Increasing retention/conversion chances for night game lay

[barneystin]

Just laid a new girl (LR here). I don’t want a serious relationship but I’m getting tired of going out at night(it’s affecting my sleep, finances and I’m getting bored of it) so I would like to convert this to a casual relationship where we see each other about once a week. After we hooked up, she stayed over at my place and we cuddled for the rest of the night (we still went multiple more rounds in between cuddling - initiated by her most of the time). It was very warm in general.

In the morning, I kissed her goodbye and told her to text me when she got home which she did. I responded with a brief text telling her I had a good time. Later that day at night, I texted her asking what she was up to and I got no response. She did say she was going to be busy because she had parents visiting so I’m not too bothered. I’ve just had a history of messing up post-sex retention so I’d like to be a bit more careful with how I proceed with this one.

My current plan is to not text her for a couple more days then maybe ping her with something that doesn’t require a response. Something like “just thinking about the other night.”

I’m a bit worried this might communicate too much interest so I’m not sure if it’s a good idea. But I also don’t want to follow up with another question like “how have you been?” given that she hasn’t responded to my last text. I feel like I would be chasing if I did that.

Any thoughts? I’m fine with losing this girl but I would at least love to learn something new about post-sex retention

 

[barneystin]

Just laid a new girl (LR here). I don’t want a serious relationship but I’m getting tired of going out at night(it’s affecting my sleep, finances and I’m getting bored of it) so I would like to convert this to a casual relationship where we see each other about once a week. After we hooked up, she stayed over at my place and we cuddled for the rest of the night (we still went multiple more rounds in between cuddling - initiated by her most of the time). It was very warm in general.

In the morning, I kissed her goodbye and told her to text me when she got home which she did. I responded with a brief text telling her I had a good time. Later that day at night, I texted her asking what she was up to and I got no response. She did say she was going to be busy because she had parents visiting so I’m not too bothered. I’ve just had a history of messing up post-sex retention so I’d like to be a bit more careful with how I proceed with this one.

My current plan is to not text her for a couple more days then maybe ping her with something that doesn’t require a response. Something like “just thinking about the other night.”

I’m a bit worried this might communicate too much interest so I’m not sure if it’s a good idea. But I also don’t want to follow up with another question like “how have you been?” given that she hasn’t responded to my last text. I feel like I would be chasing if I did that.

Any thoughts? I’m fine with losing this girl but I would at least love to learn something new about post-sex retention

I should say that it’s been 2 full days since we hooked up

 

[Skills]

Don't go without texting... You can ping her morning sun emoji or eyes emoji... You want to get to the 3 lay mark to convert

 

[barneystin]

Don't go without texting... You can ping her morning sun emoji or eyes emoji... You want to get to the 3 lay mark to convert

Hmm, you think enough time has passed for me to ping her with the morning sun/eyes emoji? It’s been almost 2 days since I texted her last, for reference

 

[barneystin]

Just looked at @Skills texting thread here and I feel like I botched my retention with this girl and she probably sees me as a fuckboy because of my texting. Here’s my texting so far:

Her: hey it’s… (I actually texted this from her phone)
Me: hey (name)

Couple hours later
Her: Just got home
Me: glad to hear it
Me: had a great time last night

(Almost a day passes, at midnight)
Me: Hey, what you up to?

(No response for almost 2 days)
Me:

(No response)


I think I could have done better with being more expressive over texting (using emojis and actually thanking her for coming over)

She also follows me on IG. I’d love to see her again but it looks like it’s over. Should I just forget about this girl or wait a couple days and reach out again?
I’m thinking of using one of pwf’s takeaways like “didn’t take you for the flaky type”
I’m wary of getting oneitis so I’m trying not to invest emotionally in this

 

[DonGately]

Wait a week and then do a "I'm grabbing drinks/etc at Place X tonight at Y PM" kinda text leave the ball in her court but in a non-needy way, you're a fun guy going out and having fun and if she wants to join you great. If not she's probably moved on already don't sweat it, they often come back later as long as you are not desperate assuming the sex was good.

 

[alexlaguma]

Interested in hearing some of the other veterans views on this dilemma. Its one I've struggled with a bit myself.

For any of the experts reading - after you've slept with a girl for the first time, what is your approach to contact / follow up texting? Do you do anything differently if you're keen to keep them around?

Its a tricky one because sometimes it can be counterintuitive. For example, I have a girl at the moment, she stayed around on Sunday. Since she left I haven't even texted her back after she text saying 'got home safe'. But I know shes super into me. So I'll just text her when I want lol. Maybe I should just apply that same mentality with any girl?

 

[DonGately]

So, with the provisos that: 1) each girl is different, 2) my strategy may not be yours,

I always ask them to text me when they get home and then reply what a good time I had. They may be worried about their own sexual performance. If I actually like the girl, she's hot, I want to see her again, I start out with a plan to meet up once a week or so.

Usually our meetup will have been on a weeknight to start, almost always. So, like Sat or Sun afternoon I'll tell her to come out with me on Wed night. If she cannot that night, but gives another night then that's fine as long as I'm free. I don't want her to think I want to see her all the time nor give the impression that I want her to be that way.

If she's texting me every day, like the good morning text, I let her know I am not a big texter, and keep it short, friendly, and logistics focused. "have you been to bar x yet,' that kind of thing.

To answer your final query, I think that is a perfectly good attitude towards any girl. Say she stinks in bed, I'm not going to text her again after she gets home text. If she's amazing, seeming desperate is the very worst thing you can do. If she's really into you, remember, YOU are the prize.

 

[Skills]

Just looked at @Skills texting thread here and I feel like I botched my retention with this girl and she probably sees me as a fuckboy because of my texting. Here’s my texting so far:

Her: hey it’s… (I actually texted this from her phone)
Me: hey (name)

Couple hours later
Her: Just got home
Me: glad to hear it
Me: had a great time last night

^ so far good

(Almost a day passes, at midnight)

^ you texting her at midnight was uncalibrated

Me: Hey, what you up to?

^ she did not respond your timing was bad,, at midnight (booty call feel)

(No response for almost 2 days)^

^ yep no good1

Me:

(No response)

^ yeah she is ghosting..

I think I could have done better with being more expressive over texting (using emojis and actually thanking her for coming over)

no i think you should have just kept momentum, i think you texting her at midnight was a bit off, post first lay context

She also follows me on IG. I’d love to see her again but it looks like it’s over. Should I just forget about this girl or wait a couple days and reach out again?

nah! just ping happy Halloween if she does not respond is dead... (on halloween day as a ping)

I’m thinking of using one of pwf’s takeaways like “didn’t take you for the flaky type”

no, bad context uncalibrated..

I’m wary of getting oneitis so I’m trying not to invest emotionally in this

^ look my post on onitis. watch the video linked

Best resources of dealing with neediness and onitis....

Ok, so @Karea Ricardus D. looking for this video, i finally found it.... But for everyone in general, Again the best book how down of dealing with neediness is Mark Manson Models...... Hands down! the best video is one of tyler best work in mho crawling out of neediness when first dating here...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[barneystin]

^ so far good

^ you texting her at midnight was uncalibrated

^ she did not respond your timing was bad,, at midnight (booty call feel)

^ yep no good1

^ yeah she is ghosting..

no i think you should have just kept momentum, i think you texting her at midnight was a bit off, post first lay context

nah! just ping happy Halloween if she does not respond is dead... (on halloween day as a ping)

no, bad context uncalibrated..

^ look my post on onitis. watch the video linked

Best resources of dealing with neediness and onitis....

Ok, so @Karea Ricardus D. looking for this video, i finally found it.... But for everyone in general, Again the best book how down of dealing with neediness is Mark Manson Models...... Hands down! the best video is one of tyler best work in mho crawling out of neediness when first dating here...

www.skilledseducer.com

Yeah, I figured texting at midnight was where I messed up. It’s so frustrating how one simple text can ruin an otherwise great interaction. Oh well, at least I’ll know for next time.

If I end up running into this girl (we frequent the same clubs), how do you think I should handle it?
Should I ignore her (as “punishment” for ghosting) or should I try to build comfort so she doesn’t see me as just a player?

 

[Skills]

Yeah, I figured texting at midnight was where I messed up. It’s so frustrating how one simple text can ruin an otherwise great interaction. Oh well, at least I’ll know for next time.

If I end up running into this girl (we frequent the same clubs), how do you think I should handle it?
Should I ignore her (as “punishment” for ghosting) or should I try to build comfort so she doesn’t see me as just a player?

Ok, so you are self aware good... You really don't know the why we can only mitigate and increase odds... I ghosted on women myself and they probably have no idea why... I have a post on how important is momentum even more now a days with gen z... The advice of coming across as boyfriend or needy etc... Is totally outdated... Post sex next day morning sin emoji and keep momentum, i personally don't try to hard close in the first few text i game from 0 again till 3 fucks mark...

 

[Skills]

Fuck no edit! If you see at club force an approach invite if positive open like nothing if negative maybe don't open and rinse wash and repeat later... If 2 fail let it go...

 

[Swati]

The girls you meet at bars and clubs are usually the higher sexual partners type, they are familiar with this type of situation going on. It's normal to NOT stay in contact.

To help the conversion was to be a normal guy the next day, take her for some food, take her back to the apartment fuck again, and keep prolonging the interaction as the "normal" dude or even a bit of provider quality. some girls give you this option, some of them don't cause they DON'T want it.

tbh, it doesn't matter what you text them, it's not gonna change the situation. IMO

Of my "hookups" 80% of them I don't want to see again anyways, so I try to end it as soon as we are done fucking.

 

[barneystin]

The girls you meet at bars and clubs are usually the higher sexual partners type, they are familiar with this type of situation going on. It's normal to NOT stay in contact.

To help the conversion was to be a normal guy the next day, take her for some food, take her back to the apartment fuck again, and keep prolonging the interaction as the "normal" dude or even a bit of provider quality. some girls give you this option, some of them don't cause they DON'T want it.

tbh, it doesn't matter what you text them, it's not gonna change the situation. IMO

Of my "hookups" 80% of them I don't want to see again anyways, so I try to end it as soon as we are done fucking.

Yeah I figured that’s the case. It would just be nice to have something somewhat consistent since I’m getting sick of the night scene

 

[barneystin]

Of my "hookups" 80% of them I don't want to see again anyways, so I try to end it as soon as we are done fucking.

Just curious, why? I enjoy sex with most of the girls i hook up and I've always thought that a consistent rotation was much better than one night stands. I understand using scarcity to motivate yourself to get better but having a backup is always good, no?

 

[Skills]

Just curious, why? I enjoy sex with most of the girls i hook up and I've always thought that a consistent rotation was much better than one night stands. I understand using scarcity to motivate yourself to get better but having a backup is always good, no?

do you, your goals don't have to match anyone else....