Socializing How to switch frames when a chick decides to "take care" of you?

[average_daygamer]

Ok, so my field report from the club was focusing on my efforts approaching and getting rejected a lot.

However, there was one curious incident which left me confused.

I was at the beginning of the night sitting down at a table.

This young chick with these two very young looking "beta" male looking boys notices my earbuds (the music is much too loud without them) and asks me if I am okay. I say, yes I am okay, just a bit tired. I think nothing of it and just count it as a warmup.

I go to the dancefloor to see if I can get a couple of approaches in and do.

Later on, I come back and this chick starts chatting again and offers to buy me an alcoholic drink. I make a joke and say "Are you trying to get me drunk" and she says "yes" jokingly. She is very close to my face when talking to me. I suspect she is already drunk.

I have a no alcohol rule because I want these skills to be transferable to daygame and interactions in general.

But I go along with it and she gets this horrible overly sweet drink called a yaeger bomb and suggests I drink it in one go, which I don't do. I just sip it and say I don't like the taste. This whole time, she was talking very close to me and definitely hands on.

So it seems as though she is atleast curious but something seems off. I am there to meet chicks so I figure this is just part of the process and figuring out what she is up to.

She says "do you want to go to the dancefloor" I say yes, let's do that, we go to the dancefloor, she brings these 2 boys tagging along with her. On the dancefloor I decided I wanted answers so I ask how they all know each other.

She says "Oh, he's my boyfriend and his friend" then she says something I didn't quite catch along the lines of "but we're something something so you can dance with me, it's fine".

As this point, I'm thinking, she's mentioned she has a boyfriend so she is probably not interested, but what did she say? For all I know, she might have said they were in an open relationship and he was a cuck or something and wanted to see her with other men

But there is more to it. At some point she says "are you autistic" which hits like a sledgehammer. I am forced to admit that is the case and she said "I thought so, my brother suffers from autism as well". Now it all makes sense.

All she was doing was being kind and giving me "an experience". At some point, she probably realised that and lost interest. Or maybe it was from the start? "Oh, let me be kind to that guy sitting by himself who might suffer from Asperger's" kind of thing.

She drags us back to the bar along with these 2 boys she's bossing around and asks what I want to drink again, I say a water so as to not waste her money. When she is waiting for the drinks I decide to leave because as far as I see it, it was a "simulated" experience and she was clearly in a "caretaking" role. I went to the 1st floor and never saw her again. Maybe she took that as a rejection, I don't know.

I felt like if I tried to clumsily start escalating the interaction from that frame it would seem creepy as she decided that I needed caring for rather than seeing me as man she was attracted to.

I also got so many mixed signals. Was she expecting me to escalate things with this poor "boyfriend" there or what? I dunno. I know I should try to isolate the girl and do things that way, but if she wanted that, why was she dragging her "boyfriend" and his friend to the dancefloor as well?

I like straightforward situations, where I approach and I get accepted or rejected based on the actions I have taken.

I feel like maybe I should have tried to get her Insta or number? They can't have had a very serious relationship and the young lad's time would come when he would become a real man, but I really need to get things rolling as this is my time now, before I am old.

But how could I have done that? Once she was in that "care taking mode" was the set blown do you think?

I feel like I could have done more. But I really didn't know what to do. Somehow have indicated that I want me and her to go somewhere? She was very much leading everything and I felt if would seem creepy if I tried to take control and also how to get rid of those 2 annoying boys.

There was also the question of how drunk she was and if it would have been okay to be more "man to woman" or if she wasn't in control of herself. A lot of the time, when chicks are unexpectedly friendly, it is because they are drunk.

 

[gameboy]

You ejected too early, which is a common problem. Should have at least asked her for her number, since you got a freebie there. Always be closing.

Also, it was rude to just leave while she was ordering you a water that she now has to pay for and nobody will be drinking it most likely.

 

[KJ Francis]

She says "Oh, he's my boyfriend and his friend" then she says something I didn't quite catch along the lines of "but we're something something so you can dance with me, it's fine".

As this point, I'm thinking, she's mentioned she has a boyfriend so she is probably not interested, but what did she say? For all I know, she might have said they were in an open relationship

Sounds like a good chance she said "we're poly", or in an open relationship, ethically non monogamous etc.

Even if she is not interested, this may be a good strategy for you if you are not getting good reactions generally. That is to befriend groups and build some social proof.

Your next set may be a lot more receptive if they saw you with her vs. If they saw you sitting alone. Some guys can pull off sitting alone for a bit. Others have a strict rule to never even be seen alone at all.

 

[average_daygamer]

You ejected too early, which is a common problem. Should have at least asked her for her number, since you got a freebie there. Always be closing.

Also, it was rude to just leave while she was ordering you a water that she now has to pay for and nobody will be drinking it most likely.

Part of the problem with the club is hearing what people are saying. It might have seemed rude but water is free, so it wouldn't have cost her anything.

It appeared there was no potential within the set.

As for asking for her number or insta, with her "boyfriend" there? Wouldn't that just be a mean thing to do? Or should I just be a bit more machiavellian in these matters?

And what would have been a good move to escalate with her without making these two dweebs feel completely emasculated? Or should I not have cared? And if so, still how would I do it without suddenly seeming creepy if she thought she was being nice to me and then I try to be man to woman with her.

I didn't see it as ejecting too early at the time, because I had got my answer. She bought up her boyfriend in the conversation and indicated that she was being nice to me out of pity.

This could have been the result of the girl being drunk as such behaviour is rare in women to be so outgoing.

Or it could have been a plausible deniability for her being so accommodating?

But if this kind of thing ever happens again, how do I get to the bottom of it so I know whether to be man to woman or just treat the girl/group as friends within the club.

 

[gameboy]

It appeared there was no potential within the set.

What KJ Francis said, basically.

You could have asked her for clarification if she's in an open relationship or something. If she says no, you can still be friends with her which would help you with social proof.

water is free, so it wouldn't have cost her anything.

Ok if it's free then it's less of a problem.

And what would have been a good move to escalate with her without making these two dweebs feel completely emasculated? Or should I not have cared? And if so, still how would I do it without suddenly seeming creepy if she thought she was being nice to me and then I try to be man to woman with her.

Yeah I probably would have the same thoughts. I'd definitely have hesitated to escalate in front of the boyfriend. Unless she clearly tells me they are poly or something like that. And even in that case it would feel weird. So I completely understand your hesitation.

Personally what I would have done, is just befriend her and the 2 guys. Always good to have company, and not hang around by yourself all the time. And if they are indeed poly or whatever, wait till you get a chance to be alone with the girl or until she escalates out of her own initiative.

when chicks are unexpectedly friendly, it is because they are drunk.

This is a limiting belief though, and it's not helping you. Sure, it may be true from time to time. But a better mindset to have would be "if chicks are unexpectedly friendly, it's because they are really into me".

 

[average_daygamer]

What KJ Francis said, basically.

You could have asked her for clarification if she's in an open relationship or something. If she says no, you can still be friends with her which would help you with social proof.


Ok if it's free then it's less of a problem.


Yeah I probably would have the same thoughts. I'd definitely have hesitated to escalate in front of the boyfriend. Unless she clearly tells me they are poly or something like that. And even in that case it would feel weird. So I completely understand your hesitation.

Personally what I would have done, is just befriend her and the 2 guys. Always good to have company, and not hang around by yourself all the time. And if they are indeed poly or whatever, wait till you get a chance to be alone with the girl or until she escalates out of her own initiative.


This is a limiting belief though, and it's not helping you. Sure, it may be true from time to time. But a better mindset to have would be "if chicks are unexpectedly friendly, it's because they are really into me".

To be frank, I think I should have been more machiavellian and "taken" the girl. I am far too nice about these things. But I wasn't sure if the girl wanted that or not.

The girl was very much leading the two boys around and the situation was unclear, however.

I should have tried to kiss her and see what her reaction was. Even if she ended up thinking I was a creep, at least I would have taken the set to it's conclusion.

But how would I do this in a calibrated manner? At which point should I have kissed her? And what afterwards?

I like to hug a girl because you can then feel their body against yours, I would prefer that more than kissing them.

Maybe I should have taken her to the smoking area and left the boys to themselves. I could then ask the girl questions and assess whether she is viable for a lay or not.

 

[Levo]

If youre going to go to clubs you need to learn at least the basics of drinking culture. A jager bomb is meant to be chugged, of course it tasted terrible if you sipped it.

I would have just flat out asked her if she liked you and what her bf would think if you made out with her.

Buying you a drink is either a huge IOI or like you said she was trying to do some good deed by being nice to the autistic guy in which case youre wasting your time.

If it was the latter then you need to figure out what youre doing that makes people be able to ping you as autistic from across the room. I'm sure not knowing how to drink the drink didn't help. If you really dont want to drink youre allowed to say "I don't drink" and pass it off.

If it was the former then Im sure she does that all the time and those guys are used to her ditching them and shes basically already chosen you.

Its too bad you missed two opportunities to know more info. You didn't ask her to repeat what she said about the "bf" and you left without giving her a direct compliment or whatever and seeing if she was open to being hit on by you.

Even if she was just being nice you could have been polite about it and even used her as social proof for the rest of the night. Sitting alone is why she came up to you in the first place.

 

[average_daygamer]

If youre going to go to clubs you need to learn at least the basics of drinking culture. A jager bomb is meant to be chugged, of course it tasted terrible if you sipped it.

I would have just flat out asked her if she liked you and what her bf would think if you made out with her.

Buying you a drink is either a huge IOI or like you said she was trying to do some good deed by being nice to the autistic guy in which case youre wasting your time.

If it was the latter then you need to figure out what youre doing that makes people be able to ping you as autistic from across the room. I'm sure not knowing how to drink the drink didn't help. If you really dont want to drink youre allowed to say "I don't drink" and pass it off.

If it was the former then Im sure she does that all the time and those guys are used to her ditching them and shes basically already chosen you.

Its too bad you missed two opportunities to know more info. You didn't ask her to repeat what she said about the "bf" and you left without giving her a direct compliment or whatever and seeing if she was open to being hit on by you.

Even if she was just being nice you could have been polite about it and even used her as social proof for the rest of the night. Sitting alone is why she came up to you in the first place.

It was because I was wearing earbuds due to the horrendously loud music. That's all. And because I was sitting alone, just chilling out before approaching.

As for drinking the alcoholic drink, I do not drink alcohol, as it would impair my abilities, therefore, the goal was go intake as little as possible, whilst not seeming rude, in order to screen for the lay. I allowed it because just saying "I don't drink" would have killed the interaction too soon. And the girl understand and said that I don't have to drink all of it.

It's a good idea about giving a direct compliment before leaving. But it was early in the night and my activity when I hit the club is to approach. So I had only got a couple of approaches in by that time.

I also didn't know how to physically escalate other than briefly reciprocating the touching from the girl when she was getting close to talk.

But there is a fear of getting the wrong idea, trying to awkwardly hug or even kiss the girl, then being ejected by security before I have done many approaches.

And since I am down to 1 club in 1 town now, I am extra weary of losing it.

So in summary, if this ever happens again, I should give a direct compliment to the girl. Then I can establish the situation from her reaction to said compliment. I do find it very frustrating trying to have a basic conversation in the club though.

I did try asking one of the dweebs how they knew each other but he couldn't hear me.

Which is why I like the idea of going for the girl like a hungry lion instead.