Which one of your fundamentals suck? Can you please expand upon the fundamentals that you suck at? Makes it easier to help you when you are specific.
At the first event I went to, I said hi to lots of women but most of them had to get going to the bathroom or something. I tried to ask one out but I got dismissed with a suggestion to follow on Instagram. I even remember saying hi to a woman and having her say hi and then turn and walk right away.
This is telling. It tells me that you have zero presence, and that you probably enter with a
begging mindset (a needy mindset, seeking approval, taking value). I.e. you really want to impress her, or hope that she likes you.
Stop it!
During the talk, she mentioned that she noticed me and hoped that I might talk to her. That disappointed me because it meant that this was a missed approach invitation, and that I didn't get the date because of my social skills etc but just because of my fundamentals.
Dude, do you not see the irony here? You complain about some "lacking fundementals", yet here you are, actually talking to her, having her in your lap as it were! Why on earth would you complain about "fundamentals" when you already
got her? I mean, she even confessed that she hoped you'd talk to her! Wtf?
I was using the same indirect opener throughout the night. One woman hooked and we agreed a date. Everything else was a blow out.
In other words, you had
success, yet somehow you feel the need to continue focussing on the negative?
Here's a really simple solution for you: Stop focussing on lacking fundamentals. Start focussing on every positive interaction like that. Focus on everything that goes right. Be thankful for it. Bask in the moment of it. Write journals, nay, write
songs about it!
After finishing with that woman I tried to chat with more women around the room and I got basically the same reception as I did at the first event with women saying that they were on their way out when I said hi to them or needing to leave the area to look for somebody elsewhere in the bar.
You basically continued taking value.
Next time you go to a singles event, I want you to use this strategy. It's not new. It's called Being The Mayor, and it was originally coined by
Brent Smith, the lifestyle coach not the musician.
PART ONE
Say hello to
everyone. And I mean that literally. When you're done you should have greeted everyone in the room. Cheer everyone. Look into their glassy, soulless eyes, and then smile, toast, or do a greeting gesture. Then say these magical words: "What's up!"
If they don't respond, then you could work on your projection and energy. But equally, you could also work on simply getting their non-verbal attention before speaking; stuff like getting eye contact first, or tapping them gently on the shoulder, and so on (notice that you aren't bound to vocal projection here, tho it helps). Only then do you speak. Best of all, then you don't even need projection because you've already got their attention.
This is merely the first part of the strategy, but the one you need to master the soonest, because without it, people will continue acting disinterested in you no matter how cool your Strawberry routine is, or no matter how you've perfected the line "Who lies more; men or women?"
PART DEUX
Have a short conversation with them. Make sure it's not longer than two minutes. (!!!!)
(I'll get back to why later.) If it goes on for longer than two minutes,
cut it off like the butcher cuts off the chicken's neck. (The exception is ofc if a hot girl is really into you, hawks your attention, keeps holding your hand, and throws herself around your neck. Then obviously bring her somewhere private, make out with her and take her home. I thought I just mention that in case you're retarded.)
Problem: How do you freaking have a short conversation with random people? Omg, that's scary and uncomfortable shit when you don't know how!
Well, here comes a skill that's super important in impersonal spaces:
Mingling. You have to master the art of meaningless small-talk. I can understand it if you have something against this quite frankly horrible social practise, but for now I want you to absolutely fall in
love with small talk. Live and breathe small talk. Your entire life turns around the ability to say meaningless pleasantries in the most artful, charming and seductive way. Your goal now is to become James Bond, the Casanova of cocktail parties, the Don Juan of pointless bus stop conversations. But only for two minutes, mkay.
So, what do you say? Well, the most common idea is to make some sort of
observation about them. Say after me: "Make an observation!" Preferably a positive one. But it's kind of situational. Like if you went "My god you look smart today. Look at that dress!" that would posit that the person actually has a cool dress on them.
If you don't notice something particular, just make some general remark (you can invent more of these, write them down, and have a short list in your back-pocket or on your phone if this makes you really nervous): "What's up. You look like the party tonight!" If they look kinda bored you can even ask a general question: "What's up. Where's the party at?" Or default to an observation: "My god you look like you're bored out of your mind!" Um, no, don't say that... Say only positive things. So instead say "What's up. You look like the coolest / chillest gang in here." There, much better! Point being, you're either making some low key observation (task: invent more of them and then memorize so you're not stumped when you're in the thick of it), or you're asking a really general question that makes their brains want to help you out a little.
Equally, there's a also bunch of things you're
not doing. You're
not trying to impress them. You're just being social, sharing some moments, and trying to spread some positive and even fun vibes.
That's it! They're probably bored out of their mind anyway, so you don't have to be this comedian. It's enough that you make a positive observation about them. Be creative here. Tough fair warning, never comment body physique. (I mean, you can try, but I'm sure you'll see the fallout of doing that really quick, hope you're good at martial arts...) Instead, clothes, what their drinking, their general mood (chill, rowdy, calm, laughing, sad, etc), is something to make a positive observation about. That's usually enough to spark a very short conversation. And here's the best part: Since it's short, you never have to worry much about what to say. In fact, if a conversation ever goes stale, just tell them "Well, nice talking to ya." and then bounce.
So, why are you going around spouting pleasantries and subjecting yourself to the torture of small talk anyway? Well, to get on their radar as a
social and
normal dude. You're no longer a threat. You're no longer a beggar. You're simply that guy who seems a bit interested in people. Moreover, they can see you talking to all the others as well, so they will conclude that you are socially savvy, and that you perhaps even have some
social value in the venue. This will make opening those really hot girls a lot easier later on. Moreover, you don't want to be caught up in a longer conversation - especially not with a bunch of male nerds - because your deeper goal for the night is to get on the radar of hot girls. (A-haaa!) See,
this is why you have to cut off the head of that turkey and move on to the next set within two minutes. Which brings us to the next part.
PART THREE
Axing it. How?
Here's how: "Well, it was really nice chatting with you guys! But I should really tend to my friends (hint at the next table). Tho if you wanna chat more, then I'll be at the bar later!" Then simply leave. Move to the next set. Rinse and repeat.
Ofc respect them if they're mid-sentence. But when they shut up, then politely end the conversation. Use the excuse that you need to socialize a bit with your "friends." It doesn't even matter if it's true or not, it'll continue the impression that you're a cool and normal social guy - someone who's neither begging, nor a threat to them, but even someone they might like to talk to later.
Btw. at this stage, if it goes well, don't be surprised if some of the guys you meet wants to buy you drinks or even present you to the single girls in their group. If so, just accept it and be thankful. If you're not drinking, simply give the drink to someone else later lol. How's that about offering value!
Why do you get so much for free when you act like this? Well, because you're not begging. As I mentioned before, you're not there to impress anyone, but simply to be social, meet people and add to the fun. And when you actually do that, instead of trying to impress anyone - and least of all that hot girl - then you instantly become the prize and people want to get to know you.
This even gives you the moral high ground if someone for whatever reason should be cranky or mean. Then simply go "Sorry, I didn't mean to impose myself. I was just trying to be social." Then leave. Do not try to change their mind. Simply chase the good vibes in the room. More often than not, people will understand that they made an ass out of themselves when they see you socializing and having fun with other people. If so, don't even be surprised of they come and apologize to you later. That's how powerful this socialization strategy is. If you take this seriously, it will literally make you the most popular guy in the room.
Part four of this strategy is noticing the proximity of hot girls, IOIs (which you should check for continuously), and when warm sets with hot girls present themselves. And they will do so the entire night. Later on, when you're chilling at the bar, don't be surprised if girls give you a lot of proximity. Then capitalize on it, and speak to the ones that you like. Moreover, it makes it really simple to take them home (see other posts about compliance, isolation, escalation and the art of taking her for some "fresh air" or "food").
Anyway, this should fix all lacking fundamentals in the social department. I hope the next things you complain about are about LMR, how much viagra you should use when with a girl, or how to train your tongue to give her maximum clitoral pleasure.
