Lesson from an old lady

[Lantern]

A few weeks ago, I was sitting outside in a café with a friend on a sunny winter's day.

As we were finished with our coffee, he went inside to settle our bill, and as he did so, an old lady that was sitting alone at the next table started a conversation with me.

Now, my instinctive reaction to this was a bit of an anxious one, in the sense "why the hell did she start talking with me out of the blue", but I politely answered her question while steering the conversion in a "let's stop talking" direction. Then my friend came back and we indeed had to leave, with me feeling relieved.

But after some time, my reaction to this old lady started to bug me. Why would I think it's weird she started talking to me? A bit unconventional? Sure. But, she's a pensioner,:her children, if she has them, are who knows where; her husband, probably dead; many of her friends are probably dead or dying. Her world is getting smaller and smaller every day, so no wonder she'd look for a conversion with what appears to be a nice young man in a café.

So I started really regretting my reaction. Why would I not take 10-15 minutes to have a conversation with her and make her feel a little less alone? Besides, someone 70+ years old probably has at least a few interesting stories to tell. If I got properly curious about her, I'd likely learn a thing or two, not just about her, but it's these little personal bits we learn from all people that teaches us about humanity in general.

Moreover - here I am, newly single, facing the reality that I must become more social and meet new people, yet when someone new initiates me for conversation my reaction is to be taken aback. How can I expect other people to react posively to me when cold approaching them, If my reaction to a cold approach is apprehension? No! One must give to get. Becoming social means becoming social in all directions and dimensions. It means becoming curious about all people, and it means deleting the word "stranger" from your mind. Whether I'm the one approaching or being approach, be it a hot girl or a sweet old lady, there should be no difference. We should seek to connect with everyone, and if that means running into a time-waster here and there, well, that's a smaller price to pay than to shut yourself from other people and lose on everything that being social can get you.

So don't be like I was. Talk to the old ladies that cross your path. You'll make their day, and who knows, maybe they'll have a cute granddaugther to connect you with...

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Great post. I did this last year, there was a little old lady at a social gathering I was at, and I talked to her just to "be nice to the little old lady", naamsayin? She turned out to be a really interesting person and we actually became friends and ended up hanging out a lot and shooting the shit about all kinds of topics. I learned a lot from her... it was a pretty interesting friendship.

 

[Derek da man]

Where I dance ballroom there are rugularly older single ladies and I always make the effort to dance with some of them. It's good as it provides social proof, some of them are very good dancers and most of all they are all interesting and often funny. I've learnt loads about some of them, and they usually know the latest gossip lol. They also tell me which dances are good in terms of suitable younger dancers which provides more opprtunity.

 

[Tim Iron]

I am sometimes guilty of that and I need to change completely.

 

[Derek da man]

I am sometimes guilty of that and I need to change completely.

she's a pensioner,:her children, if she has them, are who knows where; her husband, probably dead; many of her friends are probably dead or dying. Her world is getting smaller and smaller every day, so no wonder she'd look for a conversion with what appears to be a nice young man in a café.

This describes my mum perfectly. The best way of looking at others is to see yourself, or a family member. It can be hard though when someone starts chatting to you out of the blue. I do get little old ladies asking me to get stuff down from the upper shelves in supermarkets regularly as I'm quite tall and even this felt wierd when it first happened.

 

[Fuck This]

Older women are great charm practice and good ego boosts. They are genuinely happy to talk to a stranger, and if you are with a girl it often is good social proof that you are a genuinely good caring person.

 

[POB]

Talk to everybody!!! (and this comes from a very introverted dude)
It's also great as a warm up and to gain momentum for your real approaches later.

 

[Lover]

Thanks for this reminder!