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I Think I’m Decent but Know I Can Be Better

Harlow

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 17, 2024
Messages
19
Dating App Dates:

Wasn’t really going to post much about dates I get from the dating apps, since I usually do pretty well in regards to those, but I’ve had a string of bad ones.

For context, I’ve been on about 50 first dates in the past two years, all from Bumble or Hinge. About 30% of them I either fuck or at least get their shirt off on the first date. About 41% of all the women I take their shirt off eventually, wither it be the second, third or whatever date.

Bur here’s where the bragging ends, because the last 7 dates haven’t lead to anything. Except one led to a second date. But all the women ended up not wanted to continue seeing each other.

Here’s how my last date went:

Went out for drinks on a Tuesday night. Off the bat I felt an almost surprised/disappointed look in her face? Almost like she thought I looked different than my photos. But I made sure I don’t look different then them so I don’t think that was it. I saw this a couple times during the night, but only at the beginning of the date. But it could just be a look of nervousness.

I have noticed (or thought I noticed) similar things on other dates, but then those dates ended up going home with me so maybe it’s just in my head. I’m leaning more to this, because I know sometimes I look too deep into things.

Anyways, I do some light teasing, a bit of qualifying (are you the kind of person that is X?), making her laugh, etc. I notice when I lean back she leans in, which I see as an IOI. I keep the conversation going, I make a mental note of topics/questions before the dates so all lulls in the conversation are quickly overwritten with the next questions.

The night goes on, and she agrees to go to another bar for a second drink. I had a venue in mind, but there ended up being a private party going on.

This is where I suggest wine back at my place, a line that either (almost) solidifies its going to be a great night OR I get a polite/sometimes not so polite decline. The line has worked so many unexpected times in the past that it’s a go-to, but now I’m thinking it’s too much of a Hail Mary and might be contributing to me getting such a high fail rate recently. I only go for this if I am noticing IOIs and they agreed to a second/third drink somewhere else, never if they want to call it a night or I feel things aren’t going well.

She says it’s tempting but politely declines. We end up searching for other venues on foot, and after about 10-15 minutes she says she’s actually tired and wants to call it a night. I offer to drive/walk her home (she lived close) but she declined. We call it a night and say our goodbyes.

I felt iffy on the date but was still bummed to see she wasn’t interested in a second date.

My last few dates have gone similar, so I’m started to notice a trend. During all these dates I felt things were going well, similar to other dates I’ve had in the past that lead to an immediate lay. But at some point I fumble and I don’t see them again.

Thanks for reading. Going to try to keep posting journal entries to keep me focused.
 

FunGuy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 5, 2020
Messages
129
I was experiencing almost identical issues on this thread Brutal Not-Closing Streak so I can guarantee that the problem is lack of compliments/qualification. The only difference is that I wasn't having issues getting follow up dates and the only exception was that one chick I made out with on the 1st date so I'm assuming you are doing something that triggers buyers remorse. From what you posted its clearly not an attraction issues because she is moving venues with you but maybe the tone in which you are inviting them to your apartment has too much sexual implications and that could trigger buyers remorse.
 

Harlow

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 17, 2024
Messages
19
Just read your post and the lay report by DoWhatWorks. Really good information in there, thank you. Also nice to know I’m not the only one that experiences bad streaks, those can make it hard to positive.

Similar to you it’s also for me to wrap my head around qualification. Do you have any suggestions for what I should read on that & complimenting?

Appreciate it!
 

FunGuy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 5, 2020
Messages
129
Just read your post and the lay report by DoWhatWorks. Really good information in there, thank you. Also nice to know I’m not the only one that experiences bad streaks, those can make it hard to positive.

Similar to you it’s also for me to wrap my head around qualification. Do you have any suggestions for what I should read on that & complimenting?

Appreciate it!
I will PM you
 

Harlow

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 17, 2024
Messages
19
6 Dates This Week

Since breaking up with my girlfriend last month, I’ve been on a rampage on the dating apps.

I’ve had six women say “yes” to going on a date in the very near future—not including the one I messed up and the one who ghosted me a few days before our date.

Of course, some will flake and some might ghost, but I’m not worried about those.

I’ve decided to pivot to only doing coffee dates—unless she’s someone I’m extremely attracted to. Normally I go out for drinks, but I’m trying to steer away from that.

After going on about 50 dates last year, the money spent just wasn’t worth the return in terms of how often I got laid. My plan going forward is:

1st Date:
Coffee, walk by the lake, or something simple.
Set at least a small sexual frame and see how much (if any) I can escalate, while gauging where she’s at.

2nd Date: 1 of 3 Outcomes
  • I’ve built enough attraction, comfort, and qualification to successfully seduce.
  • I’ve made enough progress to think a 3rd date will likely lead to a lay, or I’m genuinely interested enough to continue.
  • I’ve seen enough to know it’s time to abort. No more going on 3+ dates with someone I’m on the fence about, with 0 sexual progress, only to get ghosted.

My Goals for the Next Few Months:
  • Increase the number of successful closes
  • Make those closes quicker
  • Spend less money on dates (drink prices are insane these days)
  • Overall, improve my skills. If you read my last post, you’ll see I can still drop the ball—even with an easy layup (granted, it was my first date after a 6-month break from gaming, but still).
With this, I’m going to restart going out for daygaming and nightgaming—but that’s for another post.

Thanks for reading!
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake

Harlow

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 17, 2024
Messages
19
Date #1

Overall it went well. She was 15 minutes late which is fine since parking was pretty terrible, didn’t consider that when I recommended the location. Wasn’t too overly concerned because she was texting me during it. Definitely felt nervous vibes from her at first , holding her arms in front of at the beginning, but I felt like I did well with the “act like we’ve been old friends vibe”, so that was good.

I made sure she mainly talked about herself, while asking her some deep diving questions. The first kino was about 10 minutes in. Something fell in her hair and I picked it out gently, while saying she had something in her hair. She was receptive towards it.

We talked for a bit sitting outside then I said let’s walk around the park since it’s right there. We then walked in the park for a bit.

Second Kino was touching her arms to see her tattoos, twice. One for the initial “oh what tattoo is this?”and then the other to ask another question about it. We walked and talk, and I transitioned a bit into sex talk (asking about how much the rumors are true about the people in her field always sleeping with each other) Eventually the topic changed to something else. I made sure to add how I don’t judge and it’s good for anyone to get some action.

While walking I said let’s sit at a table and we talked some more.

We were talking about our pets, and I did a Chase frame by saying “one day you might be able to meet mine, but don’t get too excited because I’ll have to get to know you better first” and smiled. Kept it fun, playful and light which I think she was receptive to.

Third kino was me asking to see her bracelet.

We talked about dating and I just used it as a time to talk about how I can sympathize how difficult women have it, especially when it comes to dating. During the conversation, she brought up how people with sisters often seem to “get” women better. When I mentioned I had one, she nodded and said that made a lot of sense.

I also felt like I was really good about being social and friendly since I’d smile and say hi to strangers as they walked by. Not in weird way but a social way.

The date ended since I had an appointment but I’m pretty happy with how it went.
 
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