I’ve never experienced Approach Anxiety

[pancakemouse]

There’s one aspect of Game I will never be qualified to comment on – Approach Anxiety, or “AA”.

That’s because I have never once experienced it. Not before my first approach of all time, nor before any of the many thousands since. I remember, long before Game, when I was still a kissless virgin, having no problem going up to the hottest girl in a given settings and starting a conversation.

I figure it’s worth devoting a small post about this, just because it’s (apparently) unique: I have never met a guy who did not experience some form of approach anxiety that had to be worked through during his journey.

Why am I this way?

I have a couple theories.

Genetics simply must play a factor, as they do in everything. To be honest, I have a very atypical brain in other ways. One example, I am the most extroverted person I’ve ever met. I score a 97/100 on the Meyers-Briggs extroversion test.

Alex Honnold’s brain does not allow him to experience fear in the same way normal people do. I suspect mine is the same with anxiety.

The second theory is how I was raised. My parents socialized me early with the outside world. As early as four years old, I tagged along with them to concerts, festivals, and other adult events, and I was simply set loose with no boundaries around who I shouldn’t talk to.

Because I was never introduced to the idea of social tribes, I went through life blissfully unaware. To me, strangers did not exist — they were all potential friends. I had no idea of gender, age, or status — I conversed with adults just as I did with children.

I’ve since come to understand AA

I had no idea that approach anxiety even existed until months into my Game journey. I simply couldn’t comprehend why guys couldn’t manage to “just walk up and say hello”.

After years of winging several dozen guys, I’ve gained some understanding, though I can never truly empathize. I see how their brains betray them, triggering a fight-or-flight response at the thought of walking up and talking to a girl. It’s literally uncontrollable.

But at the end of the day, I’ll never be qualified to help guys overcome AA. For that, I refer them to trusted wings, coaches, or the litany of literature out there on the subject.

Do you know someone like this?

If you or someone you know has never experienced AA, I’d love to talk and find commonalities. Maybe we can learn something about why we’re this way that could help other guys. Get in touch.

(Reposted from the Pancake Mouse Blog)

 

[LordByronReincarnate]

There’s one aspect of Game I will never be qualified to comment on – Approach Anxiety, or “AA”.

That’s because I have never once experienced it. Not before my first approach of all time, nor before any of the many thousands since. I remember, long before Game, when I was still a kissless virgin, having no problem going up to the hottest girl in a given settings and starting a conversation.

I figure it’s worth devoting a small post about this, just because it’s (apparently) unique: I have never met a guy who did not experience some form of approach anxiety that had to be worked through during his journey.

Why am I this way?

I have a couple theories.

Genetics simply must play a factor, as they do in everything. To be honest, I have a very atypical brain in other ways. One example, I am the most extroverted person I’ve ever met. I score a 97/100 on the Meyers-Briggs extroversion test.

Alex Honnold’s brain does not allow him to experience fear in the same way normal people do. I suspect mine is the same with anxiety.

The second theory is how I was raised. My parents socialized me early with the outside world. As early as four years old, I tagged along with them to concerts, festivals, and other adult events, and I was simply set loose with no boundaries around who I shouldn’t talk to.

Because I was never introduced to the idea of social tribes, I went through life blissfully unaware. To me, strangers did not exist — they were all potential friends. I had no idea of gender, age, or status — I conversed with adults just as I did with children.

I’ve since come to understand AA

I had no idea that approach anxiety even existed until months into my Game journey. I simply couldn’t comprehend why guys couldn’t manage to “just walk up and say hello”.

After years of winging several dozen guys, I’ve gained some understanding, though I can never truly empathize. I see how their brains betray them, triggering a fight-or-flight response at the thought of walking up and talking to a girl. It’s literally uncontrollable.

But at the end of the day, I’ll never be qualified to help guys overcome AA. For that, I refer them to trusted wings, coaches, or the litany of literature out there on the subject.

Do you know someone like this?

If you or someone you know has never experienced AA, I’d love to talk and find commonalities. Maybe we can learn something about why we’re this way that could help other guys. Get in touch.

(Reposted from the Pancake Mouse Blog)

Bro, sounds like you had the perfect upbringing to be a pick up artist

 

[Kvothe]

I envy you

Though I do think some level of anxiety and down cycles likely help improve calibration and trim the fat off one's game: https://www.girlschase.com/content/ups-and-downs-getting-good-girls

 

[pancakemouse]

Bro, sounds like you had the perfect upbringing to be a pick up artist

On paper, yeah. Though we all have our sticking points, and I have many where other guys are stronger (such as being too logical, lacking emotional depth, being too agreeable, etc).

Lack of AA just gets you through the first few months. The rest of Game we all pretty much have to master on our own.

 

[Rakehell]

@Gunwitch is the only guy icr from here who’s mentioned never experiencing AA at all.

If it helps at all I was socialized pretty early similar to you. I also had positive boy to girl experiences very early on in grade school. Talking kindergarten-6th grade. Despite all that I was still a situationally shy kid.

I still encounter atleast some form of nervousness till this day that has to be ignored or repurposed. So the positive exposure didn’t do much for me in terms of killing that altogether.

edit: I score pretty high on extroversion as well

 

[rr2021 aka DEVENCI]

There’s one aspect of Game I will never be qualified to comment on – Approach Anxiety, or “AA”.

where do you live bro?

i will literally travel to meet you in person.

why?

i honestly do NOT believe you.

i have been coached personally by some of the biggest names in pickup and have actively sought out really good naturals.

I have NEVER not once met anyone who actually had no approach anxiety.

i have met a lot of guys who made the claim you are making here and then when i actually challenged them they folded.

i remember offering to pay guniwitch whatever he wants to meet me in vegas so i could just observe him as i did NOT believe at all that a guy who looked like him got the results he claimed.

he made excuses to delay and never took me up on my offer.

so yeah dude i do not believe you at all.

but again will gladly fly to your city, pay you, we can go out together and then report the results here for all to see.

 

[rr2021 aka DEVENCI]

@Gunwitch is the only guy icr from here who’s mentioned never experiencing AA at all.

yeah he has said along with claims of 1 in 3 closing rate in daygame despite being basically an overweight, short guy in his 40s.

i offered to pay him whatever he wants to meet me in vegas so i could observe him game and he refused.

a lot of people say a lot of stuff in this community.

 

[pancakemouse]

where do you live bro?

i will literally travel to meet you in person.

why?

i honestly do NOT believe you.

i have been coached personally by some of the biggest names in pickup and have actively sought out really good naturals.

I have NEVER not once met anyone who actually had no approach anxiety.

i have met a lot of guys who made the claim you are making here and then when i actually challenged them they folded.

i remember offering to pay guniwitch whatever he wants to meet me in vegas so i could just observe him as i did NOT believe at all that a guy who looked like him got the results he claimed.

he made excuses to delay and never took me up on my offer.

so yeah dude i do not believe you at all.

but again will gladly fly to your city, pay you, we can go out together and then report the results here for all to see.

I live in New York City.

Though I would rather save you the time and money and just refer you to my wings and other guys I've gone out with who can all back this up.

You can also peruse over a year of detailed field reports (link in signature).

To clarify against any Gunwitch comparisons, not having AA doesn't mean you magically get great results, it just means... you don't have AA. As a result, I tend to open a ton of sets. My approach to lay ratio is like 250:1.

 

[rr2021 aka DEVENCI]

I live in New York City.

Though I would rather save you the time and money and just refer you to my wings and other guys I've gone out with who can all back this up.

You can also peruse over a year of detailed field reports (link in signature).

To clarify against any Gunwitch comparisons, not having AA doesn't mean you magically get great results, it just means... you don't have AA. As a result, I tend to open a ton of sets. My approach to lay ratio is like 250:1.

i love new york bro.

i will GLADLY meet you there this summer and see this no AA in person.

again, i do NOT believe you at all.

i have NEVER ever not once met anyone who has even close to no AA.

And i go out of my way to meet people/gurus who make crazy claims and pay them for coaching or just even shadow them in field.

so no problem for me to come to new york bro.

I would love to meet someone who has no AA at all but i know and im pretty sure you know its not true and you are greatly exaggerating.

but again i say all this with no hostility and hope you prove me wrong this summer.

and yes im aware that even if someone had no AA it would not necessarily mean they had great game; yes i get that and that is NOT what im saying.

 

[Wick]

Some of my best approaches were when I was visibly nervous.

I think it helps you be more relatable, day game isn’t something normal people do.

 

[Wolfie]

Some of my best approaches were when I was visibly nervous.

I think it helps you be more relatable, day game isn’t something normal people do.

Is it true I had quite the opposite experience to what you said my worst apooraches were when I was nervous

 

[Rakehell]

OP pretty much already clarified that not having AA doesn’t necessarily mean your approaches will automatically have a better outcome.

I believe they’re trying to find someone similar to them forum wise. Anything else is just ego protection/thread jacking.

 

[pancakemouse]

i love new york bro.

i will GLADLY meet you there this summer and see this no AA in person.

again, i do NOT believe you at all.

i have NEVER ever not once met anyone who has even close to no AA.

And i go out of my way to meet people/gurus who make crazy claims and pay them for coaching or just even shadow them in field.

so no problem for me to come to new york bro.

I would love to meet someone who has no AA at all but i know and im pretty sure you know its not true and you are greatly exaggerating.

but again i say all this with no hostility and hope you prove me wrong this summer.

and yes im aware that even if someone had no AA it would not necessarily mean they had great game; yes i get that and that is NOT what im saying.

Sounds good, just DM me whenever you're coming out!

 

[Starboy]

I actually met a guy through a wing and seen him approach in person and he was also someone who had no AA. No hesitation, no deliberation he'd just stop or go up to girls and open them. He wasn't that good gamewise cuz he didn't switch his openers up much, but regardless he'd probably fall into the 0.5% or less of people with no AA just on pure genetics so guys like that do exist out there. Idk much about his younger days I can't say if it's because he was really extroverted growing up.

 

[rr2021 aka DEVENCI]

I actually met a guy through a wing and seen him approach in person and he was also someone who had no AA.

next time you see this guy please do the following.

- take him to a polpular/shopping mall on a saturday afternoon and ask him to approach a 10 in fornt of everyone.

in my area, there are malls where you can see extremelly attractive girls suring busy hours.

- take him to a busy gym and ask him to approach a 10 in front of everyone

in my area, there is a gym where from 3-8pm every day you can find 3-5 legit 10s working out

im curious if this guy you refer to can approach in these scenarios.

in my experience all these guys who supposedly had no AA at all just where a lot better then most guys but where nowhere near the anyone/anywhere/anytime that would be needed to trully have no AA.

i have never met anyone who was even close to anyone/anywhere/anytime in their ability to approach....not even close

 

[Surveyor]

i have never met anyone who was even close to anyone/anywhere/anytime in their ability to approach....not even close

Fair.
We all have types we're intimidated by.

I don't know if A-list celebrities or Euro princesses (in a place/time/situation where he's a fish out of water/not in state and they're in their element) would intimidate OP, but as an example, I think most naturals would be.

Some of my best approaches were when I was visibly nervous.

AA wouldn't exist if it didn't have an evolutionary purpose.

I think it helps you be more relatable, day game isn’t something normal people do.

Precisely. Flipping through the FRs he linked, it's possible OP may need some improvement there.

 

[Rakehell]

next time you see this guy please do the following.

- take him to a polpular/shopping mall on a saturday afternoon and ask him to approach a 10 in fornt of everyone.

in my area, there are malls where you can see extremelly attractive girls suring busy hours.

- take him to a busy gym and ask him to approach a 10 in front of everyone

in my area, there is a gym where from 3-8pm every day you can find 3-5 legit 10s working out

im curious if this guy you refer to can approach in these scenarios.

This wouldn’t be proving much. I’m 100% positive I, and alot of other guys here could do any of those without the appearance of having any apprehension.

When @pancakemouse says he has no AA, i’m sure he means he has no fear response at all, to be masked.

Feeling the fear and doing it anyway looks the same as having “no aa” but whats going on in the inside is entirely different.

Theres no way to measure whats going on in someones head, youd have to have him wired up to some kind of heart beat scanner or something lol.

 

[rr2021 aka DEVENCI]

We all have types we're intimidated by.

im not sure its because of intimidation that everyone has some AA.

for example, in the example i game of the 10 at the gym.

im NOT at all intimidated by 10s because im really good looking myself and have always received attention/interest from the hottest girls since i was like 13 years old.

so when i see that 10 at my gym, i do NOT feel any intimidation at all or any feeling that she is too good for me; nothing like that at all.

my issue is all the other people around. and just the fact that its a packed gym and everyone is paying attention since she is so hot.

that is me.

other people might not approach from intimidation or other reasons.

but the idea that any guy out there can literally approach anytime/anywhere/anyone is 100% nonsense.

I have never seen it.

not even close.

not from supposed legendary PUAs like captain jack, not from naturals who look like male models, never even close.

I have never ever met anyone who was even close to anytime/anywhere/anyone when it came to the ability to approach.

but again i look forward to meeting OP this summer and maybe he will be the first.

i

 

[pancakemouse]

next time you see this guy please do the following.

- take him to a polpular/shopping mall on a saturday afternoon and ask him to approach a 10 in fornt of everyone.

in my area, there are malls where you can see extremelly attractive girls suring busy hours.

- take him to a busy gym and ask him to approach a 10 in front of everyone

in my area, there is a gym where from 3-8pm every day you can find 3-5 legit 10s working out

im curious if this guy you refer to can approach in these scenarios.

in my experience all these guys who supposedly had no AA at all just where a lot better then most guys but where nowhere near the anyone/anywhere/anytime that would be needed to trully have no AA.

i have never met anyone who was even close to anyone/anywhere/anytime in their ability to approach....not even close

I have no problem doing any of these. Never have, even before Game.

I don't view any human being as fundamentally different than any other. Everyone is part of the same homo sapien family and they pose no danger to me.

I worked in high-end nightlife in New York City. When I see celebrities, I walk up to them like we've known each other for years and simply start a conversation. I'm not superior to them, and they're not superior to me. We are both just human beings with similar desires, thoughts, and worries.

Consider that before joining the community, anyone who didn't think like this would have been incomphrehensible to me — I don't understand why anyone would have an issue talking to another human being. I've only learned that this was an issue through winging like 40 different guys over the years.

 

[Beck Bass]

I think, for me, anxiety is more like hesitation, because I'm trying hard to weight everything related to this girl I want to approach and do my absolute best. Of course, this only happens when I actually care about a girl (like, I think she's hot) and I think I actually do have a shot (which is 99% of the time, since I have high self steem and some results to back it up). I'm not sure this meets exactly the definition of "anxiety", but I deff feel kinda weird trying hard to think what would be the best way to approach, what I should say and all that.
Waiting around (probably looking at the girl and showing interest without approaching) ofc doesn't help with game, the longer you wait and don't approach, while the girl knows you want to, just shows you probably don't have the skill to do it (be it courage/balls, or the knowhow/experience to just do it), so you're better off just doing it as soon as you can, but there's ofc a balance to it as well (you can't just go autoapproaching whatever creature passes you by hoping she's gonna be a hot girl in a good enough mood to receive you, if you know what I mean, you gotta evaluate your "target", at least a bit).
(Also, there's the physical/pratical problems of waiting around because of anxiety. Because you're thinking hard about this girl, you're now getting more and more invested before even approaching, which is shooting yourself in the foot big time. And if you wait long enough, eventually she'll just leave or someone else will approach her, so the more you're there just "thinking" about approaching, the worse it is).

I think there was an article that described anxiety as uncertainty (of outcome) + caring. Like you really want to succeed, but you don't know if you will, and that leads to overthinking and inaction. Not having any anxiety lets you go and play your "best game", but maybe the reason you have no anxiety is because you really don't care about this girl, and if she feels that, than it's very unlikely it will turn into anything. So as far as I understand it, there's a balance between caring enough, so you show intent, and the girl feel like the interaction is "real" and has a reason to be happening, but also not obssesing over the girl (or just the idea of "winning her over") and becoming a nervewreck.

I deff felt zero anxiety on some of my approaches, but most of those were approaches where I didn't care about the girl at all. Many times I couldn't care about the outcome because I was approaching "for other people". For example, one night I was out with my girl and my friend and he was eyefucking this young girl, but he didn't approach. When she was leaving, she passed us by and said out loud something like "so you just gonna look?". I didn't think much, I was already telling him he should approach minutes ago, and I was missing approaching myself, as I was mostly just with my girl, so I went and approached this girl, saying my friend was silly and he wanted her IG, which she gave me. I felt absolutely zero pressure because I didn't care for the outcome, it was "for my friend", after all. But I remember some of those approaches the girls just wouldn't be any turned on by me, because I was showing zero intent, so if I really wanted to get sexual with them, it wouldn't happen.

So for someone with zero anxiety, I guess the biggest problem is relating to the people that feel more anxious interacting with other people, specially romantic prospects (which I suspect must be most women, on some level), and showing intent, showing that you really care about her, that you're really attracted and want this to go well.