Preventing and ending UNHEALTHY OBSESSIONS with girls.

[Skills]

Oh, my post was literally questions about who and what those contents are lol. I suppose a google search will work, but please let me know if any of the questions I asked above can't be easily answered in a google search.

The unchained man (title).... Author : Caleb Jones.... Not a good seducer per se, but very un attached and un emotional guy that can help your issue...

The rational male.. by rollo tomassi is consider the red pill bible by most....

^again just be careful and use critical thinking....

 

[Water]

Will do!

I'm so far on the other end of the spectrum I don't see it being too harmful. Even with all my negative experiences I've been able to prevent myself from becoming a misogynist completely. And if I do become one temporarily, well, no harm temporarily. Most likely my strong logical brain will keep things at a distance and incorporate what's needed (I'm so logical when not obsessed with a girl).

What's funny is the girl doesn't have to be special in any realistic way. That's funny and sad. It's not like I meet a 9 or 10 then fawn all over her. That would suck but be more understandable. I'll obsess over a 4-6 that is below my league in pretty much every category, literally, without bragging. I'm better looking, smarter, better lifestyle, better potential, more positive, more options, more ambitious, etc. I think I fall for flawed girls as I see part of myself as broken.

And these girls I obsess over will mistreat me, sometimes very poorly, although I don't know if the obsession causes the mistreatment or if the mistreatment occurs first, or a synergy of the two. Mistreatment can cause me to be more obsessed. Since my mom was so abusive physically and emotionally, I need to correct my attachment style. Otherwise I'm just emotionally chasing after my own mom, or at least the way she treated me / how she made me feel emotionally. Which was worthless, wanting to die, and in deep fear and pain both physically and emotionally, and the level of pain and fear were literally to the extent that I believed I was going to die or be murdered.

So, yeah. Rant over. Will take your advice skills! Let's rock this shit and see if I can revamp my mentality, be less needy, no more white knight chivalry bitch pussy habits, being an orbiter, a doormat, or becoming obsessive ever again, and become healthy and get a normal and healthy attachment style, or even an "unhealthy" detached attachment style where it's hard for me to fall hard to anyone. One of my game mentors had this.

 

[Rain]

Hi Water,

I wonder if it's possible that some people "love the most from a far" and that's maybe the reason for a subset of people that have oneitis. Even if you got a hotter woman, you still can't be with the original woman, and you may still have feelings for the original one even if she's not as hot. Because perhaps the common denominator is not how hot they are, but 'hot enough' and also not having them.

 

[HG1940]

Hello Water

I just had to mention I can relate to your experience.

My problem is I have this person at my job. I am not contacting this girl only for job related issues and although I keep the interaction limited to strictly business I can sense that I feel anxious and I am sure my demeanor betrays me. This has gone for years. Usually I don't have reasons to interact with her and my desk is in a different place. The company is small but my area of work has seldom any need to deal with her area. Anyways the few times I have to interact with her it gets a bit bad. I am of course sure now that if I don't get good with women I will never have a chance. But if I was lazy before now is practically impossible that I will try ever with this lockdown.

The real problem for me is the few times I have to see her and although I am not trying to hit on her I get the sensation that she thinks I am looking for her and she kind of tries to remind me that she is not interested. Is simple gestures. Yesterday I had to get some small cards laminated and she has the machine, without realizing what was coming I asked her for the 3 sheets and I was going to do it myself. She said like bothered that she would do it, that I should get back in 15 minutes. That is when I realized she thought I was trying to make the work in her desk as a pretext to talk to her. I was not planing that, I was gonna take the sheets and do it elsewhere, but when I saw this I nevertheless felt rejected and did hurt. I know for a long time she is not interested and did quit on trying long ago, but is obvious I like her. I replied "oh, ok, thanks" in a very submissive, surely unattractive and surprised way, and I am sure my eyes betrayed my thought process on assimilating her rejection and my disappointment for it. It was double surprise. Any ways I know the problem is not the rejection in itself but how I let this effect me.

When I don't talk to her I am very good, but are those times like those that I get depressed. Had not had this in a long time. The only difference is I wont have resentfulness this time around. Will accept the sadness and leave it at that and hopefully this will teach me in the future. I am sure low testosterone and lack of sun is part of the culprit. I am old and lack ambition like in the article by Chase.

By the way, we are some 90 men and only 8 women at my job and I don't go anywhere else. Before lockdown at least I used to go to stores and such, now not even that.

sorry for the long post and in your thread, just had to say it.

regards

 

[Water]

Hi Water,

I wonder if it's possible that some people "love the most from a far" and that's maybe the reason for a subset of people that have oneitis. Even if you got a hotter woman, you still can't be with the original woman, and you may still have feelings for the original one even if she's not as hot. Because perhaps the common denominator is not how hot they are, but 'hot enough' and also not having them.

Catstring theory. We all want what we can't have. I am not sure what you mean by admiring from afar and that causing more of a likely hood of a one-sided attachment to a girl though. Can you elaborate?

I believe admiring a girl from afar and developing one-sided feelings or anything remotely close to or similar to an obsession is a sign that you have some work to do on yourself. If you had true abundance then this would not occur.

Become centered in yourself. Meditate. Realize everything is going to end one day. You will die and life is finite.

Stay on your PURPOSE. You are a MAN. A woman should NEVER EVER be of #1 importance in your life. If that happens, then you already fucked up.

Ensure you are always talking to multiple girls at once, even if you do not successfully close them, the act of trying will help reinforce an abundance mentality.

Even cold-approaching consistently will do so, by the mere fact that you're meeting a bunch of new girls, improving your game, getting more potential girls into your harm (yeah, that's right, A HAREM!). But it boosts your confidence like nothing else.

Focus on hanging out with your friends.

Never put all your eggs in one basket.

I do not believe there are people more prone to fall for girls and admire them from afar. That is a bad habit of yours, in my opinion.

You admire, do not get to know them, then project all sorts of imaginary positive qualities onto them. Thus, you put them on an unattainable pedestal.

 

[Rain]

Catstring theory. We all want what we can't have. I am not sure what you mean by admiring from afar and that causing more of a likely hood of a one-sided attachment to a girl though. Can you elaborate?

Yeah I think that's what I meant, wanting what you can't have. So even if a "hotter" woman was available to you personally, maybe a subset of people would still want the less attractive, but unavailable woman, due to their biology craving the most 'love' which is more intense when they don't have someone[eg someone who is 'afar' because they're unrequited/unavailable].

 

[Water]

Yeah I think that's what I meant, wanting what you can't have. So even if a "hotter" woman was available to you personally, maybe a subset of people would still want the less attractive, but unavailable woman, due to their biology craving the most 'love' which is more intense when they don't have someone[eg someone who is 'afar' because they're unrequited/unavailable].

Note: You are making them unattainable.

 

[Water]

Hello Water

I just had to mention I can relate to your experience.

My problem is I have this person at my job. I am not contacting this girl only for job related issues and although I keep the interaction limited to strictly business I can sense that I feel anxious and I am sure my demeanor betrays me. This has gone for years. Usually I don't have reasons to interact with her and my desk is in a different place. The company is small but my area of work has seldom any need to deal with her area. Anyways the few times I have to interact with her it gets a bit bad. I am of course sure now that if I don't get good with women I will never have a chance. But if I was lazy before now is practically impossible that I will try ever with this lockdown.

The real problem for me is the few times I have to see her and although I am not trying to hit on her I get the sensation that she thinks I am looking for her and she kind of tries to remind me that she is not interested. Is simple gestures. Yesterday I had to get some small cards laminated and she has the machine, without realizing what was coming I asked her for the 3 sheets and I was going to do it myself. She said like bothered that she would do it, that I should get back in 15 minutes. That is when I realized she thought I was trying to make the work in her desk as a pretext to talk to her. I was not planing that, I was gonna take the sheets and do it elsewhere, but when I saw this I nevertheless felt rejected and did hurt. I know for a long time she is not interested and did quit on trying long ago, but is obvious I like her. I replied "oh, ok, thanks" in a very submissive, surely unattractive and surprised way, and I am sure my eyes betrayed my thought process on assimilating her rejection and my disappointment for it. It was double surprise. Any ways I know the problem is not the rejection in itself but how I let this effect me.

When I don't talk to her I am very good, but are those times like those that I get depressed. Had not had this in a long time. The only difference is I wont have resentfulness this time around. Will accept the sadness and leave it at that and hopefully this will teach me in the future. I am sure low testosterone and lack of sun is part of the culprit. I am old and lack ambition like in the article by Chase.

By the way, we are some 90 men and only 8 women at my job and I don't go anywhere else. Before lockdown at least I used to go to stores and such, now not even that.

sorry for the long post and in your thread, just had to say it.

regards

Hey man,

First off, do not apologize, that is a submissive act. It doesn't matter if your post is long. If somebody doesn't want to read it, they won't. If they get offended, they're dumb. It's the same thing as calling someone really late at night and the other person getting really pissed off. It is their own fault for not having their phone on silent.

Anyways, if this has been going on for more than 1 calendar year then you NEED to detach. You're only hurting yourself. Break up books are ironically helpful for these situations. Some of the thoughts don't apply, but if you have a one-sided pair bond to her, a.k.a. one-itis, then it is a relationship in your mind, technically. You've already imagined (I'm assuming based on generalizations of most men's one-itis) future times spent together and her positive qualities and probably countless activities with her. Books and resources that focus on breaking up and getting over exes is actually helpful for this. At least for me.

Further, I am not suggesting you go hard to approach her as the sparks may have already happened due to the duration. However, I do believe your perceptions of the impression you're making as well as the way she is perceiving is probably MUCH MORE negative than reality. Your low self-esteem is probably a large factor of this.

Detach, the advice already written above still applies. Minimize time you spend around her. Have mental habits you can practice immediately blocking the thought of her out of your mind. You cannot simply stop thinking about her. The mind abhors a vacuum. You must replace it with another thought. For me, I think about my future, what I have in my life that I am grateful for, and becoming a straight up attractive male to the 8's - 9's - 10's (meaning I am those numbers, not that I am attractive to them). Focusing on my goals and imagining my ideal life. Thinking about my past and reminiscing. But minimize any face time or any amount you have to talk to her. As well as any amount of time you see her or she sees you.

You're already too self-conscious around her, that minor things are upsetting you. Don't do this to yourself. Honestly, I can bet she's not worth it. But that doesn't matter since perception is reality, and even if you can logically discern she's not quality or that you can do better, your emotional attachment and your body's biochemistry towards her will negate logic, emotions are inherently (for the most part, not 100% though) illogical.

Good luck.