- Joined
- Nov 12, 2024
- Messages
- 132
Yep yep a thousand times
It's environment. It's all fucking environment and I don't know how to process this or I do but it's crazy that I have to
I've been in Austin Texas for a few days at a conference and both within the conference which is a small business buying conference as well as even outside of it just in 3 days I've gone so many more results then in months of Minnesota and also more eye contact even just by pastors by. I could give you so many details and it restores sanity. That is to say in a way that Minneapolis steals sanity
But it's hard I don't like to be or be seen as an excuser. I'm my early 40s and I hope to have a family and a big family by this time but I don't have anything even a girl and if people ask why I know all the reasons different chapters of different lives my life has been an odyssey but the last 9 years were in Minnesota and I did have chances but to say Minnesota is the reason sounds like an excuse to most people's eyes especially if they've never been there
But fuck. I have a date with someone tomorrow basically right now it feels like that she's a successful polish woman who's unemployable which means she owns businesses she can't work for someone else because it's not in her spirit because she's figured out how to be financially free on her own that's what that means and she's a pilot she's lived in multiple countries she's really good energy and we're basically probably going to hang out tomorrow another close guy basically was encouraging it soon after party thing that our conferences I got this other construction lady who was in the military who has this cool rammed earth company is open for dinner. I asked her if she likes drinks this wasn't even at the party this was during the conference break. I asked her if she likes drink she said no she doesn't drink then I asked her if she like sick she says she smiled brightly and said yeah and so I said do you want to go out and she said you have my card and I did I pulled it out of my pocket I still had it from yesterday.
Even the day before technically the first day of the conference which was a half day but I didn't even go I ended up skipping that day because I met someone right outside the hostel from England and I spent the day with her 10 hours I haven't closed anyone or even kissed anyone yet but I was still touching her ass by the end of it and holding hands and little stuff and then she revealed trauma to me and stuff and whatever she says she's undateable but maybe she is maybe she's isn't but she's still a brilliant woman and beautiful and she was crying for a while and then after she's done she said and she likes me she admit that and so and also over the lunch time I was walking by the University of Austin today cuz I like to see universities. I decided I'm probably going to travel the country and world and work remote where I can and just kind of explore the universities. I've wanted to take a trip to Scotland and England to where I see like Oxford and Cambridge and the old Edinburgh University where I studied abroad. So that's going to be a thing I maybe do and see the vibe, culture and architecture of the different universities but yeah also part of that being the student vibe. Anyway at this place this vibe I got a lot of eye contact and positive glasses I'm not even saying they were sexual or suggestive just reciprocal that's all but it actually did seem like a lot of them were interested or intrigued with me if I'm being honest and one in particular this beautiful woman really did glance at me seriously like what the hell she she looked at me and I looked at her like it seemed like she was particularly interested so I look back or I caught her looking at me so I looked back and that second look was definite and she's a much younger woman at a university and I also sent to other people had interest and they don't look away or avert their eyes like they do in Minnesota which feels like when it's done enough times over enough period of time it feels like depersoning or something like that maybe so all these stories I have to tell you I'll have taken place only in the last 3 days or so. Let's see let's do the math it's technically Wednesday but basically Tuesday night and I got here Saturday night and just went to bed Saturday so that's when I did the first post bursts of posts walking 6th Street not really talking to anyone but just walking the street it was a Halloween weekend and a lot was going on but then the next day I met the English girl and spent the whole day in the park and stuff and bars and then the next couple days were the conference so basically only 3 days I can feel the vibe is different and it's not necessarily perfect but what I think it is it's fair. That's all. Maybe it's more than fair maybe it's tilted toward me but I don't even think it's that I think it's just fair and part of it might be Austin and part of it granted might be the conference environment too but that's still environmental, that's still a community thing, that still counts as environment you know
So when you read my older posts when I reflect on my earlier life we really can't discount environment. If the individual can overcome a bad environment that's good good for him but why would you want to have to end maybe it takes away from other accomplishments like building a business or something. And maybe he can't overcome it and maybe he internalizes negative things about himself or just gets resentful. Try making it in Calvins Geneva or cromwell's england. I think we've largely sublimated that religious fanaticism but bureaucratized it. Minnesotans I'm trying to explain how minnesotans are without sounding negative because that's a challenge because I didn't even notice it for years or i wasn't certain. I have to find a way to communicate it without sounding better not because there's anything wrong with bitterness but because it might make people think the problem is me and granted I have my problems and issues and limitations we all do but I would say what they are like is like people you work with in the corporation and you talk to during the day. Those people speaking abstraction and plausible deniability and keep a professional distance and doing that makes sense because it's just a job and they don't want liability and stuff but minnesotans are like that as a core personality even when they're not on a job but you don't know that's the case. When they're friendly to you you think it means something but not just that. It's also they won't give honest feedback if they're not happy or something and they won't show the promotion ever either or so anger. It's like that's their personality but that's not good enough for me but I have gotten Good vibes from people in subcommunities the few that exists like church gives its own thing has purity people younger women who look at you adoringly if you're part of the system. The country may have some things that have gotten good vibes from people up north and small towns off the shore but man it really is the fucking environment. In Minnesota has a gas lighting like environment and I hate to just blame blame blame but actually blame is important. Blame is the error that needs to be assigned to different components and pieces so that they can be adjusted so that the error next go around is less and that was taken from artificial intelligence training. That's how model training works so blame is important actually so no shame about blame my family life was like Minnesota as a microcosm even though they were from another state I see it now.
So what's next that's the question. I don't know. I do know I want to be more of an owner and less of a manager going forward in things but of course to be an owner you got to be something you got to be a deal maker and so on I'm just saying I don't want to manage because I don't want to be tied down but I do like to work so I can manage things that are intrinsically rewarding and feed my purpose but I don't want to be stuck managing tenants and so on so I want to loosen from that and find a manager or managers who are reliable and affordable. Those are the key traits that I'm looking for and also on any future business I might by I have to consider them as entities I would like to have managed
The conference by the way was about what I expected but actually a little bit better.. but the conference itself is a lot like business church I call it and it's very American there's a depth that's missing. I like my studies. I like my critical studies of history and sociology and so on which are more European I like the depth I want success holistically not just in money. I want three axes which are to reduce them to single words money love and ethics at least those three but each of those axes encompasses many things. Basically personal business and ethics. We'll see how things play out you know cuz nothing can be forced I don't believe in free will either I don't even know what that means you have a will but did you really choose your will or did it choose you? Do you control what thoughts you think I don't know about that. Maybe that's what it comes down to how can you control a thought anyway that's another subject but yeah environment that's what it's about I couldn't solve the system of environments that I was in because the constraints were too rigid and the solution space was too small but I was trying to sell them anyways in many ways they maybe made me stronger but at the expense of years years years years. I'm still stuck there kind of and I'm still trying to solve that space and not even because I'm living there but because I'm stubborn but God damn it it's so flat but yeah that's that
It's environment. It's all fucking environment and I don't know how to process this or I do but it's crazy that I have to
I've been in Austin Texas for a few days at a conference and both within the conference which is a small business buying conference as well as even outside of it just in 3 days I've gone so many more results then in months of Minnesota and also more eye contact even just by pastors by. I could give you so many details and it restores sanity. That is to say in a way that Minneapolis steals sanity
But it's hard I don't like to be or be seen as an excuser. I'm my early 40s and I hope to have a family and a big family by this time but I don't have anything even a girl and if people ask why I know all the reasons different chapters of different lives my life has been an odyssey but the last 9 years were in Minnesota and I did have chances but to say Minnesota is the reason sounds like an excuse to most people's eyes especially if they've never been there
But fuck. I have a date with someone tomorrow basically right now it feels like that she's a successful polish woman who's unemployable which means she owns businesses she can't work for someone else because it's not in her spirit because she's figured out how to be financially free on her own that's what that means and she's a pilot she's lived in multiple countries she's really good energy and we're basically probably going to hang out tomorrow another close guy basically was encouraging it soon after party thing that our conferences I got this other construction lady who was in the military who has this cool rammed earth company is open for dinner. I asked her if she likes drinks this wasn't even at the party this was during the conference break. I asked her if she likes drink she said no she doesn't drink then I asked her if she like sick she says she smiled brightly and said yeah and so I said do you want to go out and she said you have my card and I did I pulled it out of my pocket I still had it from yesterday.
Even the day before technically the first day of the conference which was a half day but I didn't even go I ended up skipping that day because I met someone right outside the hostel from England and I spent the day with her 10 hours I haven't closed anyone or even kissed anyone yet but I was still touching her ass by the end of it and holding hands and little stuff and then she revealed trauma to me and stuff and whatever she says she's undateable but maybe she is maybe she's isn't but she's still a brilliant woman and beautiful and she was crying for a while and then after she's done she said and she likes me she admit that and so and also over the lunch time I was walking by the University of Austin today cuz I like to see universities. I decided I'm probably going to travel the country and world and work remote where I can and just kind of explore the universities. I've wanted to take a trip to Scotland and England to where I see like Oxford and Cambridge and the old Edinburgh University where I studied abroad. So that's going to be a thing I maybe do and see the vibe, culture and architecture of the different universities but yeah also part of that being the student vibe. Anyway at this place this vibe I got a lot of eye contact and positive glasses I'm not even saying they were sexual or suggestive just reciprocal that's all but it actually did seem like a lot of them were interested or intrigued with me if I'm being honest and one in particular this beautiful woman really did glance at me seriously like what the hell she she looked at me and I looked at her like it seemed like she was particularly interested so I look back or I caught her looking at me so I looked back and that second look was definite and she's a much younger woman at a university and I also sent to other people had interest and they don't look away or avert their eyes like they do in Minnesota which feels like when it's done enough times over enough period of time it feels like depersoning or something like that maybe so all these stories I have to tell you I'll have taken place only in the last 3 days or so. Let's see let's do the math it's technically Wednesday but basically Tuesday night and I got here Saturday night and just went to bed Saturday so that's when I did the first post bursts of posts walking 6th Street not really talking to anyone but just walking the street it was a Halloween weekend and a lot was going on but then the next day I met the English girl and spent the whole day in the park and stuff and bars and then the next couple days were the conference so basically only 3 days I can feel the vibe is different and it's not necessarily perfect but what I think it is it's fair. That's all. Maybe it's more than fair maybe it's tilted toward me but I don't even think it's that I think it's just fair and part of it might be Austin and part of it granted might be the conference environment too but that's still environmental, that's still a community thing, that still counts as environment you know
So when you read my older posts when I reflect on my earlier life we really can't discount environment. If the individual can overcome a bad environment that's good good for him but why would you want to have to end maybe it takes away from other accomplishments like building a business or something. And maybe he can't overcome it and maybe he internalizes negative things about himself or just gets resentful. Try making it in Calvins Geneva or cromwell's england. I think we've largely sublimated that religious fanaticism but bureaucratized it. Minnesotans I'm trying to explain how minnesotans are without sounding negative because that's a challenge because I didn't even notice it for years or i wasn't certain. I have to find a way to communicate it without sounding better not because there's anything wrong with bitterness but because it might make people think the problem is me and granted I have my problems and issues and limitations we all do but I would say what they are like is like people you work with in the corporation and you talk to during the day. Those people speaking abstraction and plausible deniability and keep a professional distance and doing that makes sense because it's just a job and they don't want liability and stuff but minnesotans are like that as a core personality even when they're not on a job but you don't know that's the case. When they're friendly to you you think it means something but not just that. It's also they won't give honest feedback if they're not happy or something and they won't show the promotion ever either or so anger. It's like that's their personality but that's not good enough for me but I have gotten Good vibes from people in subcommunities the few that exists like church gives its own thing has purity people younger women who look at you adoringly if you're part of the system. The country may have some things that have gotten good vibes from people up north and small towns off the shore but man it really is the fucking environment. In Minnesota has a gas lighting like environment and I hate to just blame blame blame but actually blame is important. Blame is the error that needs to be assigned to different components and pieces so that they can be adjusted so that the error next go around is less and that was taken from artificial intelligence training. That's how model training works so blame is important actually so no shame about blame my family life was like Minnesota as a microcosm even though they were from another state I see it now.
So what's next that's the question. I don't know. I do know I want to be more of an owner and less of a manager going forward in things but of course to be an owner you got to be something you got to be a deal maker and so on I'm just saying I don't want to manage because I don't want to be tied down but I do like to work so I can manage things that are intrinsically rewarding and feed my purpose but I don't want to be stuck managing tenants and so on so I want to loosen from that and find a manager or managers who are reliable and affordable. Those are the key traits that I'm looking for and also on any future business I might by I have to consider them as entities I would like to have managed
The conference by the way was about what I expected but actually a little bit better.. but the conference itself is a lot like business church I call it and it's very American there's a depth that's missing. I like my studies. I like my critical studies of history and sociology and so on which are more European I like the depth I want success holistically not just in money. I want three axes which are to reduce them to single words money love and ethics at least those three but each of those axes encompasses many things. Basically personal business and ethics. We'll see how things play out you know cuz nothing can be forced I don't believe in free will either I don't even know what that means you have a will but did you really choose your will or did it choose you? Do you control what thoughts you think I don't know about that. Maybe that's what it comes down to how can you control a thought anyway that's another subject but yeah environment that's what it's about I couldn't solve the system of environments that I was in because the constraints were too rigid and the solution space was too small but I was trying to sell them anyways in many ways they maybe made me stronger but at the expense of years years years years. I'm still stuck there kind of and I'm still trying to solve that space and not even because I'm living there but because I'm stubborn but God damn it it's so flat but yeah that's that
