Alright gentlemen, I’ve been with this girl for about 7 months now and since going through Chase’s articles such as ‘Choosing the Right Qualities in a Woman’, ‘Why I Quit Dating Girls Who Club, Party, or Drink’, ‘Beware of Girls It's Too Easy to Meet!’ and a few others on screening out good quality women, I’ve had light shed on some feelings of uncertainty on my relationship. They’ve had a profound impact on me, however, I would like to get some other opinions before I jump the gun and do something stupid, or whether I can continue this relationship and eventually lead to marriage down the track.
While the post in itself is quite extensive, the main questions I'm asking myself are:
- Should I be worried about my girl’s bodycount of 4 despite the fact she’s only 20?
- Can you forgive a girl’s partying past if it was mostly between the ages of 16-18?
- Do all of the red flags added up (Past smoker + Vaping, tattoos, weed etc) seem like dealbreakers?
- Is she too easily lead or just inexperienced?
I’ll write this in order of:
She is 20 years old, and I am 6.5 years older. Her parents also share the same age gap, and so do her grandparents.
She comes from a wealthy upperclass family that has lived in a few countries and moved due to her father’s work. She gets to travel often and has travelled quite a lot with her family growing up (Although she has never slept with anyone overseas).
Her mother worked hard and met her father at a work conference where he picked her up. At the time she was married, but separated, and the Dad paid for the divorce and married her.
He currently still works as a big finance guy, and takes care of the family as the primary bread winner. The wife no longer has to work.
My girlfriend grew up mostly in Singapore and started partying with her school mates from ages 16-18, going out at least once a week during that time.
Her and her boyfriend at the the time both moved to Australia to study at 18. She was in college for a year and during that period she didn’t quite like the crowd that was present at college, she didn’t make too many friends and after the introductory partying events at college didn’t take part in the events and opted to keep to herself and the few friends that flew over from Singapore to Australia. This is when she said she stopped going out as much as she used to.
Currently she is studying Physiology at university and works at a cafe when she is free, although her Dad pays for her rent and gives her an allowance and he still lives in Singapore with the wife.
Bodycount and Sexual History
While she is only 20 (Turning 21 soon) her body count before I met her was 4. While it isn’t high, it isn’t low either.
First sexual experience
When she was 16 she had a boy in her class that came around to hang out at her home. They fooled around a bit, he probably fingered her and tried to get her to suck his dick. While she did for a little, she wasn’t comfortable because he was a bit too pushy and stopped it there. She later broke up with him because he was too pushy for sex and lied to her about something.
While she didn’t have sex with him, does he technically add to her body count?
First boyfriend
When she was 17 she lost her virginity to her boyfriend at the time she met in school. They broke up when they were 18 and in Australia.
Second guy
About 3 months after, she had a one night stand. She was visiting a her friend she’d known in Singapore in another state in Australia, who’s father had just passed away. She went to the funeral and later that night they were at a bar. Her friend who’s father had passed away wanted to introduce her to some guy at the bar, and pushed for her to go home with him. ‘It’s my father’s funeral today so you’ve gotta do it for me’.
She went home with him, after talking for a few hours into the night she ended up having sex with him, and then he drove her home back to her friend’s place.
She said it was fun at the time, but afterwards she really didn’t like the feeling she afterwards, mainly because she really didn’t know the guy very well. She said ONS’s aren’t for her and although her friend pushed her to do it, she chose to do it herself and the responsibility was on her, and that she ‘fucked around and found out, that it wasn’t her type of thing’
Third guy
She went on Tinder, found some finance guy. Dinner, dates etc standard stuff. Over 2-3 weeks they’d slept together and decided one night to take some weed edibles. That night he acted like a beta/soyboy and she decided she was completely turned off by him and didn’t see him again.
Fourth guy
She went back on tinder and matched with a 35 year old Lawyer who she had a relationship for a year. By then she was 19. He’d hit some financial strife during covid, losing his job and in a panic broke up with her when he couldn’t get his shit together. He kept messaging her after the breakup to get back when I started dating her, she showed me the messages and blocked him.
Is there some red flag here that he’s so much older than her?
Hinge date
A few months went by after the breakup and she made an account on Hinge. She went on a date with some guy for drinks, and ended up back at his place. Although she didn’t have sex with him or do anything sexual, she said she got tired and decided to sleep over at his place with her clothes on, despite knowing that she didn’t really like him and wasn’t going to see him again. She took a month off dating apps because she felt like she wasn’t happy with her choice and was generally better at picking guys. A month later she went back on and she matched with me.
How I met her
I met her on Hinge. She didn’t have any provocative pictures or stand out red flags, except that on her profile every prompt was ‘Buy me a beeswax candle’. Kind of almost eluding to the fact she was looking for some guy to buy her stuff, perhaps.
1st date I met her at a cafe near her place. I made a good impression and we had a good connection. It turned out she was proofing her croissants and needed to go back to her place to prepare them for baking, so she invited me back. I drove us both back to her place. I had an enormous hangover from the night before so I made her make some drinks to ease the headache. While having drinks I tell her to sit closer to me. Then I asked her if she wanted to kiss me, which she says ‘kind of’, so I pull her in and we kiss.
Afterwards we go back inside to watch a movie while she’s baking and checking in on the croissants. I pull her in for kisses and cuddle her on the couch every so often. After the movie I say we should go upstairs to her room, so she kicked me out haha.
I was pretty hung over on this date, with the worst hangover I’d ever experienced. So we spent a total of almost 6 hours hanging out with her while she nursed my hangover with food etc. She later mentioned I was ‘too smooth’ and that worried her. I thought at the time she was a bit naive to let a stranger into her home after only an hour of meeting them, although her house mate was at home at the time in case anything happened.
2nd date My housemate had his birthday so I invited her over for a BBQ dinner. After dinner my housemate scored a bag of coke and asked me if I wanted to do a line, I reluctantly did it. I offered it to my girl and she politely declined.
Afterwards we headed to a bar, which we couldn’t get into, so instead we head to the nearest club. The whole time at the club she would keep staring at me while playing with her hair. One of my friends later remarked that he noticed while talking to me she never kept her eyes off me. She still looks at me the same way to this day.
At the club the whole time she was behaving appropriately for the couple hours we were there, up until the point one of my friends scored another bag of coke. He gave it to his girlfriend, and she went with my girl to the bathroom to do some of it- with my encouragement.
We headed back to my place after the club, we did some left over coke together in my room. I kiss and undress her until she’s naked. She said we weren’t going to have sex, which I tried but she turned down each advance. She ended up sucking my dick though.
(Now, I’d like to add that I’m not really a big drug guy. It was my housemate’s bday so I joined in. Although I encouraged my girl to do it, I was really testing her to see if she’d decline each time, hoping she would.)
3rd date I came over to her place. She made dinner and we had sex after. Standard 3rd date stuff.
She did however put it off for many hours into the night. While she was naked the whole time in bed, and she said that she ‘wanted to’ (have sex with me), but she wanted to make sure that she liked me first. I reply ‘cool no problem’, and kept talking and trying to get to know her more. A few hours roll by and it’s almost morning. She asked if I was ‘clean’ and I reply yes. I make another move and we finally have sex.
Personality traits
She comes across as very innocent, shy, naive, introverted and trusting. Kind of ‘too easily lead’ as well. With the exception that, although I did meet her on Hinge, she doesn’t ever hang out in ‘easy to meet places’ looking to meet people.
She ranks very low on narcissism.
Red flags
Her mother as a role model
Over dinner once her mother mentioned she’d been to Berghain the famous club in Berlin (without the father’s presence). While this was the first time her daughters were hearing of it, her mother said her friends there could get everyone in for a party. I was a bit taken back when she said this at dinner.
She’s also taken her daughters out partying in Ibiza and various other places with the family in Europe, sometimes with the father there as well. Her mother also vapes daily and smoked cigarettes before she was pregnant, and sometimes smokes weed when visiting cities where it is legal such as Amsterdam- which is where I guess my girlfriend picked up the habit from.
However- growing up, her mother was generally not around as much as her helpers. Her helpers instilled more of the values in her than her mother did. (Which she somewhat resented her mother for) However, her mother was around more often for her younger sister. As a result, her younger sister is more outgoing and extroverted like her mother, and my girlfriend is more reserved and quiet compared to them.
Smoking and Vaping
When I met her she would smoke cigarettes on the weekend and vape on the daily. Afterwards I told her to cut out the habit and she hasn’t looked back since. Sometimes I’ll enjoy a cigarette but the deal is she doesn’t do it without me.
Smoking weed
She used to smoke weed a couple times a week before cooking dinner. She used to smoke more often in highschool with friends. She’s thrown it all out and not touched it since, and explained it’s no good while your brain has not fully matured. Growing up she’s also seen her dad smoke it once as well.
Tattoos
Her first tattoo she got when she was 16 with her friends in school. On the inside of her lip which says ‘babygirl’ She’s a little bit embarrassed about that one. She got a couple other classier looking ones on the inside of her wrists and back of her ankles which look nice.
Drug use
I’ve already mentioned that she’d done cocaine with me on the second time ever meeting me. The only other time she did it was with her first boyfriend when she was 18. She’d also tried ketamine with him once too. Other than that she doesn’t go searching for it.
Social Media
Her instagram profile was on public before she’d been in a relationship with me. She had about 1000 followers, which she’s since removed most of them. However, she hasn’t got any revealing photos of her. They’re quite modest and a of them are just cool places and things.
Looking for a man to take care of her?
In the early stages I kept in mind that her Hinge profile said that stuff about buying beeswax candles. Later on I asked her for a massage to which she said ‘I’ll do it if you buy me a candle’ to which I said I’d never do, and explained that I do nice things when I feel like it, not obligated to. She’s never asked for one since.
Sent nudes on snapchat
When she was younger to a couple flings and her boyfriends.
Green flags
Fantastic relationship with her father
Respects him and loves him utterly. Loves to be guided by him. He himself is a confident and outgoing man. I’d say he exhibits more leadership and alpha male traits. Growing up, however, he was a bit of a nerd and stoner.
Generosity
After I’d slept with her, on our next date at a friend’s bday I said that I’d run out of money and that she’d need to pay for the night. She gave her card to use for the night.
There have been many other occasions I’ve run out of money (Due to my athlete lifestyle) and she’s happily paid for food and bills etc.
Intelligence and Ambition
She is exceptionally intelligent, and is worldly from travelling often with her family. She comes across as ambitious, wanting a high end luxurious lifestyle as she was brought up with, although she mostly expects me to be the one to get us there.
Willing to help out with my life
I’m an athlete and although I am not quite there financially yet (My career shows strong potential), she is always willing to help out in any way if I need. She makes time to help me out in times of competition and brings me peace. She’ll also cut my hair to help me save money.
Willing to be lead by me
Since meeting me I’ve told her she’s not going out to bars or clubs etc unless without me. She’s cut out all the bad habits and cultivated good ones such as going to the gym and reading more often. She respects all the boundaries I’ve set in the relationship and takes my viewpoint on them as if her own when talking to her friends. Eg. I told her that ‘girls shouldn’t have guy friends’ and she tells her friends this now too.
Has only ever dated one guy at a time
She’s never dated multiple people at once, and once she finds out that they lack a strong future, she will cut ties completely and not look back. On the dating apps, the only dates she’s ever been on are the ones I’ve mentioned in her sexual history. (Although she’s probably had her fair share of hook ups and flings on nights out from ages 16-18.)
When I asked her what she was looking for early on she said that she'd 'rather loved and lost than not loved at all'. (In the context that her parents lived overseas and she might not stay in Australia)
Spends time researching and learning my field of work
In her spare time she will often listen to podcasts and research people or companies in my field and share what she’s learned with me. She takes an active interest in my journey as an athlete.
Share’s her phone’s location with me
She voluntarily put her phone’s location available for me to see at any time incase of an emergency.
Cut off bad friends
One of her housemates when I met her was her friend from Singapore she’d known since she was 12. Her parents were friends with their parents. I told her this girl was bad news, and she knew that too, but was sentimental due to the fact she’d known her since she was young. Within a couple weeks she’d had a conversation with her that she no longer wanted to associate with her and once their lease was up in a couple months that she’d wanted to seek out a place without her.
Honesty about partying
I put this as a green flag because most women seldom own up to a bad past. I remember when I met her early on I asked what she’d gone through to turn into the person she is today: She said that she used to be ‘more liberal’, not in the sense of political views but more in terms of her behaviour, when she used to go out partying as a teenager, but now she was becoming more conservative- especially compared to her friends. (Some of her friends she grew up with were proper hoes and she’s an angel compared to them) But she admitted to it as pretty degenerative behaviour early on with me, and I think honesty is a green flag.
While the post in itself is quite extensive, the main questions I'm asking myself are:
- Should I be worried about my girl’s bodycount of 4 despite the fact she’s only 20?
- Can you forgive a girl’s partying past if it was mostly between the ages of 16-18?
- Do all of the red flags added up (Past smoker + Vaping, tattoos, weed etc) seem like dealbreakers?
- Is she too easily lead or just inexperienced?
I’ll write this in order of:
- Background
- Bodycount and sexual history
- How I met her
- Personality traits
- Red flags
- Green flags
She is 20 years old, and I am 6.5 years older. Her parents also share the same age gap, and so do her grandparents.
She comes from a wealthy upperclass family that has lived in a few countries and moved due to her father’s work. She gets to travel often and has travelled quite a lot with her family growing up (Although she has never slept with anyone overseas).
Her mother worked hard and met her father at a work conference where he picked her up. At the time she was married, but separated, and the Dad paid for the divorce and married her.
He currently still works as a big finance guy, and takes care of the family as the primary bread winner. The wife no longer has to work.
My girlfriend grew up mostly in Singapore and started partying with her school mates from ages 16-18, going out at least once a week during that time.
Her and her boyfriend at the the time both moved to Australia to study at 18. She was in college for a year and during that period she didn’t quite like the crowd that was present at college, she didn’t make too many friends and after the introductory partying events at college didn’t take part in the events and opted to keep to herself and the few friends that flew over from Singapore to Australia. This is when she said she stopped going out as much as she used to.
Currently she is studying Physiology at university and works at a cafe when she is free, although her Dad pays for her rent and gives her an allowance and he still lives in Singapore with the wife.
Bodycount and Sexual History
While she is only 20 (Turning 21 soon) her body count before I met her was 4. While it isn’t high, it isn’t low either.
First sexual experience
When she was 16 she had a boy in her class that came around to hang out at her home. They fooled around a bit, he probably fingered her and tried to get her to suck his dick. While she did for a little, she wasn’t comfortable because he was a bit too pushy and stopped it there. She later broke up with him because he was too pushy for sex and lied to her about something.
While she didn’t have sex with him, does he technically add to her body count?
First boyfriend
When she was 17 she lost her virginity to her boyfriend at the time she met in school. They broke up when they were 18 and in Australia.
Second guy
About 3 months after, she had a one night stand. She was visiting a her friend she’d known in Singapore in another state in Australia, who’s father had just passed away. She went to the funeral and later that night they were at a bar. Her friend who’s father had passed away wanted to introduce her to some guy at the bar, and pushed for her to go home with him. ‘It’s my father’s funeral today so you’ve gotta do it for me’.
She went home with him, after talking for a few hours into the night she ended up having sex with him, and then he drove her home back to her friend’s place.
She said it was fun at the time, but afterwards she really didn’t like the feeling she afterwards, mainly because she really didn’t know the guy very well. She said ONS’s aren’t for her and although her friend pushed her to do it, she chose to do it herself and the responsibility was on her, and that she ‘fucked around and found out, that it wasn’t her type of thing’
Third guy
She went on Tinder, found some finance guy. Dinner, dates etc standard stuff. Over 2-3 weeks they’d slept together and decided one night to take some weed edibles. That night he acted like a beta/soyboy and she decided she was completely turned off by him and didn’t see him again.
Fourth guy
She went back on tinder and matched with a 35 year old Lawyer who she had a relationship for a year. By then she was 19. He’d hit some financial strife during covid, losing his job and in a panic broke up with her when he couldn’t get his shit together. He kept messaging her after the breakup to get back when I started dating her, she showed me the messages and blocked him.
Is there some red flag here that he’s so much older than her?
Hinge date
A few months went by after the breakup and she made an account on Hinge. She went on a date with some guy for drinks, and ended up back at his place. Although she didn’t have sex with him or do anything sexual, she said she got tired and decided to sleep over at his place with her clothes on, despite knowing that she didn’t really like him and wasn’t going to see him again. She took a month off dating apps because she felt like she wasn’t happy with her choice and was generally better at picking guys. A month later she went back on and she matched with me.
How I met her
I met her on Hinge. She didn’t have any provocative pictures or stand out red flags, except that on her profile every prompt was ‘Buy me a beeswax candle’. Kind of almost eluding to the fact she was looking for some guy to buy her stuff, perhaps.
1st date I met her at a cafe near her place. I made a good impression and we had a good connection. It turned out she was proofing her croissants and needed to go back to her place to prepare them for baking, so she invited me back. I drove us both back to her place. I had an enormous hangover from the night before so I made her make some drinks to ease the headache. While having drinks I tell her to sit closer to me. Then I asked her if she wanted to kiss me, which she says ‘kind of’, so I pull her in and we kiss.
Afterwards we go back inside to watch a movie while she’s baking and checking in on the croissants. I pull her in for kisses and cuddle her on the couch every so often. After the movie I say we should go upstairs to her room, so she kicked me out haha.
I was pretty hung over on this date, with the worst hangover I’d ever experienced. So we spent a total of almost 6 hours hanging out with her while she nursed my hangover with food etc. She later mentioned I was ‘too smooth’ and that worried her. I thought at the time she was a bit naive to let a stranger into her home after only an hour of meeting them, although her house mate was at home at the time in case anything happened.
2nd date My housemate had his birthday so I invited her over for a BBQ dinner. After dinner my housemate scored a bag of coke and asked me if I wanted to do a line, I reluctantly did it. I offered it to my girl and she politely declined.
Afterwards we headed to a bar, which we couldn’t get into, so instead we head to the nearest club. The whole time at the club she would keep staring at me while playing with her hair. One of my friends later remarked that he noticed while talking to me she never kept her eyes off me. She still looks at me the same way to this day.
At the club the whole time she was behaving appropriately for the couple hours we were there, up until the point one of my friends scored another bag of coke. He gave it to his girlfriend, and she went with my girl to the bathroom to do some of it- with my encouragement.
We headed back to my place after the club, we did some left over coke together in my room. I kiss and undress her until she’s naked. She said we weren’t going to have sex, which I tried but she turned down each advance. She ended up sucking my dick though.
(Now, I’d like to add that I’m not really a big drug guy. It was my housemate’s bday so I joined in. Although I encouraged my girl to do it, I was really testing her to see if she’d decline each time, hoping she would.)
3rd date I came over to her place. She made dinner and we had sex after. Standard 3rd date stuff.
She did however put it off for many hours into the night. While she was naked the whole time in bed, and she said that she ‘wanted to’ (have sex with me), but she wanted to make sure that she liked me first. I reply ‘cool no problem’, and kept talking and trying to get to know her more. A few hours roll by and it’s almost morning. She asked if I was ‘clean’ and I reply yes. I make another move and we finally have sex.
Personality traits
She comes across as very innocent, shy, naive, introverted and trusting. Kind of ‘too easily lead’ as well. With the exception that, although I did meet her on Hinge, she doesn’t ever hang out in ‘easy to meet places’ looking to meet people.
She ranks very low on narcissism.
Red flags
Her mother as a role model
Over dinner once her mother mentioned she’d been to Berghain the famous club in Berlin (without the father’s presence). While this was the first time her daughters were hearing of it, her mother said her friends there could get everyone in for a party. I was a bit taken back when she said this at dinner.
She’s also taken her daughters out partying in Ibiza and various other places with the family in Europe, sometimes with the father there as well. Her mother also vapes daily and smoked cigarettes before she was pregnant, and sometimes smokes weed when visiting cities where it is legal such as Amsterdam- which is where I guess my girlfriend picked up the habit from.
However- growing up, her mother was generally not around as much as her helpers. Her helpers instilled more of the values in her than her mother did. (Which she somewhat resented her mother for) However, her mother was around more often for her younger sister. As a result, her younger sister is more outgoing and extroverted like her mother, and my girlfriend is more reserved and quiet compared to them.
Smoking and Vaping
When I met her she would smoke cigarettes on the weekend and vape on the daily. Afterwards I told her to cut out the habit and she hasn’t looked back since. Sometimes I’ll enjoy a cigarette but the deal is she doesn’t do it without me.
Smoking weed
She used to smoke weed a couple times a week before cooking dinner. She used to smoke more often in highschool with friends. She’s thrown it all out and not touched it since, and explained it’s no good while your brain has not fully matured. Growing up she’s also seen her dad smoke it once as well.
Tattoos
Her first tattoo she got when she was 16 with her friends in school. On the inside of her lip which says ‘babygirl’ She’s a little bit embarrassed about that one. She got a couple other classier looking ones on the inside of her wrists and back of her ankles which look nice.
Drug use
I’ve already mentioned that she’d done cocaine with me on the second time ever meeting me. The only other time she did it was with her first boyfriend when she was 18. She’d also tried ketamine with him once too. Other than that she doesn’t go searching for it.
Social Media
Her instagram profile was on public before she’d been in a relationship with me. She had about 1000 followers, which she’s since removed most of them. However, she hasn’t got any revealing photos of her. They’re quite modest and a of them are just cool places and things.
Looking for a man to take care of her?
In the early stages I kept in mind that her Hinge profile said that stuff about buying beeswax candles. Later on I asked her for a massage to which she said ‘I’ll do it if you buy me a candle’ to which I said I’d never do, and explained that I do nice things when I feel like it, not obligated to. She’s never asked for one since.
Sent nudes on snapchat
When she was younger to a couple flings and her boyfriends.
Green flags
Fantastic relationship with her father
Respects him and loves him utterly. Loves to be guided by him. He himself is a confident and outgoing man. I’d say he exhibits more leadership and alpha male traits. Growing up, however, he was a bit of a nerd and stoner.
Generosity
After I’d slept with her, on our next date at a friend’s bday I said that I’d run out of money and that she’d need to pay for the night. She gave her card to use for the night.
There have been many other occasions I’ve run out of money (Due to my athlete lifestyle) and she’s happily paid for food and bills etc.
Intelligence and Ambition
She is exceptionally intelligent, and is worldly from travelling often with her family. She comes across as ambitious, wanting a high end luxurious lifestyle as she was brought up with, although she mostly expects me to be the one to get us there.
Willing to help out with my life
I’m an athlete and although I am not quite there financially yet (My career shows strong potential), she is always willing to help out in any way if I need. She makes time to help me out in times of competition and brings me peace. She’ll also cut my hair to help me save money.
Willing to be lead by me
Since meeting me I’ve told her she’s not going out to bars or clubs etc unless without me. She’s cut out all the bad habits and cultivated good ones such as going to the gym and reading more often. She respects all the boundaries I’ve set in the relationship and takes my viewpoint on them as if her own when talking to her friends. Eg. I told her that ‘girls shouldn’t have guy friends’ and she tells her friends this now too.
Has only ever dated one guy at a time
She’s never dated multiple people at once, and once she finds out that they lack a strong future, she will cut ties completely and not look back. On the dating apps, the only dates she’s ever been on are the ones I’ve mentioned in her sexual history. (Although she’s probably had her fair share of hook ups and flings on nights out from ages 16-18.)
When I asked her what she was looking for early on she said that she'd 'rather loved and lost than not loved at all'. (In the context that her parents lived overseas and she might not stay in Australia)
Spends time researching and learning my field of work
In her spare time she will often listen to podcasts and research people or companies in my field and share what she’s learned with me. She takes an active interest in my journey as an athlete.
Share’s her phone’s location with me
She voluntarily put her phone’s location available for me to see at any time incase of an emergency.
Cut off bad friends
One of her housemates when I met her was her friend from Singapore she’d known since she was 12. Her parents were friends with their parents. I told her this girl was bad news, and she knew that too, but was sentimental due to the fact she’d known her since she was young. Within a couple weeks she’d had a conversation with her that she no longer wanted to associate with her and once their lease was up in a couple months that she’d wanted to seek out a place without her.
Honesty about partying
I put this as a green flag because most women seldom own up to a bad past. I remember when I met her early on I asked what she’d gone through to turn into the person she is today: She said that she used to be ‘more liberal’, not in the sense of political views but more in terms of her behaviour, when she used to go out partying as a teenager, but now she was becoming more conservative- especially compared to her friends. (Some of her friends she grew up with were proper hoes and she’s an angel compared to them) But she admitted to it as pretty degenerative behaviour early on with me, and I think honesty is a green flag.
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