FR Persisting with a Girl in the Process of Divorce?

[TheEcho]

Hey Gents!

Got the Instagram of a single Brazilian mom going through a divorce at my gym a couple weeks ago. She was warm on approach but hesitant to connect, I left her confidently and said I'll be over here if you change your mind. She did and came to me, exchanged instas, and chatted some later in the session. Since then, I got way too flirty with the texting and she wouldn't respond to those, but would be decently responsive whenever I was more "normal". I've asked her out a couple times and the latest one (early last week), she said, "Sorry, I'm still married on paper, I'm not ready yet, thanks for inviting me." She's also pretty Christian (not Catholic), so that's messing with my head as usual, given I'm not trying to have "Godly" relations.

Seemed kind of dead, but I ran into her in person a few days ago and she was decently warm, touching me at one point. I messaged, "You looked cute today", which is far less clownish than I've been (emojis, teasing attempts, etc.). She gave me a "Thank you *warm smiley*", which felt ehh, so I said screw it and called her at 9:40pm. My bedroom voice was on point and we chatted for just 6 or so minutes. She was trying to get her daughter to sleep, so she could go eat. I asked why not go eat first, and she said she wanted to take a hot shower first, she likes to be under the warm water for a long time. I realized right after the call, that was a decent chance to tease "Don't think about me too much", but c'est la vie.

I didn't contact her at all for a day, then messaged her this morning, asking how the rest of her weekend went. She responded warmly and asked me about mine (which is a first lol). I came back rather stoicly, "Glad to hear", "I was swamped with work lol", "But I enjoyed it" (tried unsending the last message, but Instagram goofed that). Then at the gym, she came up to me and was warm. We chatted a little about her weekend, and I asked her what workout she did today. She said legs and I teased her for not being sweaty. She laughed and said she just lifts hard enough to keep her shape. I eye her up and down and say, "a nice shape." She laughed and rocked towards me like she was going to touch me and say "stooop it", but stopped short. We parted after this point.

She *liked* the "But I enjoyed it" message and didn't say more. Getting her to contribute more over text has been tricky, maybe from the slight language barrier? We did chat in person instead, but wish there was more *her* in the messaging.

Now I'm a bit stuck with how to proceed. The phone call seemed to help a lot, but after her last decline, feels odd to jump right back to asking her out. Any thoughts? Soft close? Keep this dynamic going? Involve Valentines somehow? Push for her actual number?

Update: I went for her number as a symbolic step forward. Messaged her, "Heya, I'd rather not rely on IG" "What's your number?". Been left on read for hours now, will update if anything changes. My thought is if she doesn't do this, she's not worth my time, other than her coming up to me in the gym.

Thanks all!

PS: This latest interaction is the first time in a long time that I started getting a little "excited" while talking to a girl while in public.

 

[Fuck This]

I think you are assuming a lot of attraction. She has all the cards here and you are just another thirsty orbiter. I'd slot her in the "maybe someday she might be interested" and let her make the next move. ball is in her court and it doesn't look like she is gonna lob it back to you any time soon. I would not initiate any more and meet a dozen other girls.

 

[TheEcho]

I'm tempted to agree, but the queues she showed this past time, I'd be going for a kiss if it weren't the gym. That's where it feels like the divorce is creating a big block in her mind to go further, and my overall attraction and approach isn't overcoming it. Can't argue with leaving it be and finding others, though.

 

[Rakehell]

Maybe try talking to her in a language she can understand the next time you see her. In my mind she has objections that you aren’t addressing and instead are just plowing your way forward hoping she’ll change her mind on her own.

I don’t know her situation but it’s likely she probably isn’t even over this guy fully and doesn’t consider herself “divorced” from him.

I’ve done something similar in a similar situation and it worked for me then. here my friend Tom called it pushing hot buttons

 

[Skills]

Maybe try talking to her in a language she can understand the next time you see her. In my mind she has objections that you aren’t addressing and instead are just plowing your way forward hoping she’ll change her mind on her own.

I don’t know her situation but it’s likely she probably isn’t even over this guy fully and doesn’t consider herself “divorced” from him.

I’ve done something similar in a similar situation and it worked for me then. here my friend Tom called it pushing hot buttons

No if she is divorce she most likely did the break up and over the dude for while... the issue is how he went about the seduction, no her divorce status...

 

[Will_V]

I'm going to be a bit blunt here. Your other thread was about coming out of a relationship, not being able to get a job, not being independent, and feeling low.

I think you lack frame control and self belief, and it makes you come across as hesitant and soft. A woman coming out of a relationship does not want someone who looks like they need a mother, she wants someone who's tearing through life at will, someone who will reignite her own fire and give her all the things she needs to put the past in the past. Someone who will in some sense rejuvenate her with a sense of all the possibilities that lie out there and the ease by which they can be grasped.

You'll have to become that guy if you want her to get excited.