in her head. But your right I have a great excuse with my health improving (which is true I wasn't really healthy enough 2 years ago).

She is aware of my health situation so I might just drop a comment of something like "Ya I've been improving quite a bit and almost feel like Im up to having a social life and dating again finally" and then change the subject. Just something so it sets it up a bit and see how she responds.

I would schedule a meet up but not be over the top flirty. You want to keep it a similar dynamic like before in that YOU are still the more valuable one. Nothing's changed. You can compliment her on her improvement, but don't let her have the power now just because she's more attractive than before.

Good point to keep in mind. Roger.

Then, I would do your usual thing and just start to incorporate more touch during high vibing moments. You already have her comfort, now you just have to get her turned on without being super overt. If you seem to think that she is still vibing and is in fact still attracted to you, then go for a kiss at some point.

Well my usual thing with her is to be mostly platonic but I think you mean my usual thing with girls I'm interested in just dialed back a bit.

As far as dates are concerned I was thinking of getting her to help me with a project Im working on (filming a video) and then grabbing a bite or drinks after and maybe doing something fun (fun that'd give me a chance to incidental touch etc.).

And then rather than trying to pull her the same day/night prob aim to do some sort of date compression. I figure given our history she'd prob put up a lot of resistance if she felt I might be pushing for a ONS, and besides my logistics aren't doable.

So if it goes well and I get the kiss then I'll set up a date compression for another date or two that ends in intimacy eventually. No rush with small town game.

OR would you recommend just doing something less coupley and just go for drinks and do something fun.

I thought doing something couplely like getting her to help me with a project might not be a bad frame and a good excuse to get her out out of the blue.

Lmk your thoughts on the date.

I would completely ignore this. If you do set a frame towards this before or after escalating, it should be about YOU, not HER. And probably nothing about your character - that's the person she was attracted to in the first place. I think your health could be a fine reason here if you word it correctly.

Yeah I agree. Thanks my man Hueby

I'll report back if something comes out of it. I got another few leads I know how to follow up with too so hopefully can squeeze something out of all this and your boy can officially get back in the game.

Cheers,

 

[Hue]

Text her first to get the conversation rolling. I'd build it off one of Chase's "it's been so long since we've talked, my life's been X, I hope yours is Y, we should definitely get together and chat, etc."

Gauge how she's texting you to either set up the film thing (this sounds very platonic) or set up a short date akin to the "introductory" dates that are used to just show your face and build a little tension (this is much more romantically ambiguous). I'd lean towards the latter, because it's all around more 'date like' and you can screen her more, build a more controlled frame, and plant more seeds before your next move.

One way or another, date compression sounds like a good plan.

After you get that far you'll probably have more information to consider as to your next steps. I would take smaller steps forward with this one though - you're basically building a brand new frame to how you see her so keep that in mind.

 

[cruiser]

Glad to hear from you bro!!

going back to some fundamentals, attraction always has a window it doesn’t hurt to Reignite the flame! what could go wrong? What she hates you and gets a divorce yeah okay....

deff I feel like you could get a solid read after texting her and setting up a date and see if she’s about it by leading, closing the distance, and building some sexual tension during the date.
Already I know you’re a sexy mofo, if she ain’t about it she ain’t about it!! Not everyone likes Justin Bieber!


“you’re going to lose it anyways so why not lose it by going for it” - some ancient guy whose smart but I remember the quote by heart aka Joe !
You got this either way bro!

 

[Mr.Rob]

Preciate the tips and encouragement gentlemen