Casual/FWB Previously compliant FBs giving weird tests

[Kaida]

This is a text exchange from a girl I've fucked about 4 times now. I'm her side nigga and she has a controlling boyfriend she says is “emotionally abusive” (that's her justification for cheating).

I've gotten her to come over with way less communication previously. I talk to all my FBs like this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Me: Yo wyd today

Her: Nothing

Me: I'm doing hw rn, but you should come after

Her: When?

Me: Slide around 7

Her: For?

Me: Wdym for
Me: just vibe

(she obviously knows what for)

Her: what does that entail

(I felt like she was testing me and thought I was scared to say sex. )

Me: possibly some passionate dick

Her: Passionate??

Me: Vigorous
Me: Slide

Her: a command?

Me: bruh

Her: Seems like it

Me: nb commanding
Me: I want u here but only if u want to as well

Her: Ion feel like driving

( she usually ubers)

Me: uh huh

Her: ig I’ll uber (complete switcharound LMAO)

------------------------------------------------------------------

Mad weird… I’ve invited her over with way less talking multiple times and she’s come.
She’s even brought over liquor and stuff for me when I asked.

Whats the deal? Was I too overt with my jokes

I’m thinking I may need to banter a little before setting up logs.

 

[topcat]

prolly just tired of feeling like a hole that day.

is what it is.

i would’ve probably trolled her at “what does that entail” - “a game of chess obvi”, and mentally taken sex off the table, checking out of the convo until she got compliant.

interesting that when you mentioned “I want to see you” she softened up. seems she wants more intimacy/reassurance from you (they all get like that eventually, even the big hoes) especially if that’s what she’s lacking from the bf. she doesn’t want two cold demanding guys.

 

[foggy]

if you were to ask me id say open some conversational space for her to freely express her self and her [passionate?] desires with you...it will fill up with sparky feelings...and slowing down to savor a moment feels good...

 

[Kaida]

Continued Messages (I’m texting her rn):

Her: ig i’ll uber (Deletes Message)
Her: nvm

Me: Im in the gym
Me: was gon reply after

Her: Mhmm

Me: I’m fr

Her: Ofc

Me: lol so u comin or

Her: I suppose

Me: fs, let me know

Her: I’ma smoke first

*15 mins later*

Her: Actually ima stay home. Im pissed tf off

Me: what happened

(No reply yet)

---

Things like this are tricky to me^ because I feel like I’m rewarding bad behavior when she just flakes on me like that and I’m still texting her

But at the same time if she actually had something happen I don’t want to seem too callous.

Confusing.

 

[Kaida]

i would’ve probably trolled her at “what does that entail” - “a game of chess obvi”, and mentally taken sex off the table, checking out of the convo until she got compliant.

Mentally noting that for next time

interesting that when you mentioned “I want to see you” she softened up. seems she wants more intimacy/reassurance from you (they all get like that eventually, even the big hoes) especially if that’s what she’s lacking from the bf. she doesn’t want two cold demanding guys.

True. Thats definitely what she’s lacking from him. I can tell by the way she cuddles me

Even when she comes over she wants to cuddle. I try to deepen the connection with some conversation but wverything seems surface level.

Everything feels too much like an FB (ie im a walking dildo). I’m trying to upgrade her to a FWB

 

[TomInHo]

If her BF is “emotionally abusive” aka demanding then she wouldn’t want more of the same thing from her side dude

You’re supposed to be the pleasant fun escape

I suspect she got in a fight with her BF and you contacting being demanding turned her off. Because she doesn’t want more of the same ish yk

I personally would give this one some space and tweak the approach for next time

PS: If she has a boyfriend it’s not your job to be trying to upgrade anything. Trust me … let her do that on her own pace.

Instead, focus on being a laidback dude that digs her, gives space and delivers good D

 

[Kaida]

if you were to ask me id say open some conversational space for her to freely express her self and her [passionate?] desires with you...it will fill up with sparky feelings...and slowing down to savor a moment feels good...

I’d like that. How do I do that?

I love when I’m with a girl and she feels free to just say all the things she likes about me without feeling like she’s “losing the game” or giving up her frame.

But it seems rare for me to find a girl like that. And the girls that have done it by default tend to be too clingy

 

[Kaida]

You’re supposed to be the pleasant fun escape

Yeah, I underdstand. I actually checked her on something similar earlier

She tried bringing up a fight with her bf and tried directing the anger towards me, saying “all you niggas do is talk shit and fuck”.

I checked her and told her not to put her anger on me, and that what we have is meant to just be good vibes and fun. She cooled off after that and has been low drama.

PS: If she has a boyfriend it’s not your job to be trying to upgrade anything. Trust me … let her do that on her own pace.

Instead, focus on being a laidback dude that digs her, gives space and delivers good D

Noted.

I suspect she got in a fight with her BF and you contacting being demanding turned her off. Because she doesn’t want more of the same ish yk

Makes sense, what would you have done?

 

[Kaida]

Bruh… I texted a different FB trying to get them over instead and a similar thing happened. I text her like this every time. Whats the deal??

Context: This girl is a 1 min walk away from my dorm. I’ve fucked her about 4-5 times now. I let her sleep over every time.

I’m apparently her 2nd body (I believe her, I can tell she doesn’t have much experience). I’ve kept it strictly FB. (You can even see the message above where I said the same shit)

https://flic.kr/p/2pg7eUr https://flic.kr/p/2pg62Cx
Maybe I overreacted with the flat message at the end. Didnt want to chase

@TomInHo @topcat @fog?

 

[foggy]

Bruh… I texted a different FB trying to get them over instead and a similar thing happened. I text her like this every time. Whats the deal??

Context: This girl is a 1 min walk away from my dorm. I’ve fucked her about 4-5 times now. I let her sleep over every time.

I’m apparently her 2nd body (I believe her, I can tell she doesn’t have much experience). I’ve kept it strictly FB. (You can even see the message above where I said the same shit)

https://flic.kr/p/2pg7eUr https://flic.kr/p/2pg62Cx
Maybe I overreacted with the flat message at the end. Didnt want to chase

there are parts of girls that exist outside their sexual side. they may be focused on personal or social pursuits…or are engaged in other primal activities like eating, sleeping, breathing…

when girls who choose to associate with me must flake, i become supportive and understanding…it’s all good…

 

[Kaida]

Okay, same girl with the boyfriend. Hit her up a few minutes ago.

I had about 2 light off-record text conversations with her in the meantime before the ask, so its not like I’m asking every time and making it look like I just want her hole.

Here’s the texts:

---

Me: yoo

Her: yes

Me: I wanna see you
Me: You can pu tonight or tomorrow

Her: Pull up and do what (again? lol)

Me: chat and play monopoly

Her: Lie
Her: I like monopoly but I know you’re just bored and nobody else is available
Her: And you don’t find me interesting
[Me: Question Mark Reaction]

Her: And I don’t want this man to kill me as well (She posted on her story with him sleeping on her chest)

Me: lol yeah u can js come tomorrow
Me: thats silly, i wouldnt be talking to u otherwise
Me: I like how feminine you are and how easy you are to talk to
Me: I like being around people I vibe with

Her: Vibe huh

Me: like easy to be with

Her: Ik what u meant
Her: I’m just saying
Her: Is that so

Me: yes

Her: Mnnn

Me: come tmrw

Her: Smh

Me: Huh

Her: I gotta study

Me: same but I finish around 8

Her: is that so

Me: Yeah
Me: You should come around 10 (I’m aware this was a little much. I was gonna add “if you want” but the message didnt send.)

Her: I shouldn’t

Me: I mean, only if you want to
Me: ngl I actually like being with you
Me: But only if its mutual
Me: ion like when it feels like I’m pressing

Her: I feel like you’re not being honest
Her: I’m tired as hell anyway so I’m staying here

Me: all good

---

Last message I didnt want to leave it off on her rejection because that might have been a bad taste. I feel like I did an okay job of fixing that, but that shouldnt have happened anyway if my frame was on point.

The reason I was kind of pushy was because it was obvious she didnt think I cared about her, so I (unknowingly) thought being more persistent would make it look like I cared more.

What could I have done better?

Spoiler: Tangent

P.S A completely unrelated tangent, but as I get more into this stuff I’m starting to realize that the real thing that I’ve been seeking this whole time isn’t really sex.

Sure, having girls in your bed is fun from time to time, but girls will fuck guys they dont even care about for real, and that doesn’t appeal to me.

What I really want is the ability to make the beautiful girls I want to submit to me, invest heavily, and eventually fall in love and be loyal to me consistently.

And thats much harder than getting laid. You need a rock solid frame, mental fortitude, and high abundance to reach that point. Sex is really just a tool for me to get there.

Once I reach that point where I can rope in the girls I wanr like that, thats when my seduction journey will likely be over. Until then its just pure grind.

 

[topcat]

Her: I like monopoly but I know you’re just bored and nobody else is available

*Ding ding ding*

She just told you what the problem is.

Tbh bro your texting for getting a girl to come see you is piss poor.

You sound like your begging for pussy and it’s obvious why she won’t meet you.

It’s all “i want the pussy, come bring the pussy..why won’t you bring the pussy? bring the pussy it will be worth it…pleaseeee”

Make a girl feel valued even if it is just casual and you won’t have to embarrass yourself with these texts.

Follow @Skills ping soft close method and you’ll avoid this.

 

[Will_V]

Yeah your banter is not good, you sound like you are trying to convince her and no excitement comes through from you. Where is any teasing, jokes, innuendo, or having fun in general? What about your messages is going to excite her and make her gravitate toward you?
Sounds like you have a low effort modus operandi that works when the girl is in the mood but otherwise gives you problems. Get used to building more of a vibe and you won't be getting interrogated about your intentions all the time.
Also don't be hedging and excusing yourself, like in the condom thread, the 'if you want' would have been a very poor way to express your desires - are you expecting her to be uninterested? The omission of it to make it sound like a command was prob the only part of the conversation that actually made her feel like coming over, you can see in her response 'I shouldnt' that's what girls say when they are thinking of going ahead.

 

[POB]

Your frame is: "I'm a fuckboy, come and you will get some"
When it should be: "I'm THE real lover who truly understands your feminine needs"

Throw more seductive frames and open loops in your texting, and let her come to you

 

[Kaida]

@POB

Your frame is: "I'm a fuckboy, come and you will get some"
When it should be: "I'm THE real lover who truly understands your feminine needs"

Throw more seductive frames and open loops in your texting, and let her come to you

Ok, I understand.

How would you have handled it?

@Will_V

Yeah your banter is not good, you sound like you are trying to convince her and no excitement comes through from you. Where is any teasing, jokes, innuendo, or having fun in general? What about your messages is going to excite her and make her gravitate toward you?

I create a vibe over text with girls I’m texting for the first time, I think I just got lazy since I already fucked, expecting it to be easy. I’ve fucked this girl like 4 times so I thought she’d be converted. I need to step it up and stop assuming I still dont have to seduce.

Also don't be hedging and excusing yourself, like in the condom thread, the 'if you want' would have been a very poor way to express your desires - are you expecting her to be uninterested?

I thought “if you want” would make the ask less needy and let her feel more autonomous and not like I’m forcing her. I was testing new ways to ask out to increase odds, I did the same thing with a different girl i havent fucked (doesn’t look like it worked, hit me with a “ill let you know”)

The omission of it to make it sound like a command was prob the only part of the conversation that actually made her feel like coming over, you can see in her response 'I shouldnt' that's what girls say when they are thinking of going ahead.

I dont know, I feel like it was her rejecting. Because I said “You should” and she said “I shouldn’t” I think she was using my words to say no in a semi sarcastic way

@topcat

*Ding ding ding*

She just told you what the problem is.

How could I fix that over text? I already tried qualifying her (which i dont think worked) and I tried persisting a bit more to look like I cared. That seems like all the tools I have over text to show I value her lol. Or am I missing something?

Make a girl feel valued even if it is just casual and you won’t have to embarrass yourself with these texts.

Yeah, I dont normally ask multiple times like that but I was trying to persist on purpose. Probably came off as just persisting for the pussy, not her.

Any way you think I can fix it?

 

[topcat]

Yeah, I dont normally ask multiple times like that but I was trying to persist on purpose. Probably came off as just persisting for the pussy, not her.

Any way you think I can fix it?

Firstly, throw away the whole “yo, you free?” shtick. Stop doing it.

Then follow @Skills text method by pinging, testing temperature, bantering and soft closing.

That should help a bit.

 

[KJ Francis]

Yeah Kaida it's time to be a true lover, man! Whisk these girls into experiences...

 

[Kaida]

Tried yet again


This time I stuck more to the process, did my best to pace her and not look desperate. I just flirted with her made jokes and shit before attempting to soft close instead if just asking her to come over.

The conversation took place over 3 days, I noticed she got warmer as the conversation got longer as it might be because it doesn’t look like I just wanna fuck.

I forgot some of the convo but I’ll give the last few messages here

---

Me: you really a cat lady at heart

Her: I think I remember telling you I prefer dogs. I have only one cat lmao

Me: dont get a big dog it might eat ur lil ass up

Her: Thats exactly what I’m going to do
Her: I was a cane corsi

Me: You was? what made you turn into Abby

Her:
Her: want* you know what I meant

Me: lol how was ur first day of class

Her: Decent, my professor is hilarious

Me: You should come tell me about it

Her: Boyyyy

Me: hell ye

Her: For you not to listen?

---

At this point I just ignored the message because I didnt know how to answer that and went out to the club.

We saw each other at the club but didnt acknowkedge each other. We werent really close enough to talk at any point anyway.

After the event I trxted back around 1am:

---

Me: lmao what

Her: Huhh

Me: r u drunk

Her: Yeah

Me: yeah scratch that dont come
Me: Get home safe

Her: Mhmm

---

I remembered reading on GC you can take back an ask to save face so I decided to scratch it. Didn’t really know how else to proceed since its not like I can “prove” I’m a good listener if I’m never seeing her in person

I’m also thinking the “get home safe” mightve made like I cared too much. I dunno man

 

[POB]

@Kaida
U still stuck in f-boy mode dog.
Ask her out properly, wine and dine her a bit before pulling your virtual dick out.
No fancy shit needed, even Arby's or Tacos would do...just get her out to do normal stuff wit you, THEN you seduce her, then you pull her to isolation, then pipi in vagina.
You are skipping major steps.

 

[TomInHo]

Tried yet again


This time I stuck more to the process, did my best to pace her and not look desperate. I just flirted with her made jokes and shit before attempting to soft close instead if just asking her to come over.

The conversation took place over 3 days, I noticed she got warmer as the conversation got longer as it might be because it doesn’t look like I just wanna fuck.

Sounds fair

I forgot some of the convo but I’ll give the last few messages here

---

Me: you really a cat lady at heart

Her: I think I remember telling you I prefer dogs. I have only one cat lmao

Me: dont get a big dog it might eat ur lil ass up

Her: Thats exactly what I’m going to do
Her: I was a cane corsi

Me: You was? what made you turn into Abby

Her:
Her: want* you know what I meant

Me: lol how was ur first day of class

Her: Decent, my professor is hilarious

Me: You should come tell me about it

Her: Boyyyy

Me: hell ye

Her: For you not to listen?

Wow… you really don’t learn

This was obviously the perfect time to eject from conversation and make the girl feel like she’s not a piece of ass

Doing a great job man

At this point I just ignored the message because I didnt know how to answer that and went out to the club.

We saw each other at the club but didnt acknowkedge each other. We werent really close enough to talk at any point anyway.

Childish af

Why does it hurt to go say hi at that point and be casual?

It’s almost like you don’t really want girls but want an ego stroke

Because all of your moves seem to be about ego and maintaining a certain “image”

After the event I trxted back around 1am:

---

Why on earth will you text her now when you left her on read and ignored her the entire party?

I’m sure she will be so excited and thrilled to hear from you

Me: lmao what

Her: Huhh

Me: r u drunk

Her: Yeah

Me: yeah scratch that dont come
Me: Get home safe

Her: Mhmm

No comment

I remembered reading on GC you can take back an ask to save face so I decided to scratch it. Didn’t really know how else to proceed since its not like I can “prove” I’m a good listener if I’m never seeing her in person

I’m also thinking the “get home safe” mightve made like I cared too much. I dunno man

My guy why do you try so hard to make it look like you don’t care?

It’s obviously not working for you so wondering why you still hold on to that line of thought