Orkie's journal

[orkie123]

Starting a journal to keep summaries of girls I've met etc and keep my questions in one thread rather than starting new ones all the time.

My background is that I was useless with girls until I started reading PUA material around 7 years ago (26 now). It took me 2 years to start getting results (especially after moving on to learning from better resources like Girlschase) and I had 2.5 relatively decent years at Uni where I was happy with my progress and probably best period where I had 3 FWBs at same time on rotation. Then I got into a 2.5 years or so relationship that was a rollercoaster and ended 4 months ago. While I learned a lot, I wasted too much time on her as she was broken and just didn't want to change her life around. I on the other hand didn't have the strength to leave her until I finally digested all the red flags.

I had high hopes that getting back into the game would be easier given that I feel more confident now than ever but I'm currently in a trough. I have a temporary medical problem that doesn't want to go away which is making things harder but I no longer want to use it as an excuse so need to just keep on pushing.

Currently, I would say my biggest obstacles are

-Embracing my sexuality. I still feel in relationship mode. i.e. Unless I have a deep connection, I find it hard to feel or express desire or intimate intent. This comes off as incongruent or occasionally as inaction. I think I need to do some nofap to lower my expectations a little

- Calibrating my push-pull. I naturally over tease people and sometimes can come off as an entertainment monkey. I find many situations boring so I overtease to try and make it more fun for myself which is often a horrible strategy in life in general. Especially with girls who are bit more shy/not used to this. And even with people who are, I sometimes ask myself why was I so harsh. I've been trying to convert this to "us against the world" versus "us against eachother" which does get better reactions but instincts are hard to change. I do find learning girl's desires, passions and stories interesting so I try to deep dive into these topics but then I have this other problem of acting a bit like a psychologist rather than a lover haha. I need to stop trying to feed people all the self-help shit I've read (which works but most people already know, they just don't want to change).

- Becoming more masculine. It's hard to be taken serious if you are always trying to make fun of situations. I would say Im good at leading and solving problems but I need to actively use those skills and avoid just entertainment. It's crazy how much more effect strong eye contact that builds tension and a few well placed comments can have as compared to an extremely well flowing, humorous conversation. Both are good at times but the first definitely seem to have the bigger effect.

Currently I mostly meet girls from nightlife and I do social events which has constant influx of new girls. I do prefer day game and need to do more approaching as I think if I have more high quality options, will make it easier to get rid of my first obstacle. My logistics are ideal as I live on my own in the city centre and I got a chilled remote job so I really have no excuses for not being more successful.

 

[orkie123]

Critique my texting:

Tried to set up a date with this girl from my other thread about picking between two girls. However, I still can't find my rhythm and come out awkward.

Orkie: Ciao >name<, was nice to meet you yesterday
Orkie: Did you find out the meaning of your name?
Her: heyy, it was a pleasure for me too I totally forgot it yesterday, I'm gonna google it now Also because we continued drinking until 2 or 3 I dont remember haha.
Her: Oooh it means blah blah blah
Her: :O
Her: So cool
Orkie: That is a deep meaning
Orkie: also interesting because I noticed a dark side to you yesterday | (She was very smiley and positive, so I tried to build intrigue by saying the opposite)
Her: LOL a dark side in me?? nooo why
Orkie: It's strange but sometimes, I get these feelings. Like someone has a secret or something on their mind which they are trying to hide from the world at that moment that they let out a certain aura. It can be positive or negative. | (I was trying some horoscope cold reading cos we talked about this for quite a while, I mean, who doesn't have secrets from the world but I guess I totally lost the mark or she didn't understand what I was on about as her English wasn't perfect)

2days later
Orkie: Guess I was wrong?

Her: I have no idea, but I would like to have this feeling too about people.. even if not always you should trust these perceptions

Orkie: I love trying to read people. One of my favourite games at bars is trying to guess the story of couples are on a date. Imagination sometimes goes wild
Orkie: How good would you say you are at reading people?

Her: actually not so good... I mean I imagine people attitude before to meet them so just observing how they talk with others etc..... but sometimes my perception is totally wrong it happened many times that people that I felt like not friendly then became my besties and on the opposite side I was dating with a guy for one year which I believed to be so kind then he turned out to be very toxic, and I'm almost sure he drugged me soo that's the reason why I don't believe anymore in my sense
Her: And what do you think instead? | (I have no idea what she meant here, I think she asked me if I thought she was good at reading people as she was replying to my msg asking her how good she is at reading people)

Orkie: I think that you are right that its nearly impossible to read people deeply. Previous girl I dated was a kind and genuine nice girl but she also had some toxic traits that I didnt realise for a while either. In the end, people are complex so some books are better left unfinished
Orkie: When done for fun though, it's great entertainment. I know this awesome cocktail bar we could go to practise people reading

Her: ahaha that's sounds good

Orkie: Sends photo of the food I was cooking - with caption "guess what im thinking of right now"
Her: idk eating italian food? I'm not that strong with my imagination
Her: ahahha

Orkie: Misleading you
Orkie: I'm craving a good drink because currently stuck in a 2hr meeting with the whole senior team of my company.
Orkie: Hows your day going? ||| ( I wanted to build just a tad more rapport before going for hard close as I felt like her previous response wasn't very engaged)

Her: Wow it seems interesting and boring at the same time
Her: How is it going? ;d
Her: anyway you taught me a new verb thank youuu ||
Her: so so... I sent a lot of resumes for the afternoon, and I went in some hotels to give paper ones but NOTHING. tomorrow I'll send them directly with the mail and a presentation letter

Orkie: Listening to old men ramble when you know the answer to their questions can't get to respond gets me boiled up haha ||| (I was really frustrated at work and this text was me rambling about others rambling. The irony...)
Orkie: Do you know what you need after the frustrations of applying for jobs?

Her: Well drinking (?)
Her: Why you can't? the meeting is made for discussing nad giving opinions no? ;o

Orkie: Because some old men have a complex and never shut up to listen
Orkie: Exactly, a good drink!
Orkie: How about we grab some cocktails in this awesome bar called XX to celebrate you applying for jobs? ||| ( I don;t know why I didn't refer back to original invite, nor why I thought celebrating getting rejected was a good idea and she called me out on it)

Her: we'll celenrate when I'll find a job ahaha

Orkie: you don't celebrate the little things in life?!

Her: nooo it's better to celebrate directly the good ones so you continue fight for them
Her: otherwise youre not so motivated to achieve the final goals

Orkie: I celebrate the small steps to keep me in good spirits while I reach my goals
Orkie: you may miss out on learning how to read people from this handsome >Country< gangsta tho ||| (I've got no idea where this came from lol)
Her: Well thats right ahaha

3 days later:

Orkie: Hey troublemaker, how is the job hunt going?
Her: ahaha welll... easy its not going but I keep sending resumes, the only work I could do here is waitresss or chef ;/
Her: maybe also barman
Her: tomorrow we'll have a reunion of telemarketing in >city<
Her: we are gonna see

Orkie: ooh chef
Orkie: how good are your tiramisu and pasta cooking skills? | (She's Italian)
Orkie: Cos my healthy pasta recipe is ridiculously delicious

Her: I make the best tiramisu (with my grandfather's recipe) and just one that I tried in >city< was at that level so i had to make compliments to the chef (Y)

Orkie: I like your confidence - it sounds lickalicious
Orkie: Not been too impressed with deserts in italian restaurants in >city< but I do know the best place for creamy pancakes! We should go there and compare pics of the best dishes we have made (I'll win for sure)

Her: Yes, you'll definitely win because I'm not a good one I just can do a few deserts and thats it

Orkie: I take back the confidence compliment
Orkie: Do you always give up on a challenge this easily?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hate that I know that some messages are just awkward and yet I seem to often repeat same mistakes. Part of is I often misunderstand what is missing. I.e. I think the truth in this one is that she's not sure about me and is too worried about finding a job in a city far away from her country to bother going on dates right now. Yet I'm challenging her on distractions and pulling back rapport at the end for no good reason.

If I was to go back in time. After she messaged me the long message including about toxic ex. I would have said "We've all dated sub-par partners in the past but we've got better options now" then followed up with the soft close and immediately gone for the hard close without all the ramblings that came out after. Appreciate any advice on how to read situations and text better.

 

[orkie123]

Why am I like this?

I was in bed with a girl, she was telling me she can't wait for me to be inside of her. Want to guess what I did? I said I had a trauma and used it as an excuse to leave her apartment.

It's been 4 months since I last had sex, I was horny as fuck but this voice at the back of my head saying this is trouble just wouldn't shut up. She's a fun girl I've met once or twice before but a few things just psyched me out. First, even though she was chilled for most of the time when I first met her, there was a mini moment where a lot of drama just poured out. It was short but really stuck with me.

Then this time, after discretely leaving the social event we were both attending, I knew it was on. But then at a few points she just seemed so lost and cried a couple of times for like a minute each. Then when at her apartment, because I was turning hesitant, she was basically doing LMR techniques on me lol. But that just made me feel even more weird. A few times I was very close to just saying fuck it, what's the difference between doing it or not doing it after cuddling naked for so long now. But in the end I ran away.

Nothing to do with me having performance anxiety or anything. Just kept thinking how I feel like I'll have to deal with drama. We are not really in same social circle but every few months do attend similar social events in town. I don't know if I'm overthinking this but a lot of times I'm just not attracted to girls enough to even deal with potential drama even if the chances are there will be none at all.

Its frustrating because sleeping casually around will help me up my game which in turn will help me get the quality of girls I do want in my life but it's difficult when I'm not able to manage girls who I don't really want anything with. I even said up-front that I was only looking for something casual which she had no problem with so I don't know if this voice in my head is messing with me or I should listen to it and not have made a move in the first place to avoid these awkward situations.

 

[orkie123]

Went out last night with a social group and it was great fun.

Main event was this cool bar with live music, very good ratio and awesome vibes. The summary is that I did probably 6-7 approaches, mostly to groups of girls, in a language I only speak to about A2 level as many didn't speak English. Got a few Instagrams but I don't think anything solid. I'll message for completeness but while I could keep positive vibes with my comments, it's harder to deep dive in a language you don't know. I was also focusing on eye contact, trying to keep it for longer than girls were and to be honest, I started okey but I would say I didn't get to the point where it was seductive. Need to get rid of the instinct of looking away.

1st approach - Group of 3 girls more or less as soon as we entered with about 5 of my friends. Green jacket girl was immediately giving me eye contact and having just read the "learn to notice AI", I decided to go for it. I went with 'first time in this bar, is the live band finished' even though I knew they were just having a break. It went good and I managed engage all 3 but I decided to eject and come back later. it was early in the night and I rather end in a high point and come back then run out of things to say because of my language skills.

2nd approach - Girl came to record a story of the band playing. I kept whispering right next to the phone near the end of her 10-15s recording and she kept telling me to shush in a friendly way which I took as a positive sign given that I was being annoying. In the end she gave up and I told her - can I have a tag in your story please which she laughed off as she walked away.

At this point, girls from 1st approach were taking selfies, so I decided to join in as I was very close to them. However, the green jacket one said "Noo, my bf will get so angry". But then she proceeded to touch me "accidentally" and continued giving me eye contact. So on the next pic I tried again and she repeated her bf thing. I said don't worry I'm gay but even though I pretty much shouted it, I don't think she heard me as she turned her back to me at that point lol. We continued making eye contact for the rest of the night whenever I was in her line of sight. I don't know if this means anything, sometimes when I keep catching people giving me eye contact, it's just cause I'm curious of the eye contact rather than the person.

3rd Approach - Group of 4, 1 guy and 3 girls. They weren't very close together so I could engage only with the girl I liked. She's not my usual type but she had incredible blue eyes, and such beautiful curves, I just couldn't stop imagining how fun it would be to squeeze her ass and boobs. Convo was going well and she spoke a little english so it was easier. She wanted to dance but I said Im horrible. We still danced a little and she gave me a compliment, but that's only because my dance skills are good for about 1 min and then afterwards I have zero clue on what to do rather than repeat previous steps. So I decided to grab her instagram, but made it obvious I wanted to invite her out for a drink. She kind of said yes and gave me her instagram. Unfortunately, one of the guys from my social group who is very good at dancing took this to dive in and go dancing with her. I could see she was into the dancing. I dunno the typical rules for wingmaning but this seemed like a dick move to me. I decided not to say anything as I'm not that good friends with this guy.

At one point we sat back on a table outside the main "bar/dancing area" and the story video girl from #2 just came and put her jacket next to the seat next to me. Her friend was being hit on and she was looking lost. I took the opportunity to talk to her when she came back for her jacket but it was so awkward. She was focusing on her phone and checking how her friend was doing, and with the lack of complete attention and her speaking 0 english, I fumbled which was high pressure situation because my friends were close enough to hear everything. I also couldn't properly eject as she was still staying next to me. I decided to end the convo by asking for her insta and just seating down lol. Interestingly she followed me back straight away which I wasn't expecting. Honestly feel like if I could talk to this girl in English, would have been good as we have similar interests.

4th Approach - 2 girls that came to dance close to us. Zero english again so I did the same as first group, get to a high point and eject. Later on I saw them as we were leaving and had another strong convo and got both of their instagrams.

5th Approach - Beautiful tall girl that just looked so innocent lol. Only spoke to her for a bit, her friend was being hit on so she was just waiting, but then her friend came back being loud and I decided to leave it. I think she was interested to talking to me a bit more, but this was now when the bar was getting empty and I felt I had too many eyes on me.

I then went back to say goodbye to the girls from first group, who were now sitting with 2 guys and 1 new girl. One of them was the green jacket's bf so I kind of switched my focus to the second one I talked the most to. But she was playing silly and pretended she didnt have insta or fb, so instead she gave me her number, which was clearly not hers/real - I called it and it turned out it was to the new girl who was chubby, so I wished them a good night and gave up on it.

At the bus stop I saw 3 girls that I chickened out on approaching in the bar so I spoke to them about bus times and stuff but wasn't going anywhere so left it.

Overall, no lasting results but it was good boost to my confidence to be able to take action and approach in a difficult setting with the language barriers. + I could see some of my social group friends were impressed with me talking to strangers which is always a bit of an ego boost.

 

[orkie123]

Another more or less "don't fuck it up" opportunity passed up.

This girl who we had good vibes when we met, messaged me to say she's in my city for a day and wanted to meet up. She has a really cool vibe but is 6 years older than me and I wasn't totally in to her. Today though, she came in this cute dress all fancied up and I def was attracted to her.

Everything was going well, apart from me still being unsure of whether I want to do anything but it kind of helps keep me seem like I'm not just a thirsty guy.

However, she mentions this other guy that was at the same event when we met. Now she told me she slept with him on another day, while he told me he slept with her friend (who was a lot hotter). She told me there was no way he also slept with her friend but I kept saying, I don't know neither him nor her friend that well so I don't really care nor am i going to form an opinion who's telling the truth. To be honest, it was more likely he was bullshitting but I didn't care nor think this was an issue. She kept bringing this up every once in a while and I probably should have picked up on it that she was getting upset (she did imply earlier she didnt like how often people would prefer her friend over her) but me being stubborn ass stuck with my "I don't care but not going to pick any sides here".

When we left the bar to go for a walk, she seemed a bit annoyed at me and then she asked one final time about what I think of this situation. I had enough of it so said, I really don't care but Im not picking sides. At this point she nearly teared up and said she wants to go home. Sometimes I really need to shut the f up or just say what people want to hear rather than be a prick about it. My only saving grace is that I wasn't too bothered either way, but I still feel bad for upsetting her because I'm a stubborn idiot.

 

[orkie123]

Had a pretty fun night a few days ago with a couple of learning points. First is - if you are truly tired, it is sometimes better to just skip going out. But if you do go out while tired, need to keep yourself entertained so that you don't fall asleep.

Met a 9/10 great banter girl who was a friend of a friend and got an instant oneitis for the night
- On my way to a bar, I see one of my friends, she is hot and is one of the girls I had mentioned in a thread from ages ago but I decided to friendzone myself there as she was too much drama for me. There is ocassional sexual tension between us but I've always ruined it and so decided to just be friends as she is fun person to go out with. Anyway, she was with a friend in the smoking area of another bar and her friend was fucking gorgeous. 100% my type. To make it even better, as soon as I approached them, she checked me out and was full on banter with me. I can't tell if it was just friendly or if she was attracted, but either way I'm sure I made a good impression. That is until I told them I was going to meet my friends and just as I was leaving blurted out "You are awesome" to her. I was able to resist making it obvious how much I was into her the whole 5-10 mins we were talking and then I ruin it all with that. Anyway, I was really hoping I was going to see her again that night as we all usually end up in 1 bar we really like.

A good Leather jacket is a really good investment
- Went to the bar I was heading for and met up with quite a few people I met during the day doing and a few I knew from a few days ago, some new faces also came. I wore my leather jacket that really brings my looks a point or 2, and a girl that didn't give me a lot of attention during the day came up to me as soon as I entered the bar with "Wow you look so different". Translation "You look better than before". I'll take the compliment. Unluckily she is already infatuated with a tall French guy and spend most of the night trying to pull him. She's not usually my type as she is curvy and I prefer more petite girls, but her ass&boobs combo were too delicious. Maybe another time as I think the French guy is in the city for only a few weeks.

Older girls are more straightforward but they also lose attraction much quicker if you too slow
- The girl who invited me to this event, we had only met a couple of days prior on another night out but logistics that day were horrendous. She had her bike chained to another girl's bike and the other girl just wanted to party all night. Eventually I got tired and went home. This time, she was a little less excited and me being even more tired I couldn't push for it. She was hot for her age, but was 10 years older than me so I was a little like meh.

Finally asked out the bartender girl and said the stupidest last line ever
- Decided to finally ask out the bartender girl of the 2nd bar we went to. She has also featured in my threads from a few months ago. It only took so long because I was gone for 4 months. I spoke to her in the local language which I'm at best B1 at but she was eating it up. My choice of gin brand wasn't available so I said I'll settle for a lower quality one. She called me so dramatic so I asked her back in English (because I suddenly forgot everything in her language) "What's your favourite drink". She shows me the bottle and I continue "Imagine that wasn't available for you 2 nights out in a row" with an exaggerated tone and a smirk. She laughs and another bartender joins in, showing me her fav drink. I took it as a high point, and decided to ask the bartender I like for her instagram. "I got a boyfriend". At this point I spit out some words along the lines of "That's ok, we can do other things". Fuck knows where those words came out of but her face said it all "100% confusion". She then went to serve another person and I thought, I'll take the win that I finally asked her out even if indirectly and she enjoyed the convo with me until the final shit that came out of my mouth. Probably didn't help that her bartender friend could overhear, but it was kind of now or never for me and I just wanted it out of my system. Damn though, she is petite, but has this sexy bitch face, tattoos (I don't usually like tattoos but on her she looked like a stripper that isn't a stripper haha).

Top chasing behaviour - paying entrance to a club for a super high risk, low reward situation
- Msged my friend from earlier to ask where they are going. Not to the bar we usually go to before club. I'm a little dissapointed, as that kind of meant probably not going to see the other girl again. I text her to enjoy her night as she was being vague. An hour or so later though, she said they are going to a club and told me to come with. I hesitate as the club they went to is got a higher charge than usual and I'm in no mood to party for much longer. My group is also going to another one which is free to enter. I say fuck it, it's now or never with the friend of my friend. So I pay the entry, and go in knowing full on there is a chance I may leave 10 mins later if things don't go to plan as I'm not feeling solo game.

Finger kissing two girls who cat called me beautiful - I'm an idiot
- The club is packed so I can't find them easily and there is basically no phone signal inside. As I'm passing through 2 girls that I just about make out to be pretty hot with peripheral vision, they both "cat call" me calling me hot in their language. I can't tell if it was mockingly but it felt somewhat genuine. I should have abandoned my mission and spoken to them but stubborn idiot here turned around to them, kissed my 2 fingers and passed on the "kiss" to the hotter one. She did the same and then I moved on. Sometimes God gives you gold and you just trade it for lemons. Either way, confidence boost ftw.

The hot friend of a friend? Yea she left. It was my friend and some other girl who was not good looking at all.
I met my friend, pretended I had just bumped into them, saw that her hot friend wasn't with her but some other girl instead, spoke for 1 min and made my way to the exit. So I paid entry charge for no reason and didn't even get the 2 free drinks you get. I should have at least given them out but I was so tired I wanted to go home and die on my bed.

Anyway, while not much happened, this was a win of a day for me.

-

 

[orkie123]

Halloween was a blast.

Somehow 3 large social groups that I'm part of ended up being in the same small club so I knew a lot of people. Talking to lots of people when I've had a few drinks makes it very easy to get momentum going. Unfortunately, as usual my final execution skills let me down. A problem with knowing too many people is the usual I have no idea who I should focus on.

I did tell myself that I'll be subtle with anyone from these social groups, even if they are fairly loose without any big potentials of drama, and instead use the social momentum to approach girls I don't know.

And it worked. I approached a group of 3-4 girls and went direct for the hottest one there. At this point I had a few more drinks than I would have liked, so combine with everything else, confidence was probably a little too high. They didn't speak much English so I struggled to say exactly what I wanted, which put too much pressure on me and the girl as the other girls were just staring at this point. Maybe I should have engaged them a little.

But then luck struck out. The sister of the hot girl came from no-where and was super interested in talking to me. She knew a little bit of English and was hot too (but in a different way, I don't even know if I believe they are sisters lol). This is where I definitely fucked up. I believe she was for whatever reason DTF and I should have isolated than escalated but instead I pussied out and got her insta instead. I don't remember why I didn't push for going home straight away, so definitely need to drink less.

The club I was in closes earlier than most others, and I didn't realise when they left, but I messaged her on insta and she was very responsive. I said leave the club you are at and come have a drink with me (Being bold a little too late) and she initially agreed. Then she even was positive when I sent her my address, but in the end she said she couldn't leave her friends. I mean, I don't blame her, I wasted my chance and then wanted her to go to my flat on her own after only speaking for a short while...

Anyway, she was very responsive the next day on insta, so I set up going for drinks. She was very open to the idea but somehow I get the feeling she will flake as we only have time in 4 days. Just a gut feeling.

Edit: okay way too responsive. She sending me kiss texts now. I don't do well when girls seem to be already in to me hahahha