Thanks guys!!
Sorry for waiting a couple of weeks to reply. Life has been a little hectic.
All good! I just got a few new jobs and might be adding a third so I understand getting busy lol.
@Regal Tiger
Thanks, man.
So I am pretty good to relate with what people tell me already but the process you mention to lower barriers sounds new to me. I will give it a try.
Definitely do! It works wonders for me, personally.
Basically, it would be: be calm, be nonjudgmental, say something controversial (break pattern) and share something personal. Right?
It's not something that's a system, but more of a general way of being (the exception is the energy/state control which must always be a constant that I can go over how to get if you'd like).
So, whenever someone says something controversial it's not about saying something controversial just for saying something controversial. It's expressing a piece of who you are that's important. What's more, it will polarize in a way to attract like-minded people to you.
Here's an example; I'm working at a few restaurants right now and one thing they do is that they tear off and throw away the white pieces of lettuce when making stuff (it's bitter in taste). When I heard this, at both places I made the joke "Oh, so you get rid of the white pieces, just like CNN". That can be considered offensive by some, but it's had a good hit rate so far.
But what does this do for people besides make them laugh?
Take a moment to really, truly think about it. Why would this stupid joke make people lower their guards around me?
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It's because they know that I don't give a shit about being PC and they can, in turn, relax around me. One of the guys even started making some jokes at feminists expense after that because he correctly assumed that I'm not going to be one of those SJW's who will complain about it later. All within a half hour of meeting him because of that single joke. He felt safe/comfortable enough to make that joke around me because I went there first (and I could tell it was a safety issue because he's kind of quiet but only whispered the joke to me even though there was another guy there who probably would have laughed his ass off about it).
Likewise, when talking about controversial subjects another way to think about it is like this:
Say you have a problem with a girlfriend that's not quite PC. Say... you have to have anal in your relationship for whatever reason, or a threesome from time to time or whatever. Who are you going to feel more comfortable and safe to open up to?
A) the Christian priest who talks about sex out of wedlock is damning for your soul?
B) or the party guy who you see with a different woman every night of the week?
That's an extreme difference to highlight what I'm trying to say. You're more comfortable talking to people about certain things once you've gauged them to be on the same wavelength. Likewise with that same example as above, who would you be more comfortable talking about religion with?
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So whenever I say to say something controversial, or swear a lot or whatever, it's more about not being afraid to put yourself out there and allow like-minded people to come to you. This tells people that it's okay to open up to you and to relax around you because you just don't give a shit.
Those are some ways to project a nonjudgmental attitude.
But here's another way to think about it:
Who do you think is going to be more judgmental in general?
A) The guy who talks about how his child made a non-PC joke and he was ashamed of that joke
B) The guy who talks about how his child made a non-PC joke and laughed his ass off
Or, would you feel like the guy who mentions, but doesn't really go into detail about how one time he met a girl from Tinder at 2:30 in the morning and got caught with his pants around his ankles by the girls sister (happened to me lol) is probably not going to judge you for wanting to talk to that cute chick over there?
But it's also more than just sharing that quick tidbit, it's also about how you share it. If I were to share that while looking kind of embarrassed you wouldn't feel as comfortable expressing your own sexual desires around me. But, here's a different scenario, say you talk about some embarrassing dream you had and then, with a big smile on my face mention how I got caught with my pants around my ankles by a girls sister that I'd just met one time. You would feel more relaxed and open around me to share something similar.
So when I say to say controversial things, I more mean to realize that it's okay to share stuff that others might take offence to.
But, on the other hand, I'm not saying to just launch into stuff. You always have to gauge where other people are at as well. For example, here's the full notes version about that 2:30AM Tinder girl (and then I'll give a few ways to share this story, each new version going into more detail):
1) Woke up to get a drink of water with a text on my screen asking "what are you up to?"
2) Text back, and then find myself driving a half hour to go meet her
3) Get to her place, which is a little townhome/duplex/apartment like area with one resident in the downstairs and hers being the upstairs
4) She comes downstairs and we start making out
5) She doesn't want to let me upstairs so we go to my car
6) Things start happening and then I get overheated
7) Open the car door and she walks out trying to lead me to behind the house/townhome building thing
8) Sister walks up shining a flashlight at me, with my pants literally around my ankles
9) She yells at us
10) Then my new friends sister leaves and my new friend pulls me to the back to finish up
So, here's a way I can mention the story to someone new to kind of see where they're at:
1) Oh yeah, that reminds me of the time I got caught with my pants around my ankles by the girls sister! That was interesting
Short, sweet and not many people are going to launch into a tirade about me being some piece of shit or whatever. But it's a great way for me to see if people are going to be comfortable with those kinds of stories or not. Furthermore, it leaves out a lot of details: was it a girlfriend or a hook-up, nobody knows...
2) Oh yeah, that reminds me of the time that I met a girl from Tinder at 2:30 in the morning. Drove a half hour to meet her and I ended up getting caught with my pants around my ankles by her sister
So I've gauged that somebody will be comfortable with some taboo subjects and then the opportunity comes up for this story, so I go into a little more detail
Then there's the third version where I've met somebody and they seem cool as fuck so I just tell them the whole story.
There's a kind of evolution that happens whenever you go into stuff like this. And you can do this for all sorts of subjects, this is just the easy one since we're on a forum for men about getting better with women.
You can do this for all sorts of things, and I recommend this way of doing it.
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But, whenever you say something just pay attention to how someone reacts. Then, if they react well or even neutrally, then you can go a little bit further next time. If they react poorly then mark that person in your mind as someone you don't want to let out too much with (so for me, I'd stop with version 1 of my story above rather than 2 or 3). Then, whenever someone has an issue with Tinder or whatever they'll be more comfortable opening up to me about it.
Furthermore, because I'm clearly not going to judge them for being on Tinder or hooking up or whatever, there's an extremely high chance that I'm not going to judge them for anything else either. Because it's just a part of who I am. Though, nothing's ever guaranteed. Even the party guy hooking up with someone different every night can still hold some weird womanly views when it comes to relationships for example. It's just less likely is all.
What would you say it’s your hit rate with these techniques?
I can easily get people talking honestly about their barriers... helping them overcome them, not so much.
I wouldn't say much about my hit rate, just because it's more about finding people's wavelengths as I would call it.
Once I find out their wavelength, given enough time I can get anyone to open up about anything.
Here's what I mean about wavelengths:
1) at the restaurant where I work there's a guy there who's super chill and cool. We're on the same wavelength right away and just like to have fun, but can be serious when we need to be. I can mostly be whatever I feel like around him
2) Another guy who is more serious in nature, so I meet him at that wavelength
3) Same with an older lady, I'm more serious in nature but I still put forward good energy towards them
4) Another guy who is a bit awkward but super positive, I push tons of positivity towards him and that's all he needs
5) Another dude who I never met who jokingly told me to shut up as the first thing he said to me: all I did was beam a smile at him and say "I'll put the fear into you" and just kinda laughed
Once I get any of these people into a one on one scenario, all I have to do is start deep-diving them. Chase has a great article about deep-diving, but there's another way to do it with newer people that helps me visualize it by David Snyder. Chase's deep-diving methods are geared more towards people you kind of already know a bit, in my opinion.
Start off in the shallow end with your deep-dives and pay attention to when there's more of a story there than people let on. Especially about hardships. Just point out that you noticed there seems to be more to it than that. Then, if they're comfortable enough they'll open up.
Again, if it's about something that's too fresh, or something truly big, even I get nowhere at first. But given more time and more experience with that person, they'll let their barriers down for it too. The key, is to just respect those barriers whenever they come up.
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And lastly, about sharing something personal yourself:
That's more about going down the rabbit hole first so that the other person feels safe and comfortable enough to talk to you about something potentially hard. Which, is partially what the being controversial part is about; just taking stabs in the dark until you hit something if you want to think about it that way.
Here's an example of what I mean with that: say you notice someone checking out a girl but being kind of awkward and not approaching her, even though you can tell he wants to.
What's likely going through that guys head at this particular moment?
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Approach anxiety, he's nervous. So, noticing that he's nervous you just walk up and start talking about how you were just reminded of the time when blank. Here's an example of mine:
My first ever date I'd ever gone on. I was so fucking nervous that I accidentally yelled my compliment at her... oops lmao
Then the second date I'd ever gone on was with an older lady who literally tried to get me to buy into her ponzi scheme
Now, sometimes you won't always get it right and that's okay. If you got it right it's extremely rare for people to question why you were just reminded of that story. But, just point out why you were reminded of it and if you're right then if they asked or not they'll feel safe and comfortable enough to launch into what they're going through because you've started that thread already. It's only natural to follow the thread.
If you're wrong then there's usually no harm no foul as long as you point out why you thought what ya did. Sometimes this can even lead a new thread about making bone head mistakes.
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As for helping them overcome their barriers, most of the time all you'll be able to give them is positive energy or even a hypothetical what-you-would-do. As long as you're careful in how you do it (and they've asked you about it) then it'll be well received.
But if you've actually had similar experiences then just talk about what you did, what the results were and anything you'd do differently now that you know.
@Will_V
Thanks, man.
I’m glad to see mirroring and labeling is something I already do naturally.
So how would you go about convincing someone to do something or change the way they think?
Socrates method is a great way to do it. Just ask questions (at least, off the top of my head I think that's what it's called).
Another way is something I got from Charisma on Command: if you're in an argument, start with where you agree and then go into where you disagree. Being careful to stick to facts about the situation rather than about the person.
If you're not in an argument, but rather just sharing, then it's a bit trickier and kind of depends on the situation. But mostly I stick to rewards that I know that person wants.
For example, if I know someone highly values their image, then I'll talk about the respect that blank decision will get them. How people will look up to them once they've done blank.
If someone wants women, then think about all the hot babes that'll be drooling for his cock afterwards.
I'm exaggerating a little bit for effect, but basically just talk about the rewards and try to make it real for them in their heads by describing it.
EDIT: It's a long answer and I hope I didn't overwhelm you, but I wanted to try and answer everything as fully as I could. I've probably left stuff out here and there, but I hope that helps
Feel free to ask any follow-up questions you may have or anything. Can't promise speed, but I will get back to ya if you quote me so I get the notification alert thing.