LMR asks exclusivity

[masked_energy]

Need your advice on how to deal with this LMR.
I’ve dated this girl (24) for 3 dates already (first date a drink, second date a dinner, third date movie at home) and a few days ago she was at my place watching a movie. I was obviously looking for a lay. Things escalated, we were kissing in my bedroom, at some point we were both shirtless. when I reached her pants she pushed back and said we’re moving too fast and most importantly that she wants to ”exclusivity” before we have sex. I really didn’t know what to say as That was a big turn off. I just said “ok that makes sense” in a pissed off way. She asked if I’m ok with that and I just said “well exclusivity is a big step for me”. Then I put my shirt on, we finished the movie and I asked her to leave as I had lots of work the next day.
I’m seeing 3 other girls and I don’t want to be exclusive so fast with this one but I still want to have sex with her as she’s pretty hot.
how can I change her mind about this exclusivity LMR? For now I’m just ignoring her but she just texted me that she wants to see me again. Should I become more unavailable? Should I see her again and try to escalate more ignoring the exclusivity? Should I just lie that I’m not seeing anyone else? I can also be exclusive for a day or two and just say goodbye to her. I know this is a pretty bad thing and I feel bad about even writing it down as I would be very sad if I was in the opposite situation. I’ll probably play the good guy and just push her away and give up on her, but curious to see what your thoughts are and what you folks would do

 

[OldGuy]

Say "I am not going exclusive with without know what sex is like".

 

[isildur1]

Is she religious? Conservative background or something on those lines?

 

[S.S Can]

Need your advice on how to deal with this LMR.
I’ve dated this girl (24) for 3 dates already (first date a drink, second date a dinner, third date movie at home) and a few days ago she was at my place watching a movie. I was obviously looking for a lay. Things escalated, we were kissing in my bedroom, at some point we were both shirtless. when I reached her pants she pushed back and said we’re moving too fast and most importantly that she wants to ”exclusivity” before we have sex. I really didn’t know what to say as That was a big turn off. I just said “ok that makes sense” in a pissed off way. She asked if I’m ok with that and I just said “well exclusivity is a big step for me”. Then I put my shirt on, we finished the movie and I asked her to leave as I had lots of work the next day.
I’m seeing 3 other girls and I don’t want to be exclusive so fast with this one but I still want to have sex with her as she’s pretty hot.
how can I change her mind about this exclusivity LMR? For now I’m just ignoring her but she just texted me that she wants to see me again. Should I become more unavailable? Should I see her again and try to escalate more ignoring the exclusivity? Should I just lie that I’m not seeing anyone else? I can also be exclusive for a day or two and just say goodbye to her. I know this is a pretty bad thing and I feel bad about even writing it down as I would be very sad if I was in the opposite situation. I’ll probably play the good guy and just push her away and give up on her, but curious to see what your thoughts are and what you folks would do

I'd give it one more shot and just escalate while deflecting what she's saying jokingly. If it doesn't work I'd can it.

 

[ChrisVirtue]

"I like our connection so far. Interested to see where this goes. Right now, I'm not ready to be a boyfriend. Would love if you can accept that, but if not, I understand."

 

[empath]

Say "I am not going exclusive with without know what sex is like".

Sounds dumb to me unless you are escalating and she is really horny or is insecure or has other issue like self esteem etc.

Not good for having LTR if you plan later.

 

[masked_energy]

So a few days passed after this discussion and here is an update.

TLDR: she pulled back again. I dont think I wanna see her again

I know it depends a lot on the situation but I’m asking you guys do you thing I could’ve done something better?

BEGIN:

After she texted me to meet again, I sent her an audio saying precisely this
“Hey look I wanted to talk about something. I just wanted to be honest with you that I am currently not ready for being in a relationship. I really like you, I like spending time with you and I still wanna meet you. I’m curious where things could go but I’d understand if you’d pull back”

so she answered that she thinks a bit the same and that she wants to see me and talk about it. I agree and she suggests coming to my place the next night.

We met and sat at the table for a coffee. she talked about the fact that she is actually really looking for a serious relationship and that she is pissed off of chasing emotionally unavailable guys.

I said that I agree on that and that I totally respect it, with some additional bullshit like “you don’t have to chase love as it will arrive at its own pace, but you should at least put yourself in the possibility of it coming” and so I suggest remaining friends.

My intention was to get laid that night! I thought I was just playing the game

She was a bit upset and I just got off the chair and laid on the sofa in the living room without saying anything. I put some music (my sex playlist)

shortly after she followed me and sat next to me.
I looked her deep into the eyes while imagining her doing sexual things and asked “so we won’t see each other ever again, do you want to do something before that? ”.

she immediately jumped on me and started kissing me

I thought “ok we are doing it”

while kissing I got up lifting her, and walked into the bedroom. I threw her on the bed and she started taking off her shirt.
I took off every cloth she had and removed my pants
She sucked my dick
I ate her pussy

BUT THEN when as soon as I put the condom on and lean over her she stopped me

she said “you know the rule! Exclusivity”
That killed me again and I said “alright let’s be exclusive right now baby”.
She pushed me back again and said “oh yeah and tomorrow you’ll disappear”

I laid back, removed the condom and remained in silence for a minute or so.
She came again on top of me kissed me and sucked my dick again.

After that I got on top of her again and took another condom.

she stopped me again

I was pissed off (but still aimed for a turnaround!), got up and put my clothes on
then I just took my phone and started scrolling.

She took my phone and asked “the fuck are you doing”? And we kissed again
And again the same shit

after that I said “listen this is your last chance to fuck me. Now or never”

she said “I can’t, if I’m not exclusive I cannot feel comfortable”

at this point I also completely gave up. I put my clothes on and left the room. I put some pretty sad piano notes on Spotify by Bach

she followed after a few minutes and said “ok I’ll go now”

I said “alright, I’ll really miss your smile. It’s sad that we met at the wrong time”
she was about to cry and I wallbang kissed her for one last time, then opened the door and she left.

THE END

 

[masked_energy]

Edit: ^ all of the bedroom fight was pretty long actually and the push and pull lasted like 30 min

 

[Bill]

next time I would say imply you are not looking for exclusivity earlier on and sexualize / escalate earlier in keeping with that frame. I’m thinking because you interacted with her for an extended period without sleeping with her she started picturing you as a long term option.

 

[KJ Francis]

I have never been in this sort of ultimatum situation during LMR, but have had some similar conversations and framed things using a point I think I picked up from @Skills which is that a lot of people jump into relationships too fast. And that is takes a few months of seeing someone to really get to know them and let things develop naturally.

So the frame is sort of like it may cause unnecessary pain by getting into something serious so quickly, and it is better to start passionately but then let fate decide if it is truly meant to be.

Then once a couple months pass the conversation becomes more like I do have feelings for you and am excited to see how our connection could grow, but I need the freedom to be who I truly am and if that doesn't work for you then I will be sad to lose you but will understand if you need to move on.

It's a tough question for sure so I will be interested to keep hearing guys' opinions. I like how you put on sad Bach though lol kinda ruthless but a movie moment nonetheless. I think this is why guys like @Chase don't do FWB and keep it one main plus ONS only where the lover frame / secret society / second gen etc. is strong and clear. It can be very difficult to manage not breaking hearts.

 

[KJ Francis]

Also I think this all these frames need to be set well before you are in isolation

 

[Atlas IV]

Good suggestion by @KJ Francis about the "people jump into relationships too fast" frame.

she said “I can’t, if I’m not exclusive I cannot feel comfortable”

Also interested to hear what other guys have to say about this.

My guess is two possibilities:
1. Not enough lover framing, so you ended up in the "potential boyfriend" box (it was on the 4th date that you began to escalate physically, right? Should be aiming for sex in 1-2 dates)
2. This girl has deep conservative values or some entrenched hangup about sex and exclusivity, which you didn't screen for

I understand how frustrating it is though. I recently had a pretty similar situation - a girl who absolutely wanted sex with me, but demanded commitment in return. I'd run the whole LMR playbook on her - every gambit, every tactic I knew, but nothing worked.

I'm starting to wonder whether there are some girls who, on a subconscious level, see sex as a bartering chip for exclusivity/commitment, and no amount of sexual prizing, arousal or comfort can make them give in. The only thing you can do is screen hard for these types of girls early on so you don't waste your time with them.

I could be wrong. If there's a reliable way to beat this kind of LMR, I'd love to know it too.

 

[topcat]

1. Not enough lover framing, so you ended up in the "potential boyfriend" box (it was on the 4th date that you began to escalate physically, right? Should be aiming for sex in 1-2 dates)

This, and likely dating fatigue. She’s desperate to lock somebody down, anybody, because she hasn’t been getting what she wants. Unsuccessful dater..

Long story short: never negotiate for pussy, and definitely never give a girl an ultimatum for it.

If she doesn’t want your dick, she doesn’t want it. Simple. Find one who does.

I don’t believe in fighting resistance until a girl rescinds.

Do your best to be a good sexual option and sell it. Give her the choice to take it (or leave it), without being too quick to take the product off the table.

If she still doesn’t want to buy, so be it. She isn’t ready, o well. Somebody else will be.

Telling her you’re willing to be exclusive just to get laid is the epitome of thirst and poor self control/value.

Allowing a woman to make the choice gets you far more pussy, and better experiences at that, than trying to push or manipulate her decision (this should be obvious).

Negotiated pussy is worse than no pussy.

 

[OldGuy]

I had something similar happen. In my case, she had gone into auto-rejection.

 

[Skills]

Need your advice on how to deal with this LMR.
I’ve dated this girl (24) for 3 dates already (first date a drink, second date a dinner, third date movie at home) and a few days ago she was at my place watching a movie. I was obviously looking for a lay. Things escalated, we were kissing in my bedroom, at some point we were both shirtless. when I reached her pants she pushed back and said we’re moving too fast and most importantly that she wants to ”exclusivity” before we have sex. I really didn’t know what to say as That was a big turn off. I just said “ok that makes sense” in a pissed off way. She asked if I’m ok with that and I just said “well exclusivity is a big step for me”. Then I put my shirt on, we finished the movie and I asked her to leave as I had lots of work the next day.
I’m seeing 3 other girls and I don’t want to be exclusive so fast with this one but I still want to have sex with her as she’s pretty hot.
how can I change her mind about this exclusivity LMR? For now I’m just ignoring her but she just texted me that she wants to see me again. Should I become more unavailable? Should I see her again and try to escalate more ignoring the exclusivity? Should I just lie that I’m not seeing anyone else? I can also be exclusive for a day or two and just say goodbye to her. I know this is a pretty bad thing and I feel bad about even writing it down as I would be very sad if I was in the opposite situation. I’ll probably play the good guy and just push her away and give up on her, but curious to see what your thoughts are and what you folks would do

another example of not doing things like you need to do, then since you are freestyling doing what you think you need to do, you get lmr...

Read this post and field test...

 

[masked_energy]

I really Thank you all for the great advice! The “relationship too fast” is a good frame and I’ll definitely use that. The other tips are also crucial. I already read a lot about your tips too Skills. I know I did lots of mistakes here but it was a fun learning experience as I did try some new tactics. I’m pretty sure thought even with a bad execution this would’ve worked with most other girls, but I really think she was in fact a very hard target and I realized that ever since the first date.
She seemed to see sex as a very very important thing, and one other thing I forgot to mention is that she confessed on the first date that she almost got sexually assaulted once (she was with a guy, didn’t want to do it but he insisted and then she cried and they stopped).

Anyways I was not in the boyfriend bucket for her as she also confessed that “she already knew” that I don’t want anything serious because of my lifestyle and I quote her “gym obsession, shredded body, long term without a gf, party guy” that gave her fuckboi vibes.

Interestingly other girls also said this to me and honestly I don’t really know what triggers those feelings, and lately it’s becoming more and more difficult to deal with that, as I think it’s making my game much harder especially for eventual LTR. I’m wondering what can I do to not give that fuckboy vibe

 

[Atlas IV]

Interestingly other girls also said this to me and honestly I don’t really know what triggers those feelings, and lately it’s becoming more and more difficult to deal with that, as I think it’s making my game much harder especially for eventual LTR. I’m wondering what can I do to not give that fuckboy vibe

One thing is they might not feel very emotionally connected to you.

Learning to actively listen will help too, as will being a good conversationalist. They need to feel like you know them on a deep level.