FR Not Sure if this girl is in to me

[Developing_Man]

- So here is a field report with some questions... I have never met a girl like this before so I am confused at the game she is playing, I am not she if she is into me.
We have been on 2 dates, the second date was a double date to an escape room.
We vibe well and love talking to each other, she told me I am very smart and self-reflective.
This is the first time in 2 years, were a girl has rejected my escalation attempts, (kiss and make out). -
She told me:
- She doesn't know me yet and she doesn't know if she likes me yet (on the second date)
- She thinks sex is easy and getting to know someone is hard
- I told her she is the first girl in like 2 years I haven't made out with within the first 2 dates and she told me thats gross and I could get mono and I responded that has never occured to me

I was show amusement and joke around how she is the first girl to reject my attempts multiple times...
It doesn't bother me, I am just wondering if I am wasting my time with this girl and I don't know her intentions.

So clearly she is on the fence with me... but she seems to want to go on more dates to figure me out.
She invited me to a double date with her friend... so I think thats a good sign or she is using her friend to evaluate me...

This girl is new territory for me... its normally been rejections because I fucked up... or we make out on the first or second date or we sleeep together on the first, second or third date.
So yeah what do you guys think? Feel free to ask questions... Thanks in advance

 

[gameboy]

I personally find it off-putting when they withhold sex for so long. Makes it feel like they are doing that to manipulate you. I hope she doesn't continue doing that in an LTR should you get that far with her... using sex to "manipulate" you I mean

 

[Will_V]

- So here is a field report with some questions... I have never met a girl like this before so I am confused at the game she is playing, I am not she if she is into me.
We have been on 2 dates, the second date was a double date to an escape room.
We vibe well and love talking to each other, she told me I am very smart and self-reflective.
This is the first time in 2 years, were a girl has rejected my escalation attempts, (kiss and make out). -
She told me:
- She doesn't know me yet and she doesn't know if she likes me yet (on the second date)
- She thinks sex is easy and getting to know someone is hard
- I told her she is the first girl in like 2 years I haven't made out with within the first 2 dates and she told me thats gross and I could get mono and I responded that has never occured to me

I was show amusement and joke around how she is the first girl to reject my attempts multiple times...
It doesn't bother me, I am just wondering if I am wasting my time with this girl and I don't know her intentions.

So clearly she is on the fence with me... but she seems to want to go on more dates to figure me out.
She invited me to a double date with her friend... so I think thats a good sign or she is using her friend to evaluate me...

This girl is new territory for me... its normally been rejections because I fucked up... or we make out on the first or second date or we sleeep together on the first, second or third date.
So yeah what do you guys think? Feel free to ask questions... Thanks in advance

Comes across to me like you don't have the right kind of sexy vibe and you aren't setting the right frames. She's clearly way too comfortable with you, saying she 'doesn't know if she likes you yet', calling you 'smart and self-reflective' and thinks she can just set her own frames about sex ('sex is easy but getting to know someone hard'). And she clearly feels like she can just reject your escalation attempts with no possibility of being rejected or missing out on something she wants herself.

Telling her that she's the first girl to reject your make out attempts in 2 years, not a great move. For starters it prizes her compared to all those other 'easy' girls and sets a chase frame where you are doing the chasing. It also makes it sound like she was supposed to just be another statistic in your data collection, and reinforces her choice to be different.

The way you responded when she said kissing other girls on the first date is gross and you could get mono .. by saying 'it never occurred to me', that's not how you set frames my friend. You should have teased her a bunch there, like saying 'I bet you think we'd get cooties if we sat up in a tree together' or something. What sexual frames have you set? Doesn't sound like you even managed to get near the topic of sex or sexuality yet.

Sounds to me like the first date might have been the point where things took a left turn.

 

[Developing_Man]

The thing is, I don't really think too much about these concepts all that much. Framing, chase framing, who is the prize, sexual frames.
For me, I just be myself and myself is just trying to be better at the things I do in terms of work, working out, finances, expanding my social experiences. And I just talk about the things we both can vibe on. When I feel a natural pull.. towards the girl, I go in for the kiss and it has mostly worked.

I never really see a girl as a prize, I just see her as if she is someone I can be with in the sense I think she can add value and not take awhile value, because I have been with girls that added more stress to life. So far she proved she would add more value, not add more stress.

And generally when it comes to sex... I don't overtly talk about it... I just trust the vibe and if I feel the pull I go... if we verbally talk about it we talk about it.

I guess what I am saying, I have kept my game simple for me and it worked for the most part, if I lose a girl, it was because i got needy and fucked up or the one time I was way to pushy.

 

[Developing_Man]

She's clearly way too comfortable with you, saying she 'doesn't know if she likes you yet', calling you 'smart and self-reflective' and thinks she can just set her own frames about sex ('sex is easy but getting to know someone hard'). And she clearly feels like she can just reject your escalation attempts with no possibility of being rejected or missing out on something she wants herself.

I guess i don't understand it... so basically she feels like she can do what she wants w/o repercussions from me...
I mean in my mind, it's her opinion and thats how she feels thats how she feels. At the end... it makes no difference, getting girls off OLD... is pretty easy for me. And I thought I gave off the impression that it didn't bother me how she feels... I didn't beg, I didn't chase, I just kept the conversation rolling.
Also in my mind if a girl rejects me... I never felt the need to make her feel repercussions, I just backed off and continue or move topics...

 

[Developing_Man]

Comes across to me like you don't have the right kind of sexy vibe and you aren't setting the right frames. She's clearly way too comfortable with you, saying she 'doesn't know if she likes you yet', calling you 'smart and self-reflective' and thinks she can just set her own frames about sex ('sex is easy but getting to know someone hard'). And she clearly feels like she can just reject your escalation attempts with no possibility of being rejected or missing out on something she wants herself.

Telling her that she's the first girl to reject your make out attempts in 2 years, not a great move. For starters it prizes her compared to all those other 'easy' girls and sets a chase frame where you are doing the chasing. It also makes it sound like she was supposed to just be another statistic in your data collection, and reinforces her choice to be different.

The way you responded when she said kissing other girls on the first date is gross and you could get mono .. by saying 'it never occurred to me', that's not how you set frames my friend. You should have teased her a bunch there, like saying 'I bet you think we'd get cooties if we sat up in a tree together' or something. What sexual frames have you set? Doesn't sound like you even managed to get near the topic of sex or sexuality yet.

Sounds to me like the first date might have been the point where things took a left turn.

Anyways I got this rejection message:

Soooo... I know this is a bit abrupt, but as I reflect more I think it's probably best to not take things any further. You're clearly smart, driven, thoughtful, empathetic, self aware, curious. beyond that, I really appreciated your growth mindset and openness. All those things mean something to me. Ultimately, I think we are in very different places in our lives and I can't see us fitting together. You are clearly a great catch, and I'm jealous of whoever that ends up being.

She is 36 and I am 31... soooooo... I dont know... lol

 

[Will_V]

Anyways I got this rejection message:

Soooo... I know this is a bit abrupt, but as I reflect more I think it's probably best to not take things any further. You're clearly smart, driven, thoughtful, empathetic, self aware, curious. beyond that, I really appreciated your growth mindset and openness. All those things mean something to me. Ultimately, I think we are in very different places in our lives and I can't see us fitting together. You are clearly a great catch, and I'm jealous of whoever that ends up being.

She is 36 and I am 31... soooooo... I dont know... lol

I was just typing out my response when you posted this - makes a lot more sense.

1. She's older than you, by default that makes her feel more in control and dominant, hence her attitude.

2. You're a chill and fun guy, but you don't have a strong frame as to what you want and where you are going, which is what she needs at this point in her life.

She is running out of time and screening hard for relationship material, which makes her ride the brakes all the way from the get-go, and act in this manner of 'I need to evaluate you first'. And women at this stage are always running dudes past their friends to get opinions - they don't do this (quite the contrary) when they just want to bang, only when they want to secure a stable dude.

If you are looking for an LTR I suggest getting your life squared away if you haven't already, and developing a stronger and more dominant frame that makes her bend toward you and follow your lead. If you just want fun, well she doesn't seem to be in that place right now.

 

[Skills]

First she is boyfriend hunting which is fine, but at that age women are harder seen it all... If after 2 dates you are no progressing in the escalations, means she was not that into you and put you into let me see if he is boyfriend potential... There are ways around all that, on this case I suspect due to age difference it was a big fence to jump for her current goal of long term... therefore delaying sex and escalations... This is no the cougar type, or the just break up type or the time machine girl type... But the I am looking to settle type... There are ways around all that but if she knew you were 31 a bit tougher ..

 

[TomInHo]

She’s 36

Women that age tend to be notorious for making men wait for sex to prove if they’ll stick around

The fact that she is that old and pretending sex is all gross is pure comedy and sounds like she slotted you into the bore-friend category

First red flag was also going on a double date with her for your second date. She had no intentions of fucking you and was evaluating you to be the perfect slave

You then whining about how she’s the first girl to reject you sealed your fate. Because her perfect male slave wouldn’t be going around kissing random girls he doesn’t know

Therefore you weren’t sexy enough, and also not safe enough hence why you got dumped

This is what happens when you just be yourself. Sometimes you don’t present the right self that will improve your chances of sealing the deal

 

[Developing_Man]

I was just typing out my response when you posted this - makes a lot more sense.

1. She's older than you, by default that makes her feel more in control and dominant, hence her attitude.

2. You're a chill and fun guy, but you don't have a strong frame as to what you want and where you are going, which is what she needs at this point in her life.

She is running out of time and screening hard for relationship material, which makes her ride the brakes all the way from the get-go, and act in this manner of 'I need to evaluate you first'. And women at this stage are always running dudes past their friends to get opinions - they don't do this (quite the contrary) when they just want to bang, only when they want to secure a stable dude.

If you are looking for an LTR I suggest getting your life squared away if you haven't already, and developing a stronger and more dominant frame that makes her bend toward you and follow your lead. If you just want fun, well she doesn't seem to be in that place right now.

This makes alot of sense...

I am not exactly stable... I am growing my career which can put me into the united states, and I am financially recovering from a failed business venture. I do want an LTR, but I am not looking to settle down and get married... thats like 3 to 4 years away for me.
She did ask me how long do you think it takes before you know you get married... and I said I think maybe like 2 years and she asked... isn't that too long, so yeah were on different timelines.
Maybe getting into an LTR with a girl who biologically needs to get married in like 2 years is just not ok.

 

[TomInHo]

She did ask me how long do you think it takes before you know you get married... and I said I think maybe like 2 years and she asked... isn't that too long, so yeah were on different timelines.
Maybe getting into an LTR with a girl who biologically needs to get married in like 2 years is just not ok.

Yup… Husband Hunting

And your actions and information you shared disqualified you from the running. Because the end is near for her and she ain’t got time to waste on a dude that’s unsure and wants to play around

She got babies to make and wedding to be the star of and you’re not playing by the rules goddammit

Wouldn’t stress too much about this one and will just move on to more sane and laidback chicks

 

[Developing_Man]

Yeah I am not worried... but now like should i just go after younger girls for an LTR... who are not Husband Hunting?
Also, what do you mean more sane chicks? LOOOL

 

[Skills]

Yeah I am not worried... but now like should i just go after younger girls for an LTR... who are not Husband Hunting?
Also, what do you mean more sane chicks? LOOOL

Please don't talk about failed biz in the future, and about how nobody reject your kisses... Things like this can be brought up after you bang no before... Keep the logical biz talk extremely brief and change topics and only if she asks, then change topics.

 

[DarkKnight]

She got babies to make and wedding to be the star of and you’re not playing by the rules goddammit

@Developing_Man

I agree with everything the fellas wrote above, but I also got to ask why the hell are you gunning for a chick of that age?