- Joined
- Jul 23, 2017
- Messages
- 366
Hey everyone,
Hope you're all doing well!
There's something I'd like to get off my chest.
I've been facing some issues with socializing lately. Actually, these are issues I always faced. I decided to sit down and break down my inner thoughts. Maybe someone might spot a pattern and guide me out.
Vibe is everything. My fundamentals are pretty good and I generate attraction almost instantly these days. The sexy vibe I exude is strong enough to even get a woman who might not have been impressed by my appearance initially. And I score with women who typically won't go for someone my race (for anyone who thinks women discriminate on race, just a small note: it's not the race, it's the behavior they associate with the race. So, behave attractively and you're good)
That said, more often than not, this cool vibe gets killed. And it's most often because of my thinking and reactions.
I'll write my reactions to things which happen to me as well as my thoughts. The following will be an improvised writing piece and might be all over the place. I think it's the best way to capture my thinking processes and reactions in words. I'll also include the bad aspects people say I have.
Alright, let's dig in.
I'm a pretty sensitive guy. I tend to take things a little to personally. For example, earlier today, I was sitting on a sofa in a cloth store while my girlfriend was browsing around. The woman at the cashier tells my girl that I should not be sitting on the sofa (it's for sale.) My girl, somewhat embarrassed, relays the message. My thoughts: "I didn't not even know it was for sale. I did nothing wrong. Why is the woman acting like I did something wrong? It's not my fault. I did not know." I then felt negative emotions towards the woman at the cashier and my mood got ruined.
I walk out of the store and my girlfriend mentions a drug store which sell our favorite brand of condoms but cheaper. We had been to that drug store previously and I remember that there was no price difference. I mention it to her and she keeps insisting that no, there is a difference and it is cheaper. I piece up a few anecdotes about condom prices and she realizes that she was wrong. Meanwhile, I already got upset. My thoughts: "She's always insisting when she thinks she is right. She won't even stop for a second to consider whether I'm right. All she cares about is to persist to the end. She always wants to be right. It's like she doubts my word now." Now, I proceeded to feel negative emotions towards my girlfriend which she picked up in a few seconds. I brought up the issue casually and she admitted to being insistent at times. She did not even fight with me at that point but I could not get rid of the negative emotions.
Some time back, when I was single, I hung out with a number of guys and girls, with the aim of getting laid. First, i would run into a problem in providing social value. My thoughts: "Ok, now what? How can I be cool? I don't know what to say. Oh shit, I'm frowning again. Ok, smile. Try to relate. Don't stay awkwardly quiet. Why can't I just have a great time." Then, after realizing that I'm not adding much value, I get upset about it, beat myself up and my vibe just dies. It's not that I don't know how to add value. I do have great energy when my vibe is great: laughing with everyone, being inclusive, taking them to good restaurants, making jokes, etc. It's just that if I wasn't in a great vibe already, it was hard to get into one.
Second social circle problem was with getting girls. I would be in a group of girls, flirting and being sexy. It felt nice. At some point though, a guy in the group would be as cool as me. I would immediately feel threatened by that guy, feel negative emotions towards him and of course, he could pick up on it too. Seeing the girls give him all the attention would hurt me. Most of the time, the guys did not care. The rare exceptions were the naturals. They somehow found a way to make me like them, which I did. They still go the girl(s) though. Ouch. Oh, and now that I think about it, I had some negative emotions towards the girls too, which they picked on fast.
Usually, anytime I encounter a guy I consider superior in some way, I feel threatened and insecure. Instantly, I hate him. Why? Because I feel like he might steal my girl. This sentence I just wrote surely shows I'm wrong but I don't know how else to feel. How should I feel towards a guy who seems like he's miles ahead of me in terms of sexiness, coolness or looks or any other advantage? And I'm sure you can see how that insecurity fucks me up in my current relationship.
Now, I'll include the most common negative attributes I have received in my life:
Arrogant- Some people say I exude a vibe like I'm above everyone else, like I don't care. Even my girlfriend thought of me as a hot but cold, aloof guy when she first saw me. Some people also feel like I disregard them.
Ignoring people- I might be in a social situation but I completely ignore some people. It might be because I felt negative towards them in a given situation and proceeded to completely write them off. I realized (just now) that I'm so scared of people ignoring me that I ignore them as a defense mechanism. Oh damn, writing things down made some stuff clearer already.
Strong ego- Friends and family noticed this. It takes me time to forgive and I feel negative towards someone who wronged me, even if it's been weeks since the issue is settled. I tend to take a lot of things at heart as well.
Non-confronting- My dad pointed me out that whenever I have an issue with my step mum, instead of confronting her about it, I usually go about to ignore her and act rude. This leads to endless cold wars which never end well.
Scowling face- I get told to smile all the time. And I often have people ask me what's wrong.
Judgmental- I became aware of that one recently. A friend of mine pointed out that I tend to judge people pretty fast. I thought about it and it's true. For example, I see someone with a frowning face and I automatically assume he/she is rude, not pleasant to be around.
Not saying hi- big one. I can't count the number of girls I lost as friends or potential lovers who told me: "Why didn't you even say hi to me?" For this one, my thoughts go something like this: "I'm sure she just saw me. Ah, she turned her head the other way. Well, I sure won't be the one to say hi first if she won't even look my way." And another big problem is that sometimes I simply don't know how to say hi. The situation feels uncomfortable.
Moody- Everyone from my parents to friends say I can get pretty moody.
Stiff or try hard
And one last one is I'm pretty sensitive to tone of voice. I spot voice tones which are condescending and it upsets me. I consider it disrespectful. I often argue with people, telling them: "Wait, why did you say it like that? It sounds like you are implying X." Even if they clarify that, no, they are not implying X, my mind is already set that they are.
That's all i can think of.
I'd just like to point out that I'd love some help into helping me thinking better thoughts. Meaning, what's wrong with my thoughts and how to proceed to think other thoughts and what those other thoughts are.
The negative traits I listed are just to give you a profile of what type of person I am. You probably hate me by now but I had to if I want the best chances of receiving any help xD
It's weird but it's not as simple for me to just stop doing all those bad things.
This is my mental turmoil. I know I should not be doing that but then again, how do I make myself respected, ensure no one messes with me?
Hope you're all doing well!
There's something I'd like to get off my chest.
I've been facing some issues with socializing lately. Actually, these are issues I always faced. I decided to sit down and break down my inner thoughts. Maybe someone might spot a pattern and guide me out.
Vibe is everything. My fundamentals are pretty good and I generate attraction almost instantly these days. The sexy vibe I exude is strong enough to even get a woman who might not have been impressed by my appearance initially. And I score with women who typically won't go for someone my race (for anyone who thinks women discriminate on race, just a small note: it's not the race, it's the behavior they associate with the race. So, behave attractively and you're good)
That said, more often than not, this cool vibe gets killed. And it's most often because of my thinking and reactions.
I'll write my reactions to things which happen to me as well as my thoughts. The following will be an improvised writing piece and might be all over the place. I think it's the best way to capture my thinking processes and reactions in words. I'll also include the bad aspects people say I have.
Alright, let's dig in.
I'm a pretty sensitive guy. I tend to take things a little to personally. For example, earlier today, I was sitting on a sofa in a cloth store while my girlfriend was browsing around. The woman at the cashier tells my girl that I should not be sitting on the sofa (it's for sale.) My girl, somewhat embarrassed, relays the message. My thoughts: "I didn't not even know it was for sale. I did nothing wrong. Why is the woman acting like I did something wrong? It's not my fault. I did not know." I then felt negative emotions towards the woman at the cashier and my mood got ruined.
I walk out of the store and my girlfriend mentions a drug store which sell our favorite brand of condoms but cheaper. We had been to that drug store previously and I remember that there was no price difference. I mention it to her and she keeps insisting that no, there is a difference and it is cheaper. I piece up a few anecdotes about condom prices and she realizes that she was wrong. Meanwhile, I already got upset. My thoughts: "She's always insisting when she thinks she is right. She won't even stop for a second to consider whether I'm right. All she cares about is to persist to the end. She always wants to be right. It's like she doubts my word now." Now, I proceeded to feel negative emotions towards my girlfriend which she picked up in a few seconds. I brought up the issue casually and she admitted to being insistent at times. She did not even fight with me at that point but I could not get rid of the negative emotions.
Some time back, when I was single, I hung out with a number of guys and girls, with the aim of getting laid. First, i would run into a problem in providing social value. My thoughts: "Ok, now what? How can I be cool? I don't know what to say. Oh shit, I'm frowning again. Ok, smile. Try to relate. Don't stay awkwardly quiet. Why can't I just have a great time." Then, after realizing that I'm not adding much value, I get upset about it, beat myself up and my vibe just dies. It's not that I don't know how to add value. I do have great energy when my vibe is great: laughing with everyone, being inclusive, taking them to good restaurants, making jokes, etc. It's just that if I wasn't in a great vibe already, it was hard to get into one.
Second social circle problem was with getting girls. I would be in a group of girls, flirting and being sexy. It felt nice. At some point though, a guy in the group would be as cool as me. I would immediately feel threatened by that guy, feel negative emotions towards him and of course, he could pick up on it too. Seeing the girls give him all the attention would hurt me. Most of the time, the guys did not care. The rare exceptions were the naturals. They somehow found a way to make me like them, which I did. They still go the girl(s) though. Ouch. Oh, and now that I think about it, I had some negative emotions towards the girls too, which they picked on fast.
Usually, anytime I encounter a guy I consider superior in some way, I feel threatened and insecure. Instantly, I hate him. Why? Because I feel like he might steal my girl. This sentence I just wrote surely shows I'm wrong but I don't know how else to feel. How should I feel towards a guy who seems like he's miles ahead of me in terms of sexiness, coolness or looks or any other advantage? And I'm sure you can see how that insecurity fucks me up in my current relationship.
Now, I'll include the most common negative attributes I have received in my life:
Arrogant- Some people say I exude a vibe like I'm above everyone else, like I don't care. Even my girlfriend thought of me as a hot but cold, aloof guy when she first saw me. Some people also feel like I disregard them.
Ignoring people- I might be in a social situation but I completely ignore some people. It might be because I felt negative towards them in a given situation and proceeded to completely write them off. I realized (just now) that I'm so scared of people ignoring me that I ignore them as a defense mechanism. Oh damn, writing things down made some stuff clearer already.
Strong ego- Friends and family noticed this. It takes me time to forgive and I feel negative towards someone who wronged me, even if it's been weeks since the issue is settled. I tend to take a lot of things at heart as well.
Non-confronting- My dad pointed me out that whenever I have an issue with my step mum, instead of confronting her about it, I usually go about to ignore her and act rude. This leads to endless cold wars which never end well.
Scowling face- I get told to smile all the time. And I often have people ask me what's wrong.
Judgmental- I became aware of that one recently. A friend of mine pointed out that I tend to judge people pretty fast. I thought about it and it's true. For example, I see someone with a frowning face and I automatically assume he/she is rude, not pleasant to be around.
Not saying hi- big one. I can't count the number of girls I lost as friends or potential lovers who told me: "Why didn't you even say hi to me?" For this one, my thoughts go something like this: "I'm sure she just saw me. Ah, she turned her head the other way. Well, I sure won't be the one to say hi first if she won't even look my way." And another big problem is that sometimes I simply don't know how to say hi. The situation feels uncomfortable.
Moody- Everyone from my parents to friends say I can get pretty moody.
Stiff or try hard
And one last one is I'm pretty sensitive to tone of voice. I spot voice tones which are condescending and it upsets me. I consider it disrespectful. I often argue with people, telling them: "Wait, why did you say it like that? It sounds like you are implying X." Even if they clarify that, no, they are not implying X, my mind is already set that they are.
That's all i can think of.
I'd just like to point out that I'd love some help into helping me thinking better thoughts. Meaning, what's wrong with my thoughts and how to proceed to think other thoughts and what those other thoughts are.
The negative traits I listed are just to give you a profile of what type of person I am. You probably hate me by now but I had to if I want the best chances of receiving any help xD
It's weird but it's not as simple for me to just stop doing all those bad things.
This is my mental turmoil. I know I should not be doing that but then again, how do I make myself respected, ensure no one messes with me?
