Phase 3: Looking inward

Lotus

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Nov 12, 2014
Messages
610
Well..... I've been meaning to start a new journal for about a month and a half. I broke up with my long time GF(4 years) beginning off August. It's been an awesome 4 years, but after continual ups and downs I had to move on. Lived, loved but most importantly I learned a lot.

The goal of this journal is to push myself back to the seduction levels of 4 years ago and beyond. Because of the career success, and the ridiculous amount of sex I had in the past 4 years I know I have the foundation to really hit another level and reach the next tier, quality wise, of women.

Since my breakup I've had so much going on.... the amount of seduction I've been doing has been almost zero. I have mixed feelings about that, which I will get into later, but most importantly my emotional stability has evened out. Towards the end of my relationship I was stressed out about work, my relationship and I was having knee problems. Everything was hitting me at once and I couldn't manage. Now I have the time to myself I need to reflect on my path and I've been able to build really good habits.

Even though the amount of seduction I've been able to do has been extremely small I've been really happy with the results when I have gotten in front of women. More details to follow here as well.

I don't have a lot of time right now because tomorrow I'm traveling to ATL for work, but here's what I'll be posting about in the near future.

-The successes I have in the past 2 months
-My last relationship
-Career situation and my next steps/options
-My mixed feelings about where I'm at with seduction

I want to keep this mostly seduction related, but what I continue to learn is that, for me, everything is intertwined. My job/career path has taken so much energy that I've had 0 energy/time left over to get in front of many women in a seduction setting.

Hopefully I'll have an opportunity, in the next couple days in ATL, to get out in front of some women..... but because of my current job situation I'm not counting on it.

Anyway.... I'll be more active going forward :)

Lotus
 

Lotus

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Nov 12, 2014
Messages
610
Dammit.... I just spent 30 minutes writing a great post and the system kicked me out as I went to post it.

Anyway, I'll see what I can duplicate....I'm sure it will be more concise this time....

Regarding the mixed feelings from my last post, it was just me being full of shit. Entirely and fully, full of shit. Not being honest with myself. I thought I could jump back into this without a hiccup and just pick up where I left off. When that didn't happen I told myself I didn't care anymore. Lies.

So I realized some 48 hours ago that I've been stuck in limbo between red and blue pill for some time now. It was my previous relationship that was pulling me towards the blue pill little by little. Subconsciously I knew it was happening, but I didn't realize how far it had gone. I knew it was tearing me apart internally to try to keep with the red pill mental models while being in a relationship with someone who so clearly thought a different way.

She adored and loved me so fully it was easy to ride the way and get lost in it.....

But even since the breakup 2 months ago I had not fully recovered. I was still stuck between both worlds. Thinking I could have the same success without acknowledging that I'd lost a couple steps. Without acknowledging that I had to relearn game. Pretty funny to think about now. I've been smiling to myself all day and just laughing.... what a fool!

Between reading a handful of mindset articles and watching Oceans 11 & 12 i'm remembering what it's like to be a real man again. In some areas of my life I'd taken a victim mentality.

At work I was frustrated with my bosses I was blaming them for my challenges....lucky for me I didn't lose any of my social prowess or technical knowledge within the industry. The struggle has made me stronger.... but it's been more challenging than it needed to be.

Socially, I lost my sex appeal and haven't been able to generate sexual tension and frames when i wanted to...only sometimes when the mind set was right.... I couldn't find out why, but I know now.

My mind feels as clear as it has been in close to 8-10 months.... last night I slept better than I have in that same time. It's been cloudy outside but this world seems brighter ;)

Lotus
 

Hue

Chieftan
tribal-elder
Joined
Sep 21, 2016
Messages
1,209
Lotus,

Glad to see you're getting back in the game! I've read some of your posts in the past when I was in a faze of truly obsessive grinding, reading many posts by just about everyone who was at least tier 3 rank.

So I realized some 48 hours ago that I've been stuck in limbo between red and blue pill for some time now. It was my previous relationship that was pulling me towards the blue pill little by little. Subconsciously I knew it was happening, but I didn't realize how far it had gone. I knew it was tearing me apart internally to try to keep with the red pill mental models while being in a relationship with someone who so clearly thought a different way.

She adored and loved me so fully it was easy to ride the way and get lost in it.....

But even since the breakup 2 months ago I had not fully recovered. I was still stuck between both worlds. Thinking I could have the same success without acknowledging that I'd lost a couple steps. Without acknowledging that I had to relearn game. Pretty funny to think about now. I've been smiling to myself all day and just laughing.... what a fool!
This has happened to me too, of recent. I landed a solid job in my night life industry and had to dial back the sexuality that I had internalized so well around my hire-time. Having to inhibit myself both at work and outside of work to save face for the company has made me pull back on creating sexual tension overall. It's conflicting, since my city's nightlife is so interconnected. Out of fear, it's frankly made me a more of a bitch when it comes to approaches and being sexually explicit.

Then I look back at my lays of literally walking into a scene and fucking a girl in the bathroom within like 10-20 minutes and think what the fuck am I missing all of a sudden? It wasn't all of a sudden though - it's been gradual, and just like it was built it will gradually return.


Here's a helpful post by Pretty Decent that I have returned time and time again. It's about respecting the process.
Getting Back Into Game


Hope this is of value to you. Just subscribed to your journal. Cheers to getting our hands dirty again! Hopefully literally (;

Hue
 

Lotus

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Nov 12, 2014
Messages
610
Hey Hue!

Thanks for the follow and the link. I think I had read that post before but it was still a good refresher. I've gone through the same thing with my job. Now that I manage multiple locations I have to represent the company in a certain way as well as setting an example for the people that work for me. My company itself has done a ridiculous amount of diversity and harassment trainings which have had the same effect on my mental models.

Okay, so lets get to it. It's been a strange month for sure and I haven't been gaming nearly as much as I'd like. I did go on one date a couple weeks ago from a cold approach at the pool. I had gone to the pool on a Sunday with the intent to strike up a conversation with someone and these 2 beauties came and posted up at the other side of the pool. They were drinking Truly's and I had some Mango White Claw so obviously I used that as my opener..... Bitches love the claw! Anyway I start chatting them up and it's going okay but they didn't fully hook on being in conversation with me. They started talking about one of their friends and I couldn't find a way back into the conversation for 3-5 minutes( all 3 of us were at the steps to the pool, but I was on the other side of the railing and they had drifted away). I seriously thought about ejecting and going back to my book, but I told myself to wait through the awkwardness..... and they started talking about their friends relationship contract which was my in. From there they hooked, but I found out each of them had boyfriends who ended up coming to the pool 30 minutes later.

I ended up chilling with them for the rest of the day and ended up at my favorite Mexican place downtown with the 4 of them for the rest of the night. At that point we were all hanging out like we'd been friends for years, so they invited one of their single friends to come hang. We hit it off extremely well and I got her number to set up a date.

The date went pretty meh.... she was really cute but it was late on a Tuesday and I'd been up since 4am for work(we were having crazy staff meetings every Tuesday that I was getting up super early to prepare for) so we had good decent conversation. By decent I mean there was a lot of talking but not the direction I needed it to go to move escalation forward. At least that's what I thought at the time.... now I realize I'll never know because I didn't go for the pull. The conversation though included her talking a lot and about shit that wasn't conducive to seduction, but I had a hard time re-directing the threads because she just wouldn't stop talking about work and all the friends she wanted me to meet. Relationship zoned.

If I hadn't had such a long day and had not been so rusty I could have re-directed the conversation better but alas lesson learned.

I walked her back to her car and had a quick make out where we planned to hangout again, but it never happened. She kept blowing up my phone wanting to text all the time every 5 minutes, so she eventually auto-rejected before I could set up the next meet.

Since then.... I haven't done any game it's been frustrating for sure. My district manager resigned from pressure from his boss, and my boss was demoted because he sucked at his job. So my workload has effectively doubled. This was right around the time I committed to going for my MBA and making a career pivot because the local management team for my company has been driving me crazy. So I've been working and studying non-stop for the past month.

On top of that I'm in such a strange place socially. All my good friends are relationships or married so it's been extremely hard to actively go out to game.... because well I have no one to go out with(excuse) and I haven't really had time to go to the beach or the pool to try to day game(also excuse).

I did have a potential wingman in my apartment complex but I kept blowing him off because the first time we went out he blacked-out and got kicked from the bar. I do have another potential wingman from one of my soccer teams. He's not at all an ideal wingman, but beggars can't be choosers so I think I'll take him up on going out after Thanksgiving.

I'm heading back to my hometown for Thanksgiving and i'm shooting for going out at least 2 nights and maybe a 3rd. My only goal is to approach and get momentum back.

Lastly, my hairline has receded back significantly in the past year. It's something I've been trying to cope with for months but honestly it's affected my confidence.... I've always been someone with a thick mop of hair which allowed me to have many different hairstyles.... but now i'm struggling to find something I like. Currently it's mid-length with a combover that sort of hides the recession. I've been flip flopping on going short and revealing it to the world... and getting a hair regrowth product.

I just ordered ForHims, but I'm not sure this is the correct path. It's a drug that will only allow my hair to grow while taking it and the side affects, although rare, are loss of sex drive.

I'm fully aware most men experience hair loss and the best way to cope with it is to go short..... but I tried to go really short and I didn't like it and didn't feel sexy at all. So I've been growing it back out.

It's pathetic that this has affected me such. I know I need to just accept it, but I haven't been able to yet... or at least i haven't figured out how to make it work.

Lotus
 

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
Messages
1,662
Location
Orlando
Look who decided to show up? ;) stoked to see you back in action on here

realized some 48 hours ago that I've been stuck in limbo between red and blue pill for some time now. It was my previous relationship that was pulling me towards the blue pill little by little. Subconsciously I knew it was happening, but I didn't realize how far it had gone. I knew it was tearing me apart internally to try to keep with the red pill mental models while being in a relationship with someone who so clearly thought a different way.
100% agree with this and something I noticed subconciously but couldnt really put in words... I guess its basically "losing your edge". No shame, happens to everyone. Just gotta come back to center. Doing the same myself.

Look forward to seeing the new phase 3 beast rise out of the ashes.
 

Lotus

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Nov 12, 2014
Messages
610
Finally, something fun to report on ;) I have a date lined up on Thursday with this girl I met on the plane to my hometown for Thanksgiving, so I wanted to get the interaction written down to A) make the FR easier to write this weekend and B) hash out everything that happened in the interaction.

So last Wednesday after a super busy day of work, trying to cram everything needed before Thanksgiving into a shortened day, I made it to the airport and changed out of work cloths in the parking garage. I changed into my black Joe's jeans, white crew cut T-shirt and my black and white Steven Madden sneakers. My hair had been getting longer and I had grown out a solid November beard. Simple outfit that looked masculine but was comfortable enough for the airport. Before I hit the elevators I took a quite peak over the 9th floor parking garage wall and soaked in the Miami skyline. It's been a really crazy 3 months of work and life and this TG was the first long weekend I've had in seems like forever.

The terminal was packed so I decided to avoid any of the bars or restaurants and went straight to the terminal. I started to go through some of the older GC articles that I haven't read in years as I try to refresh my mind for the weekend to come. I settled on focusing on some articles on body language just trying to remind myself what to do and how to act. I used to have a lot of success making sure I had good open body language, slow movements and then would look at everything while focusing on nothing. This way I can easily ID IOI's.

When your focused on something and someone looks your way the natural reaction is to jerk your head/eyes their way which puts pressure on them to stop looking or staring... so eventually when I lined up to board the plane. I lined up at the very back so I could easily view everything, got in an extremely comfortable position bracing myself against my suitcase staring off into space above the crowd. Off to my right I noticed a cute blonde girl in yoga pants heading towards the line, but honestly I didn't catch her looking my way( This didn't even register until later).

Once on the plane I head toward the back, as usual, picking an aisle seat.... easy bathroom access and legroom :) Eventually a guy my age sits in the window seat and later on.... the same chick I saw earlier chooses to sit right in the middle. I'm engrossed in Talent is Overrated (courtesy of Mr. Rob) so I don't pay much attention to her at first and don't really make eye contact.

Her: Excuse me, is anyone sitting there?
Me: Nah, it's all yours
Her: Thank you
Me: You got it, it's no big deal

She had blonde hair that barely reached her shoulders, a cut off shirt which barely exposed her stomach and yoga pants. She also had extremely angular cheekbones such that when I did notice her I thought wow she's beautiful. 8-9 on looks alone for me.... I have a weakness for natural blondes for sure.

And then I went back to reading.... once I realized it was the same girl I perked up a little bit and opened my awareness, but kept reading. I made sure I was as comfortable as possible and minimized my movements as much as possible. I didn't talk her, didn't look her way and barely moved while things got going.

Even while I was acting like I didn't notice her, I was considering when to open the conversation. I assumed a girl like her would get guys hitting on her immediately all the time so I decided to wait. She had put headphones in and was trying to find music to listen to. I noticed she looked a little nervy and assumed she didn't like flying or was uncomfortable with take-offs... which I understood because I used to hate them as well.... but i've now flown so many times it cake. That being said... I didn't want to talk to anyone at that part of the flight either, so I decided to leave her alone for the moment.

Once we were in the air I noticed she still seemed unsettled as her hands we fidgeting and she couldn't decide what music to listen to. She even did a number of hair flicks and looked my way toward my book. I began to interpret them as signs of attraction and my heart rate began to pick up. It felt like there was this massive tension between us that you could cut with a knife. The cabin was completely dark because it was nighttime and the armrest we shared was up... so we were so close to each other.... but so far away lol.

I'd never felt like that around someone without talking to them.... the feeling was intoxicating. I imagine this is what approach anxiety feels like? but either way I loved it strangely enough. A couple times I decided to mirror her hair flicks with some slow hair rubs of my own... pushing my hair back slowly and re-adjusting myself in the seat.... never looking her way though. This continued for 15 or so minutes after which some of the lights came on for the stewardesses to serve drinks.

Once they served the snacks she opened me with "They change the snacks on these things all the time don't they." haha. I ran with it and I deep dove her about a number of different topics: job, family, interests, why she moved to Florida. Nothing extraordinary but it was a good conversation and I could feel a strong connection whenever we mad eye contact. Good long eye contact holds.

The guy at the window woke up from his nap and joined our conversation. I had extra drink coupons and since it was TG I offered the 2 of them drinks. I think this worked out well because with 1.5 hours of flight time left our conversation could have easily hit a stand still. Window seat guy allowed the conversation to breathe.... I was also able to earn social proof by navigating the 3 way conversation without a problem.

Nothing much of note happened for the rest of that conversation except that I dropped a poorly delivered chase frame to blondie after buy them drinks, along the lines of.... "I bet you always pick young guys to sit with on the plane that order you drinks." After a said it I cringed inside.

The 3 of us talked of getting together next weekend to go to Art Basel in Miami and we exchanged phone numbers. Because of the 3 way conversation that took place I never got an opportunity to seed the date before texting her. It didn't feel natural at all to make the move in that context.

As soon as we were walking off the plane she called to my back... "how tall are you?", " I'm 6'2", I said.... which let me know she was still interested.... but as soon as we got off the plane she said bye and fell back behind the 2 of us.

I made a substantial mistake here, in that I should have slowed down to gather my stuff and break away from our 3rd.... and then re-engaged her to set up the date. Instead I was took focused on taking a raging piss.

Even though I completely failed setting the table for a date in person. I texted her the next day as if I did.

Thursday
Me: Nice to meet you N from State X ;) enjoy thanksgiving with the fam - 1pm
N: Happy Thanksgiving to you too Lotus (inserts 3 emojis) it was great meeting you too. Hope you have a great day with your loved ones too! - 1:30pm
N: How hungover were you today? I ended up going to the strip club lol
Me: I don't know how.... but it wasn't so bad. I bet that was a good time ;)
Me: I am 100 percent crashing now though - 7:30 pm
N: It was a good time. Made some ladies very happy lol
N: Crash away. All that tryptophan got you (sleepy emoji)
Me: I bet you did haha. Also, I want to get a drink with you when we get back.
N: Yeah I'd like that
Me: Cool :) stay warm up there

Sunday
Me: Hey N, hope you enjoyed the rest of the of your holiday weekend. Make anymore ladies happy- 6pm

Monday
N: Hey Lotus, I did enjoy the rest of the weekend. I mostly spent it with my dad. Lol no I didn't spend any more time with the strippers. lol How was yours?

Hope you have a safe flight home!

Me: Lol probably for the best. I actually flew back already since i had to work. When do you get back?
N: I get back on the 4th. Were going to get 8 inches of snow tonight.(she also sent a video with a fake snowman throwing a snowball)
Me: Wow, that's crazy! Assuming you make it back... will you be free later this week/weekend?
N: Haha yes. I'm free, Thursday, Friday, Sunday
Me: Perfect, lets do Thursday in my town. Next time we can go to your town ;)
N: Alright. I'm down :)

So i know that was an absurd amount of text.....but i needed to replay everything as I plan for the date.

Mr. Rob and I were talking yesterday and he was like dude... why didn't you open her?? I'm really not 100% sure, but after replaying and writing it all down it feels like the right move. Although that could just be a justfication.... so I'm 50/50.

On one hand it's over a 2 hour flight so keeping a conversation going that long would be challenging and could have caused other problems later on. On the other hand, not opening could have de-valued my stock and made me look less masculine.

It's hard to say in retrospect.... my outfit and vibe was communicating IDGAF and I definitely didn't come off as nervous around her. So she could have been thinking to herself, If I don't say anything it doesn't look like he will, he doesn't look interested.

Sunday I did think I blew it because she didn't answer until over 12 hours later....I was very confused because of how the interaction/ texts went. She was very warm the entire time. The fact that I immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion and overthought the situation does prove I need to get more abundance... as it was pointed out to me.

Anyway... feels good to be back! More to come!

Lotus
 

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
Messages
1,662
Location
Orlando
Finally, something fun to report on ;) I have a date lined up on Thursday with this girl I met on the plane to my hometown for Thanksgiving, so I wanted to get the interaction written down to A) make the FR easier to write this weekend and B) hash out everything that happened in the interaction.
Ah you fucking cunt! hahah :D

After all that she texted you back. Whad I tell ya. Nice man good luck on the date ;)
 
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