Repetition is not the cure for me, but what is?

[AnalysisParalysis]

I hate having to have strong body language, a deep voice, having to talk slowly and to keep eye contact. I hate having to play being unaffected when I am faced with stroppy behaviour. I hate having to be the strong father to her who always knows what to do.

I hate that doing that on purpose helps picking up women tremendeously. Not just a bit, it is day and night.

I hate forgetting to do that over and over.

I naturally sit comfortably, have a normal voice, have many ideas and therefore talk fast and don't have the patience for "who looks away first".

Every time I do the first paragraph, I get rewarded. But it never becomes me, I always fight against my modus operandi, which is the previous paragraph. Every single time. No matter how many times I do it right, how many times I am being rewarded, if I don't watch out, I am this bubbly little boy in shitty clothes again.

What makes me sad is, I see it. I see how my behaviour doesn't help me.

But when I approach women, sometimes I don't breathe enough, my voice has no power and I am being punished by dismissive behaviour.

Every single time my body works against me.

Repetition is not the cure for me, but what is?

 

[Chad Tyrone]

I would ask myself what does it get me when I have a sloppy posture,a not -sexy voice.What does it get me when I allow things get to me?Why do i have to give a fuck about things not worth giving a fuck about?

I would let these thoughts run through my mind for a while and accept the fact that I'm not really getting what I want in life with poor body language,poor voice...poor whatever.Doesn't have to be things related with seduction necessarily.

Basically any mindset that stops you from winning in life.

Afterwards,I would be open to the fact that I can change my life and turn things around . What will happen if I put on a good posture,a sexy voice that gets women melting?What will happen if I change my way of looking at things overall?

I would let these thoughts run,run and run through my mind... looking up to people who have gone down a similar path.I will let such a thought become an obsession and start setting down goals and work on improving on any goal one by one.Focusing on it until it's second nature...until it's more me.

Everytime I fail I will go back and assess how I would have done things differently and do that "different thing" next time.Maybe write out more of what happened to get more of where I messed things up.

Will be open to the fact that it may take a while to get it down-pat but will pay my dues regardless.And the goals I set wouldn't be "Be better than Brian" or "Be more seductive than John".

More like "Ok,Chad today we did this ,our next goal for the week is this..."Get it.I mean have the next goal in mind once u have ticked off the first one.

Say if my goal was implementing pauses in my repertoire or having a slow deliberate voice....anytime I find myself talking fast I would shift to talking more slowly.There's a difference between talking slowly that u bore people out and talking slowly in a deliberate way that gets them hanging on ur every word.

But I wouldn't let this bother me that much when starting out.What I will focus on will be talking slowly then break the rules once I'm good at it .

Chipping at it until I'm all natural.

Anytime I would get a thought of this isn't me or I'm not being myself,I would ask myself how has "being myself" helped me so far.Then I would commit more and more into being the best version of myself.I would visualize how amazing it feels to be good at something everytime.

I would build a habit of getting better and better in anything I aspire to.Again,it's all a process u don't set a goal and wake up the next day being the best at it.It's putting in the work day in day out.Once u get better u don't rest on ur laurels and think u made it ...u have other things to work on too.

So yeah it's all repetition in the end .No one gets better doing something once.U don't drift a car if u have never driven one.

Hope this helps

Chad T

 

[trashKENNUT]

Every single time my body works against me.

Repetition is not the cure for me, but what is?

Repetition is one half. The other half is recognizing every single time you do it.

The brain is trying to something.

As example: i have an ego. When i see beautiful girls but i don't necessarily want to approach them or i feel odd, my body will make sure i walk infront of them.

The brain is always striving for a goal. Your job is to not judge it. Recognize it and move the paradigm until it becomes semi permanent.

Think of it like a moving water pipes game in Android

z@c+

 

[Wick]

I hate having to have strong body language, a deep voice, having to talk slowly and to keep eye contact. I hate having to play being unaffected when I am faced with stroppy behaviour. I hate having to be the strong father to her who always knows what to do.

I hate that doing that on purpose helps picking up women tremendeously. Not just a bit, it is day and night.

I hate forgetting to do that over and over.

I naturally sit comfortably, have a normal voice, have many ideas and therefore talk fast and don't have the patience for "who looks away first".

Every time I do the first sentence, I get rewarded. But it never becomes me, I always fight against my modus operandi, which is the previous sentence. Every single time. No matter how many times I do it right, how many times I am being rewarded, if I don't watch out, I am this bubbly little boy in shitty clothes again.

What makes me sad is, I see it. I see how my behaviour doesn't help me.

But when I approach women, sometimes I don't breathe enough, my voice has no power and I am being punished by dismissive behaviour.

Every single time my body works against me.

Repetition is not the cure for me, but what is?

How long have you been doing this?

It can take a long time to train yourself to have new mannerisms.

Also do you stop the attractive mannerisms when not gaming? Personally when I was actively trying to improve my posture, walk, voice tone, etc. I did it constantly.

 

[AnalysisParalysis]

when I was actively trying to improve my posture, walk, voice tone, etc. I did it constantly.

Do you have some ideas how I could practise game at home without women around?

 

[Will_V]

I hate having to have strong body language, a deep voice, having to talk slowly and to keep eye contact. I hate having to play being unaffected when I am faced with stroppy behaviour. I hate having to be the strong father to her who always knows what to do.

I hate that doing that on purpose helps picking up women tremendeously. Not just a bit, it is day and night.

I hate forgetting to do that over and over.

I naturally sit comfortably, have a normal voice, have many ideas and therefore talk fast and don't have the patience for "who looks away first".

Every time I do the first paragraph, I get rewarded. But it never becomes me, I always fight against my modus operandi, which is the previous paragraph. Every single time. No matter how many times I do it right, how many times I am being rewarded, if I don't watch out, I am this bubbly little boy in shitty clothes again.

What makes me sad is, I see it. I see how my behaviour doesn't help me.

But when I approach women, sometimes I don't breathe enough, my voice has no power and I am being punished by dismissive behaviour.

Every single time my body works against me.

Repetition is not the cure for me, but what is?

Unfortunately or fortunately (depending on your point of view) this life is very competitive and we have no choice but to improve ourselves every day.

It's only our parents and immediate family (if we are lucky) who love the unabridged version of ourselves. For everyone else we have to become more or less an attractive, engaging, impressive individual to garner social and sexual interest.

I don't want to sound like some armchair therapist, but it sounds like you have a fixed image of yourself from long ago that you are unable to let go of to grow and develop, an image that is associated with strong emotions that come and shake you up when you are trying to develop yourself.

I have had something similar, but I don't know how much pleasant advice I can give - at the end of the day it was repeated pain and the shame of failure that forced me to let go of the ideal past (if that's what it ever was) and seize the reality of the present moment.

Perhaps the only advice I can give is - go to those situations that create the pain, and if you bear it you will end up growing.

Good luck!

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

How many lays have you had from game since you started practicing these habits (that you observe do work but haven't become fully integrated yet)?

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

How many lays have you had from game since you started practicing these habits (that you observe do work but haven't become fully integrated yet)?

Let me elaborate on that question... it sounds to me like you're still in the "fake it til you make it" stage. I.e. you're still FAKING it... and when you fake it, it works. But it IS still fake, and so you feel uncomfortable with the new behaviors and keep reverting to your old behaviors.

Once you actually MAKE it say 30+, 50+, 70+ lays... you won't have to fake it anymore. Success is what breeds true confidence, and with true confidence comes the behavior change you want to see in yourself... automatically and without having to fake it.

EDIT: I would also recommend you request a user name change... these kinds of subtle things all work to program our subconscious. Read books by Joseph Murphy for more about this topic.

 

[Wick]

Do you have some ideas how I could practise game at home without women around?

the things you were talking about like posture, voice tone, attractive mannerisms, etc. aren’t strictly game. You can work on these at all times, even alone.

When you speak to cashiers or family or friends. In fact working on these thing only when interacting with women is likely to not be enough. These are things you want as your new default. And yes they take time and effort. Success is often on the other side of your comfort zone.

If you haven’t already, look up articles on the main site about fundamentals and you will find a lot of great info on what they are and how to improve them. Fundamentals are usually the first thing to work on and you can work on it alone.

It is a lifestyle change. The goal is change. Self improvement, not a quick “hack”

 

[Kaida]

This is a great thread, and I’ve had (and still have) the exact same problem.

For example, there was one point last year that I went crazy working on my voice quality.

Every day in every interaction I was adjusting my voice.

By the end of it my voice sounded so smooth deep and sexy that listening to myself felt fake.

With all the cognitive dissonance it became hard to maintain.

I can kind of tap into it now but it’s pretty much faded, and I’m going to have to retrain it once I fix whatever inner game issue is hindering me.

This happened to me with my walk, eye contact, and facial expressions too.

I think @Karea Ricardus D. hit the nail on the head when he said you just feel too uncomfortable with the new behaviors.

Or in other words - your self image isn’t allowing you to keep them. At least that’s my take on it.

Hope someone can chime in here and figure out exactly what to do to help the self image accept these new behaviors

 

[AnalysisParalysis]

What AI thinks about that:

Navigating social interactions can be challenging, especially when societal norms dictate a specific set of behaviors and traits to attract others. In this situation, the struggle to conform to these expectations while remaining true to oneself can be disheartening. This article explores the conflict between the desire to project a certain persona and the longing to embrace authenticity. It provides guidance on finding confidence by embracing one's true self and offers alternative approaches to building meaningful connections.

1. Understanding the Pressure: It is important to acknowledge the pressure you feel to conform to traditional gender roles and societal expectations. These expectations can create a sense of dissonance between your natural inclinations and the behaviors you feel compelled to adopt. By recognizing this conflict, you have taken the first step towards finding a resolution.
2. Embracing Authenticity: Rather than trying to fit into a mold that doesn't align with your true self, consider embracing your authentic qualities. It's okay to have a normal voice, talk fast, and be passionate about your ideas. These traits are part of your unique personality, and they should be celebrated rather than suppressed.
3. Building Confidence: Confidence is attractive, and it doesn't have to be synonymous with the stereotypical "strong and unaffected" persona. Authentic confidence comes from accepting and embracing your true self. Focus on developing your self-esteem by recognizing and appreciating your strengths, talents, and passions. When you believe in yourself, others will be drawn to your genuine confidence.
4. Cultivating Effective Communication: While projecting a strong image may have its benefits, it's important to remember that effective communication is about more than just body language and vocal tone. Focus on active listening, empathy, and genuine connection. Engage in meaningful conversations that allow both parties to express themselves openly and authentically.
5. Being Mindful of First Impressions: First impressions are important, but they don't have to rely solely on projecting a specific image. Instead of trying to fit into a predetermined persona, focus on being present and attentive in your interactions. Show genuine interest in the person you're engaging with, ask thoughtful questions, and be yourself. People are more likely to remember and appreciate the real you.
6. Embracing Vulnerability: Vulnerability can be a powerful tool for building connections and establishing trust. By allowing yourself to be vulnerable and authentic, you invite others to do the same. This creates an environment where meaningful connections can flourish.

Conclusion: While conforming to societal expectations may yield short-term rewards, true fulfillment and lasting connections come from embracing your authentic self. Remember that being genuine and true to yourself is far more attractive than any manufactured persona. By focusing on your strengths, cultivating confidence, and engaging in open and honest communication, you can build meaningful connections on your own terms. Embrace your uniqueness, and let it shine.