Recommendations for older virgins

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Curious for opinions, especially from the older members. Just something I've never really thought about before.

If you meet someone who is beginning their journey, let's say in the 30-40 age range, and they want to have kids some day, what exactly do you think their life should look like as the years go by? What milestones should they shoot for and when?

The life of an average modern man looks something like this, right:
- Teenage years: Start building experiences with women - lots of mistakes
- Early 20s: Fewer rookie mistakes, approach gets more refined
- 20s: Serious relationships are probably most likely to happen here
- 30s: First kid is probably during this time. Maybe late 20s, maybe early 40s, but around here

So how does this change if someone is a rank novice and virgin later in life? Do the milestones just bump down by 10-15 years? So if a 15 year old ain't having a kid until about 15 years into the future, should a 30 y/o virgin not expect to be ready for a kid until 45? In other words, will he need the same general amount of time to learn everything he needs to to be successful with women and life? Would he pick things up faster?

I know these questions are kinda ridiculous since none of this is set in stone, but hopefully it makes sense what I'm getting at.

Thanks everyone!
 

Derek da man

Space Monkey
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I think a lot of the barriers or challenges that get in the way of achieving a family/children are, at their root, due mainly to poor communication. For example:
-Verbalization of opinions wants, needs, desires - usually people mirror what they think the other person wants to hear/see
-Not listening - what they hear is tainted by what they want to hear and done read the undertone of what is being said or implied
-Lack if calibration to other people around them - who is interested in them and who is not

There is also the fact that a lot of people, in their younger days, do not have the confidence to pick suitable partners and tend to base their selection on looks and use a "scatter gun" approach.

If you were to "fix" these barriers for someone who was in the early 20s then the family thing would likely proceed much earlier. Consequently I would conclude that someone who is older will have improved their communication skills and have a more mature view on life and how to get what they want and therefore would pick things up much faster as he probably has a lot of similar skills and experiences from other parts of life and so can easily transfer them.
 

Sub-Zero

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What’s good man!! Everything isn’t really set like that. There’s a lot of guys that have kids at different times for different reasons.

I know a guy who married his first girl he ever slept with and he was already early-mid 20s.

I was just reading Chase’s article about being too old, and he said within 1-3 years you’ll be in a good place with women more or less.

It’s more on what you want to do than a certain time when you should.

A lot of men aren’t that good with women and don’t learn it as a skill.

Some guys have kids really early in their teens and early 20s, some guys have kids later.

I can’t say exactly how long you should wait to have kids.

But I personally think you should get the skill set with women down first before having a kid, as well as have your finances in order.

If you mean relationship experience, I do not like relationships myself, but I feel you need to really know how it is to spend time with a girl all the time and how to deal with it as well.

And realize you’re learning things at a way faster rate than others who don’t read the material and just do things on their own.
 

ElderPrice

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I think you guys are missing what I'm getting at.

I'll try a different angle: I've seen some comments here and there about how a man just needs to go through 'those years' of getting a lot of lays out of his system. I wish I could remember which threads and the context. But it's a common idea. Similarly, I've also read about the idea that a man needs to have sex with lots of women before finding out what he truly likes. It's in the same ballpark of discovering himself.

That makes sense for a rank novice teenager, but what about, say, a rank novice 35 y/o? If they have to go through that same road of accumulating experiences, won't it take a decent amount of time? Similarly, wouldn't the 35 y/o be doing a disservice to himself if he marries and has a kid by 37?

I agree that an older rank novice should have a quicker learning curve than a rank novice teenager, but by how much can it be when the curve is largely about accumulating experiences?
 

Witcher

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@ElderPrice

Since I'm also a late bloomer when it comes to women (late twenties), I'm asking myself the same question about how to proceed. One solution I thought about and kind of applied a little bit is compression.

We may block 1 to 3 years in our thirties and try to lay as many women as possible by setting up our lives in a way that makes it easy to get a high notch count. For example, going to an easier country where we have an advantage, using online dating and other stuff, Chase has an article about that

Another may be re-framing the whole situation, we may not need such a high notch count after all. Even though I doubt that it will be powerful.
 

Derek da man

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I think you guys are missing what I'm getting at.

I'll try a different angle:
I think we did answer the question asked with some very different perspectives that perhaps you weren't expecting; as you've now refined the question I'll reply to that so the discussion moves forward.

Since I'm also a late bloomer when it comes to women (late twenties)
That's made me chuckle - if you're a late bloomer in your 20's what does that make me in my mid/late 40's.


To answer the refined question; I think there are 2 elements to look at.

Firstly what are someone's motivation. Are they looking for lays on the basis of just wanting a big number count, are they looking for a variety of experiences for the sake of it, or are they trying to experiment to find out what they like.

Secondly, unless someone has been living under a rock with no social interaction at all for many years, someone who comes into the game later will always have other "life skills" or "life experiences" which can be used to increase the speed at which someone learns and applyies things. Don't get me wrong, I still think anyone is going to take some time to learn, apply and develop or adapt skills to a new situation, but it will take much less time.

So going back to your post
but what about, say, a rank novice 35 y/o?
- he may be a rank novice in terms of pick-up but I would think it a bit unlikely he has never dated any girls so therefore has many social experiences even if he doesn't have a lay count
Similarly, wouldn't the 35 y/o be doing a disservice to himself if he marries and has a kid by 37?
- that would depend on his motivation - if he wanted to be married then he has achieved his goal, if he was looking for experiences and lay count then he probably isn't going to get married

I agree that an older rank novice should have a quicker learning curve than a rank novice teenager, but by how much can it be when the curve is largely about accumulating experiences?
You're associating his accumulated "lay" experiences with the speed of his improvement. Any individual will also have other life experiences which will have parallels and assist in the way he develops.

As an example the skill set in "sales" is similar to getting lays, you need to identify a prospect, open, identify needs, set out your offer to meed those needs, deal with or handle resistance and closing the sale. The process is the same with lays but some of the skills may be different and need some work but in essence there are a lot of shared similarities. Therefore someone may be older in years but brings other life skills to their learning.

Having said all that, I do agree with you that it will still take a decent amount of time, several years, for anyone to develop their skills as it's about changing internal belief systems, perspective on situations and your own behavior patterns all of which takes time.
 

Mr.Rob

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Yeah your assessment is correct. It takes time to accumulate experiences. But once you crack the nut on getting laid you can generate a lot of experiences in a quick succession of time and get plenty of experience in 1-3 years.

You can get the same account of social and sex experience in 3 years that it takes the average guy 15... Most guys aren't doing pickup.

Also you can do whatever you want. If the first girl you hook up with falls in love and you really dig her and don't totally kook the relationship frame and you want to knock her up and marry her then do whatever you want to do.

I highly doubt you would enjoy doing non stop pickup for the next 15 years of your life.

My recommendation: lose the V-card, go fuck a 10-15 chicks, get some relationship experience, go fuck 10-15 more chicks, and settle down with one you really like once your confident in handling a relationship.

Maybe this process takes 5 years total for you or maybe you find you really like a girl early on... Or maybe you want to slay girls to you hit 100 to make up for your lost 20's

You can do whatever you want to do.
 

uriel

Space Monkey
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It is really hard to make comparisons as there is not really a "standard" path.
1-3 years is enough to get at any level you want if that's really your priority but most people here are ambitious beyond just picking up so not everyone makes it a priority.
Will that person make it your his priority?

On the other hand, in my experience it is much easier to fuck the older you are, regardless of skills.
As you grow older, women start opening her views regarding marriage and relationships, some become jaded and your dating pool grows.
At 34, I have dated girls 10 years younger than me. That of course wasn't an option when I was 24.

If someone is 40 and just starting, he has a very important question to ask himself.
Why is he a virgin?

If he is a virgin because he is an ambitious man that has been caught in other seemingly more important pursuits, we can fix that soon.
It's a matter of redirecting his confidence and drive to seduction.

If he is virgin because he has been complacent most of his life and his fundamentals are bad (overweight, balding, poor social skills, bad hygiene) he has a long path that will require no less than full commitment.
 
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ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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@Mr.Rob Makes sense. In my head, I was assuming more lays were needed, mainly to get to that good level of confidence. Your numbers make more sense now that I think about it. Can you elaborate on what you have in mind when you say "relationship experience?"
 

Mr.Rob

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Can you elaborate on what you have in mind when you say "relationship experience?"
Anything that involves relationship management. Ideally you'll get more experience in a monogamous relationship but casual girls you see regularly count as well towards building experience. (Drama etc)
 
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