Poisonous Beliefs About Women

Chase

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One of our new members had a post over in relationships where he was asking for input on some of the beliefs he held about women that he recognized were not especially helpful. I see these pop up from time to time around the boards, so think it's worth having a general post addressing them.

Poisonous Beliefs About Women

Some harmful, unhelpful beliefs about women include:

Women only want...

  • White guys / black guys / whatever guys
  • Rich men who will buy them stuff
  • Broke vagabond losers with nothing to their names
  • Gorgeous, Adonis-like men
  • Hollywood celebrities
  • Men over 6'5" (or whatever height you aren't)
  • Men with giant anaconda penises
  • Any fill-in-the-blank thing that you yourself are not or don't have
Almost all of these are immediately invalidated by looking around your city or town without blinders on. It takes all of 4 seconds to look down most city streets and find 5 to 10 couples in the immediate vicinity who are whatever race, not rich, not poor, not gorgeous, not celebrities, not super tall, and don't have giant bulges bursting the stitches on their britches. Stop giving yourself excuses to fail.

Women on the street / in the store / at the club...

  • Don't want to be bothered
  • Are too busy to talk to anyone
  • Will only talk to you if you're perfect
  • Will blow you out if your approach is not perfect
  • All have boyfriends and are off the market
  • Some other reason that precludes approaching
These are quickly invalidated by going out to any of these places and doing 20 approaches. You might fail hard in some of these - if you're having an off day, or you're a pure beginner, you may even fail hard in your first 10. But you're pretty unlikely to have all 20 go against you if you go do 20 right now, even if you have no idea what you're doing. Sure, it happens sometimes - it happens to me - that's just the luck of the draw; but as you get more and more attractive, and better and better at approaching and engaging women, you're more and more likely to have more and more of those 20 respond favorably... or VERY favorably. Stop giving yourself excuses to not approach.

Women are all...

  • Attention whores / status harpies
  • Cheaters and unfaithful
  • Liars, scoundrels, and thieves
  • Bitter, tormented feminists who hate men
  • Emotionally manipulative puppet masters
  • Parasitic creatures that feed off men
  • (insert slight implying women are bad, bad people)
Any and all of these are immediately invalidated by a friendship or a relationship with a non-crazy woman. That is, the majority of women you meet in places other than mental wards, nightclubs, parties, and online dating. Stop giving yourself excuses to sit in the corner and be a bitter victim complaining about his tragic victimization at the hands of those horrible people with vaginas.

If You Have Poisonous Beliefs About Women

... you need to change your actions and/or environments.

Most of the people I meet who have poisonous beliefs about women either:

  • Never actually MEET any women and truly interact with them (all their views come from other men / websites / articles / etc.)
  • Keep meeting the same kinds of women in the same environments again and again and not realizing that that's the problem
  • Continually put their baggage onto women and turn women into exactly what they fear / suspect women are
The last one is the most tragic - it's the guy who's SO CONVINCED that all women cheat that his endless paranoia drives his woman crazy... and drives her to cheat, often with a thought of, "Well, he never believes that I'm not cheating on him anyway, so what's the point in not cheating?" Or, it's the guy who's SO CONVINCED that [XYZ] women don't like him that he gives off waves of coldness and aloofness around those types of women that make them run for the hills. He smacks every woman he meets in the face with his baggage, and when she reacts to that, he points at it and goes, "There - SEE? All women are like that. Told you."

For most men, poisonous beliefs are changed when you change the environment you're meeting women in (and get out of poisonous environments you find yourself in that color your views about women in a negative way), and when you start actively cultivating meaningful relationships with sane, normal (e.g., non-party girls / online daters / crazy chicks) women.

For a select few, the baggage is so bad that it taints every interaction and relationship the guy has, and the only way to fix that is by addressing the core problems of bitterness and victimization - if you suspect that might be the case for you, read these articles:


Most of all, keep this in mind: any form of negative beliefs or bad thoughts means you're dealing with frustration and repression. The object mentally is to end up at a place of calmness and contentedness, where you truly understand the thing you formerly had poisonous beliefs about that messed up your Zen (in this case, beliefs about women), and you're able to embrace the thing, be unsurprised by its quirks, and love it with these or in spite of these.

Do you love women? Do you think they are funny, cute, and adorable, even when they are doing the things that piss most men off and make those men tear their hair out and gnash their teeth?

If so, you're in a very good place.

If not, don't worry - everyone who opens his eyes goes through a period of painful adjustment, but you're on the road there.

Chase
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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I am one of those guys. As a brown male I am one of the very few kids who has decided to step out of his comfort zone and actually hang out with all races. I have gone to parties where I was the only guy of my background at the party and I do have some poisonous beliefs about women. When I was younger, being raised in the Bay Area where most of my classmates were either Asian or White, I was often treated like crap by the teachers that messed with my self-esteem. As I grew older as a teenager I was getting attention from women but they were mostly brown, black, or latina (mexican).

Then I moved to the east coast (northeast) for college and improved myself. Started doing better with girls of all races, especially White girls but there was a catch. The White girls I was doing well with were usually the ones who were either inclined to go interracial or very partial to my race. Most of them were foreign, more geeky personality if American, or more hipster and emo. The kind of girls I want are the cute ones you see partying a lot, sorority girls, girls at bars, girls in the club, and more of the trendy kind of girls.

Well problem is my limiting beliefs have come AFTER I went to parties to meet these girls. I was ignored, actively treated like shit, and made to feel bad for even talking to them. One of the sorority girls at a party said to me "why are you even here right now? who invited you? seriously!". It really fucked up my self-esteem.

Right now I have quit going to parties and feel like shit for even getting out of my comfort zone. My limiting beliefs have come from actually going out into the field and getting rejected. I have never seen a guy who ethnically looks like I do have great results with the kind of girls I am going after. A lot of times I feel very limited compared to my White friends who are usually well received by these girls at parties. I could be out partying right now but I am sitting in watching movies and spending time on the internet, don't usually do this but not like I have a choice.

I will come clean and say that I am one bitter guy. Before going into PUA and learning how to be better with women I could ignore the fact that most cute White girls I knew treated me like shit. Now I am just some angry dude who at times has acted like a complete dick for the hell of it. Just thinking about doing well with women has given me more problems than I had during my World of Warcraft days, somedays I just feel like going back to playing videogames and forgetting about social life. I keep thinking in my head that each time I step into a room with a sorority chick she has it in her head that I am a piece of crap and doesn't even want to bother to know me. Somedays I think about taking a ton of college courses in one semester so I can graduate fast.

Best 4 years of life my ass, shallow sorority trash everywhere who love to treat the world as below them.
 

Chase

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Oh Pry-

Good that you realize it, and have done your best to tackle it head on. Comments:

Oh Pry said:
Then I moved to the east coast (northeast) for college and improved myself. Started doing better with girls of all races, especially White girls but there was a catch. The White girls I was doing well with were usually the ones who were either inclined to go interracial or very partial to my race. Most of them were foreign, more geeky personality if American, or more hipster and emo. The kind of girls I want are the cute ones you see partying a lot, sorority girls, girls at bars, girls in the club, and more of the trendy kind of girls.

Well problem is my limiting beliefs have come AFTER I went to parties to meet these girls. I was ignored, actively treated like shit, and made to feel bad for even talking to them. One of the sorority girls at a party said to me "why are you even here right now? who invited you? seriously!". It really fucked up my self-esteem.

Sure. I ran into this too, and I'm as white as they come. I could attract the popular party / sorority girls before I started approaching women, but once I began taking initiative, I just piled up one rejection after another with them, while the less mainstream / less All-American white girls liked me just fine. I actively disliked bleached blonde girls for a while.

When I moved to Southern California, it was adapt or die, since pretty much every woman there was a bleached blonde sorority white girl. I first had to recondition my belief system (used heavy visualizations of doing well with bleached blonde girls... as well as to drop the negative stereotypes I'd taken on as an ego protective measure so I could believe I was "better" than them), and then I had to change my image.

The thing there is, what's appealing to emo / hipster / foreign girls is VERY different from what's appealing to bleached blonde beach barbies and sorority party girls. While there are universal fundamentals like great posture and body language and eye contact, there are also type-specific ones that make you more attractive to one type and less so to another. A girl saying "why are you even here right now? who invited you? seriously!" is pretty clearly talking about your vibe (you "don't get it") and not any kind of racial characteristic; I have plenty of dark skinned friends who do very well with white sorority girls and party girls.

If you want these girls, you have to "get it" - their scene, their likes, their dislikes, what they value. A sorority girl is very different from a hipster chick, and you must present yourself as a fundamentally different sort of man to get her - just like a fat girl could, say, either mope around about why you don't want to date her, when so many OTHER dark skinned men do, OR she could go lose weight, dress sexy, and then come back and get a different reception from you, so too do you have to approach different types of girls with an eye toward becoming what those specific girls desire (and not getting angry at them for not wanting something they don't want).

e.g., I resisted what I thought of as "the douche bag look" (chinstrap + soul patch, trendy outer coat over button-down shirt, etc.) for a long time in SoCal because I thought it was cliché and stupid. Then one day I said, "Well, screw it, let's see what happens if I just try it," and immediately all those girls who'd been lukewarm toward me started treating me like I was a hot commodity (while many of the girls who used to treat me as a hot commodity cooled off on me).

Experiment. Play around. Sit down one day and really observe what the men the girls you want are going for are like, and copy EVERYTHING about them: looks, fashion, hairstyle, facial hair, interaction style, what they do, what they say. It's pretty common for a guy who's learning to look at other guys and say, "I don't need to copy them; I'm better than them," but if they're getting results that you're not, they've probably got something going on that girls like that you don't. It might be skin color - there ARE girls who just won't date outside their races, no matter what - but I've seen far too many party / sorority white girls with dark-skinned friends who liked those kinds of girls to believe it's that most or even much of the time. It's usually something else - clothes, hair, gestures, movements, interaction style, accent (e.g., California surfer dude accent does pretty well with this demographic, and it's easy and natural to adopt - bonus points, it makes you look/sound dumber, which makes you less intellectually threatening and thus more attractive to the majority of this demographic), facial expressions - the works.

Imitate EVERYTHING about the guys who get the girls you want, and you will start to get those girls too.

The choices are basically be upset that they don't want you for who they are, but that's silly and gets you nowhere; or, figure out what they DO want, and become it through and through.

Chase
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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Re: STICKIED: Poisonous Beliefs About Women

Chase when you say dark skinned do you mean black and latino? Because if so then it doesn't apply to me. I notice some of these girls do go for Black and Latino men since both races of men are actively promoted as sexy, especially Black men. I am talking more about foreign as in Asian and Brown (Desi). Now I have seen some Asian men have success but almost no Brown men at all and there are quite a few where I am.

Also, is that true about southern california? I thought that there would be a sizable latina and asian girl population there.
 

Korvager

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Oh Pry said:
Also, is that true about southern california? I thought that there would be a sizable latina and asian girl population there.

I live down in southern califonia. But in the school i go to (I'm in highschool), the two majorities are asian and white. There are latinas but not as much as you would find more towards downtown Los angeles. But chase is right about the whole changing of image when it comes to these girls. Where i used to live it was more of the hipster and latina type but now that im around more blondes and such i've had to slightly alter my persona.
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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I am going to try the chinstrap and soul patch look, not sure how it will go with me but worth a shot. As far as the darker skin comment is concerned, I have seen some Black guys having success but other than that no other race having success with them. Might just be that it is all in my head and there are other things going on but I have seen Latinos and Arabs try to have success with these kinds of girls and fail with them for it.

Thank you for your golden advice, I will read it again when I can and I think it is important to emphasize just how different game works for different girls.

I have never been to so cal but I assumed it was a fairly diverse area.
 

DesiBro

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Re: STICKIED: Poisonous Beliefs About Women

Oh Pry said:
Because if so then it doesn't apply to me.
Sigh. You aren't reading the post.

It's not that you are brown, it's that you are you. If you work at improving yourself, you can achieve anything you want to.

The fact that you haven't seen any other brown guys achieve what you want to reflects the facts that
a) you aren't looking hard enough, and
b) mls brown guys have no game, which will make you all the more impressive.
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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That is my main limiting belief, that I can improve myself and max out but because of my background alone the kind of women I am going after (blondes) are going to reject me based on that alone. I have seen a lot of cool men of my background who have dated hot asian girls, hot black girls, and hot latin girls, even know some with hot persian girls but it seems to me like all the attractive blondes in America are either chasing the whitest looking guys possible or going in the exact opposite guy and chasing the black guy with status. I have to admit it has led to some severe limiting beliefs that have caused me depressive moments in my life. I keep thinking if I met just 1 and I mean just 1 desi guy with an attractive blonde girlfriend or wife it would just open me up mentally and help me move forward. Sometimes I feel stupid for approaching these girls and can't seem to get it out of my head that they will hate me for my background alone no matter what I do.
 

Korvager

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Oh Pry said:
I keep thinking if I met just 1 and I mean just 1 desi guy with an attractive blonde girlfriend or wife it would just open me up mentally and help me move forward.
I may only be in highschool, but I've had success with the trendy white girls you describe to be going after. And I'm brown just like you. Like chase said, it doesn't matter what race you are it's a poisonous belief.

I do see less brown guys compared to other races being successful in this area but maybe thats just because of the way they were raised. If it's anything like the way i was raised then there were probably a lot less opposite sex friendships as young children ( if any then probably with the daughters of family friends). A lot of brown parents don't let their children date until they're much older, which grants less experience with females during teenage years. And because of all that you don't see as many brown guys in highschool or college or outside of college gaming all that much. Or at least where i live. But regardless of all of this, it doesn't mean that you don't have the capability to get those cute, trendy, sorority girls you see at parties. If you're anything like me you probably weren't raised in an environment which granted all that much experience with girls at a young age. Although personally I've been able to get around that, just through gaining the experience, and now i feel as if I never had these disadvantages. Now, friends come to me seeking advice with girls. So you really should get out of your mind that oh, I'm brown, she's white, she won't like me because I'm not the same skin color as her. It really is ruining whatever chances you had with her in the first place. As for that girl that said why are you even here who invited you, you've probably heard it before but don't let what one girl said completely ruin your mojo, although I do have experience feeling that same thing, and eventually you just learn to ignore negative comments like this. If you get this poisonous belief out of your mind and just treat her like you're talking to some latina girl that's already into you, and keep working at it over and over again then you'll start getting results. And besides, latinas are the best ;)
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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Look I have honestly NEVER heard of a desi dude with an attractive blonde my entire life and despite there being high populations of both in my area, I have not seen it. It has to be some kind of dumb luck that I have seen these brown dudes with asian, black, latino, and even persian women but not blondes. I know I am making a scene out of it but I just don't know how in the world it is possible sometimes. As I said, I feel like I can become a millionaire and drive fancy sports cars but still not get those kinds of girls. I mean there are so many freaking brown guys out there making DEEP in 6 figures who don't end up with those women. Maybe all this failure overtime with such women has fucked up my head so much that I am beyond repair but I just don't see it at all and what backs up my fears is that:

1. Lots of desi dudes in my area
2. A good number of attractive blondes
3. See desi dudes with almost every race except for white
4. These desi dudes are doing well financially and everything

It is as if to me these blondes are programmed to hate a guy for skin color alone and there is nothing he can do to change their opinions at all. I wish there was 1 city in the world where if I went out enough I could see a couple like this but I don't think I have ever seen anything close to it.
 

trackrunner12

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Hey brother,

I know this is an old post but I saw it and my heart went out to ya. I'm a desi dude myself (born in Texas though, raised in WA state). When I was younger I used to think just like you did, hell I thought I couldn't get ANY girls; let alone the super hot blonde party chicks! Once I graduated high school though I decided to reinvent myself, I simply copied the attitude and style (in a way) of an older Indian guy I knew who was rich, good looking, extremely suave etc. etc. I didn't believe I was any of those things but I figured; hey if Anuj can do it, why the fuck can't I! I also had some older white friends after high school who were like the rich kid bad boys of my general area so they threw an arm around me and taught me a lotta shit. Anyway fast forward 4 years and I've dated/hooked up with plenty of beautiful women :), INCLUDING the rich, blonde, party, sorority girls! Matter of fact my ex was busty/blonde etc. I simply don't pay attention to the type difference of women anymore. It's more like becoming an auto pilot thing (in the way I act and meld my personality to whatever group I'm moving into/approaching). That's why I really enjoy reading this site and the forums, the tactics and mindsets taught here ALREADY fit my tactics and the way I thought anyway! I was just becoming bitter about my ex and that's not cool and it wasn't helping me haha.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to convey is that: I've done a lot of research into the dating scene vs. Indian guys, yes the statistics (from online dating anyway) are against us; but guess what? It doesn't have to be like that, I've been hearing about a group of Indian chaps that are OBSESSED with cold approaching in the bar/club scene in my area and because of the ridiculous amount of approaches they do tend to be pretty successful! Also whenever you think you can't compete with White guys/Black guys w/e, just remember my friend Anuj; he was quite literally known as "Anuj is coming to this party, make sure your gf doesn't come/drink/talk to him, lest he end up in her pants".
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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Only because this was bumped.

I really thought about what gets me being brown and the thing is that belief that I have to work much harder than my white friends to have the same success because of some fucked up shit in society. It's the kind of shit that makes me feel jaded as hell about America sometimes even though I do my best to be patriotic. That thought that is what kills me sometimes and makes it tough for me to appreciate American society.

The fact that a white guy gets bonus points in the dating game but I don't no matter what I do. The fact that I feel like there is a glass ceiling as to how well men of certain races can do while there isn't one for white guys, it really feeds into the victim mentality I've had for quite some times. A big part of is it that I never had a brown guy to look up to.
 
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