How would you handle this ultimatum?

[StrayDog]

You are most likely doing boyfriend disqualifiers too aggressively so girls know all you want is sex

I used to do this back when I was starting out "just to be clear I'm not really looking for something serious right now"

I learned pretty quickly that it pretty much guarantees some form of resistance later on.

one time, way back when, I told a girl this while we we're in bed escalating and she she turned kind of sour. I failed to smooth things over. Her place was on the outskirts of town, I didn't have my car, and it was hella late. So I just crashed next to her.

Next morning she drove me back into town to get my car. She BLASTED the radio, like full volume, and drove like 95 on the freeway. She didn't even drop me off at my car. Dropped me off like a mile away.

Poor girl was just horny as fuck and feeling super rejected. My bad for sure

 

[StrayDog]

I used to do this back when I was starting out "just to be clear I'm not really looking for something serious right now"

I learned pretty quickly that it pretty much guarantees some form of resistance later on.

one time, way back when, I told a girl this while we we're in bed escalating and she she turned kind of sour. I failed to smooth things over. Her place was on the outskirts of town, I didn't have my car, and it was hella late. So I just crashed next to her.

Next morning she drove me back into town to get my car. She BLASTED the radio, like full volume, and drove like 95 on the freeway. She didn't even drop me off at my car. Dropped me off like a mile away.

Poor girl was just horny as fuck and feeling super rejected. My bad for sure

oh, and you know what she said when I first dropped that line on her? she said "wait, that's not fare, I'M usually the one who gets to say that first"

 

[theReason]

I used to do this back when I was starting out "just to be clear I'm not really looking for something serious right now"

Yeah this was the difference for me between maybe being able to have a one-sided monogamous relationship and losing frame and having to break up instead. I wish I saw this article before.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/forget-reminders

Because, at the end of the day, it's basically this:

http://www.theskillsmethod.com/3333-2/

 

[empath]

Well I recently experienced this and in my case it was the girl looking for more connection.

What I did was just focused on arousal and let her say whatever she wanted to say.

She kept coming with bs objection of she cant go to my place coz of xyz reason.

I kept making out in public but again did some romantic stuff like dancing and spinning her etc.

No comfort nothing verbally coz idk how she will take it.

Finally she came to my place but again she was reluctant to sex.

So more arousal until she cracked.

To avoid buyers remorse I gave her ride till her home and she treated me with breakfast.

Finally when we met again she verbalised her concern about feeling it like ONS etc. and feeling like she will not see me again.

So, if you gamed her directly with connection based stuff this I will say is mostly she wants more out of you atleast for the moment.

I guess arousal will bust it best + letting her talk her heart out as long as stuff is conducive to seduction.

 

[JasonH]

Did you do much deep diving? Sounds like she does not feel you are attainable and will pump and dump her.

In terms of which step was missed as discussed above, that would start with A3, which is male-to-female interest and is centered on qualification: "make her feel special" to counteract the fuckboy vibes. Without that, she does not know if or why you like her as a person specifically. If she feels you like her specifically and not just her body, then you're more attainable and less risk to her of pump and dump.

This extends further into the mid-game comfort building as well. Maybe more time eliciting her values and building similarity could help. It's the subconscious fear of being impregnated and left for dead without your protection.

Side question: What is this A3, M2 letter/numbering system that get’s brought up every now and then?

 

[StrayDog]

Side question: What is this A3, M2 letter/numbering system that get’s brought up every now and then?

it's the mystery method. it signifies different stages of a seduction

 

[StrayDog]

it's the mystery method. it signifies different stages of a seduction

Thread 'Mystery Method - Revisited' https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/mystery-method-revisited.25531/

 

[Skills]

Seems like straydog says you are skipping a step and she is thinking fuck and dump.....

I would do a future projection with a reframe

I disagree, i think we have a good vibe and connection, and if we have sex it will be amazing for both of us and i would to it again and again cause we will get just better every time we do It... I am personally not into ons but into amazing awesome relationships blah.. anyways, blah blah keep going...done

 

[Jan]

You are most likely doing boyfriend disqualifiers too aggressively so girls know all you want is sex. They feel no need to keep fucking a guy, if the option to lock him down is not available if they like him later

"Hey, I'm looking for fun here, you?" - this is my old Tinder opener which I'm not using anymore. I agree with you that being this forward about my intentions could cause pump and dump worries.

However, it has been very different with the other two chicks. And I heard this "If we are going to have sex tonight, I'm not gonna see you again." objection from three of them. Which tells me it's not the aggressive boyfriend disqualification which is causing this. You remember this chick who I presented myself as a husband candidate (it's the second link, you've commented on this post)? Very different frame, the same comment.

When it comes to framing, these three chicks were like this:
1) Fuckboy frame (looking for fun opener) - frame moved more towards fwb
2) Husband frame
3) Connection frame (through Tinder and whatsapp messaging)

My hypothesis about the root cause of this problem is LACK OF SEXUAL FRAME.

Ok, you could argue that 'Hey I'm looking for fun here' opener is as sexual as it can be, but as far as I remember this interaction, that was it. I started the Tinder convo like this and then after it went much more friend-fwb frame (until I started escalating on her heavy and asked her to follow me to the forest).

I'm thinking that the root cause of the problem is cognitive dissonance by seducing in early stages with social/friend/boyfriend frame and suddenly turning on the sexual frame through physicial escalation.

I think the solution could be a well developed sexual frame, especially in the earlier stages and especially the verbal part (sex talk/2nd gen verbals).

 

[Jan]

I disagree, i think we have a good vibe and connection, and if we have sex it will be amazing for both of us and i would to it again and again cause we will get just better every time we do It... I am personally not into ons but into amazing awesome relationships blah.. anyways, blah blah keep going...done

Yeah, that's sounds pretty good. Easing the emotional objections and keeping it sexual.