I don't get excited anymore and I know something is wrong with me.

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

You know how a hot girl is supposed to arouse you as a man? How you are supposed to fantasize about seeing a hot girl when out and being with her? Well, that is not happening to me and I think I know why. I feel like part of it might be a physical problem but a bigger part of it is a problem with my mind and soul which got bitter due to women, game, and socializing.

A bit of background on me, I grew up in a bad environment. Abusive parents, poverty, bad people in my life, and all. I dealt with depression and anger in my college days, never having much of a social life but I knew I had some social skills in me. I'd get hot girls to want to chat with me and get to know but at some point, I was dealing with some personal stuff and it would go nowhere. I should mention here that around this time I looked into the red pill, black pill, and depressing cynical stuff about game out there and consumed a lot of it. I also watched porn during this time.

Here is what is odd, back then I was still a social guy who could make people laugh and have cool conversations with them. I'd see girls I met in real life and be hard to them when I got home.

My thoughts changed at some point though because I had enough rejection and bad experiences with women, I no longer got excited of getting laid or being with a girl. I got more excited of having power over her, pulling one over on her, seeing her and people in her circle suffer for having a better life, and I know this is some dark shiz. I'd see a girl that was beautiful and even my type, I would not approach like the old me did. Bitter thoughts, anger, hatred, and disdain fueled my veins to where I did not even make eye contact and instantly trained my mind to think the worst things about her as well as finding any flaws in her.

I'd see other people having their social life and social circles, their great time, and I never had that. It was not until the age of 26 that I would be in bed naked with a girl (and I could not even get it up) and by then I was out of school working for a couple of years. I moved out of the state I was in since it had brought me nothing but misery. I had a bad experience with people there, could never find my tribe, was lonely often, and knew deep down it was not a fit for me. Moved from there to one of the finest cities in America, New York.

While I moved to a new city, I brought the baggage with me. I met some awesome people but at times going out at night, I was still the bitter old me. I'd have a girl come up to me at a bar and smile, I turn away being bitter and angry. I'd only go out to get wasted and have a bunch of booze. Somehow, my sex drive died too. I'd get girls naked in bed with me but not get aroused.

I do not want to be like this, I hate the dark thoughts I have about women but I feel like my mind is at war.

Is there any hope for me to get some sanity back? I want to use this lockdown to live the life the 17 year old me dreamed of but I feel like my mind has a Satan in it that is stopping that from happening, and I keep reverting back to being that bitter petty fuck.

 

[Velasco]

I hate the dark thoughts I have about women

I should mention here that around this time I looked into the red pill, black pill, and depressing cynical stuff about game out there and consumed a lot of it.

What are these dark depressing thoughts about women/game that are consuming your mind? I feel that if we can get some answers to these depressing thoughts that are running through your head, we'll get somewhere here.

 

[Dreamer]

A bit of background on me, I grew up in a bad environment. Abusive parents, poverty, bad people in my life, and all. I dealt with depression and anger in my college days, never having much of a social life but I knew I had some social skills in me. I'd get hot girls to want to chat with me and get to know but at some point, I was dealing with some personal stuff and it would go nowhere. I should mention here that around this time I looked into the red pill, black pill, and depressing cynical stuff about game out there and consumed a lot of it. I also watched porn during this time.

Sorry to hear about your this man. I'm not just saying this, it's a part of my field in many ways. Remember one thing though, to quote an OG here, up until recently many childhoods were filled with war, poverty, depression and death. Not making light of your situation but some perspective can help at times. Also, I think the "red pill" as its preached today is just a black hole down a rabbit hole.

Here is what is odd, back then I was still a social guy who could make people laugh and have cool conversations with them. I'd see girls I met in real life and be hard to them when I got home.

There's nothing wrong with this. However, it's your framing, which is making me quote you. Ëven if you're not "still a social guy" there's nothing wrong. There's lots of introverts who get into this. You don't necessarily have to be the social butterly or an extrovert to lead a socially healthy life.

My thoughts changed at some point though because I had enough rejection and bad experiences with women, I no longer got excited of getting laid or being with a girl. I got more excited of having power over her, pulling one over on her, seeing her and people in her circle suffer for having a better life, and I know this is some dark shiz. I'd see a girl that was beautiful and even my type, I would not approach like the old me did. Bitter thoughts, anger, hatred, and disdain fueled my veins to where I did not even make eye contact and instantly trained my mind to think the worst things about her as well as finding any flaws in her.

I get the bad experiences and rejection aspect. I'm sure a few of us had it. This isn't necesssarily a healthy mindset as from your post you already know. Not every girl out there gets a high out of rejecting you. Not every girl is necessarily interested in playing power games, or trying to ruin your life. If this is your perspective I suggest you reasses. This is a redpill doomsday scenario fantasy. Real life is a bit more complex than ""every girl is out there rejecting me"

I'd see other people having their social life and social circles, their great time, and I never had that. It was not until the age of 26 that I would be in bed naked with a girl (and I could not even get it up) and by then I was out of school working for a couple of years. I moved out of the state I was in since it had brought me nothing but misery. I had a bad experience with people there, could never find my tribe, was lonely often, and knew deep down it was not a fit for me. Moved from there to one of the finest cities in America, New York.

You can start by stop comparing yourself to others to begin with. I know social media likely doesn't help with this, but what you're seeing is usually an illusion. What you see of people having a great time is usually more complicated and often not true. I know what it's like to be uprooted from city to city. That's the story from my life, in fact I've lived on 3 continents by now, and I'm also a lte-bloomer, so 26 is not unheard of. I would stop putting unnecessarily putting social pressure on yourself.

While I moved to a new city, I brought the baggage with me. I met some awesome people but at times going out at night, I was still the bitter old me. I'd have a girl come up to me at a bar and smile, I turn away being bitter and angry. I'd only go out to get wasted and have a bunch of booze. Somehow, my sex drive died too. I'd get girls naked in bed with me but not get aroused.

I do not want to be like this, I hate the dark thoughts I have about women but I feel like my mind is at war.

If you were consuming red pill / black pill (whatever they're selling these days) then it's likely those mindsets/beliefs have taken some root in your mind. If you want to change it won't happen overnight. It seems like after youre social move you were taking some actions to improve; however, I suggest you stop with the red pill consupmption for now.

Is there any hope for me to get some sanity back? I want to use this lockdown to live the life the 17 year old me dreamed of but I feel like my mind has a Satan in it that is stopping that from happening, and I keep reverting back to being that bitter petty fuck.

There is always hope

 

[DarkKnight]

Unnecessary angst and total mental masturbation. Just increase your life quality and follow the processes that have been provided on the boards/website. You are not special, we are not special, just follow the process.

 

[Tr1cky]

You need professional help from a therapist not PUAs

 

[Skills]

if you are asking for help and you are serious read this by @Chase and all the links:

https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...ere-topics-but-not-because-were-afraid.23494/

Also read this by me: https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...-of-guys-going-over-red-pill-movements.21779/


Also make sure your vitamin d level, son exposure is good, check your testosterone levels....

 

[Militarybrat]

Hey Post i am introverted I view social circles as a lot of work and I do enough of that at work. What you see from the outside looking in may just be a facade. Don't envy others make your way in this life as your happiness depends on the quality of your thoughts.

When I'm around friends in social situations they use me for human google and it gets on my last nerve, chaps my ass, or whatever way you want to say it. It's always Brat knows ask him just once I would like to hear a women say I'll shag ya for the answer. But alas I'm treated like an electronic device in my social circle which is why I rarely attend. I completely embrace being the Lone Wolf and enjoying life to the fullest.

You never know who you will meet in this life so be open and honest as it can be amazing in many aspects that said it can suck too. No issue if you take people for who and what they are. Wash your hands of the ones that don't fit you. It's all between your ears young man.


Brat

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

@Velasco brought it up, I am seeing things differently. If I had to put it as short and sweet as possible, I feel like I am more weary now and a lot less less relaxed than I used to be. Back when I was the old me, I'd go out and see the best situation and scenario in everything. I'd go out and imagine the best possible outcome and it put me in a better mood. Even though I was quirky and and oddball, I felt very excited and saw the best in people. To say I am happy is putting it one way but I was excited maybe.

Then the biggest shift happened in that I saw the worst in women and missed opportunities. I was more bitter, saw women as sadistic fiends out to hurt men like me. I caved into some of the incel blackpill stuff about women wanting the 1% Chad or whatever and it affected my mindset.

Here is what really sucks, my old city was trash and a dump. Now I move to NYC back years ago but the mentality stays with me. I have gone out and missed opportunities where I feel like the people were genuine and looking to have a good time. At times I feel like crap for it too man, like I'd be a rude dick to girls as a form of being petty for the past but the poor girl was just being nice. I felt like Eliot Rodger minus the violent plans, that is how I felt mentally for a while.

It's like the mixture of bad circumstances, bad experiences with women, bad experiences with toxic people, and consuming negative material has left me a toxic person who assumes women are out to make him miserable, crush his emotions, and want to see him suffer. I feel like no one is in my corner but is against me having success in the life I want because I have run into so many bad people in my life.

 

[Starboy]

@Post Was Right hey man what you're experiencing currently is understandable considering your background. I grew up with dumbass parents who pretty much manipulated me into doing whatever they wanted since I was young and their son and didn't have any power or control. I always had low self esteem cuz I didn't get pampered or taken care of by my parents and kids tormented me throughout school for how I looked and behaved and I couldn't do shit. Things improved for me in college similiar to you and I was a more respectable guy,but I still failed to achieve the results I would've liked to have with women. I get thoughts of rage too. The older I've gotten the more sensitive i've become. If my mom even calls my name or comes into my room I get pissed. A lot of times I will imagine myself being this tough guy beating up other men, exerting his dominance, and being respected by everyone else because of it,but I know intrusive thoughts like these occur because i'm hurt deep down inside and not happy. I know there's no reason to think this way,but my tolerance and patience for unpleasant things has gotten smaller and smaller. Also being ina pandemic like we are now doesn't help the negativity that we're constantly feeling. I can understand feeling somewhat bitter towards women but if a cute girl gives me attention I would take it. I wouldn't throw her away out of petty frustration from the past. I think you need to learn coping mechanisms with some of these dark thoughts. Learn to be more self aware of your behaviors and thoughts and ask yourself why you feel this way. As soon as they pop up you need to recognize that they are bullshit. Understand your negative self esteem and your views about women are ridicuolous,unhelpful,untrue and unhealthy. I think that red pill shit also warped how you view women to an extent,but a lot of red pill content can be exaggerated as fuck so don't spend any time around those communities. Girlschase has a much more balanced view. If you've had girls willingly naked in your bed that should give you some confidence or belief that women do like you and aren't out to get you. Hey I still haven't gotten that and i'm almost 24 lol. So you have some accomplishment so don't be too hard on yourself. Learn to love and respect yourself. You are aware that your negative views about women are not good and that you no longer wish to be this way so that's good! You're not hopeless. Just cast aside negative toxic beliefs you may have about yourself or women and try to rack up positive experiences with women so that you can rewire your brain and not be in constant turmoil. Also if you couldn't get it up with women there's a chance you consumed a lot of pornagraphy or vivid imagery of scantily clad women so you should cut that out and not masturbate for a while. You can succeed man. There are plenty of guys who have been where you are some even worse. But they made it out and saw light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to put the work in.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

The bigger thing for me is not being in fuck condition. I have had a tough time with the erection issue and am insecure about being able to get it up hard enough to please a woman. I do fap though once in the morning when getting out of bed and once in bed to help myself sleep on some nights.