Hey fellas,
Really glad that I seem to be able to pull consistently now. My first pull (ever) was around a month ago, and now I've reached #4. This is huge for me.
I met a German traveller Julia, a couple weeks back. Very cute, with blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and a slim frame. She's 25. I opened her directly, and it seemed to go pretty well. The chemistry between us was neither electrifying nor boring - it just felt kinda normal and pleasant. We exchanged Facebook details.
We agreed to meet a week after, but she decided to rain-check. I ended up seeing her 2 weeks later - today.
I meet Julia in a central shopping centre about a 5 minute walk from where she lives. I take her to a bar upstairs, and on the way I throw in a chase frame:
Julia is a very lively gal. She is an extremely free-spirited, and on multiple occasions mentioned that people ought to do whatever they want to do, without being held back. I deep dove her about why she chose to come to Melbourne, her ambitions, dreams, and the type of person she was. All in all, this was probably the most interesting conversation I'd had out of all the dates I'd been on. The energy seemed to flow naturally, and it felt comfortable and playful. Physical touch seemed natural and comfortable. Usually on dates, I lean more towards an intense mysterious vibe, but this time I decided to shake things up a bit... so as to be more playful than intense. I still aimed to sneak in a few pregnant pauses and maintain killer eye contact to generate some sense of sexual tension.
After a couple of minutes of deep diving her:
I seed a thought that will later be useful for the pull.
Eventually the waiter brings out the pizza and spring-rolls (Julia paid for them).
The 5 minute walk back to her place was at around the same energy levels as that in the bar. We both danced around a little in public (creating an us vs. the world mindset) and had a really comfortable conversation. Before we know it, we're back at her place. I tell her to give me a tour, and she leads me straight to her room. At this point the energy changes. I know that I should be kissing her very soon, and my energy kind of recedes and I noticeably quieten. I sit down on her bed. She has a hello kitty doll hung up on the wall and I jump up to observe it.
I sit back down on the bed, and look for an opportunity to go in for a kiss, but she's sitting too far away. She then proceeds to roll a cigarette and smokes it. I figure that the best time to kiss her would be after she's done smoking. However, at this point, I anticipate that she can sense that the energy has shifted, and that I'm actually just trying to find the right moment kiss her. It's difficult to do so though because she's sitting far away from me, and not leaning into me. I begin to lean in, but she doesn't lean in closer. I realise that I'm chasing. Eventually, she says that she wants me to meet her room mate. I stay sitting on the bed. Eventually, I decide that I need to make a move, even if there's no escalation window or ideal opportunity to kiss her. At this point, I had thought about kissing her (and almost going in for it) two or three times now (at one point, she was wearing a HUGE coat, and I mentioned that I wanted to try it on, and I not-so-smoothly suggested we should put the coat on together, just so that we'd be closer together... it didn't work). I finally decide to go for it (after 15 minutes of being in her room). I grab her hands as she speaks about some boring topic.
Final thoughts:
This is my 4th pull within a month, and I'm a little disappointed that I've managed to screw it up every single time. The worst part is not knowing for sure I'm doing wrong. I'm thinking that Julia legitimately thought that we were just hanging out as friends, given the firmness of the no she gave me. I should be screening girls better.
Things to improve on for next time:
1. I think I waited too long to kiss her. There were many times when I was thinking to myself, I really should kiss her right now. Next time I should just kiss her the very moment I feel like doing so.
2. I leaned into her a little too much..? (Although she wasn't leaning much into me, so maybe it was necessary in order to initiate the kiss?)
3. I should leave my hand on the small of her back for longer whilst walking with her.
Thanks for sticking around till now folks, this has been another long one. As always, insight and critique is welcomed and appreciated.
- J
Really glad that I seem to be able to pull consistently now. My first pull (ever) was around a month ago, and now I've reached #4. This is huge for me.
I met a German traveller Julia, a couple weeks back. Very cute, with blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and a slim frame. She's 25. I opened her directly, and it seemed to go pretty well. The chemistry between us was neither electrifying nor boring - it just felt kinda normal and pleasant. We exchanged Facebook details.
Seems that I made a good impression! Turns out she lives in the middle of the city - logistics don't get any better than that.Me: Glad to have bumped into you Julia
Her: It's awesome how we meet people here in Melbourne. That's why I'm still here and don't wanna go back. how are you? How was the dinner with your friend yesterday?
We agreed to meet a week after, but she decided to rain-check. I ended up seeing her 2 weeks later - today.
I meet Julia in a central shopping centre about a 5 minute walk from where she lives. I take her to a bar upstairs, and on the way I throw in a chase frame:
We arrive at the bar and we grab a seat. I had scouted the place prior to meeting her, to make sure that there was a good spot for us to sit. On my last date with a different gal, I didn't end up using physical touch enough because we were sitting too far away. Julia and I sit down in a dark, secluded spot. I grab us some water, and I mention being good on food for now, but open to the possibility of a beer a little later.
Julia is a very lively gal. She is an extremely free-spirited, and on multiple occasions mentioned that people ought to do whatever they want to do, without being held back. I deep dove her about why she chose to come to Melbourne, her ambitions, dreams, and the type of person she was. All in all, this was probably the most interesting conversation I'd had out of all the dates I'd been on. The energy seemed to flow naturally, and it felt comfortable and playful. Physical touch seemed natural and comfortable. Usually on dates, I lean more towards an intense mysterious vibe, but this time I decided to shake things up a bit... so as to be more playful than intense. I still aimed to sneak in a few pregnant pauses and maintain killer eye contact to generate some sense of sexual tension.
After a couple of minutes of deep diving her:
At some point, we decide to head over to the bar to order food and drinks. At the bar, she leans into me, and we exchange a few playful touches. It feels like it's on. When we sit back down, we talk about dancing. Turns out she's really passionate about dancing.
I seed a thought that will later be useful for the pull.
I continue to deep dive and relate topics back to what she finds interesting. Turns out this gal is very free-spirited and like-minded so it's not a difficult task at all. Whenever she wants to flip the switch back on me to find out about me, I evade it and deflect the conversation back to her. It seems to happen really smoothly.
She then asks me something, which I once again evade and bring the conversation back to her. We begin to talk about music, and I deep dive her about her musical ability. She tells me that she always wanted to be a pianist. I demand compliance and tell her to give me her hand. I caress it a little and tell her she has very delicate hands and that she'd make a good pianist. We continue holding hands a little while and she happily leave hers in mine, and even squeezes it a little at one point.
Eventually the waiter brings out the pizza and spring-rolls (Julia paid for them).
We then talk about food that's really good to eat whilst stoned.
Throughout out our dialogue, I wanted to convey that I wasn't judgemental at all about casual sex. At various points, I'd agree with her... such that people should be able to do what they want to do, regardless of what other people might think. At one point she hesitates as she tells me something that would've seemed slightly bitchy about one of her friends. I ensure that I'm not one to judge - "don't worry, this is a no judgement zone!" We get back to our pizza and spring rolls.
At various points throughout the interaction, Julia would wink at me. At one point:
We continue to vibe and bond for a while longer, yet she still knows very little about me.
We maintain eye contact for a few more seconds, and at some point she begins to laugh and break the tension, saying that it's too intense for her. She calm herself and directs her eyes back to mine shyly. We're still holding hands.
We clink our glasses and interlock arms as we skull our beers. She winces from drinking too quickly. We walk out of the bar and I put my hand on the small of her back for about 3 seconds, but then pull back for some reason. I think I should've just left it there.
The 5 minute walk back to her place was at around the same energy levels as that in the bar. We both danced around a little in public (creating an us vs. the world mindset) and had a really comfortable conversation. Before we know it, we're back at her place. I tell her to give me a tour, and she leads me straight to her room. At this point the energy changes. I know that I should be kissing her very soon, and my energy kind of recedes and I noticeably quieten. I sit down on her bed. She has a hello kitty doll hung up on the wall and I jump up to observe it.
Damn it.
I sit back down on the bed, and look for an opportunity to go in for a kiss, but she's sitting too far away. She then proceeds to roll a cigarette and smokes it. I figure that the best time to kiss her would be after she's done smoking. However, at this point, I anticipate that she can sense that the energy has shifted, and that I'm actually just trying to find the right moment kiss her. It's difficult to do so though because she's sitting far away from me, and not leaning into me. I begin to lean in, but she doesn't lean in closer. I realise that I'm chasing. Eventually, she says that she wants me to meet her room mate. I stay sitting on the bed. Eventually, I decide that I need to make a move, even if there's no escalation window or ideal opportunity to kiss her. At this point, I had thought about kissing her (and almost going in for it) two or three times now (at one point, she was wearing a HUGE coat, and I mentioned that I wanted to try it on, and I not-so-smoothly suggested we should put the coat on together, just so that we'd be closer together... it didn't work). I finally decide to go for it (after 15 minutes of being in her room). I grab her hands as she speaks about some boring topic.
We then carry on the conversation as if nothing had happened. At some point her room mate knocks and comes in and asks for some change to buy chips. I warmly exchange a few words before she leaves. Eventually:
At this point, it sounds like a hard no, so I stop pushing completely. We talk a while more and she winks at me a few more times.
She cups her hands around her eyes. At this point, I know that's it's game over. We continue to have a light conversation for a little while longer, before she kicks me out to get ready for work. She walks me to the lift and gives me a warm hug.
Final thoughts:
This is my 4th pull within a month, and I'm a little disappointed that I've managed to screw it up every single time. The worst part is not knowing for sure I'm doing wrong. I'm thinking that Julia legitimately thought that we were just hanging out as friends, given the firmness of the no she gave me. I should be screening girls better.
Things to improve on for next time:
1. I think I waited too long to kiss her. There were many times when I was thinking to myself, I really should kiss her right now. Next time I should just kiss her the very moment I feel like doing so.
2. I leaned into her a little too much..? (Although she wasn't leaning much into me, so maybe it was necessary in order to initiate the kiss?)
3. I should leave my hand on the small of her back for longer whilst walking with her.
Thanks for sticking around till now folks, this has been another long one. As always, insight and critique is welcomed and appreciated.
- J
