In a bad place due to an accusation

[Smiling_Stray]

I don't know what to think of myself right now. A lot of me hates myself, some of me wants to die. Just a few hours ago, I had locked myself in a room with the only thing I needed to bring my own life to an end. I have my own supports but unfortunately this was the only time nobody was available in the way I needed them. What brought me here started a few days ago.

I was walking out of class and saw a girl glancing at me while she was with her friend. I wasn't going to say anything to her but we ended up going in the same direction and her friend had to go another way and she looked back at me and giggled a bit. I smiled and said hi. The conversation took off from there and I left with her number ultimately deciding it would be a bad idea to pursue her because she gave me a bad gut feeling. Something just seemed off, but she was also my type. So I hung onto the number and sent an icebreaker text. Then two days later on a Friday night around 10pm she invites me over. I stop and think about it but ultimately decided to go because she had hit me up when I was very much in the mood. I go and everything starts off good.

She lets me into her dorm and it's just me and her. We talk for a bit and end up making out, then making out in bed. I guess that was my way of moving things forward with her. She says she doesn't want to go any further, so I don't initially go any further. We just kiss for a bit. Then after a bit, I try moving things forward again by trying to remove her corsette straps and I do so very slowly, only moving them down halfway and feeling her breasts over her top while she's grinding a bit on my leg. I took this much as at least as yellow light but it really hit home when she kept saying "it's ok" to me. I wasn't entirely sure what she was refering to but she kept saying it and I could see her now saying that to herself while looking at me but also as refering to going all the way. I don't know. Then she sits up and explains she forgot she had to study for an exam just as her friend knocks on the door. From there I pretty much got the boot out the door and was as polite as I could've been.

I was later told she had texted that friend to come stop things because she was uncomfortable. Her phone was behind me so I don't know if that's true but I guess she could've had a smart watch or something. It seems like that would probably be true though. I was also later told that her and her friend went to campus police after the fact but that nothing was filed, it seems like they weren't really taken seriously there. Which bothers me because that points out some problems with our local police, but I'm also somewhat grateful for it in this instance. Afterward they met with some campus officials, filed for a "no contact" form with our campus. Which means, neither of us are allowed to talk about this (at least in an identifying way I think) or contact each other or risk suspension. Nothing further is to happen with this, it stays with the campus and does not go on academic record or anything.

I was not made aware of this until today (Monday), but the day after I got the boot (Saturday) I texted her that I had nice time hanging out with her warmly and got no response (go figure).

I realize that I am in a position where most guys would say "Count your lucky stars and move on with your life. Try not to let this happen again." but for me, this is particularly tough as I am personally a survivor of sexual assault myself and have always been active in trying to help other survivors. It's basically a core aspect of how I see myself. I've also been working closely with the campus make the campus a better environment and now I find myself feeling like I am threat to my cause. It makes me have an immense hatred for myself and I have no rationalization for any this because from what I heard she told the entire truth. I simply mistook a red light for a yellow light and made her uncomfortable. I feel awful about that. I want nothing more than to talk to her about it, try to comfort her, and apologize, try to clear some things up. I think a found a loophole that would allow me to go through official channels to have mediated conversation with her if she's okay with that, but I have so many doubts about that actually still coming to fruition. Still, trying makes me feel somewhat better though. I don't know.

I've been spiraling all day because of this and that led me to trying to get myself intentionally drink myself death while locked in my bathroom. I've been successful at doing so before, which only didn't work by a miracle of someone running errands at just the right time.

This time, I just sat there and starred at the booze and tried convincing myself to do it. I was so close, but I ended up picking up the phone and calling a friend instead. I just layed there for a while afterward, and only just pulled myself away from the bathroom. I took a minute and gathered myself then went and gave away the booze to some very delighted neighbors. And have slowly been getting myself to feel better in the hours since. However, I'm still struggling to see this in a way that doesn't make me feel like a fucking hypocritical monster.

Don't tell me to see a professional, I've already reached out and nobody is available until a week from now. And yes, mental health has been a lifelong struggle for me however until lately I've been in a really good place. If I wasn't I wouldn't writing this. Anyway until next week, I need to live with this. I'm here for whatever support or advice I can find that hasn't already occurred to me. This is a place that is familiar with accusations so I thought this would be an appropriate place to bring this for now.

 

[Conquistador]

I won’t pretend to understand what you’re feeling.
It sounds like you understand intellectually that this isn’t the end of the world.

But if it’s triggered an identity crisis…hold the line and don’t do anything drastic for at least a week or two

I wasn’t there and I’m seeing it through the lens of your descriptions…but the setup sounds very sus. I don’t think you did anything wrong.

Just stay calm, take your time figuring things out, pray/meditate if that’s your thing.

This too shall pass.

But yeah…it’s rough. Campuses these days have no due process. And men’s side of the story doesn’t get told…even when they are the victims. read a Swedish government paper that basically says that ~50% of college-age assault victims today are male.

@Skills has a nice post somewhere on dealing with false accusations.

That’s all I can really think of…hang in there.

(edited for typos/drafting errors)

 

[Bill]

Listen to “break through difficult emotions“ by Shinzen Young

 

[Skills]

I don't know what to think of myself right now. A lot of me hates myself, some of me wants to die. Just a few hours ago, I had locked myself in a room with the only thing I needed to bring my own life to an end. I have my own supports but unfortunately this was the only time nobody was available in the way I needed them. What brought me here started a few days ago.

I was walking out of class and saw a girl glancing at me while she was with her friend. I wasn't going to say anything to her but we ended up going in the same direction and her friend had to go another way and she looked back at me and giggled a bit. I smiled and said hi. The conversation took off from there and I left with her number ultimately deciding it would be a bad idea to pursue her because she gave me a bad gut feeling. Something just seemed off, but she was also my type. So I hung onto the number and sent an icebreaker text. Then two days later on a Friday night around 10pm she invites me over. I stop and think about it but ultimately decided to go because she had hit me up when I was very much in the mood. I go and everything starts off good.

She lets me into her dorm and it's just me and her. We talk for a bit and end up making out, then making out in bed. I guess that was my way of moving things forward with her. She says she doesn't want to go any further, so I don't initially go any further. We just kiss for a bit. Then after a bit, I try moving things forward again by trying to remove her corsette straps and I do so very slowly, only moving them down halfway and feeling her breasts over her top while she's grinding a bit on my leg. I took this much as at least as yellow light but it really hit home when she kept saying "it's ok" to me. I wasn't entirely sure what she was refering to but she kept saying it and I could see her now saying that to herself while looking at me but also as refering to going all the way. I don't know. Then she sits up and explains she forgot she had to study for an exam just as her friend knocks on the door. From there I pretty much got the boot out the door and was as polite as I could've been.

I was later told she had texted that friend to come stop things because she was uncomfortable. Her phone was behind me so I don't know if that's true but I guess she could've had a smart watch or something. It seems like that would probably be true though. I was also later told that her and her friend went to campus police after the fact but that nothing was filed, it seems like they weren't really taken seriously there. Which bothers me because that points out some problems with our local police, but I'm also somewhat grateful for it in this instance. Afterward they met with some campus officials, filed for a "no contact" form with our campus. Which means, neither of us are allowed to talk about this (at least in an identifying way I think) or contact each other or risk suspension. Nothing further is to happen with this, it stays with the campus and does not go on academic record or anything.

I was not made aware of this until today (Monday), but the day after I got the boot (Saturday) I texted her that I had nice time hanging out with her warmly and got no response (go figure).

I realize that I am in a position where most guys would say "Count your lucky stars and move on with your life. Try not to let this happen again." but for me, this is particularly tough as I am personally a survivor of sexual assault myself and have always been active in trying to help other survivors. It's basically a core aspect of how I see myself. I've also been working closely with the campus make the campus a better environment and now I find myself feeling like I am threat to my cause. It makes me have an immense hatred for myself and I have no rationalization for any this because from what I heard she told the entire truth. I simply mistook a red light for a yellow light and made her uncomfortable. I feel awful about that. I want nothing more than to talk to her about it, try to comfort her, and apologize, try to clear some things up. I think a found a loophole that would allow me to go through official channels to have mediated conversation with her if she's okay with that, but I have so many doubts about that actually still coming to fruition. Still, trying makes me feel somewhat better though. I don't know.

I've been spiraling all day because of this and that led me to trying to get myself intentionally drink myself death while locked in my bathroom. I've been successful at doing so before, which only didn't work by a miracle of someone running errands at just the right time.

This time, I just sat there and starred at the booze and tried convincing myself to do it. I was so close, but I ended up picking up the phone and calling a friend instead. I just layed there for a while afterward, and only just pulled myself away from the bathroom. I took a minute and gathered myself then went and gave away the booze to some very delighted neighbors. And have slowly been getting myself to feel better in the hours since. However, I'm still struggling to see this in a way that doesn't make me feel like a fucking hypocritical monster.

Don't tell me to see a professional, I've already reached out and nobody is available until a week from now. And yes, mental health has been a lifelong struggle for me however until lately I've been in a really good place. If I wasn't I wouldn't writing this. Anyway until next week, I need to live with this. I'm here for whatever support or advice I can find that hasn't already occurred to me. This is a place that is familiar with accusations so I thought this would be an appropriate place to bring this for now.

It seems you have some internal trauma maybe from your past, work on going back to the incident and see if you can learn if there is something you genuinely did wrong or misread the signals... What happened to you is very unlikely to happen, and you just may have run into some type of what chase calls cluster b type or crazy type, and this is problem something that at times happens..... The last thing you want to do is self pitty and loser attitude and worst going into substances abuse as medication and killing yourself is feminine behavior with deal with problem as men not try to look for shortcuts (killing yourself) to not deal with life issues and problems... Your best bet is to keep getting women and getting more women experience, pick up is tough we deal with tons of rejections, heartbreak etc... And yes we sometimes we deal with problems with girls such as fake pregnancies, fras, slander etc..... But the good news is that is minimal, take this opportunity as fuel to get better with women....

i don't know based on the story as she was saying is "ok is ok" as in stop and you misunderstood as is ok is ok as cont... Just learn from it and use as fuel to get better at pick up, even johny deph got accuse of fra it does happen:

Date Plans - The different types of seduction and the levels of risks that come with them (fra risk managment)

First what is fra: FRA.- stands for false rape accusation What is seduction: Seduction.- The act of seducing; especially : the enticement of a person to sexual intercourse something that seduces : temptation something that attracts or charms Now guys somebody close to me got a fra, dude did...

www.skilledseducer.com

good timing there is a video i need to post there eventually

 

[Smiling_Stray]

I won’t pretend to understand what you’re feeling.
It sounds like you understand intellectually that this isn’t the end of the world.

But if it’s triggered an identity crisis…hold the line and don’t do anything drastic for at least a week or two

I wasn’t there and I’m seeing it through the lens of your descriptions…but the setup sounds very sus. I don’t think you did anything wrong.

Just stay calm, take your time figuring things out, pray/meditate if that’s your thing.

This too shall pass.

But yeah…it’s rough. Campuses these days have no due process. And men’s side of the story doesn’t get told…even when they are the victims. read a Swedish government paper that basically says that ~50% of college-age assault victims today are male.

@Skills has a nice post somewhere on dealing with false accusations.

That’s all I can really think of…hang in there.

(edited for typos/drafting errors)

That’s really interesting, could you link that paper?

And yeah, I guess having survived previous attempts has shown me it’s almost never the end of the world. This instance i’m not even being threatened with any real punishment, I just find it hard to look at myself after discovering she wasn’t okay with some of the interaction we had. Which I guess is putting it lightly.

I really appreciate the response by the way, thanks

 

[Smiling_Stray]

Listen to “break through difficult emotions“ by Shinzen Young

ok but why?

 

[Smiling_Stray]

It seems you have some internal trauma maybe from your past, work on going back to the incident and see if you can learn if there is something you genuinely did wrong or misread the signals... What happened to you is very unlikely to happen, and you just may have run into some type of what chase calls cluster b type or crazy type, and this is problem something that at times happens..... The last thing you want to do is self pitty and loser attitude and worst going into substances abuse as medication and killing yourself is feminine behavior with deal with problem as men not try to look for shortcuts (killing yourself) to not deal with life issues and problems... Your best bet is to keep getting women and getting more women experience, pick up is tough we deal with tons of rejections, heartbreak etc... And yes we sometimes we deal with problems with girls such as fake pregnancies, fras, slander etc..... But the good news is that is minimal, take this opportunity as fuel to get better with women....

i don't know based on the story as she was saying is "ok is ok" as in stop and you misunderstood as is ok is ok as cont... Just learn from it and use as fuel to get better at pick up, even johny deph got accuse of fra it does happen:

Date Plans - The different types of seduction and the levels of risks that come with them (fra risk managment)

First what is fra: FRA.- stands for false rape accusation What is seduction: Seduction.- The act of seducing; especially : the enticement of a person to sexual intercourse something that seduces : temptation something that attracts or charms Now guys somebody close to me got a fra, dude did...

www.skilledseducer.com

good timing there is a video i need to post there eventually

She was saying “it’s ok it’s ok” idk if that was a typo but I could definitely see how it would be confusing either way.

And I really appreciate that you’re giving me the benefit of the doubt but I think my fuckup was the fact that I didn’t stop pushing for sex and walk away at several points, mainly after the first and only time she expressed she wasn’t ready to go so far yet. I mean I saw it as LMR but I couldve been more careful during that part, but honestly I should’ve just started making an exit at that point. Or read the room and see that she wasn’t smiling when I left and try talking to her then.

I can’t not go over it in my head right now. I see a lot of things I could have done better but I also have acknowledge the fact that she didn’t seem to have to any lies and that I intended to leave her with a smile but I didn’t.

I don’t feel bad for myself, I feel like I did something wrong that goes against a core aspect of my identity and am getting off easy.

 

[Chase]

@Smiling_Stray,

And I really appreciate that you’re giving me the benefit of the doubt but I think my fuckup was the fact that I didn’t stop pushing for sex and walk away at several points, mainly after the first and only time she expressed she wasn’t ready to go so far yet. I mean I saw it as LMR but I couldve been more careful during that part, but honestly I should’ve just started making an exit at that point. Or read the room and see that she wasn’t smiling when I left and try talking to her then.

Look dude.

This chick invited you to her place. Then she made out with you. Then she made out with you in her bed.

Then she gave you some push back, so you slowed down. Then you tried very gently moving forward, with the most PG-13 moves ever, all while she was grinding her pussy against your leg. All while she was giving you AFFIRMATIVE CONSENT by even the strictest California Title IX blue-haired feminist definition of that ridiculous term.

Unless there’s some giant piece of missing information here, like she shoved you violently off her and then you jumped back atop her cackling diabolically while pinioning her as she screamed in terror, this reads like the most innocent sexual escalation.

You must understand, this is the natural state of men and women: man pushes for sex, woman resists sex. Man pushes some more, woman resists more. Women can resist three ways:

1. Token resistance, where they gently protest, while continuing to smile, kiss you, rub you, etc.
   
   
2. Moderate resistance, where they cool things off a bit, pull away a bit, push you away a bit, without totally shutting things down.
   
   
3. Full shut down, where they stop kissing you, stop rubbing on you, just go ice cold rational and tell you they don’t want to do this or that you need to leave.

This girl was somewhere in the #1 or 2 range. #1 is basically “fun steam ahead!” while #2 is “proceed carefully & use push-pull”, which is what you were doing. (#3 is “freeze out”, “talk her through it”, or “mission abort”, depending on what she’s telling/showing you)

You ran what was a very respectful seduction here — cautious, even.

Her response here was unhinged. It is absolutely nuts. It’s just deranged.

I don’t know what sort of abuse you suffered. But you have to know this was NOT that. You did not abuse this girl. No girl invites a guy to her place, makes out with him in bed, grinds her pussy on his leg while he’s rubbing her tit outside her clothes while telling him “it’s okay”, then charges him with sexual assault for that later unless her brain is psycho scrambled eggs.

You said this girl gave you a bad gut feeling at first sight. I suggest you learn to listen to those.

But, dude… suicide when you behaved like an ordinary MAN while she behaved like a completely unhinged wing nut mental ward runaway is not the right call. If anyone’s suffering any consequences here, it should be this girl, getting carted off in a straitjacket, and maybe some electroshock therapy (at the mental asylum head doctor’s discretion, of course).

This modern consent theory gobbledygook has totally fried men and women alike. They don’t even know what male and female roles are anymore. It’s insane. It all goes back to Susan Brownmiller and her 1975 screed against heterosexual sex. That launched this modern redefinition of rape and adoption of this new constantly-shifting thing called “consent” that is as ensconced in modern feminist-driven sexual thought as John Money’s Frankensteinian concept “gender.” Future historians are going to read about this time in history and try to understand what 21st Century people were talking about when they talked about ‘consent’ and ‘gender’ and they just won’t even be able to fathom it. It’s this hopelessly garbled web of contradictory rules and ever-changing norms that even the people who are busily castigating others over it and coming up with new rules themselves don’t understand. Just look up all the male feminists getting accused of rape… lol. Most of these guys look and sound like they’ve been hit with the shocks of their lives. “ME? But I defined some of these rules! How is this possible???”

Anyway dude… yeah, you enacted the normal male role here. She enacted the normal female role here. Then she had some sort of mental patient reaction that it’s not worth trying to unpack… Empathy and understanding women is very helpful, but when you find the actual psychos the only thing trying to understand them does is make you crazy yourself.

My strategic advice to college dudes is the same as always: if you can at all avoid it, DO NOT TRY TO SHAG GIRLS FROM YOUR UNIVERSITY. Just be cordial to them and that is it. If they’re living off campus… well, MAYBE. Still probably not. If they’re living on campus, it’s just a hard no.

Pick up townies. Shag girls visiting from other schools. Do not shag girls who attend YOUR university.

Probably only 10% of these girls are radicalized into the “all male sex is rape unless I say it isn't” school of thought. It sucks to miss out on the other 90% normal chicks, but the insane/paranoid/hostile 10% are too difficult to distinguish from the non-crazies.

(personally, if I was in school, I would actually start field testing some sort of screening game where I screened for chicks with radical views on feminism, gender stuff, consent theory, rape, sexual trauma, etc., and just hard-screened out girls that gave the wrong answers… just so I could still sleep with campus girls, but without having to worry about FRAs. But you’ve gotta be a bit of a seduction scientist to want to bother devising new styles of game to overcome specific problems like this)

But yeah man. This chick is nuts.

You knew it at first glance.

Her actions confirm it.

You did NOT hurt her.

Any guy she does anything with is going to “hurt her.”

Read up on BPD chicks. A lot of these chicks who just flip and go totally psycho are this. With BPD chicks, every single guy hurts them — in THEIR minds. The nicest, sweetest nice guy in the world is an abuser in the BPD chick’s mind. They will totally wrap guys into all this guilt as they claim over and over all these bad things the guys have supposedly done to them.

Girlfriend with Borderline Personality Disorder: You Must Escape

Girlfriends with borderline personality disorder can be the sexiest, most intoxicating partners you will ever have. They are also the most damaging ones you can have, and you should run. Lately I have been hearing from more and more guys dealing with girlfriends afflicted with borderline...

www.girlschase.com

You need to make peace with the fact that some of the wickedest people in the world do their wickedness by claiming to be victims. There are a lot of really evil people out there who, no matter what reason they give for it, even if they are talking about how much everyone else has hurt them, use this victim status to do evil.

It’s sad. It shouldn’t be this way. But it is. You have to find the good and normal people, and stay far away from the nutters.

Make sure to read up on avoiding FRAs:

How to Avoid and Deal with False Rape Accusations

So you met a girl at a party. Both of you had been drinking, but not so much that either of you was stumbling around, slurring your speech, or anything. The attraction between the two of you was palpable; sparks flew through the air like electric currents, and one thing very quickly led to...

www.girlschase.com

But yeah man. You’re in college in the West (I assume). It’s the #1 spot in the world for this bullshit.

Don’t blame yourself. Don’t let it beat you. This is not the real world. These idiot chicks in college who are out there psycho-accusing young college guys for normal male behavior that evolved over millions of years are abnormal. They are the awful weirdos, and the one who needs protection from their ilk is you.

So, be smart, and keep yourself safe, dude.

(Some) bitches be crazy.

Chase

 

[TestY]

I don't know what to think of myself right now. A lot of me hates myself, some of me wants to die.

The other guys here have some good perspectives. It's really important to get straight about the facts, and not unconsciously accept her version without further reflection. You mention your core identity. One way to raise your self-esteem aside from the things that are mentioned here, is to mentally practice goodwill and social interest towards people. See this post.

«It is almost impossible to exaggerate the value of an increase in social feeling. The mind improves, for intelligence is a communal function.
The feeling of worth and value is heightened, giving courage and an optimistic view, and there is a sense of acquiescence in the common advantages and drawbacks of our lot. The individual feels at home in life and feels his existence to be worthwhile just so far as he is useful to others and is overcoming common, instead of private, feelings of inferiority.

 

[Destiny]

I think a found a loophole that would allow me to go through official channels to have mediated conversation with her

To add to what everyone said above, I don't see any way doing THIS wouldn't bite you in the ass.

 

[ulrich]

First, DO NOT CONTACT HER… not now, not ever again.
She tried to hurt you. Intentionally or unintentionally… in any case, she is not your friend.

Second, I am going to tell you something that is hard but you need to hear.
YOU NEED TO MOVE PAST YOUR SEXUAL ASSAULT.
I don’t know what happened, but you are letting that event define who you are even after several years.

Maybe you gave it a positive spin like “I am going to prevent this from happening again” or “I am definitely not that kind of person”… but in any case, it still defines who you are.

The best thing for your psyche is just accept that it happened, that either you had no control of it or someone took advantage of you… but that is something that happened TO you… not something you did… not something you are.

You have to relinquish the victim identity for it to stop hurting.

Maybe it sounds weird… but that’s how you heal… by letting the past in the past and not allowing it to pursue you to the present.
So long you are still a victim or a savior, it will still have a hold on you.

 

[Lover]

I can imagine the pain you're going through, and I feel bad for American (and largely Western) students having to deal with this mass hysteria

I was hit with a false accusation myself from an ex girlfriend. We were not on speaking terms. But I was checking up on her in our social circle because someone had told me she had been admitted some time before. And she didn't want to talk initially, but told me she had got depression and anxiety because, according to her psychologist, I mentally abused her

ME?! AN ABUSER?!

I was a sex ed teacher for years. I was frequenting this forum. I knew about boundaries. I had past flings and relationships that often went fine (or never went this far). It was ingrained in my identity that I was a friend and lover of people. I wouldn't hurt anyone purposefully and definitely not abuse them in any way

Yet, this hit me so hard that I went to a state of crisis for at least a year before it started to really calm down. I had suicidal ideations for the first true time in my life because "if even I can cause a girl this kind of pain, why do I deserve to live?" But I soldiered on and eventually slept with some girls when I was getting better.

The worst part? SHE hit ME up six months later when she heard I was moving

GIRL, WHY WOULD YOU REACH OUT TO YOUR "ABUSER"?!

Imagine I talked to her psychologist as well and told my side of the story. How certain would he/she be of the abuse part???

...

Seriously. Stop taking girls doing stuff like this so seriously. If they accuse you of something completely out of touch with reality, ignore them if they hit you up, block them and move on with your life

Don't write anything about being sorry. The police may use those "I'm sorry" texts to advance to court

However, save the texts for context... If they press charges, lawyer up and fight back

And lastly: know your fucking self. Know who you are, and know what you stand for. Then you know when girls like this are being immature, and they are bad for you. And you won't feel as bad as you do now. You just accept that some people are out of touch with reality and take things to an extreme

 

[POB]

@Smiling_Stray you did nothing, absolutely NOTHING wrong.
You are the victim here man.

Kudos for your courage to be a sexual assault survivor and keep a positive attitude towards life and others.

And don't let it hinder your progress to become a better person and a great seducer.
Remember: finding and dealing with those loonies is part of the growing process.

Best of luck to you man!

 

[Conquistador]

My strategic advice to college dudes is the same as always: if you can at all avoid it, DO NOT TRY TO SHAG GIRLS FROM YOUR UNIVERSITY. Just be cordial to them and that is it. If they’re living off campus… well, MAYBE. Still probably not. If they’re living on campus, it’s just a hard no.

That seems kinda extreme tbh…I get why you’re saying that but I don’t think it’s backed up by statistics or cost-benefit analysis.
Also, I was concerned enough to do over an hour of research and it seems like there are a lot of common denominators. For example, often the accused/respondent was incapacitated themselves.
So yeah, I think risk mitigation is an important discussion to have but voluntarily giving up a huge and convenient dating pool with social frame is a hard pill to swallow even for guys who cold approach:

Pick up townies. Shag girls visiting from other schools. Do not shag girls who attend YOUR university.

Try telling that to most college guys here…sure it’s doable for a skilled person but it’s so much more work…there’s a reason so many naturals at this age do SC mainly…

Probably only 10% of these girls are radicalized into the “all male sex is rape unless I say it isn't” school of thought. It sucks to miss out on the other 90% normal chicks, but the insane/paranoid/hostile 10% are too difficult to distinguish from the non-crazies.

That much?

(personally, if I was in school, I would actually start field testing some sort of screening game where I screened for chicks with radical views on feminism, gender stuff, consent theory, rape, sexual trauma, etc., and just hard-screened out girls that gave the wrong answers… just so I could still sleep with campus girls, but without having to worry about FRAs. But you’ve gotta be a bit of a seduction scientist to want to bother devising new styles of game to overcome specific problems like this)

This is interesting stuff.

Recently, an SC girl who’s super into hands-on women’s activism (despite being very stable and definitely not woke) flaked on an activity date we planned together because of the call of duty at her women’s center. I don’t really see how it’s different from dating a doctor, intelligence analyst, police officer, or whatever…but I might feel differently if this was cold approach and I had to move faster.

 

[Smiling_Stray]

I can imagine the pain you're going through, and I feel bad for American (and largely Western) students having to deal with this mass hysteria

I was hit with a false accusation myself from an ex girlfriend. We were not on speaking terms. But I was checking up on her in our social circle because someone had told me she had been admitted some time before. And she didn't want to talk initially, but told me she had got depression and anxiety because, according to her psychologist, I mentally abused her

ME?! AN ABUSER?!

I was a sex ed teacher for years. I was frequenting this forum. I knew about boundaries. I had past flings and relationships that often went fine (or never went this far). It was ingrained in my identity that I was a friend and lover of people. I wouldn't hurt anyone purposefully and definitely not abuse them in any way

Yet, this hit me so hard that I went to a state of crisis for at least a year before it started to really calm down. I had suicidal ideations for the first true time in my life because "if even I can cause a girl this kind of pain, why do I deserve to live?" But I soldiered on and eventually slept with some girls when I was getting better.

The worst part? SHE hit ME up six months later when she heard I was moving

GIRL, WHY WOULD YOU REACH OUT TO YOUR "ABUSER"?!

Imagine I talked to her psychologist as well and told my side of the story. How certain would he/she be of the abuse part???

...

Seriously. Stop taking girls doing stuff like this so seriously. If they accuse you of something completely out of touch with reality, ignore them if they hit you up, block them and move on with your life

Don't write anything about being sorry. The police may use those "I'm sorry" texts to advance to court

However, save the texts for context... If they press charges, lawyer up and fight back

And lastly: know your fucking self. Know who you are, and know what you stand for. Then you know when girls like this are being immature, and they are bad for you. And you won't feel as bad as you do now. You just accept that some people are out of touch with reality and take things to an extreme

That’s hella ironic and super relatable tbh but I’m definitely not texting her… I might have suicidal ideations, but I’m not academically suicidal

Thanks for sharing, that means a lot

 

[Smiling_Stray]

@Smiling_Stray,



Look dude.

This chick invited you to her place. Then she made out with you. Then she made out with you in her bed.

Then she gave you some push back, so you slowed down. Then you tried very gently moving forward, with the most PG-13 moves ever, all while she was grinding her pussy against your leg. All while she was giving you AFFIRMATIVE CONSENT by even the strictest California Title IX blue-haired feminist definition of that ridiculous term.

Unless there’s some giant piece of missing information here, like she shoved you violently off her and then you jumped back atop her cackling diabolically while pinioning her as she screamed in terror, this reads like the most innocent sexual escalation.

You must understand, this is the natural state of men and women: man pushes for sex, woman resists sex. Man pushes some more, woman resists more. Women can resist three ways:

1. Token resistance, where they gently protest, while continuing to smile, kiss you, rub you, etc.
   
   
2. Moderate resistance, where they cool things off a bit, pull away a bit, push you away a bit, without totally shutting things down.
   
   
3. Full shut down, where they stop kissing you, stop rubbing on you, just go ice cold rational and tell you they don’t want to do this or that you need to leave.

This girl was somewhere in the #1 or 2 range. #1 is basically “fun steam ahead!” while #2 is “proceed carefully & use push-pull”, which is what you were doing. (#3 is “freeze out”, “talk her through it”, or “mission abort”, depending on what she’s telling/showing you)

You ran what was a very respectful seduction here — cautious, even.

Her response here was unhinged. It is absolutely nuts. It’s just deranged.

I don’t know what sort of abuse you suffered. But you have to know this was NOT that. You did not abuse this girl. No girl invites a guy to her place, makes out with him in bed, grinds her pussy on his leg while he’s rubbing her tit outside her clothes while telling him “it’s okay”, then charges him with sexual assault for that later unless her brain is psycho scrambled eggs.

You said this girl gave you a bad gut feeling at first sight. I suggest you learn to listen to those.

But, dude… suicide when you behaved like an ordinary MAN while she behaved like a completely unhinged wing nut mental ward runaway is not the right call. If anyone’s suffering any consequences here, it should be this girl, getting carted off in a straitjacket, and maybe some electroshock therapy (at the mental asylum head doctor’s discretion, of course).

This modern consent theory gobbledygook has totally fried men and women alike. They don’t even know what male and female roles are anymore. It’s insane. It all goes back to Susan Brownmiller and her 1975 screed against heterosexual sex. That launched this modern redefinition of rape and adoption of this new constantly-shifting thing called “consent” that is as ensconced in modern feminist-driven sexual thought as John Money’s Frankensteinian concept “gender.” Future historians are going to read about this time in history and try to understand what 21st Century people were talking about when they talked about ‘consent’ and ‘gender’ and they just won’t even be able to fathom it. It’s this hopelessly garbled web of contradictory rules and ever-changing norms that even the people who are busily castigating others over it and coming up with new rules themselves don’t understand. Just look up all the male feminists getting accused of rape… lol. Most of these guys look and sound like they’ve been hit with the shocks of their lives. “ME? But I defined some of these rules! How is this possible???”

Anyway dude… yeah, you enacted the normal male role here. She enacted the normal female role here. Then she had some sort of mental patient reaction that it’s not worth trying to unpack… Empathy and understanding women is very helpful, but when you find the actual psychos the only thing trying to understand them does is make you crazy yourself.

My strategic advice to college dudes is the same as always: if you can at all avoid it, DO NOT TRY TO SHAG GIRLS FROM YOUR UNIVERSITY. Just be cordial to them and that is it. If they’re living off campus… well, MAYBE. Still probably not. If they’re living on campus, it’s just a hard no.

Pick up townies. Shag girls visiting from other schools. Do not shag girls who attend YOUR university.

Probably only 10% of these girls are radicalized into the “all male sex is rape unless I say it isn't” school of thought. It sucks to miss out on the other 90% normal chicks, but the insane/paranoid/hostile 10% are too difficult to distinguish from the non-crazies.

(personally, if I was in school, I would actually start field testing some sort of screening game where I screened for chicks with radical views on feminism, gender stuff, consent theory, rape, sexual trauma, etc., and just hard-screened out girls that gave the wrong answers… just so I could still sleep with campus girls, but without having to worry about FRAs. But you’ve gotta be a bit of a seduction scientist to want to bother devising new styles of game to overcome specific problems like this)

But yeah man. This chick is nuts.

You knew it at first glance.

Her actions confirm it.

You did NOT hurt her.

Any guy she does anything with is going to “hurt her.”

Read up on BPD chicks. A lot of these chicks who just flip and go totally psycho are this. With BPD chicks, every single guy hurts them — in THEIR minds. The nicest, sweetest nice guy in the world is an abuser in the BPD chick’s mind. They will totally wrap guys into all this guilt as they claim over and over all these bad things the guys have supposedly done to them.

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You need to make peace with the fact that some of the wickedest people in the world do their wickedness by claiming to be victims. There are a lot of really evil people out there who, no matter what reason they give for it, even if they are talking about how much everyone else has hurt them, use this victim status to do evil.

It’s sad. It shouldn’t be this way. But it is. You have to find the good and normal people, and stay far away from the nutters.

Make sure to read up on avoiding FRAs:

How to Avoid and Deal with False Rape Accusations

So you met a girl at a party. Both of you had been drinking, but not so much that either of you was stumbling around, slurring your speech, or anything. The attraction between the two of you was palpable; sparks flew through the air like electric currents, and one thing very quickly led to...

www.girlschase.com

But yeah man. You’re in college in the West (I assume). It’s the #1 spot in the world for this bullshit.

Don’t blame yourself. Don’t let it beat you. This is not the real world. These idiot chicks in college who are out there psycho-accusing young college guys for normal male behavior that evolved over millions of years are abnormal. They are the awful weirdos, and the one who needs protection from their ilk is you.

So, be smart, and keep yourself safe, dude.

(Some) bitches be crazy.

Chase

Yeah I really need to get better at listening to my gut, hopefully a lot of lessons will stick with me this time

 

[Smiling_Stray]

To add to what everyone said above, I don't see any way doing THIS wouldn't bite you in the ass.

I was told a she straight up refused to talk anyway

 

[Smiling_Stray]

That seems kinda extreme tbh…I get why you’re saying that but I don’t think it’s backed up by statistics or cost-benefit analysis.
Also, I was concerned enough to do over an hour of research and it seems like there are a lot of common denominators. For example, often the accused/respondent was incapacitated themselves.
So yeah, I think risk mitigation is an important discussion to have but voluntarily giving up a huge and convenient dating pool with social frame is a hard pill to swallow even for guys who cold approach:

Try telling that to most college guys here…sure it’s doable for a skilled person but it’s so much more work…there’s a reason so many naturals at this age do SC mainly…

That much?

This is interesting stuff.

Recently, an SC girl who’s super into hands-on women’s activism (despite being very stable and definitely not woke) flaked on an activity date we planned together because of the call of duty at her women’s center. I don’t really see how it’s different from dating a doctor, intelligence analyst, police officer, or whatever…but I might feel differently if this was cold approach and I had to move faster.

Dude I miss being able to visit the women’s center on my campus already, I got the most gentle ban from it today because of what happened. Which I get all things considered, but it just sucks. It was a solid community that made me feel like a better person and closer to women in general

 

[Chase]

That seems kinda extreme tbh…I get why you’re saying that but I don’t think it’s backed up by statistics or cost-benefit analysis.
Also, I was concerned enough to do over an hour of research and it seems like there are a lot of common denominators. For example, often the accused/respondent was incapacitated themselves.

I've had a bunch of guys come to me privately over the years with various accusations they're facing. The vast majority are college guys dealing with college girls. The remainder are dudes who met rando psycho chicks one way or another.

Of the college guys, you might be surprised but over half the girls were not on alcohol or drugs at all. Stone sober. Sometimes they had sex, sometimes just some groping, sometimes just a kiss. In a few cases the guy didn't even touch the girl but got accused of sexual assault.

I'd put it at 10% of college chicks have rape paranoia in their heads, yes. It's no guarantee that you'll be the lucky winner... these chicks will also hook up with guys then just warn them off but not do anything, and accuse some other guy. I have had guys tell me about girls telling them stuff on a subsequent hookup like, "You know, that first time we had sex, that could technically have been rape," but then the girl gets all snuggly with the guy. Then she tells him, "Don't do that with girls," about whatever it was he did (like kiss them hard or something). The girls who go around seeing everything as "technically rape" will accuse some guys and not accuse other guys based on whatever whims they're feeling.

Every single college guy who gets accused is COMPLETELY blown away, and CANNOT believe it, because he KNOWS he is a totally respectful guy who totally loves women and he was CERTAIN that every girl could feel this with him. It turns his world upside down to find out some girl he did his best to give a nice experience to is treating him like her mortal enemy and is out for total annihilation. He just never expected it in a million years.

You are free to do your own cost benefit analysis. Most of this stuff is not getting shared publicly, because the accused are ashamed and don't want to besmirch their names further, the universities don't want it going public, and the girls are savvy enough to know they can damage guys quietly going through the institutions but if they make it public it risks blow back on them too. I'm just telling you from what I have seen... the sheer amount of totally brainwashed, radicalized chicks on college campuses is absurd. It is actually worse on the more heavily female college campuses, too, due to very bitter women who can't get guys to be serious.

Anyway, do with that info what you will.

Recently, an SC girl who’s super into hands-on women’s activism (despite being very stable and definitely not woke) flaked on an activity date we planned together because of the call of duty at her women’s center. I don’t really see how it’s different from dating a doctor, intelligence analyst, police officer, or whatever…but I might feel differently if this was cold approach and I had to move faster.

I'm not telling you you have to do anything, brother.

I'm just giving you my opinion, based on what I have seen and heard.

It seems like the consequences of gambling and getting it wrong -- $10s or $100s of thousands in legal fees (I have heard from $15K to $100K from the guys I have talked to about how much it cost); expulsion from school; inability to graduate; total abandonment by one's previously bosom buddies, all of whom now consider you persona non grata (the guys I have talked to were usually more broken by this than anything else); and in some cases criminal charges -- when dealing with the #1 demographic for this kind of tomfoolery (college girls who attend the same university you do) are ridiculously high compared to the benefits.

I think a lot of guys don't fully get how deep this whole victim mentality goes in a lot of both men and women in the West. There are a LOT of chicks out there who view everything that happens to them in the light of victimization (just as there are a lot of men). This is incentivized by Western culture and gets amplified even further in university environments.

But I've been hearing this stuff for years and years from so many shocked, terrified, hopeless college guys. Most guys aren't going to post it publicly and most of it doesn't get into the news. Even when it does get reported, you don't usually get the full measure of the fallout on the guy's life either. If you're not getting exposed to the vast majority of it, and the full extent of it, I can understand why it would seem like a smaller risk than it is.

Some stuff we've just got to find out on our own, eh?

I'll just say, if you're going to be the gambler, let's hope your stars are lucky!

Also, if you're going to gamble: have a backup plan.

Like, "JUST IN CASE I get expelled over some girl, I will [start consulting online] [teach English in XYZ country] [move to ABC state and apply to DEF university there] [etc.]." You can also plan to go on the warpath... one guy I counseled who was expelled I advised to lawyer up and threaten to sue them into oblivion and make it a huge press piece with stuff all over the media about how he was wrongly accused and denied fair treatment and denied his degree and that the university's name would be everywhere. As soon as he started threatening that they had him fully reinstated and allowed him to graduate. He still missed the graduation ceremony and lost most of his friends, though, due to the accusation. Only a very, very few stuck by him. It was a bittersweet ending. At least he graduated.

But yeah, if you're banging college girls on your campus, have your plan of action ready for if it goes sideways, just as one of those, "Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it," contingencies.

That way if the worst should happen, you don't get stuck dwelling too long in confusion and hopelessness!

Chase

 

[Bill]

David Bond said on streams he makes girls show ID, sign consent forms and has security cameras in all rooms to avoid false allegations. Sounds excessive but I suppose better safe than sorry.